A Nothing's Happening Update

I really have nothing to update right now.  Sebastian e-mailed me on Thursday (June 3rd), just about a paragraph.  He asked what made me decide to leave teaching (since he's a teacher himself) and mentioned my trip to NYC.  He also told me not to worry about answering with deep, thoughtful responses because those could wait until we met up over milkshakes.  "...and when will that be exactly?" he teased at the end.

I dig it.  I like that he picked something other than drinks or coffee and I like that he suggested something at least somewhat specific and not a vague suggestion of getting together sometime.

I tried e-mailing him back that night, but I fell asleep on my couch instead.  Whoops!  So instead I started e-mailing him on Friday afternoon after I finished packing for the weekend in Busch Gardens.  I was almost done when Isabelle showed up at my house EARLY, so I made her watch some TeenNick while I hurried to finish because I knew that if I didn't finish then, I'd have to wait until Sunday--and I didn't want to wait three days from his e-mail to respond.  I didn't say anything very important in the e-mail, but I did tell him where I was going for the weekend and that we could talk about milkshakes when I got back.

Well, fast-forward to NINE days later and I still haven't heard anything!  I'm not pissed, especially because I waited longer than that to get back to him the first time, but come on!  I know that it's the end of the school year and it's a crazy time, but it's just an e-mail, dude.

At work on Thursday (June 10th), I walked past Ethan's desk on my way back to my agency and he put his phone call on hold just to tell me that we had to talk.  "Things have been getting CRAZY around here!"  I was intrigued and gestured for him to call me when he had a chance.  He did and apparently two different Navy officers asked him about me this morning.  One of them is a guy that he doesn't really socialize with, so it wasn't just an offhand question--he had to mention me on purpose.  He also might be stalking me--just kidding--because he's seen me leave with my "latina" co-worker in the evenings and mentioned this to Ethan.  That's only true every other week, so he can't have been paying attention for long--which makes him a terrible stalker or not a stalker at all.  Anyway, Ethan didn't give many details, but that one is apparently a tall Lieutenant Commander and I wonder if it's the one that I said hi to one morning when I caught him staring at me (I'm not that hot...it's just that I'm young and dress cutely and all the women that they see are in shapeless uniforms.  I win by default).

Anyway, a bunch of people from Ethan's office might be going to a Nationals game in about two weeks.  If that happens, he's going to invite me along and point out the guys that are "acceptable" and I can decide if I'm interested.  Even if I'm not, I'm down with being able to see Stephen Strasburg pitch and meet new people.  In the meantime, I'll have to step up my fashion choices.  No problem.

Birthday Rehash

Well, my birthday was super fun.  A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation.  I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships.  At least, that's what I thought we were saying.  Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me.  I decided not to worry about it.  It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

 

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot.  Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing.  Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?"  Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that.  "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

 

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either.  But it does sort of matter to me.  It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid.  I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me.  It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about.  It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband.  There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

 

But I didn't trust Charlie.  Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did.  And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged.  And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely.  No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

 

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay.  And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt.  If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait.  But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined.  So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

 

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie.  I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog.  Anything for the blog, right ladies?

E-mailing with Sophie

So...without getting too detailed, Nathan might not have a job pretty soon up in Michigan.  From what he and I talked about in the past, if his new job didn't pan out, he would either look for another job up there or he would move back down here and work and probably go back to school.  Instead of writing all this out, I figured that I'd just post the e-mails between Sophie and I:

Lila (9:08am, 26 February 2010):

Yeah, one of my co-workers mentioned it to me yesterday.  I don't want him to move back here.  It's easier to have him up there where I don't have to see him...and so I can blame long-distance on why we didn't work out.  If he moves down here and still doesn't want to date me...I don't even want to think about it.  And it's ridiculous that I should feel this way because we were only together for two months--and we haven't been for three.  But it still makes me sad.
 
Sophie (9:14am):

You think YOU don't want him to move back here?  I assure you that EVERYONE YOU KNOW hopes he doesn't move back here even MORE.  Do not like Sad Lila.
    
Maybe you'll start dating The Fourth anyway, and the entire point will be moot.  While it is true that The Fourth seems equally unsure about his intentions with you, at least he's not "frolicking" around with you to the same degree Nathan was.

