Birthday Rehash

Well, my birthday was super fun.  A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation.  I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships.  At least, that's what I thought we were saying.  Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me.  I decided not to worry about it.  It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

 

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot.  Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing.  Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?"  Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that.  "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

 

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either.  But it does sort of matter to me.  It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid.  I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me.  It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about.  It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband.  There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

 

But I didn't trust Charlie.  Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did.  And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged.  And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely.  No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

 

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay.  And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt.  If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait.  But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined.  So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

 

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie.  I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog.  Anything for the blog, right ladies?

Caps Game Cometh

Last night I went to the Capitals game with Xavier, two of his roommates, a girl friend of all of theirs that I've met a couple of times at parties (Dana), and another girl who was the date of one of the roommates (Maria).  I had a lot of fun; I like hockey well enough even though I don't follow it, so it was fun just to be there, but it was made better by it being an awesome game.  X and I talked a lot about tons of different stuff.  Going in, I wasn't sure if this was a friends date or a date date or what, but I think that it wound up being somewhere in between...or maybe a friends date that turned into a real date.  I also found out that one of the reasons why he wasn't sure about asking me out was because Marchella's boyfriend, Bob, apparently fed X's roommate, Kal, a ton of misinformation about me--more than I was already aware of.  I'm mostly amused, but I'll have to see if I can get revenge on Bob somehow.  X let me know that it's kind of unusual for him to date a friend and he was concerned about starting something up with me, having it end badly and then losing Sophie, Dwight, and I as friends (because we're kind of a weird package deal), but then he figured that we're adults and can handle it.  So I guess that's how we're starting things off.

 

Anyway, at some point during the game, X rested his arm on the back of my seat and that eventually moved to my shoulders--which was nice because it was cold in there even though I was wearing a sweater.  Normal stuff.  Actually, the most interesting thing to happen that night was with Maria.  When X and another roommate got up to get more beers, this girl suggested that we steal their seats so the three of us could talk until they came back.  We did and started chatting just as the Kiss Cam came on.  I awwed over it, but Maria pretentiously said that she didn't like how hetero-centric it was.  What the eff?  "Well, it's always a man and a woman," she sniffed self-righteously.

 

I looked at her funny, I'm sure, and remarked that the powers that be would have no way of knowing if a couple was gay or not.  They don't even know if a man and woman sitting together are even in a couple, as evidenced by a guy shaking his head resolutely at the camera when it landed on him and a woman beside him.  I'm stereotyping here, but I don't think that hockey games are exactly a mecca for gay couples.  Then she made a comment to myself and Dana, "If you were girls...oh, well, of course you're girls.  Sorry, I'm just used to speaking in gender-neutral language."  Oh.  My.  God.  If you don't know what gender neutral language is, it's like using "businesspeople" instead of "businessmen or businesswomen."  And it's stupid.  Also, it's unnecessary in a non-professional environment, which this clearly was.  I was quite unimpressed with her, but I still talked to her for another minute or two before the guys came back and we were once again separated by four people.

 

After the game, we split from the guys so that we could all use the bathrooms before we left.  As soon as it was just the three of us girls, Maria turned to me and asked, "Are you going to make out with that boy?  Because you are way too good for him!"

 

"Uhhh, I don't know?" I said, looking at Dana helplessly.  I had gotten the impression that X knew Maria pretty well, but she didn't even remember his name.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking for him.  You can make out with anyone that you want, so you don't have to settle."

 

"Um, thanks?"  I didn't want to be rude and tell her that she was out-of-line, but I also didn't like that she was being rude.  Then she asked Dana if she was on a date with the third roommate.  Dana replied that they're just friends.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking to be with him, too.  Both of you girls are so much better than them."

 

"Do you even know X?" I asked, finally gaining some balls.  When she confirmed that she really didn't, I simply said, "He's a really great guy," and I looked over at Dana as if to say, I'm doing the best that I can here.  What is wrong with this girl!?  I really wanted to pull Dana aside to talk about it, but she and I were never alone for the rest of the night.  After the bathrooms, we met back up with the guys and Maria left with her guy and the rest of us started heading toward the Metro, but decided to stay out and watch the NCAA Basketball Championship game instead.

 

X and I sat together and kind of held hands beneath the table.  After Ruby Tuesdays, we went to the Metro and split up because I was taking the Yellow Line and they were grabbing the Orange.  I told him that I'd had a really great time and he said that he'd see me Friday at my birthday dinner.  Then he kissed me good night and said, "Now go get your train."  And so I did.  Overall, a pretty good date.

 

But what was up with that girl!?

