Deflecting

Texting:

The Fourth (9:57am): So what you get for christmas? Typical clothes or you get something fun!
Me (2:11pm): Boring stuff aside from [...] and cash so i'm going NYE shopping later. :) you?
The Fourth (2:13pm): NYE shopping? Simple stuff. Few shirts and some gift cards. Nothing too big.
Me (2:18pm): New years' eve. might get a new dress. going to some club in dc


The Fourth (10:54pm): So what hot dress you going to buy for new years!?
Me (10:58pm): Ughhhh. I shopped for 2 1/2 hours and the only dress I liked was $140. I might end up buying it anyway.
The Fourth (10:59pm): Sweet. What color. What does it look like? You have to cat walk it for me before you head out to party!
Me (11:03pm): Haha. black and silver. and i'm not wearing it to work--assuming that i get it. prob wear it again for the cocktail party that my roomies want to have in jan
The Fourth (11:04pm): Once you get it, send me a picture of it then. Doesn't have to be fancy or anything. Just want to know what eye cast guys will have on new years!
Me [send picture of me in the dress]: I took a picture in the dressing room to get my roommate's opinion.
The Fourth (11:12pm): That's hot! I like it!
Me (11:15pm): It's pretty sweet. so much money though. i could get 4 cases of red bull for less than that.
The Fourth (11:16pm): Haha you and red bull. You should have been a room mate of mine in college. One of my room mates was a promotors for red bull so he gt free cases to hand out to people at events. He stashed a ton of it in our apartment to exam week!
Me (11:18pm): I should have married that guy.
The Fourth (11:19pm): Oh if your room mate is not around and you want an opinion on something in the dressing room. Feel Free to send pictures my way! You look really good in that dress. All this picture is missing is your smile!
The Fourth (11:22pm): So do you keep redbull in business by yourself!?
Me (11:24pm): My smile would have distracted from the dress. and yes about the red bull. the ceo's kids are going ivy league because of me.
Fourth (11:24pm): Hahaha. I better buy stock in that company!
Me (11:27pm): Probably. I had more than 2 today.
The Fourth (11:28pm): Dang! No wonder your wired in the morning. I bet it's hard for guys to keep up with you!!!
Me (11:31pm): I'm not wired when you see me...I don't hit the bull until I get to my desk.

Okay...I know that it looks bad. But I really was trying not to flirt. Whenever he made a flirty comment, I tried to deflect it. Or mostly. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have sent the picture of the dress, but it's not like it was a picture of me in my underwear. It didn't even show my face giving a sexy come-hither look (that would have weirded out Sophie, though, since the picture was originally for her). Anyway. My strategy clearly sucks. I said that I was going shopping with Christmas cash for a new dress specifically for one night in DC in hopes that he'd think that I was frivolous. Same with saying that I'll probably buy the $140 dress. Come on! Judge me, The Fourth! Guys aren't supposed to want frivolous spendthrifts!

For my next move, I think that I'll mention that my ex will be there on New Years'. Or I'll just marry The Fourth so that I never have to have an awkward conversation with him. Seems like the responsible thing to do.

Because I'm Crazy

Last night I purposefully stayed off of Facebook chat just in case The Fourth signed on, not that that would have prevented him from texting me or anything. At this point, I don't think that we've talked since Saturday night, so I think that I'm doing pretty well.

It took me a while to fall asleep because I was trying to envision all kinds of different scenarios of how New Years' Eve might go down. In nearly every one, Nathan soooo wanted me again and I was like, "Whatever, dude." Only this is how things will probably go in real life:

We'll see each other and pretend like it hasn't been over a month since we've spoken...or I'll passive-aggressively say something like, "Hi, stranger," to let him know that I know how long it's been since we've talked, but then be really nice to him to make it look like I don't actually care.

We'll joke around here and there, but he'll mostly stick to talking to the guys and I'll whisper secretively and excitedly with Sophie and Isabelle to make it look like there's something going on that he knows nothing about to get him intrigued. Except that he won't notice or get intrigued.

Drinking will commence. The more that I drink, the flirtier I'll become until I forget every grand plan of appearing sexy and cool. Instead, I'll be my drunk self: loud, flirty, stubborn, and handsy. I will absolutely adore everyone around me, including Nathan, even as latent feelings of bitterness start to rise. Clever phrases that aren't at all clever will pop into my head and I'll wait for the first opportunity to use them, no matter how irrelevant they are. Example:

Nathan: I'm going to get a drink.

Me (drunkenly): Better not get beer in case you want liquor later. 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.' You'll want to keep your options open, after all."