Lila (9:29am):

Frick, I just became Sad Lila now even thinking about this crap.  Like close to tears.  I hate that I feel anything for him.  When I heard about this yesterday, I even thought of writing a post, but I didn't want to bring it up to you and Isabelle yet.  Now maybe I will.
    
I wish that he'd been a jerk when we were together; I mean, he was a jerk by making us official and then changing his mind right away, but when we talked and when we saw each other, he was great.  I wish that he'd done a lot of stuff that I could look back on and be thankful that I escaped that mess, like with Charlie.  But it never got out of the exciting and new time period until it was over.
    
Ugh.  With any luck, he'll just find another job up there and stay out of my life.  And hopefully one day, my thoughts.
 
Sophie (9:43am):

Yeah... I know you think he was super great when you were together, and he WAS compared to Charlie.... but no guy who is really so great would leave you feeling like Sad Lila in the middle of a work day, trying not to cry at your desk, just because he crossed your mind.  He WAS being a jerk to you at the end; he made you official, got you to drive 10 hours to get in your pants one last time, and then broke it off.  I know it is more complicated than that, but this is how it appears from the outside.  And when it boils down to it all the hours on the phone and all the crying and all of his excuses don't really matter.  You're eternally optimistic and forgiving and excellent at making excuses for dudes, but there's really no denying that is WHAT HAPPENED.  If he didn't know what he wanted from your relationship he shouldn't have taken things as far with you as he did.  He knew he wasn't dealing with some slut to whom all the physical stuff wouldn't matter.  And if he liked you and wanted to keep his options open with you for the future but wasn't ready for something so long-distance, he should have thought with his brain (not his mini-Nathan) and realized he should cool it with you directly after the beach so that in the future it wouldn't be CRAZY AWKWARD if he ever did live in the vicinity and wanted to date you.  Ugh.  You know things are kind of messed up when your friends FEAR the thought of your ex moving into town because of how crazy it will likely make you.

And now, when you should be spending your time flirting with other boys or pondering the The Fourth situation (which is frustrating but intriguing!), you are going to spend your time obsessing about Nathan.  Un.Healthy.

Lila (10:29am):

Yeah.  So I'm definitely on Team Stay-the-eff-in-effing-cold-Michigan.  I don't want to avoid hanging out with you guys because he'll be around and it'd be hard for me to be normal around him.  I would probably be okay if I wasn't drinking, but when does that happen when we're around those guys?  Ugh.  If he moves here, whatever.  I'll just man up and be cool.  Even if he wanted another shot (which I don't think at all), he doesn't deserve one.  So I just have to get over this mess.  And stop being attracted to jerkholes.

Editor's Note:  "get in your pants" does not mean sex.  Just close to it.

Cocktail Party

Once I confirmed that The Fourth was coming to my, Sophie’s and Dwight’s cocktail party last Saturday night, I was kind of excited, but mostly I doubted that anything would change.  When I told a couple of my friends about him before the party, I said he was too afraid to ask me out and one of the girls suggested that maybe I help him out a little.  I refused and I stand by it.  Honestly, I need a guy that I can’t walk all over and if a dude can’t get the balls to ask me out, how is he going to get them later for more difficult decisions?

Once he got there, I seriously didn’t recognize him at first because he wasn’t wearing his glasses.  I have to say that I definitely prefer the no-glasses look; he has pretty blue eyes and they stand out more without the glasses.  I introduced him to some people and gave him a tour of the house.  I don’t think that we were downstairs long before flip cup started.  He was supposed to be on my team, but two of my out-of-town friends wanted to be on the same team (my team) and they asked him to switch.  If I had been less drunk, I might have pointed out to them that he didn’t know anyone but me and it’d probably be nicer for him to stay on my team, but I was drunk enough to not think about it.

So he stayed all through flip cup and did wind up on my team eventually.  He’d sometimes put his arms around my waist and be a little touchy-feely; I didn’t mind.  Actually, I enjoyed it, but that’s not surprising.  I’m very touchy-feely myself when I’ve been drinking.

Later in the evening, Nelson knocked me backwards onto my couch so that my legs hung over the side and he wouldn’t help me up.  The Fourth came and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, telling me that he had to leave.  “Noooooo, don’t go!” I told him.  Since I’m bossy when I’m sober, I’m even bossier when I’m drunk.  He insisted that he had to leave and said that he’d text me or something the next day.  I think that I said I didn’t believe him and he reminded me that he was the last one to text, so I owed him one.  I picked up my phone right then and sent “Don’t go!” followed by several smiley faces.  Those were unintentional, but I’m still impressed that my spelling and punctuation were correct.