Carson the Law Student

In the second semester of my Junior year of college, Dwight and I took one of the same English courses.  Also in the class was a guy named Carson.  I thought that he was hot, but I was dating Charlie, so I didn't even talk to the guy much.  Fast forward to the first semester of Senior year.  This was one of my "off" times with Charlie and Carson was in another English class with me; he also turned out to be good friends / former roommates with Alex, another guy in the class who I'd done a project with in yet another English class that summer (can you tell that I was an English major?).  Alex and Carson quickly became my class buddies; I thought that they were both hot, but I preferred Carson.  I'm not sure what it was about him, because Sophie thought that he was unattractive, but I lusted after him like crazy.  No matter what off-putting thing he might say or do, I was attracted.  This wasn't the first time that I was attracted to a jerk, but it's one of the more obvious instances.  I'm even kind of afraid that if I ever see him again, I'll still be that attracted because there have really only ever been two guys that I've been THAT attracted to: Carson and Nathan.  Suck on that, Charlie.

 

Anyway, Carson and I hung out a few times at parties.  I attended one at his apartment that fall.  A few friends came with me, but they only stayed about an hour before heading over to a party at Charlie's house (and he definitely found out that I was at another party with a guy, but I don't remember much about that except that I heard he acted jealous).  This left me at a party where I only knew one person--Carson--and the few people that he'd introduced me to.  It was also the first time that I realized that I don't need a passel of friends around me; I simply started talking to a couple girls by the beer pong table, then talked to people on the balcony while I refilled my drink from the keg.  I was kind of proud of myself because Carson didn't have to baby-sit me; I think that he was impressed, too.

 

Later, when the party was dying down, we went to his bedroom and...did stuff.  Not sex and not oral sex (though he asked if I would), but other stuff.  It was fun, I guess.  I spent the night and he drove me home the next morning.  We still talked after that, and he even came to a drama-filled party with me (Charlie's old roommates' apartment and Charlie himself was there) and held my hair back for me when I threw up into a trashcan.  We continued to flirt a lot, but nothing more ever came from it.  I lost touch with him after I stopped using Instant Messenger until one drunken night the subject of Carson came up with Sophie.  She suggested that I just friend him because he'd probably accept the friend request and I'd never hear from him again.  So a week or two later, I did (even though I was sober by then).  I didn't expect to hear from him.

 

Saturday night, I did.  Right as I was about to go to bed, sometime after 2am, he messaged me on Facebook chat.  I was more than a little surprised, but I responded...and we wound up talking until 4am.  Not about anything important, just random stuff.  He's finishing up his second year of law school right now, but I have no idea what he did in the three years between college and going back to school.  I mentioned something about turning 27 soon and he was like, "Your birthday is on Thursday, right?"  As I confirmed that, he typed, "Is it weird that I remember that?" at the same time that I asked, "Did you look at my profile page?"  He claims to have just remembered.

 

Now here's where my lack of lie-dar comes in.  Even though my first assumption was that he looked it up, I'm inclined to believe that he just remembered for two reasons.  First, I have a ridiculous memory for names and numbers and data like that, so why couldn't he?  Second, his birthday is April 19th, so he could have just remembered because the dates are close together.  I'm much better about remembering peoples' birthdays if they're close to my own, so it's a possibility.  Is it far more likely that he looked it up?  Absolutely.  But why would someone lie about that?  Seems unnecessary.

 

Anyway, we left it at it being good to talk after all this time and that we should again.  We shall see.  He and I have very different political views, so I don't think that a relationship would ever work out, even in the short-term.  But I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink and just hanging out.  Maybe he can introduce me to some lawyer friends that DO have similar political beliefs to me.

Xavier and More

Okay, I have a lot to update.  After my last post on Monday the 22nd, I was just about to start writing a post about my friend Xavier's party when Facebook e-mailed me to let me know that Nathan had commented on my status.  My heart sped up and my face got warm before I read the innocuous joke.  I hadn't talked to him since New Years', so I was kind of shocked to hear from him--especially because the day before I had changed my News Feed settings to exclude anything from him and Charlie.  Timing is everything.  Anyway, I got over it.  Then he happened to call his youngest brother when a group of us were hanging out at their other brother, Nelson's house on that Saturday night...and happened to call his sister-in-law when Sophie and I were hanging out with her on this past Friday night.  It's like he has a radar for when I'll be around so that I'm forced to remember him.

 

But let's move on.  My friend Xavier had a party with his housemates, so Sophie, Dwight, and I attended along with Marchella and her boyfriend and a few other friends of ours.  These parties are always super fun, with Rock Band going on in one room and flip cup going on in the other.  Xavier and I are almost unstoppable when we're on the same flip cup team, so we carried on that tradition.

 

Xavier recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year.  He and I have known each other for almost two years, having met at a mutual friend's birthday party while I was still dating Charlie.  Xavier and I sat talking for a while and really hit it off as friends.  We cemented that friendship later that evening as beer pong partners when Charlie chose not to play with me because he wanted to be on a "winning" team.  Xavier and I demolished him.  Ha!

 

Now that X is single and I'm single and I've written off The Fourth, Sophie decided that I should date X.  I was surprised when she told me that because I've always had a mini-crush on him, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything about it.  Anyway, I decided to flirt with him at the party and see what happened.  I didn't count on Sophie pretty much suggesting to X that he and I should date.  It seemed like after that suggestion got out, everyone seemed to pounce on it.  According to Sophie, X seems a little wary of the idea--we might just really be too different, it could go south, and he saw me and The Fourth together at my party back in February.  Oops?