This because the word passed through the grapevine is that he told his brothers that he broke up with me to keep his options open. Now that this has stuck in my mind, I'm afraid that it will come up.

Perhaps I'm going about this incorrectly, though. I mean, sure, I'll be drinking, but who's to say that I can't get him drunk, too? Like, really drunk? Like, drunk enough to not remember any stupid thing that I might say?

I can only pray for a miracle.

I'm The Girl That Rizzo Sang About...A Tease

I suck so bad. Now I'm glad that this blog is called "Poor Decisions" because it is entirely appropriate. On Christmas Eve Eve, I was drinking with Sophie, Dwight, and a few other people at our house. As it got later and I got drunker, I went to my computer and Facebook and decided that texting The Fourth was a good idea. POOR DECISION. It was also after midnight, but I was at the point in my drinking where I had zero concept of time, so it wasn't until Sophie lectured me for leading the poor guy on that I realized that I'd made a mistake. We only texted back and forth a few times, but I felt bad--probably mostly because of Sophie rightfully calling me out on what I was doing.

I didn't hear from him again until Christmas Day when I got a text saying, "Merry Christmas!" I didn't really think anything of it; I meant to send out a mass text of my own saying the same thing later that day, but never got around to it because of celebrating Christmas and not having my phone with me until late that night. That's when I got a text from him wondering if I was Jewish or something and not celebrating the day (because I hadn't texted back). Now...this kind of concerns me. Either he sent out a mass text and everyone but me texted back, or he only texted me. I'm actually thinking that it's the former because this guy practically lives on his phone and apparently texts the day away at work on the weekends (or so he has alluded...he doesn't text ME that often). Anyway, I let him know that I was indeed celebrating, didn't have the phone on me, and wished him a merry Christmas himself. I think we texted a couple things after that, but it wasn't memorable and I don't feel like digging into my cell phone to remind me.

Part of the reason why I didn't text him back originally that day is that I'm trying to back off and get this to a "just friends" thing. I do like him a lot, but I can't help but compare him to other guys--ones that I've instantly lusted after upon meeting them. Discussing this with Sophie, I mentioned that I didn't start talking to The Fourth more than casually saying "Good morning!" passing by his office until I was already with Nathan--and when I'm seriously into one guy, I'm pretty much oblivious to other ones. So The Fourth got placed in the Friend Only zone and I don't know if things would have been different had I been single and on the lookout when we met.

Then he texted me on the night after Christmas; this time we texted back several times and in the midst he asked me if I had gotten a new boyfriend for Christmas. I said, "Nope, but give me until after New Years.'" He replied that girls as hot as me didn't stay single for very long. Then he said that, like, three of his exes married their very next boyfriends after breaking up with him. I said that my last ex (Nathan) told me the very same thing about him, but he only had one example. Anyway, I tried to keep it jokey and not flirty--I don't know how well I did.

I overanalyze everything--and I know it. So I thought long and hard about this thing with The Fourth and this is what I've come up with: Breaking up with Nathan hurt a lot even though it was a really short and long-distance relationship. I thought that we were going to try to stay friends and still talk some on the phone because he had said that that was what he wanted. But it soon became clear that even if he wanted it, he wasn't willing to do any of the work by actually calling me. As soon as I realized this, Kevin entered the picture and completely distracted me from Nathan. When we found out that Kevin was a lying cheat, I started talking to The Fourth more because he's a great guy and is really nice to me. And, sub-consciously, I saw him as someone that I could get to fall for me, regardless of whether that was a good decision for either of us.

And what it really comes down to is that New Years' Eve is in four days and I'm going to be seeing Nathan. I'm not over him, probably everyone realizes it, and I don't know how to act around him. And we're all going to be getting drunk. I have a feeling that December 31, 2009 is going to be a terrible night for me, but an awesome night for the Poor Decisions Blog. Win/loss?

Space Time Continuum

Another text story starring Brian. He texted me yesterday at 11:30 AM asking how my Christmas was. I told him mine was nice and asked about his (he went to down to Colonial Williamsburg) and at 11:45 (time is very important) he asked me about my New Years plans. I said that I don't like New Years and asked him if he had to work that night (he is a bartender).

And then...nothing. I wrote him at about 1:00 just checking in to see if everything was alright. It was odd that he just disappeared. I didn't want to be one of those controlling or hyperactive girls, but it was just odd. At 4:20 he responded about my way earlier comment about Williamsburg and asked why I don't like New Years. And then was sorry for not being prompt, he was at work. Okay so it's been 5 hours since I last heard from him. I don't care that he's working, but a little warning would have been nice.

