Poor Decisions

Old Town, New Guy

2010-11-15T20:53:00.007-05:00

Holla! I don't know why I am so excited about this next post. I think it's because things have been pretty rough and tricky these last couple of months for me and finally something happened that made me feel good. And also, let's be honest, it has been really long time before something legitimately happened with a boy.

I was really tired on Saturday due to improper sleeping and a long work week. But Saturday was so beautiful out that a few friends and I decided to make the most of it and go to a few vineyards out west. It was truly amazing. I drank a sufficient amount to be really buzzed and was thankful to be back home. I showered, got into sweats, made dinner and got into bed to enjoy some more relaxation. Then my friend called and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. I am up for a good time, but I was really looking forward to taking it easy that night. She assured me that there would be boys. I had to make her promise that the boys would be single. She said that there will be. So I rallied my spirits, changed, and headed out.

We went to the departure spot and...met boys! Some who were attached, but some single! Hooray! The group from the house split into 2 different groups. Five of us went to Old Town Alexandria and the other group went to U Street I think. My group consisted of my friend, her husband, me, and two single, very cute men. One I had met a bunch of times before his name is Stars (Frat nickname), but the other, Seth, was new to me. We crammed into a cab and took off!

We went to a bunch of different bars and had a really good time. My friend told me that Seth told her that he thought I was really cute, so score one for me! She also was failing quickly so I made sure we got her more drinks and we continued on! We eventually made it back to Stars' house and watched some TV. My friend and her husband left and then everybody else in the room was heading to bed. Seth asked a friend for some blankets and then disappeared downstairs for a few minutes and I felt really awkward. I wasn't sure if he was coming back up. I got my things together and was going to leave. But then he reappeared and we had that uncomfortable situation where he thought I was leaving but wanted me to stay and I wanted to stay but thought he wanted me to leave. But we quickly settled the matter and I followed him downstairs.

We sat on the couch and started talking. I don't really remember what about, I was pretty tipsy. We might have spoken about work and I remember something about netflix. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. Perhaps we talked more about it, but what I do remember is that I was freezing so I asked for a blanket. He put one around me and kind of hugged me to make me warm. Then he kissed my head. I turned towards him and then it was on. I know that sounds awful, but I really think that's how it happened. And it was good. It was really really good. I don't know if it's just b/c he is a really good kisser or if I am becoming more confident in myself. Things were definitely hot and steamy.

Things started to really heat up and become uncomfortable at the same time. In one snap he undid my jeans and bra (through my shirt and underneath my cardigan, mind you). *About a year ago, I was sexually assaulted by two of my guy roommates (on 3 separate occasions) and every time I get close with a guy, I am brought back to those awful moments. I wanted to enjoy the myself, but I was too scarred. I asked him to slow down and I was debating telling him why. I knew it would kind of ruin things, but I felt like I at least owed him an explanation. I wasn't too graphic but I did tell him why I needed to slow down. He said that he was sorry about what had happened with my roommates and said that he had recently gotten out of a long time relationship. He then asked me if he could just hold me. So I was lying kind of on top of him with my hand across his chest (shirt on). And he was rubbing my back and had his hand on top of mine. He started saying all of these really sweet things like my smile was beautiful and the first thing he noticed about me.

He then fell asleep and I unfortunately could not. I tried so hard to sleep but I was growing uncomfortable in the position. His body, although very nice, is not a great pillow. By about 7:15 I thought it was a good time to go. I got up and started to gather my things. I put my boots back on as well as my fleece. Seth woke up and stood up to say goodbye. We said our typical "had a good night, thanks, and take care" comments and then he kissed me goodbye. We continued kissing and it was really good. My gosh he is a good kisser. It became more passionate and I thought, "hell, my home isn't going anywhere, I will leave later." So we ended up back on the couch and he unzipped my fleece and I dropped my purse. He took off his shirt and we were making out pretty hard core again. This time it might have even been hotter than the first, but I can't identify as to why. Maybe we just got into a groove, I don't know. All I know was that it was amazing.

Then he started kissing my neck and the spot where my collar bones meet. Then he was kissing in a line from there to the top of my jeans, all on top of my shirt. I was nervous about where that was heading so I brought his head back to my face and started kissing him again. He told me I had really soft and perfect skin. Then he took my hand and started kissing my palm and each finger. It was so tender and kind of perfect. We then snuggled some more on the couch. He just had his arms around me and I was holding his arms. He had fallen asleep again and I saw that it was 8:30. I was torn between staying with him and going home. I decided that it was probably a smart move for me to leave. So again, I started to gather my things and get ready to go. He woke up and we repeated our goodbyes. He started kissing me again and it took every fiber of my being to pull away. Two images popped into my head: 1) my mom 2) the car montage from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." They both reminded me that I should leave boys wanting more. So I decided that I should go. Also, I was starting to not feel very well.

So I left. Seth didn't ask for my number or walk me to the door. I was not expecting anything more to come from it, but it definitely would have been nice. He is really cute, he respected me, and he is an amazing kisser. So I am disappointed that I haven't heard from him, but I am also okay with how I handled myself. I don't feel violated by anyone and I feel more confident in myself. I am just tired of being in this position.

Prom Date Date

2010-11-15T20:20:00.004-05:00

Ok so I am assuming that by the fact that it has taken me so long to write part 2 of this story that there really isn't much to comment. And you'd be right. So I will do a quick summary and we can move on.

The dinner was set for 7:45. I got there a little after b/c I had trouble finding parking. He was stuck in traffic, still in the district. I got a table and finally he arrived a little after 8. I went in for the hug. I don't think he was expecting it, but I didn't really care b/c I hadn't seen him in 8 years and an awkward hug is better than no hug at all.

We each got a drink and then ordered food. I was starving and was trying to not seem like I was devouring the food. We were mainly catching up. We both have moved and gotten new jobs in the past month. And we talked about mutual friends and how thing shave changed since high school and college. I had a really good time. Mainly it was just good to see him.

He said that he should better be going since it was getting late (even though we had just been talking about a place across the street that has amazing fresh ice cream everyday). He paid for the dinner which was really nice of him. We got up and walked to our cars. At dinner he said that we should do it again sometime. But when we got to the first car (which was his) he just gave me a hug and wished me luck at my race on Sunday.

And that is the end of the story. A couple days later he invited me, through evite, to his housewarming party. I couldn't go b/c I was going out of town that weekend and I told him that when I responded. Then I invited him to mine, but he never RSVPed. I haven't seem him at church since, not that he is avoiding me, but I just haven't been able to say hello.

So I haven't heard from him since, but am not really sad. I mean I am disappointed, but I wasn't really expecting anything either. I don't know. Jack does die at the end of Titanic, so honestly, how much hope was there?

My Heart Will Go On...

2010-09-30T20:37:00.010-04:00

...Was the last song at my prom. It was also the last song at my 8th grade dance, but that is irrelevant. This post is about my reconnection with my prom date and the potential for possibly more? That's where you come in.

Maybe, 7 or 8 weeks ago I walked passed my prom date from senior year of high school. I hadn't really seen him since graduation so I was pretty shocked. It was also slightly awkward b/c I was in church and on my way to take communion. I walked passed him, saw him, and gave a minimal wave and then returned to my seat. I also happened to see a friend whom I have not seen in a long time. I knew that with the large amount of people at church and everybody's different exit strategy, I would only be able to say hi to one while losing the other. So I said to myself, "if God wants it work between me and Prom Date, then he will make it happen." Therefore, once the service ended, I went to see my other friend and talked to her a little bit. When we finished I was looking around and actually saw Prom Date. I was walking towards him when some woman grabbed and pulled him to a group of expectant people waiting to talk to him. I tried calling his name, but he could not hear me over the hubbub. So I went to the bathroom and when I came out I tried to find him again, but had no luck.

I went home a little defeated, but not hopeless. A couple days later, I logged onto Facebook and was working on constructing a message to send him when I saw that he was in Nicaragua for the next 10 days. I wrote the message anyway and sent it. It just said that it was really good seeing him and maybe we could catch up when he returned.

A few days after he returned from his trip and wrote me back: (I have decided to cut and paste the conversations so they are accurate. He is in blue, I am in purple)
Hey! It was good to see you as well! It would be great to catch up sometime in the next two weeks. Things might be a little crazy for me this coming week but let me know what would work for you!

The next day I responded with:
I am tutoring this summer, so my schedule is pretty flexible, except for a possible move in the next two weeks. If this week is a little too hectic, would you want to try for next week? I am mainly just busy in the mornings. Let me know, and I hope your weeks goes well!

I had not hear anything for maybe three weeks so I sent another message:
Just seeing if you wanted to catch up over coffee or something after work Thursday or Friday. I hope you had a nice weekend.

Then finally! Four days later he wrote back, and by that point, the Thursday and Friday that I was referring to had passed, but that is alright.
Isabelle! I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to you. Life has been pretty hectic but it's starting to slow down a little bit. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited that fall is here. Cool weather and hopefully a slower pace of life. Does only Thursday or Friday work for you this next week? Any chance that Wednesday might work? I'm unfortunately tied up both on Thursday and Friday. Let me know. Have a great week! I look forward to catching up.

So then I responded with:
I know what you mean. Life has been pretty crazy for me as well. I definitely hope the fall calms things down a bit. Wednesday could work. The only thing is that I work and then tutor until 7:30 so I won't be free until after then. Does that still work for you? Just let me know!

And then unfortunately, it was another couple of days before I had a response.
I figured email might be easier as I seem to have a very hard time responding to facebook messages. Let's try for something later on in the evening on Wednesday. Do you want to just do dinner somewhere? Let me know what works for you.

So then I wrote back with:
I like e-mail much better than facebook messages anyway. I think dinner on Wednesday sounds like a great idea. I know I will be hungry after work and tutoring. I can probably get to most places by 7:45. Does that work? Do you have any places in mind?

Then him:

I hope you had great Tuesday and that you get a chance to check your email tomorrow during the day (sorry for not responding sooner). How about meeting for dinner in Clarendon. Let me know what sounds good. I'm also totally open to other options as well.

See you tomorrow!

Needless to say, it took a lot of manpower and patience, but we finally met at a restaurant in Clarendon. A post with an account of that evening will be coming shortly.

So to wrap up, we both seemed excited to have seen each other at church, he is awful at corresponding or was he avoiding? I kind of doubt it, I don't think I am that awful of a person and he always attached many exclamation marks in his messages. I am looking forward to our dinner. Hopefully I will look presentable after a 10 hour day at work and then tutoring. PS: I work at a children's gym, so I usually feel gross by the end.

What The What?

2010-08-02T21:47:00.002-04:00

This blog is about Brian and his confusing ways.

Over the weekend he was at the beach with two of my roommates. At 2 AM he sent me a text. The 2 AM text is about 3 hours past the window for appropriate texts. And even though he was in a different state and with my roommates, he was thinking about me way past daylight hours and that should be noted.

So his text (which woke me up) said, "Ur roommates are outta control on Dewey!!! But that didn't cone from me. Want to get together to hear about ur trip sometime. Hope you had fun tonight."

His typing of "come" gives me a clue that he was probably also drunk at the time of the text. So here is a guy who when he could have had me, disappeared. And then when I gave him a second chance, he made me feel uncomfortable and just about attacked my character. And also he definitely gave me a weird friend vibe at dinner.

So what is he doing? We have yet to actually speak on the phone. Everything has been through text which makes me a little sad. Judge if you want, but I feel that when people communicate, they should do it with voices. He also has yet to ask me out on a date. So this "getting together to talk about my trip" what is that? Does he actually want to learn about my trip or is this another fake date?

I have no freaking idea and it is exhausting me.

A Nothing's Happening Update

2010-06-13T22:33:00.000-04:00

I really have nothing to update right now. Sebastian e-mailed me on Thursday (June 3rd), just about a paragraph. He asked what made me decide to leave teaching (since he's a teacher himself) and mentioned my trip to NYC. He also told me not to worry about answering with deep, thoughtful responses because those could wait until we met up over milkshakes. "...and when will that be exactly?" he teased at the end.

I dig it. I like that he picked something other than drinks or coffee and I like that he suggested something at least somewhat specific and not a vague suggestion of getting together sometime.

I tried e-mailing him back that night, but I fell asleep on my couch instead. Whoops! So instead I started e-mailing him on Friday afternoon after I finished packing for the weekend in Busch Gardens. I was almost done when Isabelle showed up at my house EARLY, so I made her watch some TeenNick while I hurried to finish because I knew that if I didn't finish then, I'd have to wait until Sunday--and I didn't want to wait three days from his e-mail to respond. I didn't say anything very important in the e-mail, but I did tell him where I was going for the weekend and that we could talk about milkshakes when I got back.

Well, fast-forward to NINE days later and I still haven't heard anything! I'm not pissed, especially because I waited longer than that to get back to him the first time, but come on! I know that it's the end of the school year and it's a crazy time, but it's just an e-mail, dude.

At work on Thursday (June 10th), I walked past Ethan's desk on my way back to my agency and he put his phone call on hold just to tell me that we had to talk. "Things have been getting CRAZY around here!" I was intrigued and gestured for him to call me when he had a chance. He did and apparently two different Navy officers asked him about me this morning. One of them is a guy that he doesn't really socialize with, so it wasn't just an offhand question--he had to mention me on purpose. He also might be stalking me--just kidding--because he's seen me leave with my "latina" co-worker in the evenings and mentioned this to Ethan. That's only true every other week, so he can't have been paying attention for long--which makes him a terrible stalker or not a stalker at all. Anyway, Ethan didn't give many details, but that one is apparently a tall Lieutenant Commander and I wonder if it's the one that I said hi to one morning when I caught him staring at me (I'm not that hot...it's just that I'm young and dress cutely and all the women that they see are in shapeless uniforms. I win by default).

Anyway, a bunch of people from Ethan's office might be going to a Nationals game in about two weeks. If that happens, he's going to invite me along and point out the guys that are "acceptable" and I can decide if I'm interested. Even if I'm not, I'm down with being able to see Stephen Strasburg pitch and meet new people. In the meantime, I'll have to step up my fashion choices. No problem.

Just A Dinner

2010-06-09T07:47:00.006-04:00

So to review, last Friday Brian texted me asking me if I wanted to get dinner with him Sunday night. I had suggested coffee during our previous conversation, so he umped the ante a bit. I was also a little scared that he might suggest Red Robin b/c that seems to happen to me. Anyway, I said that I would be just coming back from a weekend trip away and wasn't sure when I would be back. He told me to just let him know when I had an idea.

The weekend was a lot of fun, but exhausting and ridiculously hot. When we were about to leave, although I would have been back in plenty of time to do dinner, I texted him asking if I could get a rein check b/c I was so tired and hot. He said that it was fine and how about Monday? Kind of eager, isn't he? So, even though I was having somewhat lukewarm feelings about this upcoming encounter, I thought that I would give it a shot. I agreed to Monday and he asked me what kind of food I liked. I wanted to keep the dinner somewhat low key, so I said that I was craving a good sandwich. He suggested a restaurant in Tysons that I had never been to so I was intrigued.

After work, I went to the gym to release some energy about the night and ended up running 6 miles. When I got home I didn't eat anything b/c of the date and jumped in the shower. I got ready and headed out. I walked in and he was sitting on the bench waiting for me. He gave me a hug and we exchanged hellos.

So apparently, the restaurant is a little nicer than a regular ol' sandwich joint. He had even made reservations. It kind of made me miss the whole dating scene. We sat outside b/c it was such a nice night. We were talking about our weeks and some plans for the summer, a lot of different topics and things. The waitress kept coming by and he would apologize to her and tell her that we hadn't even looked at the menu. I was starving! It's now like 8:00 and I had just run 6 miles! I need food! He ordered a bottle of wine and finally an appetizer. Both were really good. Then the waitress kept coming back to see if we were ready to order food. Again he said we hadn't looked at the menu. Good gracious! I could feel my insides caving in. And I knew that if I continued to drink wine on an empty stomach, there was going to be a problem.

Luckily, we eventually ordered food and my dinner was delicious! I pretty much cleaned my plate. But that's not blogworthy information. What is worthy would be the feelings I had that night and the conversation. He is a very nice guy (when he is not trying to get into my pants and then ignore me), and was very easy to talk to. Sometimes I was just staring at him trying to figure out if I was attracted to him, if I could see myself dating him, and I just didn't feel anything. None of it was related to his behavior back in December; he was on a blank slate, and it just stayed blank. I mean, we have a lot in common, but it just felt like something was missing. And I didn't laugh. I have to have someone who makes me laugh. And yes, maybe he was nervous, but you can still be funny, or be yourself even a little. And if himself includes not being funny, then I can't do it. I feel compelled to apologize for that statement, but then why should I? Humor is a huge thing for me and if you don't have it, it's not going to work.

The night as a whole was kind of bizarre. I kept feeling like I was having dinner with a friend, even though I was pretty sure I was on a date. And putting his lack of a strong personality aside, he asked and did some things that were a bit strange. For instance, he asked me about my dating life. I replied that I had been seeing a guy for a little while, but it didn't work out. I asked about his b/c I thought it was polite, but truthfully I didn't really want to know. He answered that he had been seeing this girl he works with, but it ended b/c of a family tragedy she had that got in the way. He was disappointed b/c he was really into her. He actually repeated his comment of being really into her at another time in the conversation. I thought it was weird and not something you share with someone who has had our "history." He asked how I knew the guy I had been seeing and I said on eharmony. Then we got into (well, he got into) this long conversation about how it's hard to meet people. He even called our waitress over and asked for her opinion on the topic. It was so awkward! I just kept drinking wine pretending that I was at another table. I felt bad for her and embarrassed that she was now aware of what we were talking about, and couldn't help thinking about what she thought our situation was.

He also asked if I have ever been in a serious relationship (which was also kind of a strange question) and I said no. He asked why and I explained my situation and added that I didn't really know who I was until later on. Then he asked me who is Isabelle? I told him that I couldn't tell him, that I knew intrinsically, but didn't know how to express it into words. He pushed the matter a little more, but there was nothing I could tell him. He also asked me what my plans were for meeting people this summer. Really? I said that I was going to join a running group, but other than that, I have so many other uncertainties in my life, that I really wanted to focus more on those this summer than dating (like finding a job and a place to live). He said, "So, July 1st you should have everything settled, right?" I was like what? I am not even going to be back from my vacation (which he knew) by then. Plus that's in like 3 weeks! I doubt I will find both a job and a new residence within 3 weeks, especially when 2 of those weeks will be spent in Europe.

We finally left the restaurant and were walking to our cars. He gave me a hug and I thanked him for dinner (he paid). He said that we should do this again, but not let 6 months go by this time. I said sure and waved goodbye. The evening was...fine. That is really the only way I can describe it. It was good in the sense that I feel like I now have control of the situation. There was so much baggage from before, but now it's like I have closure. I am pretty sure that I don't want to date him. He would be a great friend, but there is no romantic connection that I feel. So, I think the chapter of Brian has come to an end. And I actually feel good about it. So...yeah.

The Business of Brian

2010-06-04T16:07:00.002-04:00

So...I finally decided to reply to Brian's text on Monday afternoon. We texted back and forth a little bit about summer plans and my new job search. He was a little more responsive than he has been in the past, but not by much. There was a time of about 2 hours between two texts, but I was prepared for it and did my own thing during that time anyway. At the end, he said that he was headed into a meeting, but we should catch up soon. At the point in the day, I was a little uncertain about my feelings for him, but I kind of decided that a low key thing would probably be okay. I texted back that catching up sounded good and suggested coffee for the next week. He liked the idea and told me that he was looking forward to it.

He just texted me this afternoon, and I quote, "Hey, whatcha doing Sunday night?" Maybe I am super picky, but I don't care. The "u's," "whatcha's," and "how've's" have got to go. They are not real words and he is a grown man. Anyway, my first gut reaction was not"Oh, joy! Brian texted me! what could it be?!" It was more like, "eek. What is this going to say when I open it? I am a little nervous." And that is not a great indicator of things. So I went to a couple of friends I have here at work and asked for some advice. It sounds like the my options are to shut him down or give him a shot. Lila thinks that I should go out with him for the blog. That doesn't seem like the right reason...but it's something.

I wrote back that Sunday should be fine. I was returning from a weekend trip and didn't know when I would be back. He wrote back "Nice, where u headed?" There it is again. The terrible "u." I told him in very concise words. Like the name of the location and that is it. What else do I need to say? I don't have to apologize for my texting. I am trying to be open about all of this and I think the moment I get caught up in how I respond will ruin me.

So that's the story so far. I will definitely post about our Sunday "catch up" if it indeed happens.

E-mailing Sebastian

2010-06-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

So I didn't pay attention to my eHarmony subscription and it apparently just renewed itself AGAIN. Eff-bombtastic. Anyway, I decided that I'm going to go whole hog on this thing and actually send out feelers to guys on my own instead of waiting for them to contact me. Because why the heck not? I doubt that I'm going to find the love of my life on this thing, but I might as well try to date. It's sad that I have to travel to NYC just to make out with a stranger for a couple of hours when I could potentially find a stranger down here to do the same thing with.

That said, I'm at the e-mail stage with Sebastian, a 29-year old science teacher who lives about twenty-five miles away, past Manassas. That's really far, but whatever. It can't hurt to give him a shot and he seems nice. What's kind of funny to me is that he sent his final questions to me over a week ago, but I didn't get back to him until last night. I wanted to give thoughtful answers, but last night I was tired from the bus trip home from NYC, so I gave up and was like, "Whatever. Who cares about thoughtful answers? I'll sound more real if I just answer without thinking too hard about my three best traits in a relationship for a partner." (My answers: optimism, honesty, and, in a cop-out, I kind of referred back to the optimism and said that I believe the best in people...or something).

So I sent them and not too long later I got an eHarmony e-mail from him. In one of my responses, I mentioned that I'd briefly tried CatholicMatch, but kind of gave up on it; I mentioned it because I suspected that he was Catholic, too (I was right; it was an easy guess because he looks very Italian) and in his e-mail he said that he'd also tried it. He also said that his subscription was expiring (and right then I should have checked mine--almost did, too), so he gave me his personal e-mail address, but told me that if I didn't feel comfortable with that yet, he'd pay the $20 to extend for another month. Well, I care too much about wasting money to allow that, so I just gave him my e-mail address. What's the worst that can happen? He turns out to be crazy and I have to create a filter to make sure that I don't see his e-mails? I'm not too worried.

So we'll see how it goes...and if anything happens with the other two or three guys that I'm technically communicating with. Or real life guys! There are a couple new sailors at work and they're both kind of cute. One already talked to me and flirted with me and the other guy I caught staring in a non-creepy way. You know what I mean: if he'd been ugly, it would have been creepy, but he's attractive so it wasn't.

Unrelated, a mutual friend of mine and Charlie's told me that he moved to Arlington and now lives on the same road as my work building. The road in question is quite long, but it's probably only considered to be Arlington for about five miles and he runs more than that in a day--so, theoretically, I could run into him just walking to and from my car. That's kind of too close to comfort, but at least I'm prepared. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into him soon because that's just the way my life works. It'll be fine, though...and I'm going to make sure that I'm thin, fit, and tan when it happens.

Bachelorette Party, NYC-Style

2010-06-01T21:25:00.000-04:00

This weekend involved a surprise bachelorette party for my friend, Iris, in New York City. Now I don't remember a whole lot of Saturday night, but some important stuff went down. We started out at a rooftop bar overlooking the Empire State Building which was pretty awesome and then we moved on to some other club. It happened to be Fleet Week which kept making me think of Sex and the City when Charlotte showed her boob to some sailor. I didn't show my boobs, but I did dance with a couple of 21-year old sailors...or "juice boxes" as one friend described them (because if men are best when aged to a fine wine, these babies were juice boxes).

Iris introduced me to one of these juice boxes and I started dancing with him. I was pretty drunk at this point which is my only explanation for the rest of the night. I asked how old he was and he told me and I let him know that I was entirely too old for him. He said that he didn't mind and was dancing entirely too close to me--so close that I could pretty much tell exactly what he was after. In my drunken state, I felt so big sisterly to these boys that I didn't want them wasting their time with me. "I know that you're only here for a short time before you have to get back to your boat. If you're looking for sex, it's not happening with me, so you should look elsewhere if that's what you're after." Hilariously, the kid politely excused himself and I told him to be safe and use protection (because I didn't want him getting STDs or getting a girl pregnant). I had to tell another boy all this before I met the guy that I spent the rest of the evening with.