 

But he flirted with me anyway and at one point told me that I was looking really good that night.  We challenged anyone who wanted to play against just the two of us in flip cup and beat a team of five twice--and then were beaten by a single opponent.  I hit a point where I couldn't drink anymore, so he took over against the other girl, but I had to kiss him on the cheek a few times--for luck, of course.  That girl, our friend Cesar's girlfriend (Cesar is the guy whose birthday party we met at), flat out told him that he should ask me out.  Our friends are not ones for subtlety.  Before I left, we had a long, drawn out hug.  He told me that I should come over and hang out sometime, and I responded that he should invite me.  Apparently they're used to just having people drop in, but I view an open invitation as no invitation, so I wouldn't just come over.  He said that I had his number so I should contact him sometime, but I said that he had mine, too, trying to make it clear to him that I'm not going to do all of the work.  He received that message and I think that he said that he'd talk to me soon or something.

 

Afterwards, I wondered if he was too drunk to remember any of that, but I didn't let it concern me, either.  If he never asked me out, we'd still be friends with no harm done.  At dinner that Tuesday night, I filled Marchella in on things, even though she had been there to witness most of it.  I also discovered that once upon a time she had told the guys that I would only date Catholics or super Catholics or something, which isn't true.  Sure, I'd love to marry a guy who already has the same faith as me, but it's not at the top of my list.  That weekend, X's roommate, Kal, came to Marchella's place to play video games with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was brought up, Marchella retracted her earlier statements about my supposed Catholic-only desires, and Kal apparently went and told X who texted me on Monday night.  He said that there were a lot of rumors going around and that he'd give me a call when he got back from a business trip and that we could sort some of them out.  When he told me that he'd heard that I was a socialist, I texted him back that Bob was a dirty liar and that I'm not a socialist at all--not even close.  That's when I figured that Bob/Kal/X had been gossiping, so I e-mailed Marchella and she filled me in on the above.  And that she'd suggested to Kal that X had maybe missed his shot with me.  I don't know why she said that.

Anyway, he called me on Friday night and asked what I was doing Monday night (tonight).  "Um...nothing," I said, unable to remember if I had anything scheduled.

 

"Wrong, you're coming with us to the Caps game," he said.

 

"Okay!" I agreed automatically.  As if I would turn down a sporting event.

 

He said that there was a lot of stuff going around about the two of us, but that, as he saw it, we're friends and maybe we should just hang out a little more often and kind of see what happens--and that we'd talk about all the rumors flying around.  I agreed.

 

So I got up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning to go to the gym before work just so that I can rush over to the Verizon Center as soon as I get off--and after I change clothes.  Since I need to park at Pentagon City Mall before I Metro over, I also might see if I can't buy a red t-shirt first.  Caps colors, of course.

The Update with The Fourth

Two weeks ago, The Fourth casually asked if I'd go shoe shopping with him and I said that I would.  Then it never happened.  I was more than a little ticked off, even though we never decided a time, because I thought that this was his lame way of asking me out.  But he blew it.  I talked to him on that Sunday night and then e-mailed Sophie about it the next day...once again, here's an e-mail:

To: Sophie (15 March 2010, 2:34pm)

The Fourth messaged me[...]saying, "Don't worry, I didn't go shopping without you."  Oh, thank God.  I was so worried that he might have saved me from wasting my time helping him.  When I asked if he'd forgotten, he said that his dad came home early and "turned into Mr. A-hole / Mr. Clean" so he had to do chores.  My response:  "Wow.  You're 27 years old and you couldn't go out because your dad wouldn't let you?" He claimed that because he only pays $400/month in rent (um, ONLY? That's a lot for living with parents, especially when said parents can ground you from going shopping), he doesn't mind having to clean.  Whatever.  That's stupid as hell.

Anyway, over the course of the conversation, I mentioned, "Yeah, I was surprised when you had friended me on here because I didn't remember ever telling you my last name."  He confirmed that I hadn't; he'd gotten his dad to forward him an e-mail that I'd sent[...]and gotten my last name from that.  Then he said, "When he forwarded it, he said that you were cute, giving his approval.  And my dad never likes the girls that I date."

I can't remember if I laughed at this or yelled at the computer.  "WE ARE NOT DATING!  YOU HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE OUT FOR THERE TO BE A DATE!"  I forget what I actually said in response.  At this point, I've decided that I don't want him to ask me out.  I'm tired of all of this.  Moving on,

He'd asked something about my breakup with Charlie and asked if I'd picked out some new guy before we broke up.  I told him that I was loyal in a relationship and wasn't on the lookout for other guys.  He sent a :D face which ticked me off because he has no business being happy about that!  So I said, "But until I'm actually IN a relationship, everything's free game."  He replied, "So to lock you up, someone has to ask you out on a date?" 