Still standing right there, he texted, “I have to and you need your beauty sleep!”  I was a tiny bit outraged when I read that.  “Are you saying that I’m ugly?!” I demanded, knowing full well that he didn’t think any such thing.  I’ve learned over time that if I start accusing guys of insulting me when they haven’t, they’ll try to make it up to me and right then, I just wanted him to do as I said and hang out longer.  See what I mean about needing a guy that I can’t walk all over?  I’m a bitch otherwise.

He assured me that that was not what he meant, but he still insisted that he had to leave.  He kissed me on the cheek again and I—again—demanded that he stay.  He refused and we went back and forth like that, with him leaning to kiss me on the cheek another time, and then lightly on the lips.  That time I kissed him back, so the next time that he leaned down he kissed me on the mouth a second time and it turned into a real kiss.  Score!  He might have kissed me one more time, but then he said good bye and went to leave.  At that point I was a little annoyed because I wasn’t getting my way and because I really wanted to get off of that couch and in all that time he hadn’t felt the need to help me up.  My friend since pre-school, Keri, helped me up and she started filling me in on what she and The Fourth had talked about earlier in the evening when I wasn’t around.

I figure that you’re getting this fourth-hand; I got it second-hand from Keri, so this would be third-hand if I hadn’t been drunk.  Since I was, I’m a little uncertain of the facts, but here’s what I think she said:  The Fourth told her that he likes me and thinks that I’m cool.  Also, he mentioned how his dad met me first.  I don’t know if this is right, but I think that he said that after his dad met me, he told The Fourth that I was cute and he should meet me.  It’s also possible that it was the second time when I met his dad (after I’d already met The Fourth) that he told him that I was cute and he should go out with me.  Either way, I’m totally stoked that his dad thought that much of me!  Win!  Keri had actually assumed that The Fourth and I were already a couple, so she was surprised when I explained that we weren’t.  She insists that he definitely likes me, though.  Well, duh.  Hasn’t changed the fact that he hasn’t asked me out.

A newly single friend of mine, Xavier, was there and asked me to point out the single ladies.  I pointed out Keri and Isabelle and reminded him that I was single, too.  “Yeah, but you’re out of my league,” he replied.  I shrugged and said, “If you think that, then I probably am.”  I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just that if he thinks that, why should I think any differently?  Besides, what was an appropriate response?  “No, I’m not”?  That would devalue me and I’m not going to do that.  I guess that I could have made a joke like, “You bet I am!” but that would have been kind of mean.  Also, I was still drunk at this point and unable to reason out a thoughtful answer.

I should add that I kind of like that The Fourth didn't just give in when I wanted him to hang out longer.  I should not be rewarded for my bossy stubbornness.

E-mail from The Fourth

From: The Fourth
To:  Lila
Sent:  Thursday, 4 February 2010, 8:33am
Subject:  Good Morning!

Good Morning!

So.  Funny story.  So I had a dream about you last night.

It started out with me asking you out on a date on a Friday.  At first you
said no and then for some odd reason when I was about to walk out of my
office at 3, you showed up to tell me you changed your mind and that I
should pick you up at 7.  I made a reservation at some really nice place.
So I showed up to your house in Crystal City at this really nice apartment
complex and when I got there, the door man would not let me in so I called
you and you did not pick up.  Since I made the reservation, I went and had
dinner.  For some really weird reason, this place was a high end pizza
place.  So as I am sitting there, you showed up on the arm of another guy.
You came over to the table with this guy and introduced him as your
boyfriend.  He was some huge weight lifter guy.  I got really pissed off and
wanted to pick a fight with him for stealing you away but then out of the
blue, my friends showed up and stopped me from hitting him.  You began to
start yelling at me for being la  te to your apartment.  I went outside with
my friends and we thought going to the bar across the street was the perfect
distraction and as we crossed the street, I was the first of the group to
step into the street.  Everyone started to yell and as I turned, I got hit
by a Jeep driven by you!

I woke up from my dream to find out I woke up like 10 min before my alarm
went off so I was screwed trying to go back to sleep!

I know it was random but for some reason, I remembered it!