One of my married friends introduced me to Ted; for some reason I thought that he was in the Navy, too, and it must have been because I was too drunk to remember each time he told me that he wasn't. Anyway, he told me that he was 25 and I tried to pull the same stuff on him that I had on the little sailors by letting him know that sex wasn't happening and I'd have no hard feelings toward him if he went off somewhere. He refused to go and even asked me why I was trying to get rid of him. He claimed that he'd come into that part of the bar and paid the $10 cover because he'd seen me walking in. I...kind of doubt this, but it's flattering so I'll accept it. Anyway, Ted bought me a drink and maybe we danced? I don't remember if we did for long before we started making out in a corner. We'd stop every once in a while and say stuff, but we were definitely more interested in making out. I did learn his first and last name and he gave me a business card--and we exchanged cell phone numbers--but most of what we talked about is jumbled up in my mind. I did spend a while trying to convince him that he didn't want to be with me and remember saying, "You don't know anything about me!" to which he responded, "I want to know everything about you."

I told him that he was smooth and he said that he wasn't being smooth, he was just being honest. Yeah, right. He asked what my full name was and I told him, so then he repeated my first and middle names along with his last name. "No, no, NO!" I shrieked. "We're not doing that!" I have to hand it to him, though: as a player, he knew what I'd be interested in hearing. Obviously I don't want a random guy in a bar to bring up marriage to me, but hearing that marriage is a thing that crosses his mind? If I were a different kind of girl, it would have given me the warm and fuzzies. Shoot, it still entertained and charmed me enough to keep me making out with him for nearly two hours. My friends apparently would come by and check to make sure that I hadn't left the spot, but we kept doing that until last call.

I don't regret it, either. It was fun and the last time I did more than share a single kiss or two with a guy was back at the beginning of November when Nathan and I were still a couple. Anyway, I got a text message the next morning saying, "Wanna make out?" and I replied, "I'm on my way to Mass and I'm pretty sure that God disapproves of that happening in His house." I hoped that he'd message back, but he never did, so I'm guessing that that's the end of that guy.

Even though Iris and I have zero recollection of this, when we got back to our friend's apartment after the bar, we argued for a half an hour over who looked better naked, her fiance, Carl, or a mutual friend of everyone's that I did a little more than make out with a couple times back in college, Trey. We were both apparently very adamant that our respective guys would win in a "Naked off" but there was no winner. Except all of our less drunk friends who got to hear about it all. Ha!

Some Organization

2010-06-01T21:18:00.000-04:00

An FYI: I just posted four old posts and backdated them to when I originally wrote them:

Xavier and More on 5 April 2010

Carson the Law Student on 5 April 2010

Caps Game Cometh on 6 April 2010

Birthday Rehash on 16 April 2010

I've been busy, I've been lazy, and I've procrastinated hugely, but now I'm back with new stuff. Stay tuned.

xoxo,
Lila

Seriously?

2010-05-31T10:10:00.002-04:00

Oh my goodness. Brian is driving me crazy!! You remember Brian, right? He was the guy that I made out with, dress-less, in my bed at my Christmas party. And then because I was a little unsettled the next morning, since he was the 1st guy I had ever had sleep over, he decided all on his own, that I was not interested and ignored me. So when I needed him the most to help me feel like not a slut, he was gone.

Or so I thought. Then 2 months later, he texted me happy birthday. And then a few weeks after that he commented on my facebook status asking about a job that I was interviewing for. I told him what it was and a couple weeks later he asked if I had heard any news about the job. I told him that I hadn't heard anything yet.

Then last night he sent me a text. It said, "hey you, how've u been?" He sent it at 11:40PM (I didn't get it until 2), but we all know that a text from a guy after 11 is dangerous. And why is he texting me at all? Why is he doing this? And this morning I got on facebook and saw his last 2 status reports.

1st:
is headed outta DC to the Bay tonight for some fun!! Happy Memorial Day!!
(at 7:40)

and then:
ladies, "in only gonna break break, break break your heart" ;-) (at 11:30)

Thought number 1: he wrote the song lyric incorrectly. It's not "in gonna", it's "I'm gonna." So putting aside his awful typing or song knowledge...
Thought number 2: Due to my amazing detective skills, I have discovered that he wrote that status only about 10 minutes before texting me.

So I believe we have 2 options. There could be others, but I'm to befuddled to think hard enough. Option 1: He just likes the song and it has no connection to me or any other girl and I should just let it go. Option 2: the song is somehow meaningful to me and/or the situation which is grouped with the text he sent. I guess I do have a third option. Option 3: Who the F cares?

I don't know what he is thinking or doing. I don't know even how I feel or what I want to do. What is happening? How do I respond?

Grrrrrrrr!!

The Nephew From Philly

2010-05-17T07:47:00.006-04:00

I don't even know if this counts, but I feel like this blog has been slacking recently so I am going to write about an event that I attended this weekend.

Saturday morning I went to a wedding. It was for a high school friend and really fun. I looked gorgeous, thank you very much. Then after the reception, I went to another friend's graduation party. I, of course, wanted to see my friend, but she and her mom (I work with the mom) have also been talking up her cousin, Matt, for months, so I was curious.

I got to the grad party and met all of the family members who were there, including Matt. And he is really cute. He used to be a teacher but switched gears and is now working for a non profit that mentors kids. That is actually something that I am really interested in doing so I was intrigued by that. I was talking with the whole extended family (I was the only non family member there after my friend's boyfriend left). It looked like people were starting to leave so I was gathering my things, but the mom told me to stay.

We were all talking outside and then decided to move inside to play Scattergories. Real exciting I know. It was my friend and I teamed up against her brother and her dad, her mom and Matt, and her gramma and her aunt. We came in 2nd place. Anyway, the game was a lot of fun because we were just being silly and laughing and arguing over people's answers. Then all of the "adults" decided to go to bed, so once again I started to get my things because I felt bad for staying for so long. The mom told me to stay again! So the "young kids" (friend, brother, Matt, and myself) went to the basement and played pool. I was on Matt's team and the whole group was talking about all sorts of random topics. Matt and I won twice in a row which is pretty amazing since I suck at pool. Though I did get a few balls in.

We went back upstairs and outside to the porch area to talk some more. My friend's brother is very deep and spiritual. He is 20 so I think he is just absorbing everything and talking about it before he even knows what it means. Needless to say, we had some very interesting conversations. We also talked about more relaxed topics like books and movies. He actually made some character analizations about myself that I had never though about before. It was was really kind of funny.

The group finally decided to call it a night. When I went inside, I saw that it was 1:30Am. Good grief! I was at that party for a very long time! I had a really great time too. I liked Matt a lot. He was nice, funny, smart, interesting, attractive. But part of me is like, what is the point? He lives in Philadelphia! What's the use? That might be my jaded and bitter side of life talking, but it could also be my rational side. Anyway, I facebooked him and said how it was nice to meet him and then added a little comment from one of our many discussion topics. He responded with him having been happy to meet me (with an exclamation point) and then thanked me for helping him show his cousins who is the boss at pool. And then nothing. Which is fine, right? I mean, I wasn't even expecting any comment back, so any is a good sign. I think. And I am really interested in his job and how he got into it so I think I might ask him about that. Should I just go into this as making a new friend? I should, shouldn't I? It's just hard for me sometimes because I want to be happy and dating someone, and when I meet someone who I like I get all weird and comjumbled (new word). It's like I don't know how to flirt, what to do, or even act normal. It's a terrible, terrible curse and I wish it would disappear.

So any advice? I would love some.

e Recap

2010-05-13T08:08:00.002-04:00

Ok, it has definitely been awhile since the last posting. And I think it is about time for a recap.

Match #4 turned out to be kind of a creeper. We were planning on meeting up and then he texted me at 12:30 AM. And as my roommate once told me, anything after 11:00 PM is a booty call. Knowing this, and the fact that he is texting me after midnight before we have even met, I was a bit unsure. And in the previous e-mail, I suggested we get coffee. When he sent me the text, he said that we should go to Applebees or Red Robin. Now, I don't consider myself a snob, but really? Applebees or Red Robin? A) I thought we were getting coffee and B) Really? Those restaurants are not high on my list. So, I cut ties with him. I was incredibly put off by everything he had said and done and that's not a good start.

Match #5 I never got back to. I was meaning to, but my life has been so hectic that it's been a really long time since we last spoke. Plus, he drives a pedicab for a job. Here we go again, I am really not a snob, but I'm sorry, that's not a real job. Right? I mean he bikes people around DC for money. It's not even a cab where he has an actual car. So I am not going to be reuniting myself with him.

So now I would like to introduce you to Match #6. He is 31, white, lives in Annandale, 6'1" and works for the government. I thought I would try an older, hopefully more mature man. In his e-mails to me, it was like he had word vomit. He told me everything about his life and none of it was happy. He told me about his awful childhood, his parents divorce, his step brother dying, etc. And he asked weird questions like what my birth order is and he had just read 2 books about birth order. He also said that he cannot live without his cats. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and e-mailed him back. He responded with telling me that he left his job in the military b/c he couldn't do bad things to good people anymore, or something like that. He also wrote about how he doesn't believe in God b/c religion was forced on him as a child. And he wrote a paragraph about his cats. He ended his e-mail asking me why I put maybe for wanting kids. Um...what? Are we planning our future together already? It was all too much in such a short period of time. I don't plan on continuing correspondence, but if we did, I feel like I already know everything about him! What more is there to talk about?

AY yay yay! My membership to eharmony expires next week and I am out! This is too stressful and kind of disappointing. I am going to take the summer off and see where things end up for me in the fall. I am trying to make it through the next 2 months at work and am looking for a new job. I cannot handle dumb boys in addition.

Awesome. I feel great. Can't you tell?

Ugh...I don't know anymore

2010-04-19T07:34:00.002-04:00

So I was supposed to get drinks with Ben last week. He flew off to Houston randomly for work (found out on Wednesday). My warning signals started to go off. But then he asked if I wanted to do something this weekend. So again, I was a little confused because it sounded like he still wanted to see me. So I called him on Thursday and left a message asking if he wanted to go see a movie maybe on Saturday. He text me Saturday afternoon saying he got in late and would be taking it easy that night. Which is weird b/c that's exactly what a movie is, but oh well. And there was no mention of future plans. So I am pretty sure that things are no longer. It's not a definite, but our communication all last week continued to put up red flags for me and then confuse me. I am disappointed and frustrated. I finally was starting to feel like there was nothing majorly wrong with me. I had continuous dates, sober kisses, and he was a gentleman. It was an incredible feeling. And I know that it was way early on in the "relationship" (for lack of a better word) but still, I had hopes for the future. If he calls, great. But I am not holding my breath.

I guess, the only other thing is to go back to the drawing board, although I don't want to. I know people are always telling me to practice and I get good stories or even dates out of it, but I want to quit. I hate this. I hate feeling dejected for unknown reasons. I hate being alone, but I hate the process even more. I honestly don't want to do this anymore. I know I have the choice, but I already feel like it would be the bad one if I chose not to continue going out.

So that leads us to...
Match #4

He is white, 6'1", 27, works in the government, lives in Reston, and says he is a Christian.
What is interesting about Match #4 is that he was the 1st person to ask me those stupid 1st 5 questions when I signed up mid-February. So...2 months ago. And we are just now at the final stage. I am pretty sure that he started dating someone and that didn't work out so now he is starting over. He seems like an ok fellow. Nothing too creepy about him; no mention of thongs or Saturday night/Sunday morning proposals. He asked me if I wanted to get together last weekend, but I was really busy so I suggested maybe coffee this week. He responded with Wednesday. I don't have anything going on, so physically I can do it. Though mentally and emotionally I feel like a robot. It's not exciting for me anymore. I am just waiting to be disappointed which is a horrible feeling.

And then there is Match #5
He is white, 6'2", 25, drives a pedicab (I am not lying), lives in Springfield, and also says he is a Christian. He is a Patriots fan, so that is a huge plus, but I am not getting a great vibe from him for some reason. Sure, I can be optimistic and give him a try anyway, but I am just not too confident about him. Maybe it's the fact that he rides a bike for work, or perhaps something else. He did give me his number and said that he can text all day if I feel like doing that. Okay, what? I find that a little strange, but maybe I am wrong.

So I guess I am going out on Wednesday, but I really don't want to. I would like to go back in time and erase last week with Ben and do it over. Or maybe God will rain down my future husband. That would be wonderful. With a sign that says, "Isabelle." Like the ones chauffeurs have when they pick up their guest at the airport.

As always, I will keep you posted. But I need a jolt to get me out of this cynical, cat lady funk.

Birthday Rehash

2010-04-16T09:34:00.010-04:00

Well, my birthday was super fun. A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation. I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships. At least, that's what I thought we were saying. Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me. I decided not to worry about it. It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob. I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot. Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing. Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?" Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that. "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either. But it does sort of matter to me. It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid. I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me. It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about. It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband. There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

But I didn't trust Charlie. Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did. And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged. And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely. No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay. And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt. If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait. But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined. So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie. I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog. Anything for the blog, right ladies?

Match #3, Date #3

2010-04-11T20:19:00.004-04:00

I am officially tied my longest number of consecutive dates with the same man at 3! Can I get a what what?

This date description might be a little shorter than the previous two, but it's still exciting. Ben picked me up right on time at 2:00. I was slightly frustrated with what he was wearing, not b/c he looked bad (b/c he definitely looked good), but because I had spent the entire day before talking with friends about what I should wear. We were going to go hiking so I needed to be dressed appropriately, but still maintain the cute factor. He was in a long sleeved shirt and running shorts. I was wearing my good jeans, and a short sleeved shirt under a long one (thought it was going to be chillier than it was). I would rather have been in running shorts also. And what is the point of shaving if you are going to wear pants anyway?

We parked and he took out a backpack. I had made cookies that morning and brought a few along for a little sustenance on the hike. We put those in the bag and headed off. It was kind of tricky to talk while hiking. There were a lot of people on the trail b/c it was such a nice day and I was concentrating hard on not dying. At one point we were walking on top of rocks with a drop off to the river. Not to mention crevices between many of the rocks. Ben jumped over and continued on, but I am afraid of heights and was lightly paralyzed. I called him back and he reached his hands out to me and helped me across. I told him about my fear and he said that he had the same one. He could have fooled me! We got to the highest point and decided to take a seat and rest. He pulled out water bottles for us from the backpack and also my cookies (which were fantastic, PS). We talked some and just took in the views until we decided to continue on. I needed his help a couple of times, but it was kind of fun. A couple of times he would pull me across and I would land literally against him. Once or twice my free hand would grab his arm and let me tell you, he has nice arms (swimmer).

Once we had to climb straight up the side of the mountain and he said I should go first in case there were any loose rocks. Hah! So thoughtful. I did pretty well until the top when I couldn't position my feet right to move to the next stop. He slid over and again helped me up. I was quickly regretting my decision to wear jeans. It was a lot warmer than I was anticipating, and of course we were doing some crazy physical activity. At one point we were walking and my foot slipped and landed in a crater full of old, stagnant water. I yelled the S-word which I kind of regretted b/c neither of us really use that language, but it just caught me off guard. We sat for a little bit after that, trying to cool off and rest.

We started talking about traveling, work, our shared love of James Bond, all types of things. Hiking kind of made it less of a pressure to fill in the silence, it was nice. Eventually we made it back to the footpath! We started talking about sports and he wanted to guess which two Patriots jerseys I owned. He got them both right on the 1st try. I was highly impressed. We also talked about roommates and were making jokes. I wish we could have held hands on the walk back to the car b/c it was on even ground, but we never did.

We were driving back to my place and started talking about music. I told him that my 1st CD was Wilson Phillips. He said that he couldn't tell me his b/c it was far worse. I asked if I could guess. I got it right on the 2nd try. Not too shabby I think. I won't mention it b/c it is pretty embarrassing. We got to my house and he asked me if I was free to maybe get a drink later in the week. I said definitely, just not on Tuesday. He said okay, a non-Tuesday day it is. He would call me in a couple of days to talk about day, place, time. Then he leaned in and we kissed. When we stopped he said that he would walk me to my door. While we were walking I thanked him for being so gentlemanly. And said that living with the 3 guys that I do, I really appreciate when he does all that he does. It might have been corny, but I didn't want him to think that I was ungrateful. We kissed again. A little longer and deeper than the car kiss. I was somewhat aware that it was light outside and neighbors were probably around, but I didn't care that much. The kiss ended and we said goodbye.

I walked inside ecstatic. Not only am I on my way to my 1st 4th date, but I am genuinely happy. It is so refreshing having something else to think about in my life. And something that is exciting and makes me feel good! I don't have much of that right now. And this is all new to me so it's extra special. What I also like about it all is that I am a mature adult. So even though I am excited and happy, I am able to still be calm about it when I need to be. So privately, or with friends, I may be super giddy, but I am not a 16 year old who doesn't know how to handle herself. Also, I am just taking one day at a time. I am not wondering whether or not he could be "the one" I am just enjoying each date that we have. I think that's all I can do.

Side note: both times that we made out on my front step, we stopped and he drove away no more than 2 minutes before a roommate appeared. It's actually kind of crazy and amazing that it worked out that way. I am not ready to explain this whole thing to them.

Caps Game Cometh

2010-04-06T10:08:00.006-04:00

Last night I went to the Capitals game with Xavier, two of his roommates, a girl friend of all of theirs that I've met a couple of times at parties (Dana), and another girl who was the date of one of the roommates (Maria). I had a lot of fun; I like hockey well enough even though I don't follow it, so it was fun just to be there, but it was made better by it being an awesome game. X and I talked a lot about tons of different stuff. Going in, I wasn't sure if this was a friends date or a date date or what, but I think that it wound up being somewhere in between...or maybe a friends date that turned into a real date. I also found out that one of the reasons why he wasn't sure about asking me out was because Marchella's boyfriend, Bob, apparently fed X's roommate, Kal, a ton of misinformation about me--more than I was already aware of. I'm mostly amused, but I'll have to see if I can get revenge on Bob somehow. X let me know that it's kind of unusual for him to date a friend and he was concerned about starting something up with me, having it end badly and then losing Sophie, Dwight, and I as friends (because we're kind of a weird package deal), but then he figured that we're adults and can handle it. So I guess that's how we're starting things off.

Anyway, at some point during the game, X rested his arm on the back of my seat and that eventually moved to my shoulders--which was nice because it was cold in there even though I was wearing a sweater. Normal stuff. Actually, the most interesting thing to happen that night was with Maria. When X and another roommate got up to get more beers, this girl suggested that we steal their seats so the three of us could talk until they came back. We did and started chatting just as the Kiss Cam came on. I awwed over it, but Maria pretentiously said that she didn't like how hetero-centric it was. What the eff? "Well, it's always a man and a woman," she sniffed self-righteously.

I looked at her funny, I'm sure, and remarked that the powers that be would have no way of knowing if a couple was gay or not. They don't even know if a man and woman sitting together are even in a couple, as evidenced by a guy shaking his head resolutely at the camera when it landed on him and a woman beside him. I'm stereotyping here, but I don't think that hockey games are exactly a mecca for gay couples. Then she made a comment to myself and Dana, "If you were girls...oh, well, of course you're girls. Sorry, I'm just used to speaking in gender-neutral language." Oh. My. God. If you don't know what gender neutral language is, it's like using "businesspeople" instead of "businessmen or businesswomen." And it's stupid. Also, it's unnecessary in a non-professional environment, which this clearly was. I was quite unimpressed with her, but I still talked to her for another minute or two before the guys came back and we were once again separated by four people.

After the game, we split from the guys so that we could all use the bathrooms before we left. As soon as it was just the three of us girls, Maria turned to me and asked, "Are you going to make out with that boy? Because you are way too good for him!"

"Uhhh, I don't know?" I said, looking at Dana helplessly. I had gotten the impression that X knew Maria pretty well, but she didn't even remember his name.

"Well, you're way too good looking for him. You can make out with anyone that you want, so you don't have to settle."

"Um, thanks?" I didn't want to be rude and tell her that she was out-of-line, but I also didn't like that she was being rude. Then she asked Dana if she was on a date with the third roommate. Dana replied that they're just friends.

"Well, you're way too good looking to be with him, too. Both of you girls are so much better than them."

"Do you even know X?" I asked, finally gaining some balls. When she confirmed that she really didn't, I simply said, "He's a really great guy," and I looked over at Dana as if to say, I'm doing the best that I can here. What is wrong with this girl!? I really wanted to pull Dana aside to talk about it, but she and I were never alone for the rest of the night. After the bathrooms, we met back up with the guys and Maria left with her guy and the rest of us started heading toward the Metro, but decided to stay out and watch the NCAA Basketball Championship game instead.

X and I sat together and kind of held hands beneath the table. After Ruby Tuesdays, we went to the Metro and split up because I was taking the Yellow Line and they were grabbing the Orange. I told him that I'd had a really great time and he said that he'd see me Friday at my birthday dinner. Then he kissed me good night and said, "Now go get your train." And so I did. Overall, a pretty good date.

But what was up with that girl!?

Carson the Law Student

2010-04-05T12:34:00.001-04:00

In the second semester of my Junior year of college, Dwight and I took one of the same English courses. Also in the class was a guy named Carson. I thought that he was hot, but I was dating Charlie, so I didn't even talk to the guy much. Fast forward to the first semester of Senior year. This was one of my "off" times with Charlie and Carson was in another English class with me; he also turned out to be good friends / former roommates with Alex, another guy in the class who I'd done a project with in yet another English class that summer (can you tell that I was an English major?). Alex and Carson quickly became my class buddies; I thought that they were both hot, but I preferred Carson. I'm not sure what it was about him, because Sophie thought that he was unattractive, but I lusted after him like crazy. No matter what off-putting thing he might say or do, I was attracted. This wasn't the first time that I was attracted to a jerk, but it's one of the more obvious instances. I'm even kind of afraid that if I ever see him again, I'll still be that attracted because there have really only ever been two guys that I've been THAT attracted to: Carson and Nathan. Suck on that, Charlie.

Anyway, Carson and I hung out a few times at parties. I attended one at his apartment that fall. A few friends came with me, but they only stayed about an hour before heading over to a party at Charlie's house (and he definitely found out that I was at another party with a guy, but I don't remember much about that except that I heard he acted jealous). This left me at a party where I only knew one person--Carson--and the few people that he'd introduced me to. It was also the first time that I realized that I don't need a passel of friends around me; I simply started talking to a couple girls by the beer pong table, then talked to people on the balcony while I refilled my drink from the keg. I was kind of proud of myself because Carson didn't have to baby-sit me; I think that he was impressed, too.

Later, when the party was dying down, we went to his bedroom and...did stuff. Not sex and not oral sex (though he asked if I would), but other stuff. It was fun, I guess. I spent the night and he drove me home the next morning. We still talked after that, and he even came to a drama-filled party with me (Charlie's old roommates' apartment and Charlie himself was there) and held my hair back for me when I threw up into a trashcan. We continued to flirt a lot, but nothing more ever came from it. I lost touch with him after I stopped using Instant Messenger until one drunken night the subject of Carson came up with Sophie. She suggested that I just friend him because he'd probably accept the friend request and I'd never hear from him again. So a week or two later, I did (even though I was sober by then). I didn't expect to hear from him.

Saturday night, I did. Right as I was about to go to bed, sometime after 2am, he messaged me on Facebook chat. I was more than a little surprised, but I responded...and we wound up talking until 4am. Not about anything important, just random stuff. He's finishing up his second year of law school right now, but I have no idea what he did in the three years between college and going back to school. I mentioned something about turning 27 soon and he was like, "Your birthday is on Thursday, right?" As I confirmed that, he typed, "Is it weird that I remember that?" at the same time that I asked, "Did you look at my profile page?" He claims to have just remembered.

Now here's where my lack of lie-dar comes in. Even though my first assumption was that he looked it up, I'm inclined to believe that he just remembered for two reasons. First, I have a ridiculous memory for names and numbers and data like that, so why couldn't he? Second, his birthday is April 19th, so he could have just remembered because the dates are close together. I'm much better about remembering peoples' birthdays if they're close to my own, so it's a possibility. Is it far more likely that he looked it up? Absolutely. But why would someone lie about that? Seems unnecessary.

Anyway, we left it at it being good to talk after all this time and that we should again. We shall see. He and I have very different political views, so I don't think that a relationship would ever work out, even in the short-term. But I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink and just hanging out. Maybe he can introduce me to some lawyer friends that DO have similar political beliefs to me.