NO FREAKING SH*T!  YES!  That is why WE aren't dating, idiot!  But I couldn't say, "Yes" because he might have actually asked me out then.  Instead, I said, "A single date would not lock me up."  Then he asked how many and I told him that I couldn't really give an answer to that because I didn't know.  I thought that he was going to ask me out right then, but he didn't.  I might have changed the subject.

Much like today.  We e-mail back and forth and this is an excerpt of our exchange:

The Fourth:  Do you wear tight figure hugging clothes to show off for me?  I enjoy the eye candy!
Lila:  Nope, I do it for me. [Actually, I do it for ANY man I might run into]
The Fourth:  Well, I would like to thank you for doing for yourself.  And unknowingly doing it for me as well!  :)
Lila:  You're welcome.  [No, you're not]
The Fourth:  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)   [Shut up, shut up, shut up]
Lila:  Oh, actually I lied; I'm doing it for Jack Bauer.  I'm seeing him tonight.  [When all else fails, change the subject to Jack Bauer]
The Fourth:  Are you sleeping with Jack?  I will understand if you want me to stop hitting on you and leave you be so you and Jack can have crazy babies together. [Admits to hitting on me; still ball-less]
Lila:  Um, you mean crazy AWESOME babies.  And we're not sleeping together; we're waiting until we're married.  [I can't even fantasize about being slutty]
The Fourth:  Yes.  Excuse me.  I meant to say CRAZY AWESOME BABIES!
Lila:  You're excused.  [I felt like I had to respond with something.]
The Fourth:  Well, have a nice life with Jack.  Looks like I am back to the drawing board.  :P [You've never even left the effing drawing board]
Lila:  Thanks, I'm sure that he and I will be very happy together.  When he's not being tortured by terrorists.
The Fourth:  So how do we break off this relationship?  Just say our good byes or just stop talking to each other all together?
Lila:  What relationship?
The Fourth:  Excuse me.  Our friendship....
Lila:  What friendship?
The Fourth:  Well, That answers that question....PEACE!
Lila:  Aww, take a joke.  [I feel slightly bad, but mostly annoyed that he can't take a joke]

I laughed out loud with the "What relationship?" thing.  But honestly, he can't seem to take a joke.  Sure it's a mean joke, but that's what I do!  This is his thing:  to get all fake-mopey (at least I hope it's fake) so that I'll be like, "Oh, I'm just kidding!  You're the greatest!" and I'm not going to do that. 

And so.  No more getting on Facebook chat.  I'm sick of this.  Even if he ever got the nerve to ask me out, he's officially a wimp.  A sensitive-can't-take-a-joke-at-his-expense- ball-less-wimp.  When I joked that his father forwarding my e-mail was a breach of something, he said that he was just being PROACTIVE.  I did laugh out loud then.  He's the least proactive person ever.


Then he and I didn't talk for about six days.  It just worked out that he was never in his office when I came in in the morning (except for Friday morning when I went in another way--on purpose) and, true to my word, I didn't go on Facebook chat.  But he e-mailed me today about something with football and I responded.  Just friendly, though and no flirting.

E-mailing with Sophie

So...without getting too detailed, Nathan might not have a job pretty soon up in Michigan.  From what he and I talked about in the past, if his new job didn't pan out, he would either look for another job up there or he would move back down here and work and probably go back to school.  Instead of writing all this out, I figured that I'd just post the e-mails between Sophie and I:

Lila (9:08am, 26 February 2010):

Yeah, one of my co-workers mentioned it to me yesterday.  I don't want him to move back here.  It's easier to have him up there where I don't have to see him...and so I can blame long-distance on why we didn't work out.  If he moves down here and still doesn't want to date me...I don't even want to think about it.  And it's ridiculous that I should feel this way because we were only together for two months--and we haven't been for three.  But it still makes me sad.
 
Sophie (9:14am):

You think YOU don't want him to move back here?  I assure you that EVERYONE YOU KNOW hopes he doesn't move back here even MORE.  Do not like Sad Lila.
    
Maybe you'll start dating The Fourth anyway, and the entire point will be moot.  While it is true that The Fourth seems equally unsure about his intentions with you, at least he's not "frolicking" around with you to the same degree Nathan was.

Lila (9:29am):

Frick, I just became Sad Lila now even thinking about this crap.  Like close to tears.  I hate that I feel anything for him.  When I heard about this yesterday, I even thought of writing a post, but I didn't want to bring it up to you and Isabelle yet.  Now maybe I will.
    
I wish that he'd been a jerk when we were together; I mean, he was a jerk by making us official and then changing his mind right away, but when we talked and when we saw each other, he was great.  I wish that he'd done a lot of stuff that I could look back on and be thankful that I escaped that mess, like with Charlie.  But it never got out of the exciting and new time period until it was over.
    
Ugh.  With any luck, he'll just find another job up there and stay out of my life.  And hopefully one day, my thoughts.
 