Okay.  Obviously, there are a ton of things wrong with his dream.  I don't live in Crystal City, I don't live in an apartment, I don't have a boyfriend (weight-lifter or otherwise), and I don't drive a Jeep.  Also, I would never behave so bitchily--well, I probably wouldn't.

I took one whole psychology class back in college, and even though it was specific to children, I'm pretty sure that it's given me the ability to analyze The Fourth's dream.  He's insecure and afraid to ask me out.  But, really, how hard is it just to ask if I want to hang out?

I talked to him on Facebook chat that night and he implied that he's "waiting for the right opportunity" to ask me out and that he might be planning something?  Like some big thing so that there'd be no way that I could say no?

He's still riding that line of The Friend Zone.  I thought that he was in completely, but the proof that he likes me pushed him out a little bit.  Only that was four nights ago.  Tonight we were texting back and forth, as usual (and often enough that Sophie came downstairs to complain that he was lame for not asking me out if he could spend that much time messaging me), and talking about the snow and whether we'd have work tomorrow, etc.  Then he says something about flying down to Florida tomorrow--like, for serious...his sister lives there--and then asked if I wanted to go with him.  I kind of laughed it off and said I'd probably have to work on Thursday, but he stopped texting me after that.  It makes me wonder if he was serious because he's definitely joked(?) about us flying to Florida before.  Oops?  Oh well, it's not like I would have gone if he was serious, but if that was his true attempt at asking me out, FAIL.  I'm not going to the beach with a guy who isn't my boyfriend and prance around in a bikini for him.  Um.  By ourselves.  (Sophie and Isabelle, shut up about Nathan--that was different).

Nick, Date #1

Since I hadn't heard from Nick since Sunday's phone call, I asked my co-workers, Fred and Tim, if I should text him.  After getting the story from me about how Nick and I had left things a little vague as to who was supposed to contact who (but leaning towards me as the one to do it), both guys said that I should text him.  So when I left work on Friday, I texted to say:

Lila (5:38pm):  I hear that the Jets are favored by 2 1/2 over the Bengals.  Pretty sure that they won because I rooted for them--so you owe me. :)

Nick (5:40pm):  Haha yes it looks like I do!

And a half an hour later texted again:

Nick (6:11pm):  You up to anything fun this weekend

Lila (6:21pm):  I  might be at Isabelle's tonight and I have some things on Sunday afternoon, but otherwise nothing much.  You?

Nick (6:23pm):  Yeah might meet some friends tonight.. That's about it.. You maybe want to go grab a drink tomorrow?

On Saturday evening we met at a restaurant close to my house; he was late by more than ten minutes.  I overlooked that because he was coming from about forty miles away and he apologized profusely for it.  We went to the bar and he bought us a couple of beers and we stood talking for more than three and a half hours and just generally having a good time.  I had three beers, he had four, and we shared an egg roll appetizer that was really good.  The bar was shutting down, though, so he asked if he could follow me back to my place to sober up before the long drive home.  I had already mentioned that Dwight and Sophie were having people over and that there was something going on over there, so it wasn't as presumptuous as it might sound.  Anyway, we went in and several friends were over and about to play another drinking game, so we joined in.

And then he kept drinking.  I was too, a little, but I thought that someone with such a long drive ahead of him should probably stop drinking at some point and he didn't.  Dwight went to bed and some people left until it was just Sophie, Nick, myself, and Nathan's brother, Nelson.  Nelson's wife had already left and he was planning to sleep in the guest bedroom and I was wondering when Nick was going to leave or if he was going to stay at our place.  My basement was a disaster area as it normally is because I never had any intention of letting him go down there, so I didn't even want to offer him my couch.  At this point I was also kind of thinking that he should have made sure that he could get home safely that night because this was a first date and not the time for getting plastered and having to stay the night.

Anyway, we were sitting on a couch together and sometimes he would hold my hand and stroke it or put his arm around my shoulders.  I let him because it was kind of nice and comfortable, but I was aware that this wasn't first date behavior.  He got up once or twice to smoke with Nelson and our friend Miguel before he left, and then he brought out the dip.  DIP.  I mean, he's from Jersey not Georgia!  I decided then that I didn't want to kiss him if it came down to that because GROSS.  Nothing like thoughts of mouth cancer to get a girl charged up.