I texted back that I was sorry if I sounded stalkerish, I was just confused as to what had happened. I also asked him about what football team he liked since I am a big football fan and there were some pretty big games yesterday. At 5:36 (over an hour since his last message) he wrote: u stalking me?? ;-p New Years is always a good party. Are u planning on going out for it at least? And then he continues on about the football game. And asks me who my team is. Okay 1) It irks me when people use single letters instead of whole words (I think Lila agrees with me on this) The only substitutions are b/c and w/ 2) I think it's weird when men make text cutesy faces.

I responded with my views of the game and told him who my team is. At 6:33 he asked me how I became a fan of my team since geographically, it doesn't make much sense. I wrote back with a quick explanation and a witty remark.

At 9:30 PM he texted me with: It was fun. I got an annual pass so I'll probably go back in the spring and hit busch gardens at the same time. Anyways, I've gotta go, work is busy tonight. I'll chat soon!

I don't even know if that last text was meant for me! It's like he went back to a way earlier message and was responding to that and completely forgetting everything else we had talked about since. Which, granted, wasn't a lot but we were definitely on a different subject. I didn't respond because obviously, it sounded like he was very busy. And I didn't even know what he was talking about anymore.

So let's recap: In the 10 hours between his first and last text, he sent me a total of 6 texts. Six texts in 1o hours! That is like one text every hour and a half! I am sorry, but I find that incredibly rude! It's not like I was waiting around for him to respond; I was doing errands and things, but seriously? Either tell me from the start that you're busy and may be delayed in responding, or effing wait for a better time!! What the Hell!? He was very distracted with work or other things and that's not fair. Shouldn't he want to be engaged in the conversation that he's having? And to have hours lapse between texts? Isn't it just common courtesy to not allow this to happen?

I know I am not experienced in the dating world, but I wasn't raised by wolves either. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Right then and there. I think I deserve at least that. Don't try to have a normal conversation with me through text messages over the course of an entire day and say nothing at the same time. What is going on? Seriously, am I doing something wrong here?

Facebook Flirting

More flirting with The Fourth. Can't decide whether this is a good idea or bad idea which makes me think that it's probably a bad idea and I need to lay off.

It started on the Facebook News Feed:

The Fourth: Anybody a doctor? Cause the one I went to see today thinks I ONLY have a sinus infection. I could have paid myself a ton of money to tell myself that. I want to REALLY know why I feel like crap!

Me: I'm a doctor (or something) and my opinion is that you need to man up. :D

The Fourth: I would if I had enough energy to stand up!

Me: Awww...you're trying to get me to feel sorry for you.

The Fourth: Naw. That feeling that you have for me is natural in females. ;)

Me: Pity??? :D

The Fourth: If Pity means that I get more cookies. Then Pity away! :)

Me: Ha! I'm not baking again until tomorrow night! If you want cookies, you have to come over. I'm not bringing them to work.

By the time that we got to "pity," I believe, we'd already started Facebook chatting. I should also note that I dropped off cookies on his desk on Friday, but he didn't get them until today and that's what he was talking about. Most of our conversation was boring, but here are the more interesting parts:

--He said that he'd love to come over if he wasn't traveling out-of-state tomorrow.

--When discussing how he wants to live with roommates or get married (he quickly was like, "Well, roommates") he said that he wanted to wait a while to get married because he knows that once he gets married, he's going to want a bunch of kids.

I said, "I want a bunch of kids, too...like four." He said that he did, too, and then asked, "So when are we getting married??" The joke only continued for a couple more replies, but afterwards I started thinking that I probably shouldn't encourage this. I don't know how to get this back to a "just friends" level, especially when I flirt with him every time that I talk to him. And I doubt that I'm going to stop.

More texts and...pet names?

So Brian and I texted again last night. Usual stuff. Nothing super flirty or giggle inducing. He asked about my plans for winter break and I said relaxing, friends, the gym. He suggested I go skiing for a couple of days so I can be ready to go with my friends on the planned trip in January. The same trip he was trying to invite himself on and force me to fly down an icy mountain among trees and other human lives. He is really intent on me going skiing.

Friday night and again last night he signed off in the same way: night Hun.

Hun? Hun? First of all, I cannot stand pet names. I am kind of grossed out by all cushy and gushy things when it comes to romance. Call it bitterness, call it heartless, call it whatever you want, but it gets on my nerves. Maybe it traces all the way to my roommate junior year in college who used to do the whole " I love you, no I love you more. No you hang, no you hang up first!" deal. I recall throwing up a little bit in my mouth a few times.

