Birthday Texts

My birthday was last week and I receive 2 very interesting texts. Well, maybe one was less interesting, but is still somewhat noteworthy.


Birthday text number 1:

From Kansas, sent 1:08 PM


"Happy stinking birthday!"

Obviously, nothing scandalous or sexy, but we have been kind of off ever since the trip. I was shocked that he A) remembered and B) chose to do something about it. Plus who puts the word stinking in a happy birthday text?

Birthday text number 2:

From Brian, sent 1:34 PM

"Happy Birthday Hun! Hope you have a great one!"

This one is a little more exciting to analyze. For one, we have not spoken, (text, facebook, phone,) since my text to him New Years Eve. So two months later he decides to send me a text. Not on any random day, but my birthday. Which sure, makes sense b/c he was being kind I guess, but that was a pretty bold move for someone who left things so inadequately. I mean, he could have sent the message on facebook if he wanted to tell me. And he is using the "Hun" word again. I really cannot stand that word.

So, Brian randomly made contact. On my birthday. Through text. And called me Hun. Bizarre.

I did not text him back because I really had nothing to say. I feel like "thanks" is assumed, so I left it as it was.

Thank goodness for margaritas.

Kansas: Day 3/4 and Aftermath

Sunday:

The 5 of us all sat down to breakfast a little after 9 prepared by the wife. Kansas was going to take the Mormon to a girls tennis match so he could meet one more person. He asked AZ and me if we wanted to go. We said sure just as long as it was inside. Kansas asked his wife if she wanted to go and she said no. So again, it was me and the boys. We took 2 cars because the Mormon wanted to go to church after the match. AZ went with the Mormon and I rode with Kansas.

We were talking about a bunch of different things including my possibility of actually moving out west whether it be to Arizona or Kansas. I said that since I have no job I really have every possibility available to me. He said that his roommate will be moving out in May so I can move in to the second bedroom. Are we all grasping this? He invited me to move in with him and his wife! I am about 100% sure that he has not discussed this with his wife which means he is doing it without her knowledge, or he is banking on the hope that I don't actually follow through with it. I kind of shrugged it off because I had no idea how to respond. Even if I ever move to Kansas, the thought of living with him has never entered my mind. I have some idea of boundaries.

We leave the game and the Mormon drives to church. AZ, Kansas, and I get into the car and are heading home. We were talking about how sad it was that we were leaving the next day. Kansas made the comment that we wouldn't be as good of friends once we leave. AZ and I are like, what? And he tried again with saying that it would be different b/c we won't be face to face anymore, the proximity factor will obviously be changed. And then he said, "And I won't be able to do this anymore" (lower thigh grab). We were also talking about what it would be like if I moved in with AZ and how Kansas could come and visit the both of us in one spot.

We got back to the house, showered, and hung out for a little bit. We were all going to go to a monster truck rally and leave about 1:15. Then the Mormon was going to be picked up for the airport and then Kansas, wife, AZ, and me were going to go to church. Afterwards, AZ and I were going to make dinner for all of us. The wife invited a girl friend to come with us. The friend had to cancel because of a meeting and then the wife decided to bail. I thought it was odd that she didn't want to go just b/c one of her friends couldn't. So she stayed behind and went to a movie while the rest of us got on the road.

As we were driving, there apparently was a microburst. Which means that there are 80 mph winds, like a tornado but they don't spin, just go straight. So there ended up being 2 car pileups on the highway totaling 70 cars. Needless to say, we are completely stuck on the highway. After almost 2 hours in the car, men peeing in the woods (lucky bastards), and jamming out to music, we finally decide to turn around and drive on the shoulder, going in the wrong direction of the interstate. We finally find a break in the median and go to the correct side of the highway. The truck rally is out of the question and we now have limited time before the Mormon had to get to the airport. We also now have to cancel on meeting the wife at church. I can tell that Kansas is kind of disappointed about how the day is turning out. I mean it is Valentine's Day after all.