Xavier and More

2010-04-05T09:41:00.011-04:00

Okay, I have a lot to update. After my last post on Monday the 22nd, I was just about to start writing a post about my friend Xavier's party when Facebook e-mailed me to let me know that Nathan had commented on my status. My heart sped up and my face got warm before I read the innocuous joke. I hadn't talked to him since New Years', so I was kind of shocked to hear from him--especially because the day before I had changed my News Feed settings to exclude anything from him and Charlie. Timing is everything. Anyway, I got over it. Then he happened to call his youngest brother when a group of us were hanging out at their other brother, Nelson's house on that Saturday night...and happened to call his sister-in-law when Sophie and I were hanging out with her on this past Friday night. It's like he has a radar for when I'll be around so that I'm forced to remember him.

But let's move on. My friend Xavier had a party with his housemates, so Sophie, Dwight, and I attended along with Marchella and her boyfriend and a few other friends of ours. These parties are always super fun, with Rock Band going on in one room and flip cup going on in the other. Xavier and I are almost unstoppable when we're on the same flip cup team, so we carried on that tradition.

Xavier recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year. He and I have known each other for almost two years, having met at a mutual friend's birthday party while I was still dating Charlie. Xavier and I sat talking for a while and really hit it off as friends. We cemented that friendship later that evening as beer pong partners when Charlie chose not to play with me because he wanted to be on a "winning" team. Xavier and I demolished him. Ha!

Now that X is single and I'm single and I've written off The Fourth, Sophie decided that I should date X. I was surprised when she told me that because I've always had a mini-crush on him, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything about it. Anyway, I decided to flirt with him at the party and see what happened. I didn't count on Sophie pretty much suggesting to X that he and I should date. It seemed like after that suggestion got out, everyone seemed to pounce on it. According to Sophie, X seems a little wary of the idea--we might just really be too different, it could go south, and he saw me and The Fourth together at my party back in February. Oops?

But he flirted with me anyway and at one point told me that I was looking really good that night. We challenged anyone who wanted to play against just the two of us in flip cup and beat a team of five twice--and then were beaten by a single opponent. I hit a point where I couldn't drink anymore, so he took over against the other girl, but I had to kiss him on the cheek a few times--for luck, of course. That girl, our friend Cesar's girlfriend (Cesar is the guy whose birthday party we met at), flat out told him that he should ask me out. Our friends are not ones for subtlety. Before I left, we had a long, drawn out hug. He told me that I should come over and hang out sometime, and I responded that he should invite me. Apparently they're used to just having people drop in, but I view an open invitation as no invitation, so I wouldn't just come over. He said that I had his number so I should contact him sometime, but I said that he had mine, too, trying to make it clear to him that I'm not going to do all of the work. He received that message and I think that he said that he'd talk to me soon or something.

Afterwards, I wondered if he was too drunk to remember any of that, but I didn't let it concern me, either. If he never asked me out, we'd still be friends with no harm done. At dinner that Tuesday night, I filled Marchella in on things, even though she had been there to witness most of it. I also discovered that once upon a time she had told the guys that I would only date Catholics or super Catholics or something, which isn't true. Sure, I'd love to marry a guy who already has the same faith as me, but it's not at the top of my list. That weekend, X's roommate, Kal, came to Marchella's place to play video games with her boyfriend, Bob. I was brought up, Marchella retracted her earlier statements about my supposed Catholic-only desires, and Kal apparently went and told X who texted me on Monday night. He said that there were a lot of rumors going around and that he'd give me a call when he got back from a business trip and that we could sort some of them out. When he told me that he'd heard that I was a socialist, I texted him back that Bob was a dirty liar and that I'm not a socialist at all--not even close. That's when I figured that Bob/Kal/X had been gossiping, so I e-mailed Marchella and she filled me in on the above. And that she'd suggested to Kal that X had maybe missed his shot with me. I don't know why she said that.

Anyway, he called me on Friday night and asked what I was doing Monday night (tonight). "Um...nothing," I said, unable to remember if I had anything scheduled.

"Wrong, you're coming with us to the Caps game," he said.

"Okay!" I agreed automatically. As if I would turn down a sporting event.

He said that there was a lot of stuff going around about the two of us, but that, as he saw it, we're friends and maybe we should just hang out a little more often and kind of see what happens--and that we'd talk about all the rumors flying around. I agreed.

So I got up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning to go to the gym before work just so that I can rush over to the Verizon Center as soon as I get off--and after I change clothes. Since I need to park at Pentagon City Mall before I Metro over, I also might see if I can't buy a red t-shirt first. Caps colors, of course.

Match #3, Date #2

2010-04-04T21:12:00.005-04:00

I went on my 2nd date with Ben on Friday. I will try to tell only the highlights so it's not too long.

He picked me up a little after 6:30 and we drove (in his Lexus) to Chinatown where we went to this really nice sushi restaurant. We ordered edamame as an appetizer, then 4 different types of sushi to share, and the wine tasting option. This means that they bring you 3 different types of wine throughout the meal. We were just talking about all sorts of things. Lila and Sophie gave me some topic ideas. And for the record, I am awful at chopsticks. It was embarrassing, but also kind of great b/c we were laughing really hard about a particular piece that I had. It was huge, so the blame is not all mine. I am ashamed at how I must have looked trying to eat it. Ben was pretending to look away, but I know that he was watching, horrified and amused.

We then walked to Metro Center station where we took the metro to Dupont Circle. We walked to a cafe/bookstore place for dessert. After we put our names on the waiting list we each used the bathroom and then waited for them to call us. We were seated and the dessert menu was amazing. He ordered his favorite: peach cobbler, and I ordered the mixed berry crumble. We also got Hot Scotch which is hot chocolate mixed with butterscotch schnapps. It was delicious. I was drinking so much water b/c everything was so sweet. We continued to talk and were making jokes about our plan for the rest of the night: go to Adams Morgan and eat at the Jumbo Slice, then go somewhere else and eat some more (I forgot what it was), and then end the night at Ihop. I had to go to the bathroom again, but felt weird going twice in the same spot, so I decided to hold it.

We got back on the metro and took it to Chinatown to get the car. Then he drove us to the monuments. PS: I am very cold at this point. I have a skirt, lacy top, and a short, thin sweater. My fashion expert, when choosing my outfit, forgot that when the sun goes down, it gets chilly. His plan was to start at the WWII Memorial, then to the Jefferson Memorial (b/c he knew TJ is my favorite president), and finally to the FDR Memorial. When we were leaving the Jefferson to go to the FDR one, we started walking in the wrong direction. He grabbed my hand and said that we should go the other way. And then we continued to hold hands. It was absolutely amazing. No guy has ever held my hand before. I didn't want to let go. The feeling of comfort I felt is hard to express. Ben suggested we sit for a little when we reached the FDR Memorial. We went to a bench by the river. It was really peaceful and nice to finally sit after all of that walking. We continued talking and asking each other questions, and then he said, "I have a good one. Are you a good kisser?" He is pretty smooth when he asks these types of questions, I have to say. I replied that I thought so since no one had complained. He said that he would just have to see for himself. So we started kissing. It was pretty nice. It was also the 1st kiss I have ever had where both parties were sober. I lead a very sad and pathetic life. We heard people coming near so we broke apart. He made a strange comment about me being alright or something like that. I told him that he was not to bad himself. But I couldn't completely tell if he was being funny or actually kind of insulting. We decided to head back to the car since it was getting late. I was really cold at this point and he offered me his jacket. I seriously had to go to the bathroom now, but there were no bathrooms in sight!

We were walking back to the car, holding hands again. Love that. We were still talking and one of his questions was what is my favorite flower. I couldn't help thinking that he might get them for me. We were waiting to cross the street when he asked me if I thought we had walked off the dessert yet. I said that I thought we had, but perhaps not the Hot Scotch. He opened the car door for me and then when we were both buckled, he said that he wanted to work off a little more of the Hot Scotch. So he leaned in and kind of turned my head towards him. We kissed more and then unfortunately stopped. He started to drive me home. When we were close, he asked me if I was going to be much busier now that Spring Break is over. I said that I shouldn't be too busy, just a little grading here and there. He asked me if I would like to hang out again next week. I said that I would. He then said that he would call me in a couple of days to plan something. He walked me to my door and we kind of made out again, at my doorstop. We parted and I went inside and then ran to the bathroom. It is 1:30 AM! My date lasted 7 hours! And I had to pee for about 4 of those hours. Thanks goodness I am a teacher and have a trained bladder.

So post-date thoughts: 1) a 2nd date lasting 7 hours, that's a good sign right? 2) And the fact that we kissed 3 times is also a good sign, right? I mean, I can't be that bad if we kissed 3 times. 3) I think I am starting to really like this guy and I am afraid that he won't call. I mean he hasn't let me down so far, but for the 1st time, I am getting excited about a guy. I want him to call. I want to continue down this path that I am on and see what it's like to be dating someone. I think I deserve it. I am 26 years old and am a good person. I deserve a little happiness and excitement in my life. But it has already been a couple of days. What if I blew it on the date? Or at the end of it? What if he is not interested anymore? I just hope he calls.

Match #3

2010-03-30T13:39:00.004-04:00

Okay, so Match #1 has not written back since his question asking me about thongs vs. boyshorts and I responded with my permission that he could wear thongs if he wanted to.

So...on to Match #3!!

Match #3 is 27, a CPA, 6 Ft, Asian, and lives in Alexandria. We had been e-mailing back and forth and then he asked me if I wanted to meet up. He was real polite about it, asking me if it was too soon, we could wait. I said, let's go for it.

We met at a coffee shop in McLean at 6:30 last night. I got there a little early so I waited in my car and watched people walk in. I was pretty sure he had just gone inside, so I decided to leave the comfort of my car and walk in. he was fixing his coffee and sort of waiting at the door at the same time. I walked in and he turned around. I thought he was really cute at first. We were sort of just staring at each other and I asked if he was Ben. He said yes and I said I was Isabelle. We shook hands and did the "nice to meet you" business. I went to go get my tea (I gave coffee up for lent) and then met him back at the "mixing station." If was kind of cool out, but not many seats inside, so we grabbed a table outside. Thank goodness for heat lamps. Unfortunately, I never unzipped my jacket to show my outfit ensemble, but it was too cold.

We talked a lot about all of the normal date topics. Favorite x, y, and z. Where did you go to school? What do you do? Why did you join eharmony? etc. etc. etc. He is actually pretty funny. I mean not laugh out loud-hold your sides funny, but he actually has a sense of humor which is a must for me. He is also very nice. We were playing "would you rather" though not the dirty version of course. Would you rather go out or cook? He would rather cook. Score one for me! Would you rather go out during the week or weekend? We both said weekend for big things, but week for smaller things. Pancakes or waffles? Both said pancakes. And then he said that he had a really good one but didn't want to say it yet. I was intrigued, but didn't want to press too much. We played a little more and then he did his final one. Would you rather make future plans now or have me call you? Aww, it was kind of cute. I said that we could make initial plans now and then he could call if he wanted to. We decided that the best night would be Friday. He wants to go sight-seeing around DC since it's supposed to be nice. I am kind of excited. I don't usually walk around DC at night for leisure. And I am super pumped that it is supposed to be nice out. At least, I think we are going out at night. He has to work, so I can't imagine that we would be going during the day.

He said that he was also going to call me later and we can confirm plans. It has been so effing long since I last had a 2nd date. Like a seriously really sad, long time. I am excited about the whole thing. I like him. He is nice and funny and smart and tall. He is actually 6ft tall and not fake online 6ft tall, which is key since I am 5'10". We decided to head out since it was getting to be late. He walked me to my car! It was so refreshing! Chivalry is not dead! I was blown away because I live with 3 assholes who pose as guys. He was the real thing. At my car he said that it was nice to meet me again and I returned the sentiment. We hugged and then I got in and drove away.

So all in all I think it was a pretty successful night! It had it's normal amount of expected awkwardness, perhaps a little bit more, but we are going on a 2nd date which has to account for something!

One question though: What do people in relationships talk about? My goodness! We were both out of conversation starters partway through and then stared off into space to try to think of more. It's a little hard to judge the chemistry because we were both pretty nervous. At least, I was. So maybe that's why things didn't flow? I don't know. But seriously, what do you talk about?

The Update with The Fourth

2010-03-22T23:18:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago, The Fourth casually asked if I'd go shoe shopping with him and I said that I would. Then it never happened. I was more than a little ticked off, even though we never decided a time, because I thought that this was his lame way of asking me out. But he blew it. I talked to him on that Sunday night and then e-mailed Sophie about it the next day...once again, here's an e-mail:

To: Sophie (15 March 2010, 2:34pm)

The Fourth messaged me[...]saying, "Don't worry, I didn't go shopping without you." Oh, thank God. I was so worried that he might have saved me from wasting my time helping him. When I asked if he'd forgotten, he said that his dad came home early and "turned into Mr. A-hole / Mr. Clean" so he had to do chores. My response: "Wow. You're 27 years old and you couldn't go out because your dad wouldn't let you?" He claimed that because he only pays $400/month in rent (um, ONLY? That's a lot for living with parents, especially when said parents can ground you from going shopping), he doesn't mind having to clean. Whatever. That's stupid as hell.

Anyway, over the course of the conversation, I mentioned, "Yeah, I was surprised when you had friended me on here because I didn't remember ever telling you my last name." He confirmed that I hadn't; he'd gotten his dad to forward him an e-mail that I'd sent[...]and gotten my last name from that. Then he said, "When he forwarded it, he said that you were cute, giving his approval. And my dad never likes the girls that I date."

I can't remember if I laughed at this or yelled at the computer. "WE ARE NOT DATING! YOU HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE OUT FOR THERE TO BE A DATE!" I forget what I actually said in response. At this point, I've decided that I don't want him to ask me out. I'm tired of all of this. Moving on,

He'd asked something about my breakup with Charlie and asked if I'd picked out some new guy before we broke up. I told him that I was loyal in a relationship and wasn't on the lookout for other guys. He sent a :D face which ticked me off because he has no business being happy about that! So I said, "But until I'm actually IN a relationship, everything's free game." He replied, "So to lock you up, someone has to ask you out on a date?"

NO FREAKING SH*T! YES! That is why WE aren't dating, idiot! But I couldn't say, "Yes" because he might have actually asked me out then. Instead, I said, "A single date would not lock me up." Then he asked how many and I told him that I couldn't really give an answer to that because I didn't know. I thought that he was going to ask me out right then, but he didn't. I might have changed the subject.

Much like today. We e-mail back and forth and this is an excerpt of our exchange:

The Fourth: Do you wear tight figure hugging clothes to show off for me? I enjoy the eye candy!
Lila: Nope, I do it for me. [Actually, I do it for ANY man I might run into]
The Fourth: Well, I would like to thank you for doing for yourself. And unknowingly doing it for me as well! :)
Lila: You're welcome. [No, you're not]
The Fourth: :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) [Shut up, shut up, shut up]
Lila: Oh, actually I lied; I'm doing it for Jack Bauer. I'm seeing him tonight. [When all else fails, change the subject to Jack Bauer]
The Fourth: Are you sleeping with Jack? I will understand if you want me to stop hitting on you and leave you be so you and Jack can have crazy babies together. [Admits to hitting on me; still ball-less]
Lila: Um, you mean crazy AWESOME babies. And we're not sleeping together; we're waiting until we're married. [I can't even fantasize about being slutty]
The Fourth: Yes. Excuse me. I meant to say CRAZY AWESOME BABIES!
Lila: You're excused. [I felt like I had to respond with something.]
The Fourth: Well, have a nice life with Jack. Looks like I am back to the drawing board. :P [You've never even left the effing drawing board]
Lila: Thanks, I'm sure that he and I will be very happy together. When he's not being tortured by terrorists.
The Fourth: So how do we break off this relationship? Just say our good byes or just stop talking to each other all together?
Lila: What relationship?
The Fourth: Excuse me. Our friendship....
Lila: What friendship?
The Fourth: Well, That answers that question....PEACE!
Lila: Aww, take a joke. [I feel slightly bad, but mostly annoyed that he can't take a joke]

I laughed out loud with the "What relationship?" thing. But honestly, he can't seem to take a joke. Sure it's a mean joke, but that's what I do! This is his thing: to get all fake-mopey (at least I hope it's fake) so that I'll be like, "Oh, I'm just kidding! You're the greatest!" and I'm not going to do that.

And so. No more getting on Facebook chat. I'm sick of this. Even if he ever got the nerve to ask me out, he's officially a wimp. A sensitive-can't-take-a-joke-at-his-expense- ball-less-wimp. When I joked that his father forwarding my e-mail was a breach of something, he said that he was just being PROACTIVE. I did laugh out loud then. He's the least proactive person ever.

Then he and I didn't talk for about six days. It just worked out that he was never in his office when I came in in the morning (except for Friday morning when I went in another way--on purpose) and, true to my word, I didn't go on Facebook chat. But he e-mailed me today about something with football and I responded. Just friendly, though and no flirting.

Birthday Texts

2010-03-06T16:47:00.003-05:00

My birthday was last week and I receive 2 very interesting texts. Well, maybe one was less interesting, but is still somewhat noteworthy.

Birthday text number 1:

From Kansas, sent 1:08 PM

"Happy stinking birthday!"

Obviously, nothing scandalous or sexy, but we have been kind of off ever since the trip. I was shocked that he A) remembered and B) chose to do something about it. Plus who puts the word stinking in a happy birthday text?

Birthday text number 2:

From Brian, sent 1:34 PM

"Happy Birthday Hun! Hope you have a great one!"

This one is a little more exciting to analyze. For one, we have not spoken, (text, facebook, phone,) since my text to him New Years Eve. So two months later he decides to send me a text. Not on any random day, but my birthday. Which sure, makes sense b/c he was being kind I guess, but that was a pretty bold move for someone who left things so inadequately. I mean, he could have sent the message on facebook if he wanted to tell me. And he is using the "Hun" word again. I really cannot stand that word.

So, Brian randomly made contact. On my birthday. Through text. And called me Hun. Bizarre.

I did not text him back because I really had nothing to say. I feel like "thanks" is assumed, so I left it as it was.

Thank goodness for margaritas.

e-not-so-much-harmony-yet Update

2010-03-06T16:06:00.002-05:00

Okay I have a couple of things to mention as I travel down this road of online dating. Some of it I am frustrated with and some I have the attitude of "well eff him then." These are the ones that I am furthest along with in the process.

Match #1:
He is 25, lives in Arlington, cute, and pretty witty. We are currently e-mailing one another. He asked me what my perfect Saturday night and Sunday morning would look like, as well as a couple of other questions. I responded with some great answers and asked him the same ones. He said that his idea of a perfect Sat. night involves "making dinner and drinking wine" (okay, I'm with him so far), "then going dancing to'dance away the stress of our lives'" (umm...sure)" with lots of intimacy and sexiness, maybe the forbidden dance" (wait, what?), "then walking back home hand in hand under the stars" (really?), "and then ....Sunday morning eat some of his famous french toast while reading the paper. And maybe going to the market and working out."

Okay, so I am about 100% sure that the "..." part of his answer equates to sex. Not to mention his unsubtle note of doing "the forbidden dance"on the dance floor. That caught me totally by surprise! For a girl who is brand new to the whole online dating process in general and is very inexperienced sexually anyway, I was in shock. And not that I am now officially writing him off of my "to meet" list, I was just not expecting him to bring that up in our first couple of e-mails. That seems way forward to me. And I am almost in inner turmoil because I feel like I am not a suitable match b/c that was not in my idea of a perfect evening. And then I'm sort of like, screw it. It's my body and my life. If I don't want to have sex with him on a date, then I won't. Too bad for him. So why am I the one that feels bad?

Match #2
He is 25, attractive, from Arlington again, super driven in life. We were super close to the e-mail stage. He asked me some open-ended questions. I responded truthfully. That's the whole point, right? One of them was how did you choose your profession? I answered that I kind of ended up in it and am a little unhappy with it at the moment. I feel unfulfilled and think that there might be something else out there for me. He also asked me what is most spontaneous thing I have ever done. I told him, moving in with 3 guys at the last minute.

This morning I checked my match updates and he closed me out. His reasoning was that "he didn't believe the chemistry was there." What? I am pretty sure that I scared him off with my answers, but I am not an-unfeeling person. I was honest. Just because he is insanely ambitious in life and I don't love my job, doesn't mean that we cannot have a positive relationship. And yes, maybe 2 out of the 3 of my roommates include a thief and a molester, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Good grief! Maybe if you chose to get to know me a little more, then you could figure that out.

I have only been on for like 2 weeks and I am already kind of over it. I am already coming to terms with my spinster status. Yes, I am only 26, but I don't see many chances in my life. I either don't get guys b/c I don't give it up, or I don't get them b/c I am honest about my life. Who the hell are these guys hoping to find? I am going to continue my endeavours at least until my membership runs out and we'll see what happens next. I am also going to try going to church more regularly b/c I think that's my target group right now. And maybe some running clubs? I feel like I am whoring myself out a little bit. It's hard not to think that there is something wrong with me. Why am I so anti-datable?

GRRRRRRRR

E-mailing with Sophie

2010-03-05T01:50:00.000-05:00

So...without getting too detailed, Nathan might not have a job pretty soon up in Michigan. From what he and I talked about in the past, if his new job didn't pan out, he would either look for another job up there or he would move back down here and work and probably go back to school. Instead of writing all this out, I figured that I'd just post the e-mails between Sophie and I:

Lila (9:08am, 26 February 2010):

Yeah, one of my co-workers mentioned it to me yesterday. I don't want him to move back here. It's easier to have him up there where I don't have to see him...and so I can blame long-distance on why we didn't work out. If he moves down here and still doesn't want to date me...I don't even want to think about it. And it's ridiculous that I should feel this way because we were only together for two months--and we haven't been for three. But it still makes me sad.

Sophie (9:14am):

You think YOU don't want him to move back here? I assure you that EVERYONE YOU KNOW hopes he doesn't move back here even MORE. Do not like Sad Lila.

Maybe you'll start dating The Fourth anyway, and the entire point will be moot. While it is true that The Fourth seems equally unsure about his intentions with you, at least he's not "frolicking" around with you to the same degree Nathan was.

Lila (9:29am):

Frick, I just became Sad Lila now even thinking about this crap. Like close to tears. I hate that I feel anything for him. When I heard about this yesterday, I even thought of writing a post, but I didn't want to bring it up to you and Isabelle yet. Now maybe I will.

I wish that he'd been a jerk when we were together; I mean, he was a jerk by making us official and then changing his mind right away, but when we talked and when we saw each other, he was great. I wish that he'd done a lot of stuff that I could look back on and be thankful that I escaped that mess, like with Charlie. But it never got out of the exciting and new time period until it was over.

Ugh. With any luck, he'll just find another job up there and stay out of my life. And hopefully one day, my thoughts.

Sophie (9:43am):

Yeah... I know you think he was super great when you were together, and he WAS compared to Charlie.... but no guy who is really so great would leave you feeling like Sad Lila in the middle of a work day, trying not to cry at your desk, just because he crossed your mind. He WAS being a jerk to you at the end; he made you official, got you to drive 10 hours to get in your pants one last time, and then broke it off. I know it is more complicated than that, but this is how it appears from the outside. And when it boils down to it all the hours on the phone and all the crying and all of his excuses don't really matter. You're eternally optimistic and forgiving and excellent at making excuses for dudes, but there's really no denying that is WHAT HAPPENED. If he didn't know what he wanted from your relationship he shouldn't have taken things as far with you as he did. He knew he wasn't dealing with some slut to whom all the physical stuff wouldn't matter. And if he liked you and wanted to keep his options open with you for the future but wasn't ready for something so long-distance, he should have thought with his brain (not his mini-Nathan) and realized he should cool it with you directly after the beach so that in the future it wouldn't be CRAZY AWKWARD if he ever did live in the vicinity and wanted to date you. Ugh. You know things are kind of messed up when your friends FEAR the thought of your ex moving into town because of how crazy it will likely make you.

And now, when you should be spending your time flirting with other boys or pondering the The Fourth situation (which is frustrating but intriguing!), you are going to spend your time obsessing about Nathan. Un.Healthy.

Lila (10:29am):

Yeah. So I'm definitely on Team Stay-the-eff-in-effing-cold-Michigan. I don't want to avoid hanging out with you guys because he'll be around and it'd be hard for me to be normal around him. I would probably be okay if I wasn't drinking, but when does that happen when we're around those guys? Ugh. If he moves here, whatever. I'll just man up and be cool. Even if he wanted another shot (which I don't think at all), he doesn't deserve one. So I just have to get over this mess. And stop being attracted to jerkholes.