So #1: I don't like pet names. When I start dating someone, I want him to say "Hey you" or anything that produces less acid reflux.
#2: We are not even dating! I don't even know if we are technically "talking" as the kids say these days. So why is he calling me Hun?
#3: I love my name. It's pretty, it's special, it's kind of unique. My favorite part of Ever After is when Drew Barrymore asks the Prince to repeat her name b/c it's her own. It's important to her. It's her identity and who she is.
#4: Sometimes when a man uses words like Hun when talking with me, I feel almost like he is being condescending. Once a roommate sent a house e-mail and began it with "Hey Kids." I know he was being cute and funny, but I felt belittled. He's not even a year older than me. And he is definitely not as mature or intelligent as I am :).

Is anyone with me on this or am I alone in this thinking?

Hello World!

Dear All,

I am new to the blog world, but definitely not new to trying to understand the inner workings of the male mind. My good friend Lila invited me to be a guest writer on her blog and share some of my experiences. There are a few, so how about we begin with the most recent?

Last year I hosted a Christmas party with my 3 roommates. There I met Brian, a friend of one of the roommates. We chatted some, but I was more into his friend, Brad. Brad asked for my number and then so did Brian. Brian called me the next day asking if I would go to a bar in DC for his birthday. I went with along with a friend and was glad to see Brad there as well! Unfortunately my friend was flirting with him the whole night (great friend, I know). We finally said goodbye and friend gave Brad her number. Even better.

Fast forward to September of this year. Brian called me and asked if I would like to go to a Nationals game with him and Ben. I had to turn him down because I had a meeting that night. Never heard from him again until last week when we held this year's Christmas party. We said hello, but I was mainly playing the hostess game so I didn't see him much.

Apparently (I don't remember all of the night) Brian was really intent on taking me skiing. With my friends. On their ski trip. I don't even ski!! Nor am I sure if I want to necessarily go. But he kept going on and on and on about taking me skiing and showing me how and blahity blah blah. Omg, please stop.

Suddenly, it was about 3AM and most of the guest have gone home. Brian and I are sitting on my couch and he is showing me pictures that he has taken (big into photography). I was really cold and so he put his jacket over me. His hand was kind of touching/caressing my knee as we went through the different albums. I was kind of near the point of falling asleep, so he suggested he help me to bed. I was perfectly able to get myself up my own stairs and into my own bed, but for some reason I agreed. He was helping me unfold my comforter and the next thing I knew, we were hugging. And then we were kissing. And then we were kissing a lot. And then kissing on my bed.

I am an anomaly for my age group. I have only kissed a few guys and have not really been to any of the "bases". I wouldn't even say that I have been up to bat, really. Sometimes I struggle with this position in life, but I have also kind of learned to accept it.

Needless to say, making out on my bed is already a huge step for me. He goes to close the door and then we continue. He turns off the lights and then removes my dress. Another big move for me. Stupidly I tell him that I am not used to all of this, and now he seems to think that I grew up in a convent. He kept repeating how he couldn't believe he was the 1st guy that is doing this with me. He was starting to kill my buzz a little with those comments. We keep going and he loses his shirt. He is getting pretty handsy and I allow some moves and kind of stop others. I don't want to give it all to this guy the 1st night. I'm sorry, I just don't work that way.

I finally ask if we can go to sleep because I am f-ing exhausted. We cuddle a little bit and then later on he asks me what I am thinking. Basically, I am thinking that I just threw myself outside my comfort zone with someone I don't know very well and with very little promise or plan for future interactions. I was kind of all over the place. I didn't know how to tell him all of that, so I half-said everything I was thinking about.

We kissed a little bit more until I asked to stop. I couldn't continue with all of these thoughts going through my mind. It is now about 10:30 the next morning and I tell him that I think it is about time to leave. He seems fine and once he is completely dressed, kisses me a couple of times. I am still confused about life and so I hold back a little. He gets super defensive and then so do I. I walk him to the door and we hug goodbye.

Haven't heard from him all week until about an hour ago when he texted me. Even my roommate asked if I had heard anything and thought it strange that he had never made contact since that night.

The texts have all been pretty basic and meaningless. "How was your week? What's new? Excited about the snow?"

I am interested in seeing the guy again, mainly because I am ready to get out in the dating world and I would like to feel that the night and my giant step was actually meaningful. Even if it doesn't end up working out, it can't be too bad, right?

I hope this was a good first blog and wish me luck in my future endeavours!