The wind is absolutely ridiculous and it's also snowing. It is definitely cold and pretty miserable. We end up going to a outdoor hunting/restaurant spot. It is absolutely huge! We get some lunch and are having a good time. Then we go exploring through the store. We shoot arrows with bows, hold $2000 guns, and check out large knives. Then it was time to leave. We got back into the car and took the Mormon to the airport. I was actually really sad to see him go. For a couple of reasons actually 1) I really like being with him. He was funny and nice. 2) it was kind of returning to reality and remembering that I was leaving the next day.

As we were heading home we stopped by the grocery store to get ingredients for the dinner. Kansas also bought a V day card and a present for the wife. The present would be coat hangers. He bought her coat hangers. He said that it was perfect b/c she wanted them and he was going to give them to her anyway. Hmm...okay then.

We returned to the house around 7:30 and started cooking. Kansas and the wife disappear upstairs for a solid 10 or so minutes. AZ made the comment that what if they were having sex and that he was going to ask as soon as one of them came down. Um, gross. PS: Can I just say that I love AZ? While we were cooking he started dancing with me in the kitchen even though there was no music. That is the type of guy that I love.

Dinner was delicious and so was dessert (ice cream). We cleaned up and then a couple of friends came over and we were watching the Olympics and then the wife went to bed at 10. We started playing a very complicated and intricate board game. But we were all so tired and having a good time, that it was a lot of fun.

**side note: One of the girls playing the game with us has this weird condition where whenever she expresses strong emotions she becomes paralyzed. Apparently it was really bad that night because she hadn't gotten much sleep. But every time someone made a funny joke, her head came crashing down to the kitchen table. We had to get a pillow and her boyfriend was constantly grabbing her as she went down. It was by far the craziest and kind of funniest thing I have ever seen.

Throughout the game, Kansas was periodically blocking my pieces and I would give him a glare. And call him by his full name. He would respond with "I love you, Isabelle" or "you know I love you." Really? We can't think of anything else to say?

The friends left about 1:00 AM and we went to the living room. Kansas and AZ started to play Modern Warfare. I went to the oversized chair and laid down to watch. They said that they were only going to play until 2. I was watching for a little and then I fell asleep. I would kind of wake up periodically and check out what they were doing. Sometimes Kansas would look over at me and say something like "Hey sleepy head" or "Hi Isabelle" with a smile. Later on I noticed that something was different and found that the boys had turned off the game. It was 4 AM. We were talking a little about the plan for the morning. Then Kansas fell over the rim of the chair and was kind of half laying on me. He patted my head some and then hoisted himself up. I eventually got enough energy to get myself to my room.

Monday:

Being completely exhausted, we drove to the airport. Kansas dedicated a song to me before he let me out of the car. I was the first to get dropped off. I was hoping to be 2nd, but I have no control over how the airport arranges its terminals. We gave and received hugs, made plans to see each other again next month in Arizona, and I fought off tears. And of course we cannot forget that Kansas has offered to drive me cross country to Arizona this summer if I choose to move there. Both boys asked me to give them a call once I made it home. I talked briefly with AZ when I got home, but had to leave a message for Kansas.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed my trip. I loved spending time with Kansas and Arizona. And I really enjoyed hanging out with the Mormon. I felt great about myself. I felt confident and happy. Kansas definitely crossed some strange lines with his thigh grabbing and love comments. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. And I am a little disappointed that I won't be able to see them all next month. I might still visit over my spring break, but who knows?

Post Trip:

Throughout the week AZ and I were texting a little bit. Just small quotes from the weekend. Never heard anything from Kansas until Saturday night (20th). He called but I missed it b/c I was at a cocktail party hosted by Lila! He also sent a text that said: "Meet me in Arizona. March 17-22." I texted him back this morning saying that I couldn't go then. My break doesn't begin until the 26th.

Kansas: Day 2

Saturday:

We woke up pretty early because we were going to get breakfast and the Mormon had a meeting with someone at the same restaurant. He was interviewing with KU athletics in the compliance department (whatever that means). The wife was having brunch with friends somewhere else and left after we did, so we still haven't seen her. So it was just the 3 of us again eating. Absolutely fantastic. We had a lot of fun talking, reminiscing, joking, etc. I asked Kansas how old the Mormon was because he looked so young. He said that he was 28, had already been on his mission, went to law school, and passed the bar exam. I was like, hello! That is one accomplished individual. Too bad that he lives far away and believes in a religion that I do not. After we finished, Kansas went over to the Mormon's table and talked some with them as AZ and I walked around the area.