Sophie (9:43am):

Yeah... I know you think he was super great when you were together, and he WAS compared to Charlie.... but no guy who is really so great would leave you feeling like Sad Lila in the middle of a work day, trying not to cry at your desk, just because he crossed your mind.  He WAS being a jerk to you at the end; he made you official, got you to drive 10 hours to get in your pants one last time, and then broke it off.  I know it is more complicated than that, but this is how it appears from the outside.  And when it boils down to it all the hours on the phone and all the crying and all of his excuses don't really matter.  You're eternally optimistic and forgiving and excellent at making excuses for dudes, but there's really no denying that is WHAT HAPPENED.  If he didn't know what he wanted from your relationship he shouldn't have taken things as far with you as he did.  He knew he wasn't dealing with some slut to whom all the physical stuff wouldn't matter.  And if he liked you and wanted to keep his options open with you for the future but wasn't ready for something so long-distance, he should have thought with his brain (not his mini-Nathan) and realized he should cool it with you directly after the beach so that in the future it wouldn't be CRAZY AWKWARD if he ever did live in the vicinity and wanted to date you.  Ugh.  You know things are kind of messed up when your friends FEAR the thought of your ex moving into town because of how crazy it will likely make you.

And now, when you should be spending your time flirting with other boys or pondering the The Fourth situation (which is frustrating but intriguing!), you are going to spend your time obsessing about Nathan.  Un.Healthy.

Lila (10:29am):

Yeah.  So I'm definitely on Team Stay-the-eff-in-effing-cold-Michigan.  I don't want to avoid hanging out with you guys because he'll be around and it'd be hard for me to be normal around him.  I would probably be okay if I wasn't drinking, but when does that happen when we're around those guys?  Ugh.  If he moves here, whatever.  I'll just man up and be cool.  Even if he wanted another shot (which I don't think at all), he doesn't deserve one.  So I just have to get over this mess.  And stop being attracted to jerkholes.

Editor's Note:  "get in your pants" does not mean sex.  Just close to it.

Cocktail Party

Once I confirmed that The Fourth was coming to my, Sophie’s and Dwight’s cocktail party last Saturday night, I was kind of excited, but mostly I doubted that anything would change.  When I told a couple of my friends about him before the party, I said he was too afraid to ask me out and one of the girls suggested that maybe I help him out a little.  I refused and I stand by it.  Honestly, I need a guy that I can’t walk all over and if a dude can’t get the balls to ask me out, how is he going to get them later for more difficult decisions?

Once he got there, I seriously didn’t recognize him at first because he wasn’t wearing his glasses.  I have to say that I definitely prefer the no-glasses look; he has pretty blue eyes and they stand out more without the glasses.  I introduced him to some people and gave him a tour of the house.  I don’t think that we were downstairs long before flip cup started.  He was supposed to be on my team, but two of my out-of-town friends wanted to be on the same team (my team) and they asked him to switch.  If I had been less drunk, I might have pointed out to them that he didn’t know anyone but me and it’d probably be nicer for him to stay on my team, but I was drunk enough to not think about it.

So he stayed all through flip cup and did wind up on my team eventually.  He’d sometimes put his arms around my waist and be a little touchy-feely; I didn’t mind.  Actually, I enjoyed it, but that’s not surprising.  I’m very touchy-feely myself when I’ve been drinking.

Later in the evening, Nelson knocked me backwards onto my couch so that my legs hung over the side and he wouldn’t help me up.  The Fourth came and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, telling me that he had to leave.  “Noooooo, don’t go!” I told him.  Since I’m bossy when I’m sober, I’m even bossier when I’m drunk.  He insisted that he had to leave and said that he’d text me or something the next day.  I think that I said I didn’t believe him and he reminded me that he was the last one to text, so I owed him one.  I picked up my phone right then and sent “Don’t go!” followed by several smiley faces.  Those were unintentional, but I’m still impressed that my spelling and punctuation were correct.

Still standing right there, he texted, “I have to and you need your beauty sleep!”  I was a tiny bit outraged when I read that.  “Are you saying that I’m ugly?!” I demanded, knowing full well that he didn’t think any such thing.  I’ve learned over time that if I start accusing guys of insulting me when they haven’t, they’ll try to make it up to me and right then, I just wanted him to do as I said and hang out longer.  See what I mean about needing a guy that I can’t walk all over?  I’m a bitch otherwise.

He assured me that that was not what he meant, but he still insisted that he had to leave.  He kissed me on the cheek again and I—again—demanded that he stay.  He refused and we went back and forth like that, with him leaning to kiss me on the cheek another time, and then lightly on the lips.  That time I kissed him back, so the next time that he leaned down he kissed me on the mouth a second time and it turned into a real kiss.  Score!  He might have kissed me one more time, but then he said good bye and went to leave.  At that point I was a little annoyed because I wasn’t getting my way and because I really wanted to get off of that couch and in all that time he hadn’t felt the need to help me up.  My friend since pre-school, Keri, helped me up and she started filling me in on what she and The Fourth had talked about earlier in the evening when I wasn’t around.