He also talked about his ex-girlfriend a lot.  A LOT.  I mentioned that my ex was a Patriots fan and I was glad that they lost to the Ravens (sorry, Isabelle!), but I didn't talk about Charlie until he asked me questions and even then I didn't go into too much.  But I know a lot about his ex and about how he still talks to her all the time and even still loves her, though he never thought of marrying her--despite living with her for three years.

I fell asleep a couple of times sitting up next to Nick while he and the other two had deep philosophical existential conversations.  Sophie told me later that he said that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married and that didn't really believe that there's a life beyond this one, i.e. Heaven.  "Lila's gonna hate me," he told her drunkenly while I slept beside him.

Eventually, everyone went to bed.  Sophie and Nelson went down the hall and I gave a blanket to Nick as he laid down on the sofa and I got ready to go downstairs.  "Give me a hug," he muttered and I obliged.  He said something about me being mad at him and I was confused.  "Why do you think that?"

"Because you didn't want me to come downstairs," he replied, still drunk.  I shook my head.  "I'm not mad at you.  I just said 'no.'"  When I was falling asleep he had suggested that we go downstairs so that I could.  At the time I assumed that he intended to sleep on the couch, but now I wonder if he actually wanted to sleep in the bed with me because he then offered to sleep on the floor.  I simply said, "No," kind of nonchalantly.  In retrospect, I wish that I had cleaned up and I could have put him on my couch because Dwight woke up early the next morning and was annoyed that he had to work at kicking Nick out.  Oops.  I felt really bad about that.  Sophie hadn't seemed to have any problem with Nick sleeping there and it hadn't occurred to me that it would bother Dwight--probably because I'd been drinking.  Oh well.  Next time I'll be more considerate.

Nick texted me later in the day to tell me that he had a good time and then told me to have fun at the baby shower I was attending.  I texted back a few hours later when I had some spare time that I had a good time, too.  I don't know if he'll call me again, but I think that he might.  If he asks me out, I'll go again, but I don't really see this turning into a relationship.

And I Thought That Things Were About To Get Boring Again

Just got off the phone with Nick, the friend of Isabelle's roommate that I met at her Christmas party.  I was kind of shocked when I saw his name flash across my cell phone display, but I answered and talked to him for about fifteen minutes.  He reminded me that he had promised that he'd call and hadn't forgotten and I admitted to him that I had kind of written him off at this point.  He said that he'd been busy with Christmas stuff and visiting his parents down in South Carolina, which is an okay excuse but not a great one.  I mean, he could have called or texted anytime if he was really interested.

But whatever.  It's not like things are ever going to happen with Nathan, so I need to distance myself from him--and the best way to do that is with another guy.

Nick and I talked about our New Years' and he told me about his drunken escapades from Friday night (which involved him taking a cab home only to realize that he didn't have his apartment keys.  He had to climb up to his second floor balconey and break a screen to get inside while he was still drunk).  We also discussed our football teams and how my team is done and his will get into the playoffs if they win tonight--I promised I'd root for them (the Jets) because I hate the Patriots (sorry, Isabelle).

We're going to call or text later in the week and see about getting together to hang out.  I'm kind of excited, but I'm not expecting much.  As Sophie reminded me when I filled her in, Nick grabbed my butt, hers, and Isabelle's when he was drunk at the party when we met.  Oh well.  I get handsy when I'm drunk, too.  We'll see if this actually turns out to be a problem.

And, honestly?  I'd rather he be grabbing girls' butts than boys' penises.

New Years' Eve

Okay.  It's taken me a few days to sit down and write about the other night because I've been lazy and parts of the night were embarrassing.  Let's get started, shall we?

Because I'm Crazy

Last night I purposefully stayed off of Facebook chat just in case The Fourth signed on, not that that would have prevented him from texting me or anything. At this point, I don't think that we've talked since Saturday night, so I think that I'm doing pretty well.

It took me a while to fall asleep because I was trying to envision all kinds of different scenarios of how New Years' Eve might go down. In nearly every one, Nathan soooo wanted me again and I was like, "Whatever, dude." Only this is how things will probably go in real life:

We'll see each other and pretend like it hasn't been over a month since we've spoken...or I'll passive-aggressively say something like, "Hi, stranger," to let him know that I know how long it's been since we've talked, but then be really nice to him to make it look like I don't actually care.