We got back to the house around noon and about 30 minutes later, the wife finally arrived. Gross. We all said hello and hung out while watching the Olympics. She and Kansas were sharing a large chair/love seat and were all cuddly with their blanket and dogs. It made me sick. And it's not because it was him and her. I am not a fan of PDA in general. Kansas also gave us the KU t-shirts he had bought for us to wear at the game. I was starting to get really excited about the day.

She made a large meal for us to eat and tie us over until the game ended. The 5 of us sat down around the table and had a good time talking again. She didn't say a lot because she doesn't really seem to have much of a personality. It's kind of sad really. We were going to leave extra early for the game so that Kansas can show us around his office and the athletic center. The wife did not want to come so early to the game, so once again, it was me and the boys. I think I heard angels singing. On the ride over, we were listening to a bunch of music and the boys were all rocking out. It was pretty funny. They were playing songs that I hadn't heard before and were almost serenading me. Very amusing. One of the songs was "All The Pretty Girls."

I have forgotten to mention that periodically while driving, I would be in the passenger seat b/c I am the only girl and it's obviously the best seat. Kansas would sometimes tap on my leg as we were singing with the music, or squeeze the area right above my knee. Not really the thigh area, but still, somewhat affectionate, right?

We were walking to the center and the Mormon and I were mainly talking. Kansas showed us his office and introduced the Mormon to another Head Of (fill in the blank). The 3 of us hung out while they were talking and then he took us down to the basketball gym and we looked at the hall of fame and played some of the games they had. We had a great time. After learning all about the history of KU athletics, Kansas decided to take us on a private tour of the center.

While AZ and the Mormon were stopped to look at some pictures, Kansas apologized for sometimes disappearing to help the Mormon meet all of these higher up people. I responded in a sarcastic matter saying that he should be sorry because I am number 1 priority. He said that it was a weird comment because he is married and his wife should be his top priority. I was slightly offended because my mind was no where near thinking about his wife. I quickly explained that what I meant was that I am more important than the Mormon and Arizona because I am awesome, and great, and a girl, which equals number 1 status. I told him that I was not talking about being ahead of his wife in his life. So, obviously he is aware that he is in fact married, and maybe a little on edge about our "relationship" or friendship, but he is the one who is making the ambiguous comments and hand gestures.

Kansas used to run track for KU which is pretty amazing since it's a division 1 school. He took us to the indoor track training facility/basketball's personal fitness center. I tried to redeem the earlier awkwardness by asking him to race me, but he had to do run backwards. He destroyed me. Then we raced again and he gave me a 40 yard head start and he beat me again. I had a lot of fun, it was kind of like sibling competition.

We went back to the basketball stadium for the game and he sat with us until the wife arrived. Then the 2 of them went to different seats for the game and I was sitting between Arizona and the Mormon. I was pretty pumped. Sitting between 2 cute guys and watching an exciting basketball game. Holla.

We went to a late dinner after the game (the 5 of us) and had a great time. The wife was not really very vocal, but she wasn't absolutely quiet either. She really just does not seem to have a personality. She is very nice and pretty, but I think she is really boring. And I'm not just saying that because she is married to Kansas. Also, what is kind of awkward is that AZ and I were the only ones of the group who drink. The Mormon doesn't b/c of his religion, Kansas doesn't I think b/c of his brother (substance abuse problem), and the wife doesn't b/c she is zero fun.

We got back to the house a little after 10 and the wife went to bed soon after. It was just me with the boys again. We were watching some of the Olympics and talking a little. At about Midnight, Kansas said that he was going to go to bed. I was kind of pissed because I did not fly all of this way so that I could sit on a couch and watch the Olympics. We have been busy the whole day and I wanted to just spend some down time with him and AZ. I explained that I was disappointed he was going to bed and said that I flew cross country to see him, not the Olympics. He came over to me and sort of rubbed/squeezed my head and said "I love you Isabelle." I responded with, "actions, not words." Meaning for him to show me that he cares, that we are friends. Not that I want him to furiously make out with me or divorce his wife. If he tells me he loves me, even if it's just fluff, then, let's see it! Don't ask me to fly halfway across the country, tell me you love me, and then when I want to talk, leave. I was frustrated. Think what you want.