I figure that you’re getting this fourth-hand; I got it second-hand from Keri, so this would be third-hand if I hadn’t been drunk.  Since I was, I’m a little uncertain of the facts, but here’s what I think she said:  The Fourth told her that he likes me and thinks that I’m cool.  Also, he mentioned how his dad met me first.  I don’t know if this is right, but I think that he said that after his dad met me, he told The Fourth that I was cute and he should meet me.  It’s also possible that it was the second time when I met his dad (after I’d already met The Fourth) that he told him that I was cute and he should go out with me.  Either way, I’m totally stoked that his dad thought that much of me!  Win!  Keri had actually assumed that The Fourth and I were already a couple, so she was surprised when I explained that we weren’t.  She insists that he definitely likes me, though.  Well, duh.  Hasn’t changed the fact that he hasn’t asked me out.

A newly single friend of mine, Xavier, was there and asked me to point out the single ladies.  I pointed out Keri and Isabelle and reminded him that I was single, too.  “Yeah, but you’re out of my league,” he replied.  I shrugged and said, “If you think that, then I probably am.”  I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just that if he thinks that, why should I think any differently?  Besides, what was an appropriate response?  “No, I’m not”?  That would devalue me and I’m not going to do that.  I guess that I could have made a joke like, “You bet I am!” but that would have been kind of mean.  Also, I was still drunk at this point and unable to reason out a thoughtful answer.

I should add that I kind of like that The Fourth didn't just give in when I wanted him to hang out longer.  I should not be rewarded for my bossy stubbornness.

Ethan's Super Bowl Party

Because I had no idea how bad the roads were until I was already on them, I drove out to Maryland to Ethan's house for the first time.  As soon as I arrived, he greeted me and told me that Kenneth was there, but that he'd brought his fiancee, Ursula.  Ethan told me that he hadn't wanted to bring her, but that she had insisted.  No idea if that's true.

I saw Kenneth and was surprised at how much cuter he was than I remembered, but I just smiled and said hello.  He can be as cute as he wants, he's still engaged.  I met Ethan's wife, Olivia, and she was super friendly and nice...but not what I was expecting.  She's Puerto Rican, 43 (five years older than Ethan), and a mother of three.  She and Ethan have been married for four years and together for seven, and...I don't know.  She's just not what I pictured and I think that's kind of nice.  I mean, I think that it's clear that they love each other and that's good to see.

Then I met Ursula.  She's like a short version of Sarah Silverman, but not as thin--which isn't to say that she's fat because she isn't.  I was a little taken aback by her because I was standing in the basement, talking to Ethan, maybe, and she just popped out of nowhere to introduce herself to me.  There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I felt like she had rushed over to do it and it just felt a little weird.  I mean, that could also be because I know so much about how no one wants her to marry Kenneth, including Kenneth, but whatever.  Honestly, there wasn't really anything wrong with her.  I noticed how she stuck close to Kenneth's side the entire night, but I don't think that she knew anyone other than him, Ethan, and Olivia.

I think that it was around halftime when Ethan and I were messing with the music that he told me how he had already gotten three text messages from Kenneth saying that I was hot.  So.  That's flattering, but it's also a jerk thing to do when he's ENGAGED.  I said something similar to Ethan and he said, "He is not marrying her.  Trust me, I'm his best friend, and it's not happening."

I talked to Kenneth a tiny bit because he was rooting for the Colts and I had to rib him a few times when the Saints did well, but mostly we only talked with Ursula and sometimes other guests.  Definitely no flirting or anything like that.  Still, Ethan called me on my way home and said that Kenneth had said some more things, but that he'd have to fill me in later.  He still hasn't!!!  I really want to know!


I know that Sophie already hates this guy, but I'd go on a date with him if he broke off the engagement first.  For the blog, if nothing more.  Come on...things have been slooooooow.

E-mail from The Fourth

From: The Fourth
To:  Lila
Sent:  Thursday, 4 February 2010, 8:33am
Subject:  Good Morning!

Good Morning!

So.  Funny story.  So I had a dream about you last night.

It started out with me asking you out on a date on a Friday.  At first you
said no and then for some odd reason when I was about to walk out of my
office at 3, you showed up to tell me you changed your mind and that I
should pick you up at 7.  I made a reservation at some really nice place.
So I showed up to your house in Crystal City at this really nice apartment
complex and when I got there, the door man would not let me in so I called
you and you did not pick up.  Since I made the reservation, I went and had
dinner.  For some really weird reason, this place was a high end pizza
place.  So as I am sitting there, you showed up on the arm of another guy.
You came over to the table with this guy and introduced him as your
boyfriend.  He was some huge weight lifter guy.  I got really pissed off and
wanted to pick a fight with him for stealing you away but then out of the
blue, my friends showed up and stopped me from hitting him.  You began to
start yelling at me for being la  te to your apartment.  I went outside with
my friends and we thought going to the bar across the street was the perfect
distraction and as we crossed the street, I was the first of the group to
step into the street.  Everyone started to yell and as I turned, I got hit
by a Jeep driven by you!