Editor's Note: "get in your pants" does not mean sex. Just close to it.

The Fourth Is Gonna Get Bitched At

2010-03-02T01:54:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to get pissed off at The Fourth. Why hasn't he asked me out yet? He's had ample opportunity! Let's read excerpts from some conversations.

Last night:

The Fourth: ....Cause if you did, all my aspirations of making out with you again may have just gone down the drain! Haha :)
Lila: You have aspirations of that?
The Fourth: Well, you were such a good kisser. I was hoping to do that again sometime.
Lila: Maybe you'll get to.
The Fourth: Guessing from that comment, I did not impress the first time! :(
Lila: I didn't say that
Lila: Guess you're going to have to wait until I'm drunk again. Since I generally kiss boys if I'm drunk or dating them. Or both. :P

Tonight (on Facebook chat):

The Fourth: Alrighty, this old man is going to bed. I am tired. And I will have a long day tomorrow!
Lila: Noooooo! Stay!
The Fourth: I can't. your more then welcome to come over and lay next to me and continue talking but I have to get some rest in my bed.
Lila: Yeah, I generally don't sleep in the same bed with boys who aren't dating me.
The Fourth: I understand. But I am off! Sweet dreams then! :-*

He understands?! What the eff?! Is he just a champion stringer or what? No, that's not it. It'd be stupid to string along a girl that he's only kissed once. I just don't understand!! Could he just be a huge flirt? Maybe he acts like this with a ton of girls? Gah!!!

I'm getting dangerously close to yelling at him for this. I can easily envision me walking into his office and going, "For the love of God?! What is your problem!? Why are you texting and talking to me all the time and not asking me out?!"

It might happen. The idea has been implanted and I'm an impulsive, impatient girl.

Or maybe I should just ignore the crap out of him. Then maybe he'll ask me what the heck is going on and I can say something like, "Well, you weren't asking me out, so I figured that this was what you wanted."

Yeah. No idea what I'm going to do. But if a guy can get up the nerve to tell me that he wants to make out with me, he should have the nerve to ask me to hang out sometime at the very least. Ugh.

Cocktail Party

2010-03-02T00:39:00.000-05:00

Once I confirmed that The Fourth was coming to my, Sophie’s and Dwight’s cocktail party last Saturday night, I was kind of excited, but mostly I doubted that anything would change. When I told a couple of my friends about him before the party, I said he was too afraid to ask me out and one of the girls suggested that maybe I help him out a little. I refused and I stand by it. Honestly, I need a guy that I can’t walk all over and if a dude can’t get the balls to ask me out, how is he going to get them later for more difficult decisions?

Once he got there, I seriously didn’t recognize him at first because he wasn’t wearing his glasses. I have to say that I definitely prefer the no-glasses look; he has pretty blue eyes and they stand out more without the glasses. I introduced him to some people and gave him a tour of the house. I don’t think that we were downstairs long before flip cup started. He was supposed to be on my team, but two of my out-of-town friends wanted to be on the same team (my team) and they asked him to switch. If I had been less drunk, I might have pointed out to them that he didn’t know anyone but me and it’d probably be nicer for him to stay on my team, but I was drunk enough to not think about it.

So he stayed all through flip cup and did wind up on my team eventually. He’d sometimes put his arms around my waist and be a little touchy-feely; I didn’t mind. Actually, I enjoyed it, but that’s not surprising. I’m very touchy-feely myself when I’ve been drinking.

Later in the evening, Nelson knocked me backwards onto my couch so that my legs hung over the side and he wouldn’t help me up. The Fourth came and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, telling me that he had to leave. “Noooooo, don’t go!” I told him. Since I’m bossy when I’m sober, I’m even bossier when I’m drunk. He insisted that he had to leave and said that he’d text me or something the next day. I think that I said I didn’t believe him and he reminded me that he was the last one to text, so I owed him one. I picked up my phone right then and sent “Don’t go!” followed by several smiley faces. Those were unintentional, but I’m still impressed that my spelling and punctuation were correct.

Still standing right there, he texted, “I have to and you need your beauty sleep!” I was a tiny bit outraged when I read that. “Are you saying that I’m ugly?!” I demanded, knowing full well that he didn’t think any such thing. I’ve learned over time that if I start accusing guys of insulting me when they haven’t, they’ll try to make it up to me and right then, I just wanted him to do as I said and hang out longer. See what I mean about needing a guy that I can’t walk all over? I’m a bitch otherwise.

He assured me that that was not what he meant, but he still insisted that he had to leave. He kissed me on the cheek again and I—again—demanded that he stay. He refused and we went back and forth like that, with him leaning to kiss me on the cheek another time, and then lightly on the lips. That time I kissed him back, so the next time that he leaned down he kissed me on the mouth a second time and it turned into a real kiss. Score! He might have kissed me one more time, but then he said good bye and went to leave. At that point I was a little annoyed because I wasn’t getting my way and because I really wanted to get off of that couch and in all that time he hadn’t felt the need to help me up. My friend since pre-school, Keri, helped me up and she started filling me in on what she and The Fourth had talked about earlier in the evening when I wasn’t around.

I figure that you’re getting this fourth-hand; I got it second-hand from Keri, so this would be third-hand if I hadn’t been drunk. Since I was, I’m a little uncertain of the facts, but here’s what I think she said: The Fourth told her that he likes me and thinks that I’m cool. Also, he mentioned how his dad met me first. I don’t know if this is right, but I think that he said that after his dad met me, he told The Fourth that I was cute and he should meet me. It’s also possible that it was the second time when I met his dad (after I’d already met The Fourth) that he told him that I was cute and he should go out with me. Either way, I’m totally stoked that his dad thought that much of me! Win! Keri had actually assumed that The Fourth and I were already a couple, so she was surprised when I explained that we weren’t. She insists that he definitely likes me, though. Well, duh. Hasn’t changed the fact that he hasn’t asked me out.

A newly single friend of mine, Xavier, was there and asked me to point out the single ladies. I pointed out Keri and Isabelle and reminded him that I was single, too. “Yeah, but you’re out of my league,” he replied. I shrugged and said, “If you think that, then I probably am.” I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just that if he thinks that, why should I think any differently? Besides, what was an appropriate response? “No, I’m not”? That would devalue me and I’m not going to do that. I guess that I could have made a joke like, “You bet I am!” but that would have been kind of mean. Also, I was still drunk at this point and unable to reason out a thoughtful answer.

I should add that I kind of like that The Fourth didn't just give in when I wanted him to hang out longer. I should not be rewarded for my bossy stubbornness.

Pray For Me

2010-02-23T07:40:00.002-05:00

So I did it. I joined eharmony. My friends continually encouraged me to join and I kept putting it off. I don't know what possessed me to sign up now, but I did. Maybe it's because my birthday is around the corner and I am tried of being alone. I really have no idea. I thought that if nothing else, I may get a couple of free dinners and great blog stories out of the whole thing.

I have a few matches and answered some guy's questions. Nothing else really right now. I am still trying to get the hang of it. I will definitely keep you updated on what happens. And I am thinking that instead of giving each match a name, I am just going to give them numbers according to the chronological invite to a meeting or whatnot.

So...pray for me and pray for match #1.

Kansas: Day 3/4 and Aftermath

2010-02-18T20:25:00.009-05:00

Sunday:

The 5 of us all sat down to breakfast a little after 9 prepared by the wife. Kansas was going to take the Mormon to a girls tennis match so he could meet one more person. He asked AZ and me if we wanted to go. We said sure just as long as it was inside. Kansas asked his wife if she wanted to go and she said no. So again, it was me and the boys. We took 2 cars because the Mormon wanted to go to church after the match. AZ went with the Mormon and I rode with Kansas.

We were talking about a bunch of different things including my possibility of actually moving out west whether it be to Arizona or Kansas. I said that since I have no job I really have every possibility available to me. He said that his roommate will be moving out in May so I can move in to the second bedroom. Are we all grasping this? He invited me to move in with him and his wife! I am about 100% sure that he has not discussed this with his wife which means he is doing it without her knowledge, or he is banking on the hope that I don't actually follow through with it. I kind of shrugged it off because I had no idea how to respond. Even if I ever move to Kansas, the thought of living with him has never entered my mind. I have some idea of boundaries.

We leave the game and the Mormon drives to church. AZ, Kansas, and I get into the car and are heading home. We were talking about how sad it was that we were leaving the next day. Kansas made the comment that we wouldn't be as good of friends once we leave. AZ and I are like, what? And he tried again with saying that it would be different b/c we won't be face to face anymore, the proximity factor will obviously be changed. And then he said, "And I won't be able to do this anymore" (lower thigh grab). We were also talking about what it would be like if I moved in with AZ and how Kansas could come and visit the both of us in one spot.

We got back to the house, showered, and hung out for a little bit. We were all going to go to a monster truck rally and leave about 1:15. Then the Mormon was going to be picked up for the airport and then Kansas, wife, AZ, and me were going to go to church. Afterwards, AZ and I were going to make dinner for all of us. The wife invited a girl friend to come with us. The friend had to cancel because of a meeting and then the wife decided to bail. I thought it was odd that she didn't want to go just b/c one of her friends couldn't. So she stayed behind and went to a movie while the rest of us got on the road.

As we were driving, there apparently was a microburst. Which means that there are 80 mph winds, like a tornado but they don't spin, just go straight. So there ended up being 2 car pileups on the highway totaling 70 cars. Needless to say, we are completely stuck on the highway. After almost 2 hours in the car, men peeing in the woods (lucky bastards), and jamming out to music, we finally decide to turn around and drive on the shoulder, going in the wrong direction of the interstate. We finally find a break in the median and go to the correct side of the highway. The truck rally is out of the question and we now have limited time before the Mormon had to get to the airport. We also now have to cancel on meeting the wife at church. I can tell that Kansas is kind of disappointed about how the day is turning out. I mean it is Valentine's Day after all.

The wind is absolutely ridiculous and it's also snowing. It is definitely cold and pretty miserable. We end up going to a outdoor hunting/restaurant spot. It is absolutely huge! We get some lunch and are having a good time. Then we go exploring through the store. We shoot arrows with bows, hold $2000 guns, and check out large knives. Then it was time to leave. We got back into the car and took the Mormon to the airport. I was actually really sad to see him go. For a couple of reasons actually 1) I really like being with him. He was funny and nice. 2) it was kind of returning to reality and remembering that I was leaving the next day.

As we were heading home we stopped by the grocery store to get ingredients for the dinner. Kansas also bought a V day card and a present for the wife. The present would be coat hangers. He bought her coat hangers. He said that it was perfect b/c she wanted them and he was going to give them to her anyway. Hmm...okay then.

We returned to the house around 7:30 and started cooking. Kansas and the wife disappear upstairs for a solid 10 or so minutes. AZ made the comment that what if they were having sex and that he was going to ask as soon as one of them came down. Um, gross. PS: Can I just say that I love AZ? While we were cooking he started dancing with me in the kitchen even though there was no music. That is the type of guy that I love.

Dinner was delicious and so was dessert (ice cream). We cleaned up and then a couple of friends came over and we were watching the Olympics and then the wife went to bed at 10. We started playing a very complicated and intricate board game. But we were all so tired and having a good time, that it was a lot of fun.

**side note: One of the girls playing the game with us has this weird condition where whenever she expresses strong emotions she becomes paralyzed. Apparently it was really bad that night because she hadn't gotten much sleep. But every time someone made a funny joke, her head came crashing down to the kitchen table. We had to get a pillow and her boyfriend was constantly grabbing her as she went down. It was by far the craziest and kind of funniest thing I have ever seen.

Throughout the game, Kansas was periodically blocking my pieces and I would give him a glare. And call him by his full name. He would respond with "I love you, Isabelle" or "you know I love you." Really? We can't think of anything else to say?

The friends left about 1:00 AM and we went to the living room. Kansas and AZ started to play Modern Warfare. I went to the oversized chair and laid down to watch. They said that they were only going to play until 2. I was watching for a little and then I fell asleep. I would kind of wake up periodically and check out what they were doing. Sometimes Kansas would look over at me and say something like "Hey sleepy head" or "Hi Isabelle" with a smile. Later on I noticed that something was different and found that the boys had turned off the game. It was 4 AM. We were talking a little about the plan for the morning. Then Kansas fell over the rim of the chair and was kind of half laying on me. He patted my head some and then hoisted himself up. I eventually got enough energy to get myself to my room.

Monday:

Being completely exhausted, we drove to the airport. Kansas dedicated a song to me before he let me out of the car. I was the first to get dropped off. I was hoping to be 2nd, but I have no control over how the airport arranges its terminals. We gave and received hugs, made plans to see each other again next month in Arizona, and I fought off tears. And of course we cannot forget that Kansas has offered to drive me cross country to Arizona this summer if I choose to move there. Both boys asked me to give them a call once I made it home. I talked briefly with AZ when I got home, but had to leave a message for Kansas.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed my trip. I loved spending time with Kansas and Arizona. And I really enjoyed hanging out with the Mormon. I felt great about myself. I felt confident and happy. Kansas definitely crossed some strange lines with his thigh grabbing and love comments. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. And I am a little disappointed that I won't be able to see them all next month. I might still visit over my spring break, but who knows?

Post Trip:

Throughout the week AZ and I were texting a little bit. Just small quotes from the weekend. Never heard anything from Kansas until Saturday night (20th). He called but I missed it b/c I was at a cocktail party hosted by Lila! He also sent a text that said: "Meet me in Arizona. March 17-22." I texted him back this morning saying that I couldn't go then. My break doesn't begin until the 26th.

Kansas: Day 2

2010-02-18T20:11:00.006-05:00

Saturday:

We woke up pretty early because we were going to get breakfast and the Mormon had a meeting with someone at the same restaurant. He was interviewing with KU athletics in the compliance department (whatever that means). The wife was having brunch with friends somewhere else and left after we did, so we still haven't seen her. So it was just the 3 of us again eating. Absolutely fantastic. We had a lot of fun talking, reminiscing, joking, etc. I asked Kansas how old the Mormon was because he looked so young. He said that he was 28, had already been on his mission, went to law school, and passed the bar exam. I was like, hello! That is one accomplished individual. Too bad that he lives far away and believes in a religion that I do not. After we finished, Kansas went over to the Mormon's table and talked some with them as AZ and I walked around the area.

We got back to the house around noon and about 30 minutes later, the wife finally arrived. Gross. We all said hello and hung out while watching the Olympics. She and Kansas were sharing a large chair/love seat and were all cuddly with their blanket and dogs. It made me sick. And it's not because it was him and her. I am not a fan of PDA in general. Kansas also gave us the KU t-shirts he had bought for us to wear at the game. I was starting to get really excited about the day.

She made a large meal for us to eat and tie us over until the game ended. The 5 of us sat down around the table and had a good time talking again. She didn't say a lot because she doesn't really seem to have much of a personality. It's kind of sad really. We were going to leave extra early for the game so that Kansas can show us around his office and the athletic center. The wife did not want to come so early to the game, so once again, it was me and the boys. I think I heard angels singing. On the ride over, we were listening to a bunch of music and the boys were all rocking out. It was pretty funny. They were playing songs that I hadn't heard before and were almost serenading me. Very amusing. One of the songs was "All The Pretty Girls."

I have forgotten to mention that periodically while driving, I would be in the passenger seat b/c I am the only girl and it's obviously the best seat. Kansas would sometimes tap on my leg as we were singing with the music, or squeeze the area right above my knee. Not really the thigh area, but still, somewhat affectionate, right?

We were walking to the center and the Mormon and I were mainly talking. Kansas showed us his office and introduced the Mormon to another Head Of (fill in the blank). The 3 of us hung out while they were talking and then he took us down to the basketball gym and we looked at the hall of fame and played some of the games they had. We had a great time. After learning all about the history of KU athletics, Kansas decided to take us on a private tour of the center.

While AZ and the Mormon were stopped to look at some pictures, Kansas apologized for sometimes disappearing to help the Mormon meet all of these higher up people. I responded in a sarcastic matter saying that he should be sorry because I am number 1 priority. He said that it was a weird comment because he is married and his wife should be his top priority. I was slightly offended because my mind was no where near thinking about his wife. I quickly explained that what I meant was that I am more important than the Mormon and Arizona because I am awesome, and great, and a girl, which equals number 1 status. I told him that I was not talking about being ahead of his wife in his life. So, obviously he is aware that he is in fact married, and maybe a little on edge about our "relationship" or friendship, but he is the one who is making the ambiguous comments and hand gestures.

Kansas used to run track for KU which is pretty amazing since it's a division 1 school. He took us to the indoor track training facility/basketball's personal fitness center. I tried to redeem the earlier awkwardness by asking him to race me, but he had to do run backwards. He destroyed me. Then we raced again and he gave me a 40 yard head start and he beat me again. I had a lot of fun, it was kind of like sibling competition.

We went back to the basketball stadium for the game and he sat with us until the wife arrived. Then the 2 of them went to different seats for the game and I was sitting between Arizona and the Mormon. I was pretty pumped. Sitting between 2 cute guys and watching an exciting basketball game. Holla.

We went to a late dinner after the game (the 5 of us) and had a great time. The wife was not really very vocal, but she wasn't absolutely quiet either. She really just does not seem to have a personality. She is very nice and pretty, but I think she is really boring. And I'm not just saying that because she is married to Kansas. Also, what is kind of awkward is that AZ and I were the only ones of the group who drink. The Mormon doesn't b/c of his religion, Kansas doesn't I think b/c of his brother (substance abuse problem), and the wife doesn't b/c she is zero fun.

We got back to the house a little after 10 and the wife went to bed soon after. It was just me with the boys again. We were watching some of the Olympics and talking a little. At about Midnight, Kansas said that he was going to go to bed. I was kind of pissed because I did not fly all of this way so that I could sit on a couch and watch the Olympics. We have been busy the whole day and I wanted to just spend some down time with him and AZ. I explained that I was disappointed he was going to bed and said that I flew cross country to see him, not the Olympics. He came over to me and sort of rubbed/squeezed my head and said "I love you Isabelle." I responded with, "actions, not words." Meaning for him to show me that he cares, that we are friends. Not that I want him to furiously make out with me or divorce his wife. If he tells me he loves me, even if it's just fluff, then, let's see it! Don't ask me to fly halfway across the country, tell me you love me, and then when I want to talk, leave. I was frustrated. Think what you want.

Another note, similar to the thigh tapping or squeezing, he said "I love you" a few times. For a guy of his standing, I feel like these are not words that you just throw around. I feel that when he says them, he should actually mean them. That's just the kind of person I have always pictured him to be. So when he says these things to me, it confuses me.

I went to bed a little bit after because there wasn't much point in staying up anymore, especially since AZ fell asleep.

Kansas: Day 1

2010-02-16T13:14:00.009-05:00

Kansas recap. I wanted to give more of a day to day account, but I did not have access to a computer and so that has left me with describing it all after it all happened. I will try to give only the highlights, but it might be difficult.

Friday:

I arrived in Kansas City, MO and was trying to connect with Arizona (AZ) and Kansas. I saw Arizona first and he gave me a big hug and grabbed my suitcase. We were heading down the hallway when I saw Kansas. I was so happy to see him. I went over to him and he picked me up in a huge hug. I was suspended in the air for about 15 seconds and holding tightly around him. He put me down and the two of them wrapped their arms around me as we walked to the car. The wife was not there. Kansas said that he and AZ had come up with 2 plans. Plan B was that I fall in love with someone from Kansas and move there. He explained that we will be interacting with many eligible bachelors. Plan A was I move to Arizona and live with AZ. I said that I was great with both plans. I mean, what do I have to lose?

We went to dinner and a friend of Kansas came to join us. We hung out at the friend's house a little bit (I met another friend there too. It really was going to be a male-abundant weekend). Then we went back to the airport to pick up the Mormon. At first glance, he looked really cute, but only about 21, maybe 22 years old. A little sad about that, but he lives in Indiana and is Mormon, so really, not missing out on a lot. We were driving back to Kansas's house and just laughing and telling stories and jokes. I think I was so tired from the week and mentally exhausted thinking about the trip that I was a little loopy, but that was great. It meant that I was not shy or quiet. I was actually kind of ridiculous, but had a great time. I don't remember many times where I have been so normal with myself. It was an incredible feeling.

We got to the house and the wife was still yet to be seen. Apparently she goes to bed pretty early each night. We hung out a little more and figured out where everybody was sleeping (I got the best room in the house). After we discussed the plans for the following day, we decided to finally go to sleep since it was 2AM.

Ethan's Super Bowl Party

2010-02-09T01:49:00.000-05:00

Because I had no idea how bad the roads were until I was already on them, I drove out to Maryland to Ethan's house for the first time. As soon as I arrived, he greeted me and told me that Kenneth was there, but that he'd brought his fiancee, Ursula. Ethan told me that he hadn't wanted to bring her, but that she had insisted. No idea if that's true.

I saw Kenneth and was surprised at how much cuter he was than I remembered, but I just smiled and said hello. He can be as cute as he wants, he's still engaged. I met Ethan's wife, Olivia, and she was super friendly and nice...but not what I was expecting. She's Puerto Rican, 43 (five years older than Ethan), and a mother of three. She and Ethan have been married for four years and together for seven, and...I don't know. She's just not what I pictured and I think that's kind of nice. I mean, I think that it's clear that they love each other and that's good to see.

Then I met Ursula. She's like a short version of Sarah Silverman, but not as thin--which isn't to say that she's fat because she isn't. I was a little taken aback by her because I was standing in the basement, talking to Ethan, maybe, and she just popped out of nowhere to introduce herself to me. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I felt like she had rushed over to do it and it just felt a little weird. I mean, that could also be because I know so much about how no one wants her to marry Kenneth, including Kenneth, but whatever. Honestly, there wasn't really anything wrong with her. I noticed how she stuck close to Kenneth's side the entire night, but I don't think that she knew anyone other than him, Ethan, and Olivia.

I think that it was around halftime when Ethan and I were messing with the music that he told me how he had already gotten three text messages from Kenneth saying that I was hot. So. That's flattering, but it's also a jerk thing to do when he's ENGAGED. I said something similar to Ethan and he said, "He is not marrying her. Trust me, I'm his best friend, and it's not happening."

I talked to Kenneth a tiny bit because he was rooting for the Colts and I had to rib him a few times when the Saints did well, but mostly we only talked with Ursula and sometimes other guests. Definitely no flirting or anything like that. Still, Ethan called me on my way home and said that Kenneth had said some more things, but that he'd have to fill me in later. He still hasn't!!! I really want to know!

I know that Sophie already hates this guy, but I'd go on a date with him if he broke off the engagement first. For the blog, if nothing more. Come on...things have been slooooooow.

E-mail from The Fourth

2010-02-09T00:50:00.000-05:00

From: The Fourth
To: Lila
Sent: Thursday, 4 February 2010, 8:33am
Subject: Good Morning!

Good Morning!

So. Funny story. So I had a dream about you last night.

It started out with me asking you out on a date on a Friday. At first you
said no and then for some odd reason when I was about to walk out of my
office at 3, you showed up to tell me you changed your mind and that I
should pick you up at 7. I made a reservation at some really nice place.
So I showed up to your house in Crystal City at this really nice apartment
complex and when I got there, the door man would not let me in so I called
you and you did not pick up. Since I made the reservation, I went and had
dinner. For some really weird reason, this place was a high end pizza
place. So as I am sitting there, you showed up on the arm of another guy.
You came over to the table with this guy and introduced him as your
boyfriend. He was some huge weight lifter guy. I got really pissed off and
wanted to pick a fight with him for stealing you away but then out of the
blue, my friends showed up and stopped me from hitting him. You began to
start yelling at me for being la te to your apartment. I went outside with
my friends and we thought going to the bar across the street was the perfect
distraction and as we crossed the street, I was the first of the group to
step into the street. Everyone started to yell and as I turned, I got hit
by a Jeep driven by you!

I woke up from my dream to find out I woke up like 10 min before my alarm
went off so I was screwed trying to go back to sleep!

I know it was random but for some reason, I remembered it!

Okay. Obviously, there are a ton of things wrong with his dream. I don't live in Crystal City, I don't live in an apartment, I don't have a boyfriend (weight-lifter or otherwise), and I don't drive a Jeep. Also, I would never behave so bitchily--well, I probably wouldn't.

I took one whole psychology class back in college, and even though it was specific to children, I'm pretty sure that it's given me the ability to analyze The Fourth's dream. He's insecure and afraid to ask me out. But, really, how hard is it just to ask if I want to hang out?