Another note, similar to the thigh tapping or squeezing, he said "I love you" a few times. For a guy of his standing, I feel like these are not words that you just throw around. I feel that when he says them, he should actually mean them. That's just the kind of person I have always pictured him to be. So when he says these things to me, it confuses me.

I went to bed a little bit after because there wasn't much point in staying up anymore, especially since AZ fell asleep.

Kansas: Day 1

Kansas recap. I wanted to give more of a day to day account, but I did not have access to a computer and so that has left me with describing it all after it all happened. I will try to give only the highlights, but it might be difficult.

Friday:

I arrived in Kansas City, MO and was trying to connect with Arizona (AZ) and Kansas. I saw Arizona first and he gave me a big hug and grabbed my suitcase. We were heading down the hallway when I saw Kansas. I was so happy to see him. I went over to him and he picked me up in a huge hug. I was suspended in the air for about 15 seconds and holding tightly around him. He put me down and the two of them wrapped their arms around me as we walked to the car. The wife was not there. Kansas said that he and AZ had come up with 2 plans. Plan B was that I fall in love with someone from Kansas and move there. He explained that we will be interacting with many eligible bachelors. Plan A was I move to Arizona and live with AZ. I said that I was great with both plans. I mean, what do I have to lose?


We went to dinner and a friend of Kansas came to join us. We hung out at the friend's house a little bit (I met another friend there too. It really was going to be a male-abundant weekend). Then we went back to the airport to pick up the Mormon. At first glance, he looked really cute, but only about 21, maybe 22 years old. A little sad about that, but he lives in Indiana and is Mormon, so really, not missing out on a lot. We were driving back to Kansas's house and just laughing and telling stories and jokes. I think I was so tired from the week and mentally exhausted thinking about the trip that I was a little loopy, but that was great. It meant that I was not shy or quiet. I was actually kind of ridiculous, but had a great time. I don't remember many times where I have been so normal with myself. It was an incredible feeling.

We got to the house and the wife was still yet to be seen. Apparently she goes to bed pretty early each night. We hung out a little more and figured out where everybody was sleeping (I got the best room in the house). After we discussed the plans for the following day, we decided to finally go to sleep since it was 2AM.

Um...Quick Question

I was working out with Colin (my new trainer) last night. He had me doing this eliptical exercise and periodically I was glancing up at the TV. There were tons of commercials for Valentine's Day (barf). Then Colin said, "When is Valentine's Day? Is it the 12th?" I was like, what?! So I gave him a little shocked gasp. He then responded with, "I don't have a girlfriend, so I have no idea." I told him that it was the 14th. He responded with something like oh ok and maybe something about the stupidity of the holiday. Or maybe that's just what was going through my head. I told him how I was going to visit a friend and his wife that weekend (Kansas) and we both agreed how kind of strange that was. He asked if it was somewhere cool. I told him that it was Kansas. He immediately felt sympathetic and asked if you could ski there or maybe it was nice and warm. I informed him that Kansas is very flat, no mountains to ski, and that it's probably 5-10 degrees right now. What was I thinking buying a ticket there?

But that's not my question. My question is: Does it mean anything if a guy straight up tells you that he has no gf even when it's not really part of the conversation? Or am I just that desperate to have some excitement, some mystery, or romance in my life? Colin is definitely not Lance, but he is growing on me. I don't foresee a future, but as we all are aware, I need something interesting in my life.

Dorothy is still in Kansas

Sometimes when I write these blogs, the boys are the ones making poor decisions, and other times it's me. This time, it's definitely me.

Back in the summer of 2006, I worked for a month at a camp in upstate New York. I met a guy that I have since nicknamed Kansas for the sole reason that he lives in Kansas. We became fast friends, as you do in those types of situations. Then one of the other counselors told me that Kansas had feelings for me. Well, that threw me off and I, with no self-control, started to have feelings for him. Pretty much b/c I thought he liked me. (It doesn't take much). Then things got real weird real fast and I started to understand that he actually did not have feelings for me, like I thought. So, I changed my attitude and expectations and we were back to being good friends.