I woke up from my dream to find out I woke up like 10 min before my alarm
went off so I was screwed trying to go back to sleep!

I know it was random but for some reason, I remembered it!


Okay.  Obviously, there are a ton of things wrong with his dream.  I don't live in Crystal City, I don't live in an apartment, I don't have a boyfriend (weight-lifter or otherwise), and I don't drive a Jeep.  Also, I would never behave so bitchily--well, I probably wouldn't.

I took one whole psychology class back in college, and even though it was specific to children, I'm pretty sure that it's given me the ability to analyze The Fourth's dream.  He's insecure and afraid to ask me out.  But, really, how hard is it just to ask if I want to hang out?

I talked to him on Facebook chat that night and he implied that he's "waiting for the right opportunity" to ask me out and that he might be planning something?  Like some big thing so that there'd be no way that I could say no?

He's still riding that line of The Friend Zone.  I thought that he was in completely, but the proof that he likes me pushed him out a little bit.  Only that was four nights ago.  Tonight we were texting back and forth, as usual (and often enough that Sophie came downstairs to complain that he was lame for not asking me out if he could spend that much time messaging me), and talking about the snow and whether we'd have work tomorrow, etc.  Then he says something about flying down to Florida tomorrow--like, for serious...his sister lives there--and then asked if I wanted to go with him.  I kind of laughed it off and said I'd probably have to work on Thursday, but he stopped texting me after that.  It makes me wonder if he was serious because he's definitely joked(?) about us flying to Florida before.  Oops?  Oh well, it's not like I would have gone if he was serious, but if that was his true attempt at asking me out, FAIL.  I'm not going to the beach with a guy who isn't my boyfriend and prance around in a bikini for him.  Um.  By ourselves.  (Sophie and Isabelle, shut up about Nathan--that was different).

Whatever.

Okay, I'm officially tired of waiting for The Fourth to ask me out.  I still like him and I'll still talk to him and text or whatever, but this is ridiculous.  Today we e-mailed back and forth all day and I sat and talked with him in his office this morning, too.  He's not a shy person, so that's not his problem.  I'm just going to chalk this up to him not being that into me...because otherwise he'd do something more than flirt.  Dumb.  Does he even realize what he's missing out on?!

Wow.  I'm actually impressed with my thought process.  Maybe He's Just Not That Into You worked on me.  Instead of wondering why he doesn't seem to like me, I have an answer:  there's something wrong with him.  Not me.  HIM.  Ha!

Hopefully I can keep this way of thinking in the future, too.  I don't see why not.  I'm far from perfect, but I'm still a great catch and the guy that I end up with will be lucky to have me.  So any guys who don't see how awesome I am or don't jump on not letting me get away aren't worth my energy.  Depending on how observant he is, The Fourth is going to notice a big change from my past to current interest in flirting with him.

Congratulations, Sophie.  You win.

Introspection

Once upon a time, Charlie broke up with me (in February) and I told Ethan about it.  He and I were already buddies, but it was my breakup that had us talking a lot more and it was all because of his friend Kenneth.  Apparently these two have been best friends for years and as soon as I was single, Ethan told me that he had to introduce me to Kenneth and a couple of weeks later he did.  Kenneth came by to have lunch with Ethan, so Ethan called me to come on out to the hallway if I was free.  I already knew that he might be coming by that day and I'd told my co-worker Norah about it, too.  So she saw him when she was walking back to our office from the bathroom and said that he was cute.  I went out and talked to him for several minutes and Ethan even left us alone--on purpose--before he came back and joined in again.  I dazzled Kenneth with my football knowledge and he told Ethan that I was cute as soon as they turned the corner away from me--according to Ethan.  I also thought that Kenneth was cute.

Because I Have To Come Out of Hiding

Okay...I've been MIA for the past week because I didn't want Sophie reading and judging me for what I've been doing--which is texting back and forth with The Fourth a lot.  I will reiterate that I am not leading him on!  He's really funny and we're finding more things in common.  I'm not in love with him or anything, but I'll be pleased if this goes anywhere.  And I think that he likes me, too, but he hasn't asked me out.  So...whatever.  I think that he's just waiting or something.

And he better not wait too long because I'm going to a party next Friday night and then Ethan is going to have a Super Bowl party the weekend after that.  This is so that he can finally introduce me to some of his friends...eligible friends, that is.  He asked me for a "shopping list" of what I'm looking for in a guy and if I had access to it right now, I'd post parts of it.  Even if I don't find The Guy there, at least I can maybe meet some new people and that'll be cool, too.

Once again.  Not leading The Fourth on.  Also, not being the one to suggest hanging out.  He needs to man up and do it himself if he wants to.  Oh!  Funny thing:  he texted me a few pictures after he left work.  One was of our building, showing that he was in the parking lot, one of him in front of his house, and the third was of a Corona.  Jerk.  :)

Flip-flop-tastic

Texted with The Fourth last night.  I know, I know; I said that I'd be good and I was.  Nothing flirty for days, I haven't been on Facebook chat, and I wasn't commenting on any of his statuses.  Then he posted a picture of his sister's newborn twins and I commented saying how cute they were.