I talked to him on Facebook chat that night and he implied that he's "waiting for the right opportunity" to ask me out and that he might be planning something? Like some big thing so that there'd be no way that I could say no?

He's still riding that line of The Friend Zone. I thought that he was in completely, but the proof that he likes me pushed him out a little bit. Only that was four nights ago. Tonight we were texting back and forth, as usual (and often enough that Sophie came downstairs to complain that he was lame for not asking me out if he could spend that much time messaging me), and talking about the snow and whether we'd have work tomorrow, etc. Then he says something about flying down to Florida tomorrow--like, for serious...his sister lives there--and then asked if I wanted to go with him. I kind of laughed it off and said I'd probably have to work on Thursday, but he stopped texting me after that. It makes me wonder if he was serious because he's definitely joked(?) about us flying to Florida before. Oops? Oh well, it's not like I would have gone if he was serious, but if that was his true attempt at asking me out, FAIL. I'm not going to the beach with a guy who isn't my boyfriend and prance around in a bikini for him. Um. By ourselves. (Sophie and Isabelle, shut up about Nathan--that was different).

If I Only Had a Brain...

2010-02-06T17:41:00.005-05:00

Just got off the phone with Kansas. Had a pretty interesting conversation. We have been going back and forth with the countdown until I arrive. I had texted him with: only 6 more days! And he called me in response. We both talked about how excited we are about the upcoming trip. He asked me if I knew anything about what was going to happen to me. That question, given the context of this situation, is a bit strange. I know I am probably reading too much into it, but I thought it noteworthy (or blogworthy). I said that I had no idea about what was going to happen and he assured me that it will be amazing.

Then he told me that there was going to be another guest with us that weekend. A guy named Mark that Kansas works with on a national association thing. Apparently, Kansas told Mark that he needed to come and visit sometime. Mark suggested this weekend, and Kansas said that he was already having people, but he could still come if he wanted. Mark said sure. At first I was a little put off that I am now sharing my weekend with a stranger. Then I got excited and thought, maybe he will be super cute and nice and we will totally hit it off. Then I was informed that he is a Mormon. I don't have anything against Mormons, I just do not always agree with their views. So I went back to being a little disappointed.

Arizona (our mutual guy friend who is also going that weekend and is from Tempe, AZ) gets there at 3 on Friday, I don't arrive until 7, and then Mark comes sometime Friday night as well. Mark leaves Sunday evening and Arizona and I leave at 11 on Monday. Which means that I barely get to spend time with just the 3 of us (me, Kansas, and Arizona). The wife can come to I guess, but she is not really a part of our group. It kind of makes me sad that he opened up his place to this guy this particular weekend. I wanted to see Kansas and Arizona, not meet this new guy and spend the whole weekend with him.

We talked a little bit about the plan for the weekend. Kansas even said that he hoped the addition of Mark does not affect our weekend. I told him that Arizona and I were planning on making him and his wife dinner one night. He said that we had to see with the schedule b/c the basketball game is at 7 on Saturday and we have to be there by 6. And then church is at 5:30 on Sunday. I always feel a bit weird going to other people's church, but maybe it could be a good thing for me.

Kansas also asked me if I was going to apply to jobs while I am there. I am leaving my current job in June and am looking around in other locations. I was a little taken aback that he would ask. I mean he has mentioned that I should move and work in Kansas before, but I always had a job then and really no need to leave. Now I am officially leaving and he wants me to apply to jobs in Kansas while I'm there? Is this not weird for everyone involved? I asked him how I would do that since I am there over the weekend. He said that I could always apply and then come back for interviews. I was like, right, because that is super easy for me to do. Just fly halfway across the country for interviews during the week. He said that he would check online about openings and things and we'll figure something out. Seriously, what?

He also informed me that I didn't need to pack anything special in terms of clothes. He said that he bought me a KU shirt and that's all I really need.

After a few more minutes of talking about random things, I had to go b/c my battery was running out. He said that we would talk more in the next couple of days and reiterated how excited he was about me coming.

Dorothy needs more than a wizard, a good witch, and some red shoes to help her with this one.

The Plot Thickens...Or Something

2010-02-02T21:14:00.000-05:00

On Friday morning The Fourth walked up with me all the way to Ethan's office which is right by the swipe-access only doors for my office. He knows people up there and went in to talk to them after Ethan saw us and said, "Oh, I want to talk to you two."

Oh, shit! I thought. What's he going to say? Is he going to say something about The Fourth and I as an US?! Luckily, he wasn't that bad. Instead of embarrassing me, he invited us both to his Super Bowl party. I pretended like I hadn't been talking to him for a week about it already. Anyway, he e-mailed me with the information and messaged The Fourth, though he said that he only did because he said that he would. Today he offered to send a reminder to him, but I told him not to bother. I'm hoping that The Fourth doesn't come. I mean, I don't know how many single guys will be at this thing, but I don't want to be stuck hanging out with one who isn't asking me out--that's a waste of time!

Back to Friday, though, I went back out to talk to Ethan after I had e-mailed him to assure him that I was coming to the party and to ask what I could bring. During that time he had talked to Kenneth on the phone said that I was coming. Kenneth got excited (whaaaa?!?!) and asked Ethan not to send an invitation to his home e-mail because he doesn't want the fiancee to come with him now. Um? Ethan told me a little bit more about the situation. It seems as if the fiancee is the one who proposed and she started moving her stuff into Kenneth's place. Now that they're living together, he's finding out a whole lot more about her, namely that her finances might be a mess. If he's telling Ethan that they might be a mess, they are probably a BIG mess. And even before he knew that I was going to be at the party, he told Ethan that he just needed to get out of his house (and away from the fiancee).

I still am not going there with the intention of home-wrecking. I'm just going to have fun and hang out. Even if Kenneth likes me, he's engaged and living with another woman. And even if he breaks it off with her, I don't know that I want a guy with that kind of baggage.

Whatever.

2010-01-28T22:53:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm officially tired of waiting for The Fourth to ask me out. I still like him and I'll still talk to him and text or whatever, but this is ridiculous. Today we e-mailed back and forth all day and I sat and talked with him in his office this morning, too. He's not a shy person, so that's not his problem. I'm just going to chalk this up to him not being that into me...because otherwise he'd do something more than flirt. Dumb. Does he even realize what he's missing out on?!

Wow. I'm actually impressed with my thought process. Maybe He's Just Not That Into You worked on me. Instead of wondering why he doesn't seem to like me, I have an answer: there's something wrong with him. Not me. HIM. Ha!

Hopefully I can keep this way of thinking in the future, too. I don't see why not. I'm far from perfect, but I'm still a great catch and the guy that I end up with will be lucky to have me. So any guys who don't see how awesome I am or don't jump on not letting me get away aren't worth my energy. Depending on how observant he is, The Fourth is going to notice a big change from my past to current interest in flirting with him.

Congratulations, Sophie. You win.

Introspection

2010-01-26T20:39:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, Charlie broke up with me (in February) and I told Ethan about it. He and I were already buddies, but it was my breakup that had us talking a lot more and it was all because of his friend Kenneth. Apparently these two have been best friends for years and as soon as I was single, Ethan told me that he had to introduce me to Kenneth and a couple of weeks later he did. Kenneth came by to have lunch with Ethan, so Ethan called me to come on out to the hallway if I was free. I already knew that he might be coming by that day and I'd told my co-worker Norah about it, too. So she saw him when she was walking back to our office from the bathroom and said that he was cute. I went out and talked to him for several minutes and Ethan even left us alone--on purpose--before he came back and joined in again. I dazzled Kenneth with my football knowledge and he told Ethan that I was cute as soon as they turned the corner away from me--according to Ethan. I also thought that Kenneth was cute.

As it turns out, though, he had just started seeing someone, so he didn't want to be a jerk and go after me when he was already kind of with this other woman. That was around March of last year. Ethan has updated me a couple of times to complain about Kenneth's relationship; apparently this woman is domineering, follows Kenneth everywhere he goes (not in a stalker way, but in a "you-can't-hang-out-with-just-the-guys-without-me" kind of way), and just generally doesn't make Kenneth happy. Of course, that's Ethan's opinion alone. Just today he told me that Kenneth and the woman are engaged and he wants to put a stop to it. "He's not happy!" he insisted to me. "He didn't even act excited when he called and told me that they're getting married!" He has told Kenneth all of this and his friend isn't really sticking up for the fiancée.

"He'll be at the Super Bowl party," Ethan told me. "You can see him then."

"Will she be there, too?"

He nodded disgustedly. "Yeah, she'll be there. I'm going to try to break them up, though, and get you with him. I want to be baby-sitting your kids one day, not theirs. She's terrible and you are perfect for him."

I was flabbergasted. Suddenly, I had to start evaluating what my role would be at this party. I had just gone from "Single girl there to meet single guys" to "Home-wrecker" in 3.7 seconds. And the best part?

I'm okay with it.

Well, I don't intend to wreck any homes. I met this guy once. And just because his best friend doesn't approve doesn't mean that the woman isn't perfectly lovely or acceptable. Only... I think that there's a huge difference between thinking that one's best friend is too good for his or her significant other and outright hating or disapproving of said person.

Sophie and Charlie didn't get along. While other people become best friends with their friends' S.O.'s, my best friend and my boyfriend barely tolerated each other while we dated. When Charlie broke up with me the first time, after 10 1/2 months of dating, citing that he had to focus on school and not a relationship, Sophie disliked him even more. One of the biggest problems between them was based on something that we didn't put together until much later. Sophie's boyfriend, Chris, complained to Charlie and their other guy friends about Sophie all the time. He complained about her controlling him and about her past with other guys. He made her seem like a slut, when she was far, FAR from it. I'll let her explain further in the comments if she wants, or even make her own post, but suffice it to say that he was a jerk. Charlie and the guys accepted what he said as fact without knowing that Chris also went to Sophie and complained about them to her.

Anyway, finding all that out, I think, made it easier for Sophie to accept my decisions to get back together with him twice more after that, but not by much. The last time that I told her that Charlie and I were essentially back together (and had been for a while) was Labor Day weekend in 2006. We were standing in the street outside Nathan and Nelson's parents' house (I had been purposefully not flirting with Nathan all night because of my loyalty to Charlie) and she asked me what I was thinking, getting back together with Charlie. She actually cried a little (I might have, too) because she was certain that I was making a mistake and I was certain that I wasn't. I told her that I'd prayed about it and I knew that it was the right thing for me to do at the time. Even knowing how it ended up, I don't think that I was wrong then. What followed was an especially difficult year and I would have been a mess without him. And she supported me, even though she didn't agree with me. Over time, I think that she got used to it and didn't have as much of a problem with my relationship, but she never fully liked him.

And what am I getting at, aside from the fact that Sophie is spectacular and a good judge of character? If your family and friends don't support a relationship, there's probably a good reason why. When Dwight took a disliking to Nick and Sophie told our friend Fiona about it on the phone, she said that his opinion probably didn't matter to me and I corrected her vaguely. I'll be clearer now: his opinion does matter, just as Sophie's does and my parents' and my other family members' thoughts on someone that I might date. I don't want to put my friends in a position where they're forced to like someone; I want them to feel like they are lucky that I brought someone so awesome into our group.

So Ethan shouldn't actively try to sabotage Kenneth's relationship and I shouldn't, either. But if I meet the woman and she is a bitch, then maybe I won't mind trying to make myself come out better than her. Regardless of Ethan's desire for some Kenneth/Lila babies, sometimes bitches need to be put in their place. Right beneath my ass-kicking boot heels.

Drunk Texts and Winking

2010-01-26T20:19:00.000-05:00

On Saturday night I was kind of delighted to see that The Fourth had texted me because he was away with his friends for the weekend and texting means that he was thinking about me. So even though it was late, I texted something quick back that he received the following morning. I was half-awake when I got it and we texted back and forth a few times.

Fast forward to later in the afternoon. He returned my last message from the morning and then we messaged a few times over the course of several hours. He was drinking with his friends and informed me that he was drunk pretty early in the evening. Then around 10:30 the texts got drunker and drunker and flirtier and flirtier. I won't hurt your eyes or your heads by reposting them word-for-word because of all the misspellings. In one seventeen word text, seven words were typed correctly; three of them were "it," "of," and "a." Curiously another was "don't" and I have no idea how he got the apostrophe in there accurately.

Here is the information that I got from his texts:

-I have a hot and nice body
-Picking up "hot boys" at my parents' house isn't apparently weird (Okay, this one I'll explain. I told him that I'd just driven home from my parents' and he asked if I brought home a hot boy. I told him that my choices were my dad, my brother, or the dog...so, no, I didn't pick anyone up).
-I don't have to sleep with a boy if I bring him home
-If The Fourth came to visit, he wouldn't try to have sex with me
-I am hot enough to have sex with, but he wouldn't want to force me (Um, good? Forced sex = rape, so I'm glad that he's taking that off the table)

Yesterday morning I texted him to say, "I hope that you're not too hungover this morning and that you have fun reading your sent texts from last night. :)" I wanted him to know exactly what he'd been saying as soon as he woke up. He texted back later that morning:

The Fourth (8:58am): Hahahahahahaha boy. I had a thing for you last night!

Oh, come on, The Fourth! You have a thing for me in general, not just Sunday night! Whatever. He e-mailed me to say something similar and to give a longer explanation. I forwarded this stuff to Ethan who read it today. He actually knows The Fourth!! He doesn't know him well, but he knows him enough to like him and think that he's probably a good guy. He also said that he seems "nerdy, but cool." Sounds about right to me.

This morning I sat in The Fourth's office and talked to him for about ten minutes before I went upstairs. I left when the co-worked that he shares his office with came in. I said good bye to The Fourth and he said that he'd talk to me later...and then HE WINKED AT ME! I know that isn't a big deal or anything, but it was so cute! I was kind of smiling all day about it.

He still hasn't asked me out, though.

Nick's Not Gone?

2010-01-26T19:55:00.000-05:00

I wasn't really expecting to hear from Nick again, so I was surprised to get a text message from him on Sunday morning:

Nick (11:48am): You better be cheering on my jets today! :)

I didn't really know how I should respond because I didn't want to do anything to encourage him. I mean, this guy definitely isn't right for me. I also didn't want to ignore him either.

Lila (12:51pm): Sure thing :)

I rooted for them, but it didn't do any good. I thought of texting him after the game to say "too bad" or something, but didn't. There's no need. I wonder if I'll hear from him again, though.

High School Calling, Part II

2010-01-23T19:15:00.000-05:00

Sam replied back to my Facebook message on January 6th, but I forgot to post it.

From: Sam
Subject: Hellooooooooo!

"Darn, wish they started argueing a little sooner. lol. Thank you for the compliments, I don't know what i would do without them."

Okay...I said that I was glad that he had a nice family...I guess that that was a compliment? Anyway, I think that this was a weird response and I chose not to reply back again.

I found that stuffed alligator, though. Is it bad that now I don't want to give it to him even though I said that if I still had it, I would? I don't really want to see him again, so I guess that I won't worry about it. I mean, how is he going to find out that I still have it, anyway?

E-mail Is Better Than Texting, Right?

2010-01-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

On Thursday morning I talked to The Fourth for a little more than ten minutes in the hallway outside his office, but didn't hear from him for the rest of the day. Earlier in the week we graduated from text messages to work e-mails after I told him that I really couldn't text at work. Anyway, not hearing from him had me wondering if something was wrong until I remembered that it doesn't matter if he's not contacting me. He either likes me or he doesn't and he might ask me out or he might not. I'm not going to sit at home and wait for him to decide, though.

But thinking that didn't stop me from stand around talking to him for about forty minutes yesterday morning. I was already over time for the week, so being late didn't matter. We talked about our families mostly, and what we do with them for fun or at family gatherings and things. It was really good. He told me that he'd not be at work on Monday so that I shouldn't text him to say, "Way to be late," when I get to work and he's not there, which is what I normally do. "Because then I'd have to tell you that I was still skiing and you'd reply with 'You. Are. A. Jerk.'" He's not wrong!

He left early that day, but until he did we e-mailed a lot of short messages back and forth. He thinks that I should come skiing sometime and I think that I'm better suited to drink hot chocolate inside a warm building instead. Still talking about vacation days, I told him that I'd be happy to take some of his off his hands. He responded that I could just take unpaid leave for a day and hang out with him and he could pay me what I'd lose. I told him that that would be too much like him paying to hang out with me, so that we should just both call in sick sometime and do something fun. Like in the summer, we could take a day and go to the beach. He agreed to that idea, and when I mentioned that it sucked that summer was so far off, he said that airfare to Florida wasn't very expensive at this time of year. I kind of agreed, but there's no way that I'm going to fly to the beach with a guy that I'm just friends with--and not even close friends with.

I'm really glad to be getting to know him, though. I invited him to the cocktail party that Sophie, Dwight, and I are throwing next month, so we'll see if he attends. I hope that he does.

Um...Quick Question

2010-01-23T08:51:00.005-05:00

I was working out with Colin (my new trainer) last night. He had me doing this eliptical exercise and periodically I was glancing up at the TV. There were tons of commercials for Valentine's Day (barf). Then Colin said, "When is Valentine's Day? Is it the 12th?" I was like, what?! So I gave him a little shocked gasp. He then responded with, "I don't have a girlfriend, so I have no idea." I told him that it was the 14th. He responded with something like oh ok and maybe something about the stupidity of the holiday. Or maybe that's just what was going through my head. I told him how I was going to visit a friend and his wife that weekend (Kansas) and we both agreed how kind of strange that was. He asked if it was somewhere cool. I told him that it was Kansas. He immediately felt sympathetic and asked if you could ski there or maybe it was nice and warm. I informed him that Kansas is very flat, no mountains to ski, and that it's probably 5-10 degrees right now. What was I thinking buying a ticket there?

But that's not my question. My question is: Does it mean anything if a guy straight up tells you that he has no gf even when it's not really part of the conversation? Or am I just that desperate to have some excitement, some mystery, or romance in my life? Colin is definitely not Lance, but he is growing on me. I don't foresee a future, but as we all are aware, I need something interesting in my life.

Convent or the Amish?

2010-01-20T07:52:00.002-05:00

So I, like Lila, have been in hiding, but for a very different reason. (PS Lila, I was sad that it took you so long to write about your messages!) And I wouldn't call it hiding so much as giving up. I am tired of boys and their crap. I live with 3 of them and they are stupid a-holes. My new (and less attractive trainer) forgot we had a session last night. Brian won't call b/c I refuse to give it up the first night. And I am trying, unsuccessfully, to reconnect things with The Dane (nicknamed b/c he was born in Denmark). His is an embarassing story to be told possibly in the near future. And we cannot forget my excursion to Kansas over Valentine's Day weekend. Needless to say, I am struggling.

I met with my sister over the weekend to say hi and of course she asked me about my love life and suggested I try online dating. I am not too keen on this option. There is something holding me back. She and her husband have tried setting me up with people but they have not gone so well. Anyway, that was a pleasant and uplifting conversation.

I figure I have two options. I feel that both will fulfill my immediate needs and aide me in my deficiencies.

Option 1: I join a convent. Here, I don't have to worry about what I look like (the jars of avengeful peanut butter are doing wonders for me). Because we are not allowed phones, I don't have to worry about why boys aren't calling, or how to properly flirt over a text message. And the pressure to have sex is definitely absent.

Option 2: I enter the Amish community and get married there. With this option, many of the reasons for the convent apply, but I don't die alone. I actually (hopefully) get married and live a long life with my husband and farm animals. Bonus: I have always liked Pennsylvania.

I will let you know what I decide. Right now, it's a coin toss. I could go either way. This may be one of my final posts since both options refuse the ability to use technology.

Because I Have To Come Out of Hiding

2010-01-19T23:20:00.000-05:00

Okay...I've been MIA for the past week because I didn't want Sophie reading and judging me for what I've been doing--which is texting back and forth with The Fourth a lot. I will reiterate that I am not leading him on! He's really funny and we're finding more things in common. I'm not in love with him or anything, but I'll be pleased if this goes anywhere. And I think that he likes me, too, but he hasn't asked me out. So...whatever. I think that he's just waiting or something.

And he better not wait too long because I'm going to a party next Friday night and then Ethan is going to have a Super Bowl party the weekend after that. This is so that he can finally introduce me to some of his friends...eligible friends, that is. He asked me for a "shopping list" of what I'm looking for in a guy and if I had access to it right now, I'd post parts of it. Even if I don't find The Guy there, at least I can maybe meet some new people and that'll be cool, too.

Once again. Not leading The Fourth on. Also, not being the one to suggest hanging out. He needs to man up and do it himself if he wants to. Oh! Funny thing: he texted me a few pictures after he left work. One was of our building, showing that he was in the parking lot, one of him in front of his house, and the third was of a Corona. Jerk. :)

Running Through My Mind

2010-01-13T21:06:00.006-05:00

So, things with Brian, I am pretty sure, are completely over. Not that there were ever really "things" to begin with. I haven't heard from him since his response to my "Happy new year!" text almost 2 weeks ago. During this dry time in my romantic life, my thoughts drift to Lance, my personal trainer. Well, I should say, my former personal trainer.

I believe I started working with Lance around June. I had purchased a 3 session introductory pack to personal training. He was 26, friendly, tall, good looking, and had that athletic build that is so wonderful (I would hope so judging from his profession). I am usually shy around guys(shocked? Didn't think so) but for some reason, dressing a little sloppy and sweating makes me less nervous and a lot more outgoing. Maybe, mentally I was thinking that I was pretty much at my lowest point in my attractiveness that I could be, so why try to put on a game?

We would flirt back and forth throughout the sessions and it was great! Here was this good looking guy who would flirt with me despite my appearance and grimaces when I thought a body limb would break off from the rest of my body.

After the intro sessions were finished, I was on such an emotional and physical high that I wanted to keep going and buy more sessions. I told him this and he was excited about my decision. When I mentioned that it was a little expensive, he said that he would like to offer me a free session every week. I was sold. I now get to spend 2 hours a week with a hot guy who flirted with me AND get a hot body myself? Yes please!

I was supposed to train with him for an hour each session, but they usually lasted about an hour and 15 or 20 minutes. We would talk about our day, things on our mind, our childhoods, college, etc. We would text each other with flirty messages about me needing a smack down or an ass kicking at our next session. He asked me to go running with him one day and when I responded with a shocked look (b/c I am not what one would call a "runner") he came back explaining that he is not a strong runner either. He would compliment me on my shorts, ask me about the writing on the shirts I was wearing, tell me that one of the shirts I had brought out my eyes and really made them "pop." And my favorite: He would touch my arms and tell me how I am getting guns or that he is really seeing muscles form.

We became Facebook friends and we continued to keep up our flirty workout times. Then a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, things started to get pretty strange pretty fast. He had to cancel on me every time for about a week. And then he sort of disappeared. Until he texted me accidentally when he was trying to reach a roommate. It was about another week before I finally heard from him again. I went to the gym one Friday night (loosening up before a half marathon) and I saw him. We talked for 2 hours and he told me all about how he and his gf of 3 years had just broken up and he moved out and had to leave his dog with her. We also talked more about life, work, religion, growing up, friends, favorite beers, my apprehension about the half marathon, basically everything. This is a guy that I felt like I could talk to for hours and not run out of things to say. He made me happy. He made me feel good about myself, physically and mentally. And it definitely seemed like he was kind of in to me.

That night I invited him to our infamous Christmas party and he accepted. I was ecstatic! Over the next couple of weeks, every time I saw him, he would bring up the date of the party, the time, or ask about the preparations. I couldn't wait for that night. The 2 weeks leading up to the party I kept dreaming about makeout sessions with him being held after the party and maybe in my bed. Basically everything that went down with Brian, but only with Lance.

Then he started to disappear again. I was supposed to meet with him the Monday before the party and he asked if we could push the start time back 15 minutes. I said that it was no problem. 45 minutes after he said he would be there, I left the gym. When I got to my car there was no message or sign that he tried to contact me about being later than he had mentioned. I finally heard from him the next day when he texted me promising me an e-mail that explained what had happened. No e-mail.

Then I was going back one night for another scheduled meeting and when I was almost there he sent me a text saying that he couldn't meet with me and was probably quitting the gym. I was devastated and shocked. I told him I was on my way to the gym and he said that he would come and meet me there and try to tell me about the situation. When I saw him he said that he had issues with the new manager and didn't want to work for her. I told him that I was sad about him leaving and he said that he was too. And that out of all of his clients he and I had the closest relationship, not just because we were similar in age but because we had a lot in common and had fun together. I asked if he was still planning on coming to the Christmas party and he said yes.