Before camp started, he and I, and a few others, had planned to go to New York City after camp ended for a couple of days, and then Kansas would drive me home on his way back. At the very last minute, a girl (who also lived in VA) jumped into our plans, and joined the trip. And instead of it being just the two of us driving down to VA, it became the three of us. I was pretty disappointed, but there was not much I could do about it.

He and I continued to talk on the phone about every week or so during the summer and over the course of the year. We would talk late at night, on our way to class, early in the morning, really anytime of the day. We would talk about everything. And every time he called, my heart would flutter a few extra beats, just from old times. He would also say things that sounded like they held another meaning. For instance, "You are my favorite person in Virginia" or "Ok, love you, talk to you soon, bye!"

He started to date this girl and we also talked about her during our phone moments. And when he called me on my birthday that year, he was in the middle of a date with her! He even gave her the phone and had her talk to me while he finished bowling his frame. That was a bit bizarre for me.

In April, some friends from camp and I went to Philly b/c he was running in a race there. We all got together, ate dinner, caught up on life. Overall, had a wonderful time. At the end of October, Kansas sent me a text: "Isabelle. I am engaged." I was so happy for him, but I was also a little sad. Throughout the course of that year, we talked about wedding stuff in addition to our every day lives. He said that he wanted me in the wedding, but his fiance didn't know me, so it might be weird.

The wedding was set for July 5, 2008. I bought my plane ticket and his mom paid for my hotel room for the weekend. It was a great weekend and the wedding was a lot of fun. Another friend from camp went, so it was nice to have someone else to talk with, since Kansas was pretty busy that weekend. We did manage to hang out some, and regretfully, I had to leave. Plus they had a honeymoon to get to.

We've talked many times since then and he has come to the DC area for conferences. I've seen him twice in the past year. He continues to make comments that can be perceived as strange. For instance:

Kansas: Today is my 6 month wedding anniversary.
Me: Really? Wow, congratulations!
Kansas: Yeah, that means it's been 6 months since I've seen you.

The 2nd time he came into town, he brought his wife and we all went out to dinner with his extended family (paid by the family) and then to a comedy show (also paid by the family). He had texted me earlier that day to say that his aunt and uncle owned a hot tub and would I like to get in after the show. Another example of his strange comments.

Ok, now to the actual story! A few days ago, he mentioned that I should come and visit him. This is not really a spontaneous thing since I have to fly halfway across the country and probably take time off work. I was touched by the offer, but also a little weary about his severity. He can easily invite me and then it never work out b/c of all of the trouble that goes into it. It's like the perfect male situation. I was intrigued, so I started looking at different flight scenarios. I found one that works great with my work schedule and does not break the bank. I texted him yesterday asking if he was serious about me coming. He replied yes, and that he'd call soon. We talked a bunch last night about plans and I wanted to make sure it was cool with his wife, especially since it is Valentine's Day weekend. He said it was fine, and that I should go ahead and do it. I said "Ok, I am going down the stairs to buy my ticket." Then he said "wait." And that's when half of my heart broke a little; the other half saying, "I told you so." He wanted to check with his boss about getting us free tickets to see a basketball game that weekend. I am unclear as to why a free basketball game is the deciding factor to my visit. Why couldn't I have bought my ticket and then we see what can happen with the game? He said that he will let me know today what the answer is and then I will continue accordingly. Out of curiosity, I checked the flight price again this morning and it rose $80 dollars. So now if he does give me the green light, I have to pray the price goes down again, or shell out an additional $80 which probably could have been used on food for the weekend.

I am pretty sure that I am making a terrible, stupid, downright poor decision, but I am also pretty sure that I will go through with it. He means a lot to me, probably more than I mean to him, he kind of leads me on (knowing that nothing can happen since he is married and lives a 1000 miles away), yet I fall every time. It's frustrating that he can do this to me and that I allow it. I tell myself that my life is better with him than without him and that's why I put up with it, but I am sure there are people out there who disagree.