We'll joke around here and there, but he'll mostly stick to talking to the guys and I'll whisper secretively and excitedly with Sophie and Isabelle to make it look like there's something going on that he knows nothing about to get him intrigued. Except that he won't notice or get intrigued.

Drinking will commence. The more that I drink, the flirtier I'll become until I forget every grand plan of appearing sexy and cool. Instead, I'll be my drunk self: loud, flirty, stubborn, and handsy. I will absolutely adore everyone around me, including Nathan, even as latent feelings of bitterness start to rise. Clever phrases that aren't at all clever will pop into my head and I'll wait for the first opportunity to use them, no matter how irrelevant they are. Example:

Nathan: I'm going to get a drink.

Me (drunkenly): Better not get beer in case you want liquor later. 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.' You'll want to keep your options open, after all."

This because the word passed through the grapevine is that he told his brothers that he broke up with me to keep his options open. Now that this has stuck in my mind, I'm afraid that it will come up.

Perhaps I'm going about this incorrectly, though. I mean, sure, I'll be drinking, but who's to say that I can't get him drunk, too? Like, really drunk? Like, drunk enough to not remember any stupid thing that I might say?

I can only pray for a miracle.

Meet Nick

Attended an awesome cocktail party on Saturday night; I knew one of the four people hosting and three other couples there including my roommates, Sophie and her husband, Dwight. Had a couple cranberry-and-vodkas before switching to wine which I kept up with for the rest of the night after driving responsibilities were kindly lifted.

Met a cute guy and had fun talking to him, though I’ve forgotten more than half of our conversation now. This is what happens when you consume too much alcohol, kids. Anyway, Nick and I exchanged numbers and put them in our phones with me letting him know that he would have to call me. After a hug and a kiss on the cheek, he left with some girl “his ride” and I went back to my friends.

“Yeah, that guy has a girlfriend,” Sophie told me once he was gone.

“What?! Are you sure?”

“Yeah, that girl he left with.”

“But he said that she was just his ride!”

“Yeah, and she’s probably going to be riding him later because they’re dating.”

“How does this keep happening to me?!”

Completely bummed, I texted the party hostess, Isabelle, at about 3am and asked, “Did that guy I was talking to seriously have a girlfriend?”

When I left Mass the next morning, I saw a reply from her: “Yeah, but they’ve only been together a couple weeks.”

I decided that that still sucked, but wondered if maybe they were just kind of dating and it wasn’t “boyfriend-girlfriend” yet. Even so, I was bothered by the situation until a couple hours later when I received a phone call.

“He’s single!” Isabelle told me. “I was talking to my roommates and one of them mentioned the girl. I started to say, ‘Well, her boyfriend-‘ when my one roommate interrupted me and was like, ‘What? He’s not her boyfriend. They’re just friends.’ So he’s single!”

I was happy to know that I probably don’t have an invisible sign on me that says, “Guys with girlfriends, apply here.” But that still doesn’t mean that he’s going to call. At least if he does, I don’t have to have the “So was that your girlfriend?” conversation.

In other news, found out that the latest ex, Nathan, will be joining our group for New Years’ Eve celebration in DC. I don’t know how I feel about this. I was fine with our breakup until I heard that he’d told his brothers that he wanted “to keep his options open.” Maybe he just worded it that way for them, but I can’t help feeling a little duped since he gave me a whole list of responsible reasons (long distance, we started out too physically and needed to catch up on the emotional part, etc.). Add to that that he wanted us to try to be friends, so we got lunch on Black Friday and hung out that night with our big group of people…and we were fine…but then he never dropped something by my house that he was supposed to and never answered a text I sent him that Monday regarding it.

So I’m determined to look incredibly hot on NYE and dance and flirt the night away. I might make him my midnight kiss, but that’s going to be the extent of things, despite what Sophie is betting. It’s probably a stupid move to go in with the plan to make him jealous or make him regret breaking up with me, but whatever. I’m not trying to hurt his feelings…just showing him what he’s missing and how it’s going to be (me with other guys) whenever he comes to visit. If I take pleasure in it, so what? Also, I’m kind of in a lose-lose situation; if I dance and flirt with other guys, people will think I’m rubbing it in his face, but if I stick close to him, people will think that I’m not over the relationship. So if I’m going to lose either way, I’d rather look like bitchy than pathetic.