He never came. I texted him about 6:00 that evening and asked him if he would bring a bottle of champagne with him. I was told that if you give a guy a mission, he is more likely to come to an event. Well, he never responded to the the text and he still didn't come. I never heard from him ever again. A couple of days before Christmas I had a lot of wine and texted him about how I knew the past month has been rough for him, how sad I was in the way things ended, merry Christmas, and to take care. Never heard from him after that either.

I know you are probably confused as to why, when I am feeling lonely, I think about him. But It's hard to express how much he affected me. I loved who I was, which doesn't happen a lot. A cute guy liked talking with me and definitely flirted with me. I felt like I had a connection with him. I wasn't ever planning our wedding or naming our kids, but I really enjoyed being with him. I enjoyed who I was with him. And yes, I would have been excited if we had dated or what not, but I wasn't expecting it or anything.

I feel like I am cursed. Why am I always the person screwed when guys are being douchebags? I feel like this has happened a few times before. I thought we were at least friends, why did he completely leave me hanging when I did nothing to deserve it?

Anyway, enough about those negative thoughts. When I am reminded about how Brian was "scared" or really an idiot because I am perhaps a little less experienced than others, I remember the good moments I spent with Lance. And the hot body I once had.

Flip-flop-tastic

2010-01-11T23:31:00.001-05:00

Texted with The Fourth last night. I know, I know; I said that I'd be good and I was. Nothing flirty for days, I haven't been on Facebook chat, and I wasn't commenting on any of his statuses. Then he posted a picture of his sister's newborn twins and I commented saying how cute they were.

A few hours later, this is what happened:

The Fourth (10:37pm): Wanna get married and have quadruplets? Just a thought! Haha

Lila (10:38pm): This is a mass text, isn't it?
Lila (10:39pm): And quads? Are you nuts?

The Fourth (10:41pm): Nope. This is The Fourth's friend. We stole his cell phone. He was talking about you earlier and we just thought that we would mess with him and text you. How are you Lila?

Lila (10:44pm): I'm awesome because my friends are nice enough not to send texts from my phone--so far. ;)

The Fourth (10:45pm): Holy shit. Sorry! It's The Fourth. My friends are assholes tonight! Sorry to bother you. I need to go kill them now!
The Fourth (10:46pm): I am really sorry!

Lila (10:47pm): Hahaha! May I suggest tea-bagging? That'll teach them.

The Fourth (10:48pm): Oh. A complete beating is in order! Tea-bagging would be a good bonus!

Okay...I've tried to write up my thoughts on this all day, but I really can't figure out my own feelings. As anyone who reads this is aware, I've been trying not to lead on The Fourth and I was actually getting...not freaked out, but anxious that I might have really done it and could potentially hurt or disappoint him. But I haven't talked to him for a few days and I started getting disappointed when he wasn't in his office as I passed by it. Then I got those texts last night (and some more that aren't really blog-worthy) and was really excited--I mean, his friend said that he was talking about me! He told me this morning that his phone had an e-mail notification from where I commented on the picture of the babies and that's why his friend decided to message me. He also mentioned that he and his buddies had taken another friend's phone on Saturday and texted a bunch of his ex-girlfriends to see which would go out with him again. And they'd texted a picture of another guy's new girlfriend to his ex-girlfriend. So...they were getting revenge on him. But...why choose me to message from The Fourth? I was pretty stoked.

I was thinking about all this today as I walked from his office to mine...and about how I really like talking to him. Then I wondered what it would be like to make out with him. A week or two ago I couldn't even imagine it without thinking that it was a bad idea. Now I can imagine it...and it doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Maybe it's just me being a flake and I'll feel differently tomorrow. Maybe things are just developing slowly unlike how I usually just jump into things. Maybe it's because I've written off Nathan and the mental block for other guys has been lifted. Maybe it's because I generally want what I can't have and he stopped contacting me all the time, making him more desirable.

I don't know what it is. But I'm pretty sure that Sophie's going to kick my ass for flip-flopping so much. Hey, Sophie, remember that time when I e-mailed you today saying that you were probably going to get more frustrated with me? This is what I meant.

Oops?

Nick, Date #1

2010-01-11T20:28:00.003-05:00

Since I hadn't heard from Nick since Sunday's phone call, I asked my co-workers, Fred and Tim, if I should text him. After getting the story from me about how Nick and I had left things a little vague as to who was supposed to contact who (but leaning towards me as the one to do it), both guys said that I should text him. So when I left work on Friday, I texted to say:

Lila (5:38pm): I hear that the Jets are favored by 2 1/2 over the Bengals. Pretty sure that they won because I rooted for them--so you owe me. :)

Nick (5:40pm): Haha yes it looks like I do!

And a half an hour later texted again:

Nick (6:11pm): You up to anything fun this weekend

Lila (6:21pm): I might be at Isabelle's tonight and I have some things on Sunday afternoon, but otherwise nothing much. You?

Nick (6:23pm): Yeah might meet some friends tonight.. That's about it.. You maybe want to go grab a drink tomorrow?

On Saturday evening we met at a restaurant close to my house; he was late by more than ten minutes. I overlooked that because he was coming from about forty miles away and he apologized profusely for it. We went to the bar and he bought us a couple of beers and we stood talking for more than three and a half hours and just generally having a good time. I had three beers, he had four, and we shared an egg roll appetizer that was really good. The bar was shutting down, though, so he asked if he could follow me back to my place to sober up before the long drive home. I had already mentioned that Dwight and Sophie were having people over and that there was something going on over there, so it wasn't as presumptuous as it might sound. Anyway, we went in and several friends were over and about to play another drinking game, so we joined in.

And then he kept drinking. I was too, a little, but I thought that someone with such a long drive ahead of him should probably stop drinking at some point and he didn't. Dwight went to bed and some people left until it was just Sophie, Nick, myself, and Nathan's brother, Nelson. Nelson's wife had already left and he was planning to sleep in the guest bedroom and I was wondering when Nick was going to leave or if he was going to stay at our place. My basement was a disaster area as it normally is because I never had any intention of letting him go down there, so I didn't even want to offer him my couch. At this point I was also kind of thinking that he should have made sure that he could get home safely that night because this was a first date and not the time for getting plastered and having to stay the night.

Anyway, we were sitting on a couch together and sometimes he would hold my hand and stroke it or put his arm around my shoulders. I let him because it was kind of nice and comfortable, but I was aware that this wasn't first date behavior. He got up once or twice to smoke with Nelson and our friend Miguel before he left, and then he brought out the dip. DIP. I mean, he's from Jersey not Georgia! I decided then that I didn't want to kiss him if it came down to that because GROSS. Nothing like thoughts of mouth cancer to get a girl charged up.

He also talked about his ex-girlfriend a lot. A LOT. I mentioned that my ex was a Patriots fan and I was glad that they lost to the Ravens (sorry, Isabelle!), but I didn't talk about Charlie until he asked me questions and even then I didn't go into too much. But I know a lot about his ex and about how he still talks to her all the time and even still loves her, though he never thought of marrying her--despite living with her for three years.

I fell asleep a couple of times sitting up next to Nick while he and the other two had deep philosophical existential conversations. Sophie told me later that he said that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married and that didn't really believe that there's a life beyond this one, i.e. Heaven. "Lila's gonna hate me," he told her drunkenly while I slept beside him.

Eventually, everyone went to bed. Sophie and Nelson went down the hall and I gave a blanket to Nick as he laid down on the sofa and I got ready to go downstairs. "Give me a hug," he muttered and I obliged. He said something about me being mad at him and I was confused. "Why do you think that?"

"Because you didn't want me to come downstairs," he replied, still drunk. I shook my head. "I'm not mad at you. I just said 'no.'" When I was falling asleep he had suggested that we go downstairs so that I could. At the time I assumed that he intended to sleep on the couch, but now I wonder if he actually wanted to sleep in the bed with me because he then offered to sleep on the floor. I simply said, "No," kind of nonchalantly. In retrospect, I wish that I had cleaned up and I could have put him on my couch because Dwight woke up early the next morning and was annoyed that he had to work at kicking Nick out. Oops. I felt really bad about that. Sophie hadn't seemed to have any problem with Nick sleeping there and it hadn't occurred to me that it would bother Dwight--probably because I'd been drinking. Oh well. Next time I'll be more considerate.

Nick texted me later in the day to tell me that he had a good time and then told me to have fun at the baby shower I was attending. I texted back a few hours later when I had some spare time that I had a good time, too. I don't know if he'll call me again, but I think that he might. If he asks me out, I'll go again, but I don't really see this turning into a relationship.

New Years Via Isabelle

2010-01-07T07:51:00.005-05:00

I know, I know. I am way behind on my accounts of that evening. This is partially because I do not have much to write and I felt silly about scribing the details when half of them I don't remember and the other half are pretty insignificant.

I went over to Lila, Sophie, and Dwight's house to get ready. We were jamming out to music, eating pizza, getting beautified, the usual. I was trying to be optimistic about the night because I usually dislike New Years and the pressure it creates to have an incredible time. Also, as you well know, I was the 11th member of the group of married, engaged, and recently ex-ed (Lila and Nathan) couples.

Thank goodness for alcohol!! That made things a whole lot better in my mind. I got to the bar right when we walked in and ordered a jack and coke. Impressed? Thought so. They didn't have any jack, so we did Captain spiced rum. A guy who was standing with me ordered the same. Probably would have been a good time to chat him up about our like drinks, but I was too excited to mentally prepare myself to flirt on the fly.

The group went upstairs where we talked and hung out. There was a bartender who I nicknamed Jim Halpert because he looked just like him from a far. SO cute! I beelined to him for my next drink and when he looked up and into my eyes I saw that he was 12 years old. Okay, obviously and legally he cannot actually be 12 years old, but my goodness he sure looked it. I continued to go to him for my drinks because I thought heck, why not be Mrs. Robinson tonight?! I am already an outcast in my own party. I can seduce a young man if I want.

A friend and I walked downstairs at one point b/c the DJ was playing my song. We danced until the song ended and then decided to go back upstairs. The group continued to talk, drink, eat. At 11:50, Sophie, Dwight, and I went downstairs to find me a man to kiss. It was tough. The whole floor was packed and everyone was wildly anticipating midnight. Sophie spotted a tallish man with very stylish glasses. She yelled, "Him!" I was a little unsure, but I think part of that was related to the idea of kissing a complete stranger. The DJ announced that we had 5 minutes left. Sophie just about pushed me towards the man and I took a swig of champagne and said hello. I asked him if he had anyone to kiss at midnight. He said no. I asked him if he would like to kiss me. He said yes. Then he asked me where. I pointed to the floor and said, "here." And he said, no where do you want to kiss. I felt dumb, but didn't care that much. I pointed to my lips and he seemed a little shocked, but in a good way. He asked me where I was from and I said Arlington. I asked the same question and he said Macedonia. What? Macedonia? Okay...I asked him if that was near Turkey. He was surprised that I knew and wanted to know how I knew that pivotal piece of information. I told him that my brother-in-law is from Turkey. He said that he didn't know what that meant and that he had never understood American relationships. I explained that it meant my sister's husband. Luckily we heard the DJ start counting down from 10 and once we all hit 1, I leaned in and gave him a big kiss. Probably lasted 5 seconds. Not nearly as long as Lila's. I said happy new year and then walked back upstairs with Sophie and Dwight. And then I went to my 12 year old for another drink. I think I was the 1st to greet him with a happy new year because he smiled and returned the sentiment.

We left about an hour later due to problems caused by other guests that were unknown to us at the time.

All in all, it was a pretty solid night. I had a great time before and after midnight, and I had a kiss at midnight. Done and done in my book.

Plus I didn't get roofied or raped, so cheers 2010!

He's Just Not That Into Me

2010-01-06T19:28:00.000-05:00

Sophie and I will attend a book club meeting on Friday evening for He's Just Not That Into You and watch the movie. I received my copy of the book about five years ago from my cousin Nina and, in her inscription, she referred to it as "The Bible" for women. Unfortunately for Nina, she hasn't followed any of the advice that the book gives and now she's "forgiven" her cheating spouse, but that's not really a story for today.

When I got home from dinner with Marchella last night, Sophie was nearly finished with the book. I think that she read it right after I did all those years ago, but she hadn't revisited it since then and I hadn't reread it since more than a year ago when I was unsatisfied with Charlie and our relationship. The problem is that while the book is great for looking back on past relationships and seeing why they didn't work out, it's hard to apply the common sense logic to current situations because we, as women, make excuses for men and want to believe that they like us.

I started reading it last night and hit the chapter on break ups. I think that one of the key themes is "It's called a break up because it's broken," (also the title of another book by Greg Behrendt) and it was like a slap in the face as I applied it to myself and Nathan. My heart broke a little as Behrendt basically told me that if Nathan was that into me, he wouldn't have broken up with me. Sure, he was into me and maybe if we lived near each other he'd be that into me, but we don't. And he's not. Behrendt proceeded to let me know that if I was The One, the 550 miles apart wouldn't matter and we'd still be together, so I guess the proximity thing isn't really an excuse.

While I was Googling the book, I came upon a book outline for Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others a book that focuses on different ways that some women are statistically more or less likely to marry than others. One thing absolutely stood out to me and made me feel a bit ill; I sent the list to Sophie, so I kind of bet that this same thing stood out to her about me, too.

Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.

Okay. I wouldn't say that I make a guy the "center of my universe" after unreturned feelings; I would take that to mean being content to wait for the chance that the feelings will be returned one day and not to accept opportunities from different guys. In the month and a half that Nathan and I have been apart, I've almost gone out with one guy and made tentative plans with another for next week. And I've just been generally open. But I do tend to speak well of guys that have hurt me when I think that there's a chance of "someday" with them...and I have to get over that. It doesn't mean that I have to speak poorly of them, but I also don't have to excuse them--and they don't deserve "someday" with me, either. They had their chance already and ended things because they either didn't really want me or they were willing to risk not ever being with me again. And why would I want to waste my time on guy who has already made it clear that I'm not what he wants? Anyway, I lean more towards making excuses for the guys than calling them losers (except in Charlie's case--I call him a loser or worse all the time) and I'm going to stop it. Lila's having a breakthrough.

Despite the sucker punch, I'm glad that I read that chapter when I did. I'd been toying with texting Nathan to remind him that he forgot about my blanket (or couldn't find it) because I really want it back! It was a gift and it has kind of "saved" me a couple times when it was super cold outside, just because I always kept it in my car. Anyway, after reading this I'm not going to bother. I'm not going to contact him in any way and hopefully he won't visit anytime soon...because it's not a good idea for me to see him and I don't want to have to bow out of plans with my friends just because he'll be there. He and I obviously just aren't meant to be, which hopefully means that there's still someone else out there who I am meant to be with and it'll be awesome when that happens.

In the meantime, I'll be here. Dating and blogging away.

Dorothy is still in Kansas

2010-01-05T07:56:00.006-05:00

Sometimes when I write these blogs, the boys are the ones making poor decisions, and other times it's me. This time, it's definitely me.

Back in the summer of 2006, I worked for a month at a camp in upstate New York. I met a guy that I have since nicknamed Kansas for the sole reason that he lives in Kansas. We became fast friends, as you do in those types of situations. Then one of the other counselors told me that Kansas had feelings for me. Well, that threw me off and I, with no self-control, started to have feelings for him. Pretty much b/c I thought he liked me. (It doesn't take much). Then things got real weird real fast and I started to understand that he actually did not have feelings for me, like I thought. So, I changed my attitude and expectations and we were back to being good friends.

Before camp started, he and I, and a few others, had planned to go to New York City after camp ended for a couple of days, and then Kansas would drive me home on his way back. At the very last minute, a girl (who also lived in VA) jumped into our plans, and joined the trip. And instead of it being just the two of us driving down to VA, it became the three of us. I was pretty disappointed, but there was not much I could do about it.

He and I continued to talk on the phone about every week or so during the summer and over the course of the year. We would talk late at night, on our way to class, early in the morning, really anytime of the day. We would talk about everything. And every time he called, my heart would flutter a few extra beats, just from old times. He would also say things that sounded like they held another meaning. For instance, "You are my favorite person in Virginia" or "Ok, love you, talk to you soon, bye!"

He started to date this girl and we also talked about her during our phone moments. And when he called me on my birthday that year, he was in the middle of a date with her! He even gave her the phone and had her talk to me while he finished bowling his frame. That was a bit bizarre for me.

In April, some friends from camp and I went to Philly b/c he was running in a race there. We all got together, ate dinner, caught up on life. Overall, had a wonderful time. At the end of October, Kansas sent me a text: "Isabelle. I am engaged." I was so happy for him, but I was also a little sad. Throughout the course of that year, we talked about wedding stuff in addition to our every day lives. He said that he wanted me in the wedding, but his fiance didn't know me, so it might be weird.

The wedding was set for July 5, 2008. I bought my plane ticket and his mom paid for my hotel room for the weekend. It was a great weekend and the wedding was a lot of fun. Another friend from camp went, so it was nice to have someone else to talk with, since Kansas was pretty busy that weekend. We did manage to hang out some, and regretfully, I had to leave. Plus they had a honeymoon to get to.

We've talked many times since then and he has come to the DC area for conferences. I've seen him twice in the past year. He continues to make comments that can be perceived as strange. For instance:

Kansas: Today is my 6 month wedding anniversary.
Me: Really? Wow, congratulations!
Kansas: Yeah, that means it's been 6 months since I've seen you.

The 2nd time he came into town, he brought his wife and we all went out to dinner with his extended family (paid by the family) and then to a comedy show (also paid by the family). He had texted me earlier that day to say that his aunt and uncle owned a hot tub and would I like to get in after the show. Another example of his strange comments.

Ok, now to the actual story! A few days ago, he mentioned that I should come and visit him. This is not really a spontaneous thing since I have to fly halfway across the country and probably take time off work. I was touched by the offer, but also a little weary about his severity. He can easily invite me and then it never work out b/c of all of the trouble that goes into it. It's like the perfect male situation. I was intrigued, so I started looking at different flight scenarios. I found one that works great with my work schedule and does not break the bank. I texted him yesterday asking if he was serious about me coming. He replied yes, and that he'd call soon. We talked a bunch last night about plans and I wanted to make sure it was cool with his wife, especially since it is Valentine's Day weekend. He said it was fine, and that I should go ahead and do it. I said "Ok, I am going down the stairs to buy my ticket." Then he said "wait." And that's when half of my heart broke a little; the other half saying, "I told you so." He wanted to check with his boss about getting us free tickets to see a basketball game that weekend. I am unclear as to why a free basketball game is the deciding factor to my visit. Why couldn't I have bought my ticket and then we see what can happen with the game? He said that he will let me know today what the answer is and then I will continue accordingly. Out of curiosity, I checked the flight price again this morning and it rose $80 dollars. So now if he does give me the green light, I have to pray the price goes down again, or shell out an additional $80 which probably could have been used on food for the weekend.

I am pretty sure that I am making a terrible, stupid, downright poor decision, but I am also pretty sure that I will go through with it. He means a lot to me, probably more than I mean to him, he kind of leads me on (knowing that nothing can happen since he is married and lives a 1000 miles away), yet I fall every time. It's frustrating that he can do this to me and that I allow it. I tell myself that my life is better with him than without him and that's why I put up with it, but I am sure there are people out there who disagree.

Less of a Tease?

2010-01-04T18:53:00.001-05:00

I've successfully started backing off from The Fourth. Pretty much by ignoring him, which makes me a terrible person, but I'm really doing it to save his feelings later. On the night before New Years' Eve, he texted late to tell me to have a good time the following night; I thought that that was kind of weird because he'd have all the next day to do that. I didn't respond because I was going to bed and...well, because I didn't want to respond. The next morning on Facebook I saw that he had written on my wall that he wasn't going to work on NYE and that I should text him when I woke up. I replied that he was lame (for not working) and that I'd try to text later, but that I didn't want to wake him up then--it was 5:30 in the morning. But...I didn't text and didn't talk to him again until this morning when I came in to work...so four days. He texted to wish me a happy New Year right after midnight on NYE, but I didn't respond to that, either.

Anyway, I think that this is good. When I talked to him this morning, I was friendly but didn't flirt at all or mention guys or dating which could then lead into an unwanted conversation. The most that I did was mention that I could wear my dress again when Dwight, Sophie, and I host a cocktail party later this month and told him that he should keep the date in mind for it. I could have had the exact same conversation with anyone. So...yay for me being less of a tease?

Talked to Ethan this morning about Nick; he said that I should wait until next week to go out with him because he took so long to call. I might; this week is busier than next anyway.

And I Thought That Things Were About To Get Boring Again

2010-01-03T13:27:00.001-05:00

Just got off the phone with Nick, the friend of Isabelle's roommate that I met at her Christmas party. I was kind of shocked when I saw his name flash across my cell phone display, but I answered and talked to him for about fifteen minutes. He reminded me that he had promised that he'd call and hadn't forgotten and I admitted to him that I had kind of written him off at this point. He said that he'd been busy with Christmas stuff and visiting his parents down in South Carolina, which is an okay excuse but not a great one. I mean, he could have called or texted anytime if he was really interested.

But whatever. It's not like things are ever going to happen with Nathan, so I need to distance myself from him--and the best way to do that is with another guy.

Nick and I talked about our New Years' and he told me about his drunken escapades from Friday night (which involved him taking a cab home only to realize that he didn't have his apartment keys. He had to climb up to his second floor balconey and break a screen to get inside while he was still drunk). We also discussed our football teams and how my team is done and his will get into the playoffs if they win tonight--I promised I'd root for them (the Jets) because I hate the Patriots (sorry, Isabelle).

We're going to call or text later in the week and see about getting together to hang out. I'm kind of excited, but I'm not expecting much. As Sophie reminded me when I filled her in, Nick grabbed my butt, hers, and Isabelle's when he was drunk at the party when we met. Oh well. I get handsy when I'm drunk, too. We'll see if this actually turns out to be a problem.

And, honestly? I'd rather he be grabbing girls' butts than boys' penises.

High School Calling

2010-01-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

Received a Facebook message today:

From: Sam
Subject: Hellooooooooo!

"Just wanted to say HI and see how you are doing. BTW I still have that crocodile you got for me and the boys fight over who gets to have it every night, so if i didn't thank you enough for it yet, THANK YOU."

Okay, wow. Just...wow. I thought that hearing from Chris was "blast from the past," but this is far older. Sam is a guy that I had a huge crush on my Senior year of high school. He and I had been friends from around Freshman or Sophomore year on, but I didn't get really interested in him until midway through Senior year...and I thought that he was awesome. I mean, he wasn't super hot or anything, but he made me laugh and that's all that I really needed.

I've never been subtle when it comes to guys that I like (um, hi Nathan and New Years'?), but I was worse when I was seventeen years old. I was on a committee for our school's huge charity danceathon and we would receive free stuff from one of our sponsors every once in a while during the planning stages. I still have a t-shirt, but I don't remember if I still have my stuffed crocodile (except I've always called it an alligator) because I might have given it away this summer if it isn't still in my nightstand. Anyway, I got two of the stuffed animals and gave him one.

I hung around him most of the night at the danceathon until we wound up sitting in the front seat of his car with the seats leaned back, making out with the windows completely fogged up in the parking lot...while the dance was still going on. Because I was a committee member, I could come and go as I pleased, conveniently. Anyway, he was the second boy that I kissed and the first I went to second base with. I vaguely remember some of what happened because I've tried so hard not to think about it for so long--it was really embarrassing. I think that he wanted a blow job and I wouldn't do it; he offered to put his hand down my pants, but I wouldn't let him do that, either. I might have let him, but I was thankfully on my period, so I didn't have to try to decide.

And then...nothing. I still liked him, but he didn't want to date me. By this time we had two and a half months of high school left, so he told my "friend" Lena that he didn't want to start something when we were going to colleges in different states or something. Really, though, as I found out over time, it's because he wanted sex and knew that he wouldn't get it from me.

I didn't hear from him again until about four years ago; he had e-mailed me randomly just to say hi and threw in "gotta go, the baby's crying." That kind of astounded me. Now he's married with a five-year old and one-year old because he got some girl pregnant in college.

My reply:

"Oh, that's so funny that you still have that! I think that I just gave mine to Good Will this summer when I was moving stuff; if I'd known, I could have given it to your boys so that they wouldn't have to fight.

Anyway, I'm doing well; just work and living the life. It was good to hear from you. I'm so glad that you have such a nice family. :)

See you on Mafia Wars!"

New Years' Eve

2010-01-03T08:20:00.002-05:00

Okay. It's taken me a few days to sit down and write about the other night because I've been lazy and parts of the night were embarrassing. Let's get started, shall we?

Isabelle and I had grand plans of being sisters and brainstormed backstories for why we have different last names, but it didn't matter in the end because we didn't talk to strange guys together. I was under the impression that there was going to be some big dance floor where we were going, but there really wasn't. We still could have probably done it, except for that I was drunk and hanging around Nathan.

Isabelle, Dwight, Sophie, Iris and her fiance Carl, and I were all at a bar across the street from our NYE destination when we saw Nathan, his brother and sister-in-law, and two other friends show up. They joined us at the bar and the first thing that I said to Nathan was, "Didn't feel like shaving, huh?"

"No, Lila, I didn't," he smiled back at me and fake-sighed. And just like that it was like no time had passed since we saw each other Thanksgiving weekend; we'd had almost identical exchanges before when we'd been together and he was as aware of it as I was.

I almost wish that it wasn't so easy. If we were awkward around each other, I'd be able to stay away from him; instead, we get along so well that I start wondering why we have to live so far apart and why we can't be together.

That's why I pretty much ignored one guy who tried chatting me up when I went to get vodka-on-the-rocks from the open bar. I'd put on one of the "Happy New Year!" tiara things and he asked if I wore that everyday. "Yup," I replied. "People give me weird looks 364 days of the year, but today it's awesome." The guy was in his thirties, though, and not nearly as interesting to me as Nathan...and wouldn't have been if Nathan wasn't there, either.

As soon as I filled my drink with Red Bull, I went to Nathan and Carl and asked them to get me another since they were about to get in line. I don't know how many shots of vodka I'd had at this point, but I'd estimate between 4-6. When they brought by my new drink, Nathan and I had to stick close together so he could keep refilling it with the Red Bull he'd had in his jacket because I refused to hold it myself.

And that's my only explanation for what came next. Before that night, I decided that there was one main thing that I shouldn't say to him...so guess what happened? I asked about his job and when the new one (kind of branching off from the current company, so won't have a gap in between) started. He replied that it had been pushed back another month and that he's still kind of unhappy with the situation and that he might have a third option besides the two jobs.

"You're moving back here," I told him confidently (and drunkenly). It was almost like drunk!Lila had bound and gagged sober!Lila because I could almost see sober!Lila shouting, "Nooooooo!" in slow motion. She knew what was coming.

"Oh, I am? How do you know that?" he asked, amused and curious.

"Because I dreamed that you did." I think that's when sober!Lila began crying inside and drunk!Lila decided to "fix" things. "I mean, I just dreamed that you came back and went to George Mason."

If he thought that I was crazy, he didn't let on. "When did you dream this?" I responded that it had been the week before and he asked, "Did I ever tell you that I was thinking of doing that and going there?"

Apparently, that had been the "third option" that he'd been thinking about and I didn't know it. Even though he had mentioned going back to school before, he never sounded very serious about it (even though I hoped differently) and had never mentioned a college by name. Everyone goes there around here, though, so I don't think that my dream really meant anything. I didn't mention that in the dream he still wanted to keep his "options open" and wasn't dating me.

I also asked when I was getting my blanket back and reminded him that he'd never responded to my last text message (after Thanksgiving) about it. He didn't remember getting it or not responding to it. "Did you even notice that we haven't spoken in a month?" I asked, killing sober!Lila's soul a little bit. Honestly, though, I wanted to know!

"Of course I noticed!" he assured me. "I just assumed that you'd found a new guy and were talking to him instead."

That's when I gave a brief overview of what happened with Kevin...very brief. Usually I try to tell the whole story when I tell a story, but I didn't want Nathan to think that the Kevin thing was anything big, so I condensed it down to about two sentences. He was as incredulous as everyone else has been.

Later, I asked him if he had plans for midnight and specified for the midnight kiss when he didn't know what I meant. He apparently didn't know that it was a tradition: "What? I only kissed someone once on New Years'! I didn't know that it was a big thing!" I corrected him and he pointed back and forth between us. "So it's a tradition....well?"

I said that since he was begging, sure I'd kiss him, which got him laughing. As it got closer to midnight, I intended to find someone for Isabelle to kiss, but she went downstairs with some of the others to find someone herself. Then Iris and Carl went downstairs too and Nathan and I were the only ones left in our spot--I think. I was drunk. So we talked and teased each other until the countdown and when it was through, he kissed me. It lasted less than a minute, but well over what was necessary for a kiss with someone who you aren't dating.

Not that it matters anymore. Nothing has changed. I just wish that I didn't like him so much. And whenever I'm around him, I'm just completely drawn to him...and drinking only makes it worse. So I apologize to Isabelle for not being a better date. And remember how I was going to be a bitch instead of pathetic? Clearly didn't happen. But the kiss almost makes up for it. After, he said, "Happy New Year, Lila," in a sexy tone and I about melted. And I know that Sophie and Isabelle probably disagree that he can be sexy, but I don't care.

Deflecting

2009-12-30T00:31:00.004-05:00

Texting:

The Fourth (9:57am): So what you get for christmas? Typical clothes or you get something fun!
Me (2:11pm): Boring stuff aside from [...] and cash so i'm going NYE shopping later. :) you?
The Fourth (2:13pm): NYE shopping? Simple stuff. Few shirts and some gift cards. Nothing too big.
Me (2:18pm): New years' eve. might get a new dress. going to some club in dc

The Fourth (10:54pm): So what hot dress you going to buy for new years!?
Me (10:58pm): Ughhhh. I shopped for 2 1/2 hours and the only dress I liked was $140. I might end up buying it anyway.
The Fourth (10:59pm): Sweet. What color. What does it look like? You have to cat walk it for me before you head out to party!
Me (11:03pm): Haha. black and silver. and i'm not wearing it to work--assuming that i get it. prob wear it again for the cocktail party that my roomies want to have in jan
The Fourth (11:04pm): Once you get it, send me a picture of it then. Doesn't have to be fancy or anything. Just want to know what eye cast guys will have on new years!
Me [send picture of me in the dress]: I took a picture in the dressing room to get my roommate's opinion.
The Fourth (11:12pm): That's hot! I like it!
Me (11:15pm): It's pretty sweet. so much money though. i could get 4 cases of red bull for less than that.
The Fourth (11:16pm): Haha you and red bull. You should have been a room mate of mine in college. One of my room mates was a promotors for red bull so he gt free cases to hand out to people at events. He stashed a ton of it in our apartment to exam week!
Me (11:18pm): I should have married that guy.
The Fourth (11:19pm): Oh if your room mate is not around and you want an opinion on something in the dressing room. Feel Free to send pictures my way! You look really good in that dress. All this picture is missing is your smile!
The Fourth (11:22pm): So do you keep redbull in business by yourself!?
Me (11:24pm): My smile would have distracted from the dress. and yes about the red bull. the ceo's kids are going ivy league because of me.
Fourth (11:24pm): Hahaha. I better buy stock in that company!
Me (11:27pm): Probably. I had more than 2 today.
The Fourth (11:28pm): Dang! No wonder your wired in the morning. I bet it's hard for guys to keep up with you!!!
Me (11:31pm): I'm not wired when you see me...I don't hit the bull until I get to my desk.

Okay...I know that it looks bad. But I really was trying not to flirt. Whenever he made a flirty comment, I tried to deflect it. Or mostly. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have sent the picture of the dress, but it's not like it was a picture of me in my underwear. It didn't even show my face giving a sexy come-hither look (that would have weirded out Sophie, though, since the picture was originally for her). Anyway. My strategy clearly sucks. I said that I was going shopping with Christmas cash for a new dress specifically for one night in DC in hopes that he'd think that I was frivolous. Same with saying that I'll probably buy the $140 dress. Come on! Judge me, The Fourth! Guys aren't supposed to want frivolous spendthrifts!

For my next move, I think that I'll mention that my ex will be there on New Years'. Or I'll just marry The Fourth so that I never have to have an awkward conversation with him. Seems like the responsible thing to do.

Because I'm Crazy

2009-12-29T12:24:00.003-05:00

Last night I purposefully stayed off of Facebook chat just in case The Fourth signed on, not that that would have prevented him from texting me or anything. At this point, I don't think that we've talked since Saturday night, so I think that I'm doing pretty well.

It took me a while to fall asleep because I was trying to envision all kinds of different scenarios of how New Years' Eve might go down. In nearly every one, Nathan soooo wanted me again and I was like, "Whatever, dude." Only this is how things will probably go in real life:

We'll see each other and pretend like it hasn't been over a month since we've spoken...or I'll passive-aggressively say something like, "Hi, stranger," to let him know that I know how long it's been since we've talked, but then be really nice to him to make it look like I don't actually care.

We'll joke around here and there, but he'll mostly stick to talking to the guys and I'll whisper secretively and excitedly with Sophie and Isabelle to make it look like there's something going on that he knows nothing about to get him intrigued. Except that he won't notice or get intrigued.

Drinking will commence. The more that I drink, the flirtier I'll become until I forget every grand plan of appearing sexy and cool. Instead, I'll be my drunk self: loud, flirty, stubborn, and handsy. I will absolutely adore everyone around me, including Nathan, even as latent feelings of bitterness start to rise. Clever phrases that aren't at all clever will pop into my head and I'll wait for the first opportunity to use them, no matter how irrelevant they are. Example:

Nathan: I'm going to get a drink.

Me (drunkenly): Better not get beer in case you want liquor later. 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.' You'll want to keep your options open, after all."

This because the word passed through the grapevine is that he told his brothers that he broke up with me to keep his options open. Now that this has stuck in my mind, I'm afraid that it will come up.

Perhaps I'm going about this incorrectly, though. I mean, sure, I'll be drinking, but who's to say that I can't get him drunk, too? Like, really drunk? Like, drunk enough to not remember any stupid thing that I might say?

I can only pray for a miracle.

I'm The Girl That Rizzo Sang About...A Tease

2009-12-28T19:14:00.005-05:00

I suck so bad. Now I'm glad that this blog is called "Poor Decisions" because it is entirely appropriate. On Christmas Eve Eve, I was drinking with Sophie, Dwight, and a few other people at our house. As it got later and I got drunker, I went to my computer and Facebook and decided that texting The Fourth was a good idea. POOR DECISION. It was also after midnight, but I was at the point in my drinking where I had zero concept of time, so it wasn't until Sophie lectured me for leading the poor guy on that I realized that I'd made a mistake. We only texted back and forth a few times, but I felt bad--probably mostly because of Sophie rightfully calling me out on what I was doing.

I didn't hear from him again until Christmas Day when I got a text saying, "Merry Christmas!" I didn't really think anything of it; I meant to send out a mass text of my own saying the same thing later that day, but never got around to it because of celebrating Christmas and not having my phone with me until late that night. That's when I got a text from him wondering if I was Jewish or something and not celebrating the day (because I hadn't texted back). Now...this kind of concerns me. Either he sent out a mass text and everyone but me texted back, or he only texted me. I'm actually thinking that it's the former because this guy practically lives on his phone and apparently texts the day away at work on the weekends (or so he has alluded...he doesn't text ME that often). Anyway, I let him know that I was indeed celebrating, didn't have the phone on me, and wished him a merry Christmas himself. I think we texted a couple things after that, but it wasn't memorable and I don't feel like digging into my cell phone to remind me.

Part of the reason why I didn't text him back originally that day is that I'm trying to back off and get this to a "just friends" thing. I do like him a lot, but I can't help but compare him to other guys--ones that I've instantly lusted after upon meeting them. Discussing this with Sophie, I mentioned that I didn't start talking to The Fourth more than casually saying "Good morning!" passing by his office until I was already with Nathan--and when I'm seriously into one guy, I'm pretty much oblivious to other ones. So The Fourth got placed in the Friend Only zone and I don't know if things would have been different had I been single and on the lookout when we met.

Then he texted me on the night after Christmas; this time we texted back several times and in the midst he asked me if I had gotten a new boyfriend for Christmas. I said, "Nope, but give me until after New Years.'" He replied that girls as hot as me didn't stay single for very long. Then he said that, like, three of his exes married their very next boyfriends after breaking up with him. I said that my last ex (Nathan) told me the very same thing about him, but he only had one example. Anyway, I tried to keep it jokey and not flirty--I don't know how well I did.

I overanalyze everything--and I know it. So I thought long and hard about this thing with The Fourth and this is what I've come up with: Breaking up with Nathan hurt a lot even though it was a really short and long-distance relationship. I thought that we were going to try to stay friends and still talk some on the phone because he had said that that was what he wanted. But it soon became clear that even if he wanted it, he wasn't willing to do any of the work by actually calling me. As soon as I realized this, Kevin entered the picture and completely distracted me from Nathan. When we found out that Kevin was a lying cheat, I started talking to The Fourth more because he's a great guy and is really nice to me. And, sub-consciously, I saw him as someone that I could get to fall for me, regardless of whether that was a good decision for either of us.

And what it really comes down to is that New Years' Eve is in four days and I'm going to be seeing Nathan. I'm not over him, probably everyone realizes it, and I don't know how to act around him. And we're all going to be getting drunk. I have a feeling that December 31, 2009 is going to be a terrible night for me, but an awesome night for the Poor Decisions Blog. Win/loss?

Space Time Continuum

2009-12-28T18:11:00.006-05:00

Another text story starring Brian. He texted me yesterday at 11:30 AM asking how my Christmas was. I told him mine was nice and asked about his (he went to down to Colonial Williamsburg) and at 11:45 (time is very important) he asked me about my New Years plans. I said that I don't like New Years and asked him if he had to work that night (he is a bartender).

And then...nothing. I wrote him at about 1:00 just checking in to see if everything was alright. It was odd that he just disappeared. I didn't want to be one of those controlling or hyperactive girls, but it was just odd. At 4:20 he responded about my way earlier comment about Williamsburg and asked why I don't like New Years. And then was sorry for not being prompt, he was at work. Okay so it's been 5 hours since I last heard from him. I don't care that he's working, but a little warning would have been nice.

I texted back that I was sorry if I sounded stalkerish, I was just confused as to what had happened. I also asked him about what football team he liked since I am a big football fan and there were some pretty big games yesterday. At 5:36 (over an hour since his last message) he wrote: u stalking me?? ;-p New Years is always a good party. Are u planning on going out for it at least? And then he continues on about the football game. And asks me who my team is. Okay 1) It irks me when people use single letters instead of whole words (I think Lila agrees with me on this) The only substitutions are b/c and w/ 2) I think it's weird when men make text cutesy faces.

I responded with my views of the game and told him who my team is. At 6:33 he asked me how I became a fan of my team since geographically, it doesn't make much sense. I wrote back with a quick explanation and a witty remark.

At 9:30 PM he texted me with: It was fun. I got an annual pass so I'll probably go back in the spring and hit busch gardens at the same time. Anyways, I've gotta go, work is busy tonight. I'll chat soon!

I don't even know if that last text was meant for me! It's like he went back to a way earlier message and was responding to that and completely forgetting everything else we had talked about since. Which, granted, wasn't a lot but we were definitely on a different subject. I didn't respond because obviously, it sounded like he was very busy. And I didn't even know what he was talking about anymore.

So let's recap: In the 10 hours between his first and last text, he sent me a total of 6 texts. Six texts in 1o hours! That is like one text every hour and a half! I am sorry, but I find that incredibly rude! It's not like I was waiting around for him to respond; I was doing errands and things, but seriously? Either tell me from the start that you're busy and may be delayed in responding, or effing wait for a better time!! What the Hell!? He was very distracted with work or other things and that's not fair. Shouldn't he want to be engaged in the conversation that he's having? And to have hours lapse between texts? Isn't it just common courtesy to not allow this to happen?

I know I am not experienced in the dating world, but I wasn't raised by wolves either. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Right then and there. I think I deserve at least that. Don't try to have a normal conversation with me through text messages over the course of an entire day and say nothing at the same time. What is going on? Seriously, am I doing something wrong here?

Facebook Flirting

2009-12-22T23:27:00.002-05:00

More flirting with The Fourth. Can't decide whether this is a good idea or bad idea which makes me think that it's probably a bad idea and I need to lay off.

It started on the Facebook News Feed:

The Fourth: Anybody a doctor? Cause the one I went to see today thinks I ONLY have a sinus infection. I could have paid myself a ton of money to tell myself that. I want to REALLY know why I feel like crap!

Me: I'm a doctor (or something) and my opinion is that you need to man up. :D

The Fourth: I would if I had enough energy to stand up!

Me: Awww...you're trying to get me to feel sorry for you.

The Fourth: Naw. That feeling that you have for me is natural in females. ;)

Me: Pity??? :D

The Fourth: If Pity means that I get more cookies. Then Pity away! :)

Me: Ha! I'm not baking again until tomorrow night! If you want cookies, you have to come over. I'm not bringing them to work.

By the time that we got to "pity," I believe, we'd already started Facebook chatting. I should also note that I dropped off cookies on his desk on Friday, but he didn't get them until today and that's what he was talking about. Most of our conversation was boring, but here are the more interesting parts:

--He said that he'd love to come over if he wasn't traveling out-of-state tomorrow.

--When discussing how he wants to live with roommates or get married (he quickly was like, "Well, roommates") he said that he wanted to wait a while to get married because he knows that once he gets married, he's going to want a bunch of kids.

I said, "I want a bunch of kids, too...like four." He said that he did, too, and then asked, "So when are we getting married??" The joke only continued for a couple more replies, but afterwards I started thinking that I probably shouldn't encourage this. I don't know how to get this back to a "just friends" level, especially when I flirt with him every time that I talk to him. And I doubt that I'm going to stop.

More texts and...pet names?

2009-12-21T11:53:00.004-05:00

So Brian and I texted again last night. Usual stuff. Nothing super flirty or giggle inducing. He asked about my plans for winter break and I said relaxing, friends, the gym. He suggested I go skiing for a couple of days so I can be ready to go with my friends on the planned trip in January. The same trip he was trying to invite himself on and force me to fly down an icy mountain among trees and other human lives. He is really intent on me going skiing.

Friday night and again last night he signed off in the same way: night Hun.

Hun? Hun? First of all, I cannot stand pet names. I am kind of grossed out by all cushy and gushy things when it comes to romance. Call it bitterness, call it heartless, call it whatever you want, but it gets on my nerves. Maybe it traces all the way to my roommate junior year in college who used to do the whole " I love you, no I love you more. No you hang, no you hang up first!" deal. I recall throwing up a little bit in my mouth a few times.

So #1: I don't like pet names. When I start dating someone, I want him to say "Hey you" or anything that produces less acid reflux.
#2: We are not even dating! I don't even know if we are technically "talking" as the kids say these days. So why is he calling me Hun?
#3: I love my name. It's pretty, it's special, it's kind of unique. My favorite part of Ever After is when Drew Barrymore asks the Prince to repeat her name b/c it's her own. It's important to her. It's her identity and who she is.
#4: Sometimes when a man uses words like Hun when talking with me, I feel almost like he is being condescending. Once a roommate sent a house e-mail and began it with "Hey Kids." I know he was being cute and funny, but I felt belittled. He's not even a year older than me. And he is definitely not as mature or intelligent as I am :).

Is anyone with me on this or am I alone in this thinking?

Hello World!

2009-12-18T21:46:00.004-05:00

Dear All,

I am new to the blog world, but definitely not new to trying to understand the inner workings of the male mind. My good friend Lila invited me to be a guest writer on her blog and share some of my experiences. There are a few, so how about we begin with the most recent?

Last year I hosted a Christmas party with my 3 roommates. There I met Brian, a friend of one of the roommates. We chatted some, but I was more into his friend, Brad. Brad asked for my number and then so did Brian. Brian called me the next day asking if I would go to a bar in DC for his birthday. I went with along with a friend and was glad to see Brad there as well! Unfortunately my friend was flirting with him the whole night (great friend, I know). We finally said goodbye and friend gave Brad her number. Even better.

Fast forward to September of this year. Brian called me and asked if I would like to go to a Nationals game with him and Ben. I had to turn him down because I had a meeting that night. Never heard from him again until last week when we held this year's Christmas party. We said hello, but I was mainly playing the hostess game so I didn't see him much.

Apparently (I don't remember all of the night) Brian was really intent on taking me skiing. With my friends. On their ski trip. I don't even ski!! Nor am I sure if I want to necessarily go. But he kept going on and on and on about taking me skiing and showing me how and blahity blah blah. Omg, please stop.

Suddenly, it was about 3AM and most of the guest have gone home. Brian and I are sitting on my couch and he is showing me pictures that he has taken (big into photography). I was really cold and so he put his jacket over me. His hand was kind of touching/caressing my knee as we went through the different albums. I was kind of near the point of falling asleep, so he suggested he help me to bed. I was perfectly able to get myself up my own stairs and into my own bed, but for some reason I agreed. He was helping me unfold my comforter and the next thing I knew, we were hugging. And then we were kissing. And then we were kissing a lot. And then kissing on my bed.

I am an anomaly for my age group. I have only kissed a few guys and have not really been to any of the "bases". I wouldn't even say that I have been up to bat, really. Sometimes I struggle with this position in life, but I have also kind of learned to accept it.

Needless to say, making out on my bed is already a huge step for me. He goes to close the door and then we continue. He turns off the lights and then removes my dress. Another big move for me. Stupidly I tell him that I am not used to all of this, and now he seems to think that I grew up in a convent. He kept repeating how he couldn't believe he was the 1st guy that is doing this with me. He was starting to kill my buzz a little with those comments. We keep going and he loses his shirt. He is getting pretty handsy and I allow some moves and kind of stop others. I don't want to give it all to this guy the 1st night. I'm sorry, I just don't work that way.

I finally ask if we can go to sleep because I am f-ing exhausted. We cuddle a little bit and then later on he asks me what I am thinking. Basically, I am thinking that I just threw myself outside my comfort zone with someone I don't know very well and with very little promise or plan for future interactions. I was kind of all over the place. I didn't know how to tell him all of that, so I half-said everything I was thinking about.

We kissed a little bit more until I asked to stop. I couldn't continue with all of these thoughts going through my mind. It is now about 10:30 the next morning and I tell him that I think it is about time to leave. He seems fine and once he is completely dressed, kisses me a couple of times. I am still confused about life and so I hold back a little. He gets super defensive and then so do I. I walk him to the door and we hug goodbye.

Haven't heard from him all week until about an hour ago when he texted me. Even my roommate asked if I had heard anything and thought it strange that he had never made contact since that night.

The texts have all been pretty basic and meaningless. "How was your week? What's new? Excited about the snow?"

I am interested in seeing the guy again, mainly because I am ready to get out in the dating world and I would like to feel that the night and my giant step was actually meaningful. Even if it doesn't end up working out, it can't be too bad, right?

I hope this was a good first blog and wish me luck in my future endeavours!

Blast From The Past

2009-12-18T16:44:00.004-05:00

Friend request and message received today on Facebook:

Hi Lila,

I know we haven't talked in a long time. I still really like you and I hope you are doing well. I'd like to know how you've been and if you're ever in the VA Beach area, call me up and we can hang out. My number is XXX XXX XXXX. Thanks.

-Chris

No kidding we haven't talked in a long time, guy. Over two years, in fact. For good reason.

Backstory: At the beginning of my Junior year of college (August 2003), I met Charlie and started dating him. He set up Chris with my best friend, Sophie. Chris and Sophie had a tumultuous relationship that ended after over a year, right around New Years 2005. Sophie "rebounded" with Dwight (her husband now) and Chris got kind of bitter...which was kind of par for their course.

He kind of fell of the face of the earth for a while when Charlie and I were broken up, but once we got back together, Chris reentered my life and Sophie's. As roommates, we'd decided to throw a housewarming party; he got miffed that we'd invited all of his friends but not him...despite the awkward breakup. So we invited him and he came. And it was just fine. That was November 2006.

Fast forward to July 2007. Charlie and I attended a wedding of our former roommates'. Chris and the other guys were there without dates and I danced with all of them because Charlie would only dance to "good" songs (sigh...you'll learn all about Charlie in the future).

October 2007: Sophie and Dwight get married (yay!) at the beginning of the month. At the end of the month, Charlie and I went back to our college for Homecoming. I stayed with an old roommate and he stayed at his old frat house with Chris and their other friends. During that time, Chris suggested that Charlie "get with" this girl, Beth, who was also visiting and had always liked him. Charlie laughed him off. Later that night, Chris suggested the same thing to Charlie again who told him, "No, I'm with Lila."

That same night was the big party at their old frat house. I attended and spent a fair amount of time talking to Chris, who told me that Charlie was so lucky to have me and that I was a really great girl, etc. Most, if not all, of Charlie's friends liked me so hearing this didn't make me think that Chris liked me. I was also unaware of all the things that he'd been telling Charlie all day.

The next day we all returned to Northern Virginia and I invited several people over to watch football and eat chili. I wanted Chris to come so that he could hang out in the same location with Dwight and Sophie so that things could become less awkward between them. He came and witnessed me flipping out and throwing my watch at a person and at a lamp as the Patriots raped the Redskins--you'd think that this would have turned him off of me, but it didn't.

Because a couple weeks later Charlie was out of state and Chris and I were at a bar for a mutual friend's birthday. Towards the end of the night, he asked me why I had asked him to dance at the July wedding. Warning bells signaled danger to me as I told him that it was because he didn't have a date--and that I'd danced with a ton of other guys there. Then he mentioned how I'd invited him for chili and hung out with him at the party. I don't remember what I said to him, but my mind was going, Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! He told me, "Look, I really like you, but you're dating my good friend." I responded, "And I will be for a long time." Then I got the heck out of there, called Sophie to fill her in on the drama, and called Charlie and told him, too.

That was when we pieced everything together. I never spoke to Chris after that, but he e-mailed Charlie several months later with a half-assed apology. Charlie didn't reply.

Now I've received the friend request and message; he and I used to be Facebook friends, so he must have defriended me at some point because he never deleted his account. Sophie looked and found that he had defriended her as well, so she sent in a friend request. Ha!

After discussing it with Sophie, I accepted the friend request and sent this response:

Hey Chris,

I've been pretty well...mostly working long hours. And Sophie, Dwight, and I are renting a house together, so that's fun...and convenient for when we want to drink together--no driving necessary.

I'll let you know if I'm ever in the VA Beach area, but it probably won't be soon...I don't get down there very often.

Hope that you're doing well, too. :)

P.S. This one guy once took a picture of himself in the bathroom mirror, flexing an arm. The caption on Facebook read, "You should see the other arm." Hi, winner.

Demonstrating Value

2009-12-17T23:30:00.004-05:00

Still no word from Kevin! Omg, shocker. But now I'm worried that my glasses prescription is off and I don't know what to do. I can't go back there!

Sophie stalked him some more and discovered that he changed the name of his Twitter account and imported all the information there. I think that that is even weirder than deleting it completely.

Went to Costco after work and the guy handing out free olive samples hit on me. Luckily, other people came up in time for me to get away without exchanging phone numbers, which is what he was aiming for. Creepy!!! But it would have been my fourth phone number in nine days. That...is ridiculous. College was never even that good to me!

Wait. Is it good if I only actually like one of the four?

Speaking of The Fourth, he and I texted a couple times today, but that was it. I'm a little disappointed. But because I baked cookies tonight for work tomorrow, I'm going to bring some by to him...so he can see that my butterscotch cookies are the best things in the world. You know...just in case I decide that I want this to go somewhere...if he wants it to go somewhere. I'm demonstrating my value a la the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.

And So It Goes

2009-12-17T05:47:00.000-05:00

Never did hear from Kevin last night. Big surprise? Sophie totally called it and now I'm going to be forced to let her screen every guy ever for me. Yikes.

Chatted with The Fourth last night and filled him in on the Kevin sitch. He was also kind of amazed and called him a douche bag. Hell yeah, The Fourth! We also joked and flirted some. I probably should turn it down a notch or two, just in case I don't want this to turn into anything.

Last night I dreamed that Nathan moved back to town to go back to college nearby. But he still didn't want me. Overslept an hour.

OMG!

2009-12-16T19:47:00.001-05:00

E-mailed Sophie and Ethan after the text messages to get their take. Not much to say except that Ethan (who has a female friend who is currently sleeping with a married political figure) was absolutely astounded by Kevin. That has to say something.

The Fourth and I texted a few times today, too. Nothing too interesting...just some joking around about the Kevin situation. We met up at 3pm to walk to our cars together and, as I mentioned to Sophie, I felt like I was in high school, planning to meet a boy to walk somewhere together. Anyway, I had fun talking to him as usual.

When I arrived at the eye doctor, I was a good twenty minutes early, so I tried going online with my cell phone. Since I don't have an iPhone or anything, this isn't super easy, fast, or reliable, so with about fifteen minutes before my appointment, I went inside. My heart was pounding with nerves...nerves that I'd tried to soothe in the car by saying out loud, "You are Lila Fucking Fowler." That is not my name, but that is what I actually said because Lila Fowler is effing awesome and I couldn't ask for a better role model before going in and facing Kevin.

I looked awesome and I knew it, which did help with my nerves a tiny bit. I went and checked in with the receptionist, saying hello to her and Kevin who was also right there. I was there less than a couple minutes before the receptionist got up and Kevin told me to check my phone. Dutifully, I did so and here is his text:

"So yes. I def have a crush. Tell you what I'm running to arlington after work to scan some film depending on how long that takes maybe we can meet up after...?"

Verbally, I said, "Maybe," but smiled at him. He went and got my sweet new Kate Spade glasses (that I'm never going to wear in public because I'm a contacts girl) and told me that they looked good on me...and that he liked my outfit. Well, yeah, you better, dude, because I look great.

I met with the eye doctor briefly and afterwards went and paid for my contacts. In the office alone, I had been berating myself for not actually saying any of the things that I'd planned to say to Kevin, so when he asked again about going somewhere tonight, I asked about his second car. He said that it was unreliable (then why do you have it?) and that he was borrowing his dad's. Okay. I can accept that.

I wasn't going to bring up the Twitter-girlfriend thing in front of his co-workers, but he wasn't following me out! I was kind of perplexed as to what I was supposed to do. He said again that he'd call me and I went to my car and pulled out of my parking space before I realized that he'd come outside. So I rolled down a window and he asked again if I thought I'd be free later tonight.

"Yeah, I am. Actually, there's something that I wanted to ask you about."

"Yeah?"

"I told my roommate about you and gave her your name...you know...because...well, anyway, she Googled you," I said apologetically.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and she found your Twitter page." I checked his face for any kind of dawning revelation that he'd been caught, but he just continued to look at me expectantly.

"She said that it looked like you had a girlfriend....?" I said uncertainly. I realized later that I'd done a fair job not being accusatory...which is great and not something that I planned.

"Okay, I don't have a girlfriend," he said. "She might mean Mary? She's a photographer friend of mine who dates my friend Evan."

I asked if he was sure and acted like I mostly accepted this. Then I agreed that I'd go out tonight. Also, Mary is exactly who Sophie and I think is his girlfriend.

Dwight arrived at home at the same time I did; I was disappointed that Sophie wasn't there because I was dying to fill her in beyond the text messages that we were exchanging. Dwight seemed to think that maybe Kevin was telling the truth. I felt a little better, but still not trusting.

Chatting with some friends online, I briefly filled them in and sent the links to Kevin and Mary's Twitter pages. Then we discovered that he'd DELETED HIS TWITTER. He didn't make it private, he DELETED it. Sketchtastic.

Sophie called me on her way home and I started filling her in--midway, we were interrupted by Kevin calling. I was going to ignore it and call him back, but she insisted that I take it. He apologized for the weirdness earlier and said again that he definitely wasn't dating Mary and that they were just close friends and had been for a long time. I don't think that I believe him. Anyway, I still agreed to hang out tonight if we can make it happen. I said that I have to be in kind of early--between 9:30 and 10:00--because I need to get to work at about 5:30am tomorrow.

Sophie and I talked again until she got home and came downstairs to my living room. I showed her how his Twitter was gone and then we tried Facebook stalking. Now...I'd found his Facebook on the first night we met when I typed his e-mail address (that he'd given me) into the search and it returned his private account. I couldn't see anything but his name and photo and I didn't friend him, expecting that he might do that later. Today when I typed in his e-mail, nothing came up. That's right. HE DELETED HIS FACEBOOK.

If that's not creepy, I don't know what is. Dwight pointed out that Kevin could have just gotten really sketched out at Sophie stalking him. Maybe.

Anyway...the time is now 8:22pm and I just saw him sign on and off of Instant Messenger. I am invisible to him....But...he was supposed to call me about a half an hour ago to see if I still wanted to get together tonight. What am I supposed to think now?! Perhaps he realized that he just needs to cut his losses and get out now...hoping that I won't tell his girlfriend?

Stay tuned.

More Texting Games

2009-12-16T12:05:00.000-05:00

Text messages:

Kevin (7:17am): I have to cancel dinner my cars alternator died last night and I don’t have a car for a day or so

Me (8:37am): That’s fine. Sorry about your car. L

Kevin (8:42am): Yeh, merry Christmas to me…. L that’ll be $500

Me (8:54am): Bummer L

After this I realized that last week he told me that he owns two cars. Um, what?

Texting Games

2009-12-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

At dinner with my friend Marchella last night, I filled her in on all that’s going on with Kevin.

“So maybe I should text him first?” I asked uncertainly. After all, I don’t really want to encourage this guy…or play into his hand. “I’d like to be like, ‘Here’s your text…but don’t expect this kind of thing because I’m not clingy.’”

"Yes, absolutely you should. Throw down a freak flag. It won't matter since you don't want to date him. Just take a picture of something random and be like, 'This reminded me of you.' Then you've texted him first, but it's more of a 'WTF?' than flirtatious."

Before I left Panera, I took a picture of the light fixture above our table and texted it to him with the question “Where am I?” He didn’t text back. Maybe he was with his girlfriend? Is that more likely than him being weirded out by the text? I feel like he can’t be too weirded out since, on the first night I met him, he texted me a picture that he took of himself with the caption “Cuteeee”. Hi, arrogant.

Marchella also advised me to not reply to any reply that I might receive until this morning when I woke up, but that was unnecessary since I didn’t actually hear back. I was going to comply, though.

So I didn’t talk to him, but The Fourth Facebook chatted me! Over about an hour’s time, he teased me about tonight’s potential date, we talked about our jobs and how he wants to eventually give up his current one to be a geometry teacher, and somehow he worked in how he knows how much he should be asking for raise-wise because he’s “likethis” with his HR person and his old boss who still oversees things—and gives her shoulder massages. I asked if that wasn’t sexual harassment and he admitted that it would be if she didn’t like it. Somehow this led to the suggestion that we hang out some weekend and he could give me one. I might have encouraged this. Whoops?

Because I’ve had to come into work much earlier than normal this week, I haven’t seen him like I usually do so, unless he gets off work early today, we’re going to meet at 3pm and walk to our cars together or something. He also asked for my number so that he could text me. That makes three numbers that I’ve received in one week. I’m kind of on fire. I’m also a little concerned; I like this guy, but I don’t know if I like him as more than a friend. And I know that girls usually use the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” thing when they just don’t want to date a guy, but I’d be bummed if I didn’t get to talk to him in the mornings before work. So I actually don’t want to ruin things. Playing this one by ear, I guess.

Also, he went to high school with two other guys that I dated back during college. He said, “I think you dated my senior class!” My parents would be so disappointed—they went to his rival high school.

And...Pretty Sure He Has A Girlfriend

2009-12-15T19:33:00.000-05:00

On the way to see a movie last night, I Google-stalked Kevin’s twitter to see if there were any updates so I could better determine if the girl is his girlfriend. Status: confirmed. She tweeted at him referring to him as her “boyfriend.”

He instant messaged me as soon as he signed on last night, shortly after I got home from the movie. “I take it that u’re not interested.”

“Why is that?” I asked, starting to get an inkling of where this was going.

“idk, u never call/text me” Ugh. I detest the use of “u” for “you” and he’d done it twice, now. Come on, guy, I told you that I was an editor! Shouldn’t you know that I’m going to judge “u”???

“You said last night that you were going to text ME,” I responded. “And I’ve just been at a movie for the last few hours.”

He typed back, “I’d still like to hear from you, though.”

I was annoyed. I mean, I’d already established that he has a girlfriend and now he was getting on me about not contacting him enough? Then I realized that this was his game: come on strong, back off, and accuse the girl of not being into it so that she’ll start chasing. Oh, you picked the wrong girl to mess with, guy.

I was kind of torn. I could either do what he wanted or let him back off and ensure that the date(s) never happened. Because, oh yes, we have a date scheduled for tomorrow after my follow-up appointment. So I tried to engage him in conversation a little, but not overly. When I commented that he was now the one who wasn’t talkative, he said that he was editing photos. I said, “Oh, okay,” expecting him to message when he was done. He didn’t. I didn’t care except for how awkward this might make things on Wednesday. I wonder if we still have a date.

Around the same time as this, my friend The Fourth put up on his Facebook status, “Don’t make someone your priority when your only there option.” Now, the improper uses of “your” and “there” aside, I like this guy a lot, so I messaged him to say that his statuses recently made him seem kind of bummed out. He said that he was fine, but that girls sucked sometimes. I agreed that I also hate girls (well, I kind of do. Sometimes) and when he was done telling me that I didn’t need to kick anyone’s butt for him (he said that he couldn’t afford the $1000 bail and I questioned how he knew exactly how much that would be), I told him about my issue with Kevin. He was amazed at the situation, but amused that it was my optician. He asked who could blame the guy for seeing my beautiful eyes and forgetting about his girlfriend. “Aww,” I wrote, “…are you complimenting my eyes???” He said that my smile was even better and I was pleased (who wouldn’t be?) that he and the other guys he works with (so he says) think so. Score! Maybe he was trying to make me feel better about Kevin, but I don’t care.

He suggested that I tell the girlfriend where Kevin and I are supposed to have dinner so that she can bust him. I almost want to do that…but only if I can have friends in the same restaurant watching. Maybe taping for Youtube.

Meet Nick

2009-12-14T13:28:00.001-05:00

Attended an awesome cocktail party on Saturday night; I knew one of the four people hosting and three other couples there including my roommates, Sophie and her husband, Dwight. Had a couple cranberry-and-vodkas before switching to wine which I kept up with for the rest of the night after driving responsibilities were kindly lifted.

Met a cute guy and had fun talking to him, though I’ve forgotten more than half of our conversation now. This is what happens when you consume too much alcohol, kids. Anyway, Nick and I exchanged numbers and put them in our phones with me letting him know that he would have to call me. After a hug and a kiss on the cheek, he left with some girl “his ride” and I went back to my friends.

“Yeah, that guy has a girlfriend,” Sophie told me once he was gone.

“What?! Are you sure?”

“Yeah, that girl he left with.”

“But he said that she was just his ride!”

“Yeah, and she’s probably going to be riding him later because they’re dating.”

“How does this keep happening to me?!”

Completely bummed, I texted the party hostess, Isabelle, at about 3am and asked, “Did that guy I was talking to seriously have a girlfriend?”

When I left Mass the next morning, I saw a reply from her: “Yeah, but they’ve only been together a couple weeks.”

I decided that that still sucked, but wondered if maybe they were just kind of dating and it wasn’t “boyfriend-girlfriend” yet. Even so, I was bothered by the situation until a couple hours later when I received a phone call.

“He’s single!” Isabelle told me. “I was talking to my roommates and one of them mentioned the girl. I started to say, ‘Well, her boyfriend-‘ when my one roommate interrupted me and was like, ‘What? He’s not her boyfriend. They’re just friends.’ So he’s single!”

I was happy to know that I probably don’t have an invisible sign on me that says, “Guys with girlfriends, apply here.” But that still doesn’t mean that he’s going to call. At least if he does, I don’t have to have the “So was that your girlfriend?” conversation.

In other news, found out that the latest ex, Nathan, will be joining our group for New Years’ Eve celebration in DC. I don’t know how I feel about this. I was fine with our breakup until I heard that he’d told his brothers that he wanted “to keep his options open.” Maybe he just worded it that way for them, but I can’t help feeling a little duped since he gave me a whole list of responsible reasons (long distance, we started out too physically and needed to catch up on the emotional part, etc.). Add to that that he wanted us to try to be friends, so we got lunch on Black Friday and hung out that night with our big group of people…and we were fine…but then he never dropped something by my house that he was supposed to and never answered a text I sent him that Monday regarding it.

So I’m determined to look incredibly hot on NYE and dance and flirt the night away. I might make him my midnight kiss, but that’s going to be the extent of things, despite what Sophie is betting. It’s probably a stupid move to go in with the plan to make him jealous or make him regret breaking up with me, but whatever. I’m not trying to hurt his feelings…just showing him what he’s missing and how it’s going to be (me with other guys) whenever he comes to visit. If I take pleasure in it, so what? Also, I’m kind of in a lose-lose situation; if I dance and flirt with other guys, people will think I’m rubbing it in his face, but if I stick close to him, people will think that I’m not over the relationship. So if I’m going to lose either way, I’d rather look like bitchy than pathetic.

Uncertainty

2009-12-11T18:23:00.000-05:00

Came in early for work to find The Fourth already in his office, so I went in and wound up sitting in front of his desk talking to him for a half hour, completely eliminating the extra time I was trying to put in for the week. I learned more about his job as we gossiped about different high-ups that he knows because of his position. I kind of wish that he was interested in me, but I can’t say why. I think that I just need to accept that most fun and friendly single guys are just going to be friends and not potential dates.

Am I absolutely crazy to think that maybe Kevin isn’t lying? Probably. I talked to him for a while on the phone and then much longer online afterwards last night and we scheduled a date for Wednesday night…and I’ve agreed that I’ll model for him on a later date. I kind of want to keep this up so that I can get those pictures. They’d be pretty sweet, I bet.

It’s weird. I know that when I like a guy, I kind of only see / look for the good things. That’s just my nature and it’s really not going to change anytime soon. But I think that I generally have good instincts when it comes to people—or maybe I don’t and I’ve just been lucky to come across nice people. But I’ve always thought that I could sense when I was being lied to—and I just don’t know this time. If Sophie hadn’t looked him up and told me what she’d found, I’d be super stoked right now. He’s not really my type—not that I have a type—but he’s interesting and we share enough likes / dislikes for me to consider it.

But this girlfriend thing? I don’t know. What if Ethan is right and maybe the girl is just holding on? And he actually is single…or just about to be?

Here’s the problem: if I ask him, I have to reveal what Sophie did. And, what if he lies to me again? If it sounded genuine, I would probably believe him (and still twitter-stalk him) and then where would I be?

This will probably be better anyway…I’m going to be all elusive and, therefore, more interesting. At least that’s the plan.

Late Add: Sophie has informed me that I have zero sense of when someone’s lying and that I believe everything that any guy ever tells me. After several minutes looking back, I realize that she is absolutely right. I have no lie-dar.

More Boys

2009-12-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

I talked to Kevin for about six minutes on the phone last night. I was super tired from a 10 ½ hour work day and a lack of sleep and I wasn’t my normal cheery self—not that he knows what’s normal for me yet. He said that I sounded kind of out of it and asked if he could call me tonight. I said he could and didn’t mention that part of the reason why I sounded “out of it” was that I strongly suspected that he had a girlfriend and had lied to me about it. Anyway, after a talk this morning with my buddy Ethan, I’ve decided to let Jon keep pursuing me. Usually I jump into things too quickly, but this time I won’t because I don’t think that I can trust him. And if I ever want to end things or something, I can bring up the girlfriend thing.

I hope that I’m not starting down a slippery slope.

My buddy, The Fourth, so-called because of the IV at the end of his name, works in my building and we’ve struck up a friendship. I’m still not quite sure how he got my last name to friend me on Facebook a while back, but it could have been from my badge or from his father who works in the same agency as me. Even so, he and I get along really well together even though we only talk in the mornings when I pass by his office. His Facebook status update last night said that he’d had the worst day ever and something about nonspecific people driving him crazy. I commented that I know a guy like that who works in my building and is always saying “good morning” or “hello” and how that’s so annoying. He commented back that he knows that guy (himself) and thinks he’s the worst. So we continued to joke about how much we hate him and how he needs to be dropkicked. Then we chatted on Facebook chat; I’d never actually done this before because I’m always afraid this one guy will see that I’m on and message me.

Sure enough, while I cheered up The Fourth, Stalker guy (Dawson) messaged me, too. I met this guy at a club back in February, I think, right after Charlie and I broke up. This guy hunted me down on Facebook and often wrote on my wall and e-mailed me, creeping me out. I don’t like when guys come on strong and I definitely don’t like babies who are three years younger than me doing it. Anyway, I made polite-but-distant chitchat with him while The Fourth and I laughed it up. He’s a stellar guy (The Fourth) and I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him outside of work—as friends. Or maybe not even as just friends, but I think friends would be better…and safer.

Let's Meet Kevin

2009-12-09T17:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening I met a guy at my eye doctor appointment—the optician (we’ll call him Kevin), which I guess is the person in charge of glasses, since that’s what he helped me choose after I saw the doctor. Anyway, he was tall and charming and friendly as he did my preliminary exam, but not really flirty. At first. The more that we talked as he took pictures of my eyeballs, the friendlier and dare I say flirtier he became (“You have large eyes.” “I knowwwww.” “No, it’s a good thing!”) Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best example. I’m actually a person who abhors flattery, though I love compliments. I just hate lies, period, so if someone compliments me on something that I don’t really agree with, I’m kind of turned off. There are four main aspects of my outer appearance that I know are pretty good: my eyes, my smile, my hair, and my butt. So a compliment on my eyes I am more than willing to accept graciously.

Anyway, we joked around a lot until he left and the eye doctor came in. I considered asking her if he was single, but I didn’t. In retrospect, I kind of wished that I did. Anyway, she was great and in no time I was out picking out glasses with Kevin…and flirting a lot. Now this was going both ways, but I let him pick out pairs that he thought would look good on me since he told me that it was his job and that as a professional photographer he had an eye for this sort of thing. I actually really didn’t want to pick them out just by myself so this was a lot more efficient and I wound up with a great pair from probably about ten that he had me try on.

He took forever to write up the invoice. He was doing it on purpose so that I’d stay and talk longer, I’m sure. I was wittier than normal and obviously he was interested in me. We started talking about sports and he brought up hockey. I said that I liked the sport, but never really got to go to games. He said that we should go to one and I agreed before he told me that he had season tickets to the Capitals and this could actually happen. We exchanged contact information, I made a follow-up appointment with the doctor (trying out new contact lenses) and left. He texted me right away and then we wound up talking on the phone for a half an hour later that night (after setting up a date for the Capitals game on December 23^rd) and then we chatted online for a long time. He made it clear that he was single because the words, “Yeah, I’m single,” came out of his mouth. Can’t get much clearer than that, right?

So I was in new-crush-bliss all night and this morning until I gave his name to my roommate, Sophie, and she Google-stalked him. I’m aware that Googling someone is pretty acceptable nowadays, but it’s still embarrassing. Besides, he’d given me the links to his photo account and his never-updated-anymore blog, so what was there for him to hide?

Answer: A GIRLFRIEND. Well. We’re not 100% positive, but Sophie found his twitter (and it’s definitely him, no question of that) and there are tweets to and from a girl…and if he’s not dating her, he must have been very recently. Like a week ago. So I’m trying to hold out judgment, but what the eff? I had such a good feeling about this guy and now…not so much. I don’t understand why someone would lie about being single, though. Why commit to someone if you’re not serious? Ugh. Whatever. Maybe he is single. I hope so.

Introduction

2009-12-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

I’ve entitled this blog as “Poor Decisions” because it seems that I make tons of them. Perhaps a better title would be “Poor Judgment” but I already have the URL here. So that’s that.

Nearly a year ago, my on-and-off five-and-a-half year relationship ended and I was single right before turning twenty-six. Having outgrown that relationship, I was kind of excited about finding someone new, even though the prospect of dating freaked me out, never having really done it. College was great for meeting people and “hanging out” until you became boyfriend-girlfriend, but I’m pretty sure that the adult world just doesn’t work like that—I’m still figuring it out.

Anyway, recently I got out of a long-distance relationship with Nathan that didn’t even last two months (but that’s a story for another time) and I was bummed because it’s been so hard to find any guys to date, good or bad. Then I met someone and soon realized that I had blog-fodder. Chances are that I’m going to date at least a few guys before I finally find someone worth dating long-term, so why not write about it? I love writing and I love gossiping…and I also kind of love drama when I’m not in the thick of it. So I started writing blog posts before I even created this thing, just to see if I wanted to make a go of it—obviously I decided to do that very thing. This post and the next few are all going to be dated for when I actually wrote them originally and not when I posted them (about a weeks’ worth of posts) just so that everything stays on track. I’m going to start detailing every encounter I have with every single guy that is of any interest to me. So please enjoy—because someone should be getting something amusing out of this.