A few hours later, this is what happened:

The Fourth (10:37pm): Wanna get married and have quadruplets?  Just a thought!  Haha

Lila (10:38pm): This is a mass text, isn't it?
Lila (10:39pm): And quads?  Are you nuts?

The Fourth (10:41pm): Nope.  This is The Fourth's friend.  We stole his cell phone.  He was talking about you earlier and we just thought that we would mess with him and text you.  How are you Lila?

Lila (10:44pm): I'm awesome because my friends are nice enough not to send texts from my phone--so far. ;)

The Fourth (10:45pm): Holy shit.  Sorry!  It's The Fourth.  My friends are assholes tonight!  Sorry to bother you.  I need to go kill them now!
The Fourth (10:46pm):  I am really sorry!

Lila (10:47pm):  Hahaha!  May I suggest tea-bagging?  That'll teach them.

The Fourth (10:48pm):  Oh.  A complete beating is in order!  Tea-bagging would be a good bonus!

Okay...I've tried to write up my thoughts on this all day, but I really can't figure out my own feelings.  As anyone who reads this is aware, I've been trying not to lead on The Fourth and I was actually getting...not freaked out, but anxious that I might have really done it and could potentially hurt or disappoint him.  But I haven't talked to him for a few days and I started getting disappointed when he wasn't in his office as I passed by it.  Then I got those texts last night (and some more that aren't really blog-worthy) and was really excited--I mean, his friend said that he was talking about me! He told me this morning that his phone had an e-mail notification from where I commented on the picture of the babies and that's why his friend decided to message me.  He also mentioned that he and his buddies had taken another friend's phone on Saturday and texted a bunch of his ex-girlfriends to see which would go out with him again.  And they'd texted a picture of another guy's new girlfriend to his ex-girlfriend.  So...they were getting revenge on him.  But...why choose me to message from The Fourth?  I was pretty stoked.

I was thinking about all this today as I walked from his office to mine...and about how I really like talking to him.  Then I wondered what it would be like to make out with him.  A week or two ago I couldn't even imagine it without thinking that it was a bad idea.  Now I can imagine it...and it doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Maybe it's just me being a flake and I'll feel differently tomorrow.  Maybe things are just developing slowly unlike how I usually just jump into things.  Maybe it's because I've written off Nathan and the mental block for other guys has been lifted.  Maybe it's because I generally want what I can't have and he stopped contacting me all the time, making him more desirable.

I don't know what it is.  But I'm pretty sure that Sophie's going to kick my ass for flip-flopping so much.  Hey, Sophie, remember that time when I e-mailed you today saying that you were probably going to get more frustrated with me?  This is what I meant.

Oops?

Nick, Date #1

Since I hadn't heard from Nick since Sunday's phone call, I asked my co-workers, Fred and Tim, if I should text him.  After getting the story from me about how Nick and I had left things a little vague as to who was supposed to contact who (but leaning towards me as the one to do it), both guys said that I should text him.  So when I left work on Friday, I texted to say:

Lila (5:38pm):  I hear that the Jets are favored by 2 1/2 over the Bengals.  Pretty sure that they won because I rooted for them--so you owe me. :)

Nick (5:40pm):  Haha yes it looks like I do!

And a half an hour later texted again:

Nick (6:11pm):  You up to anything fun this weekend

Lila (6:21pm):  I  might be at Isabelle's tonight and I have some things on Sunday afternoon, but otherwise nothing much.  You?

Nick (6:23pm):  Yeah might meet some friends tonight.. That's about it.. You maybe want to go grab a drink tomorrow?

On Saturday evening we met at a restaurant close to my house; he was late by more than ten minutes.  I overlooked that because he was coming from about forty miles away and he apologized profusely for it.  We went to the bar and he bought us a couple of beers and we stood talking for more than three and a half hours and just generally having a good time.  I had three beers, he had four, and we shared an egg roll appetizer that was really good.  The bar was shutting down, though, so he asked if he could follow me back to my place to sober up before the long drive home.  I had already mentioned that Dwight and Sophie were having people over and that there was something going on over there, so it wasn't as presumptuous as it might sound.  Anyway, we went in and several friends were over and about to play another drinking game, so we joined in.

And then he kept drinking.  I was too, a little, but I thought that someone with such a long drive ahead of him should probably stop drinking at some point and he didn't.  Dwight went to bed and some people left until it was just Sophie, Nick, myself, and Nathan's brother, Nelson.  Nelson's wife had already left and he was planning to sleep in the guest bedroom and I was wondering when Nick was going to leave or if he was going to stay at our place.  My basement was a disaster area as it normally is because I never had any intention of letting him go down there, so I didn't even want to offer him my couch.  At this point I was also kind of thinking that he should have made sure that he could get home safely that night because this was a first date and not the time for getting plastered and having to stay the night.

Anyway, we were sitting on a couch together and sometimes he would hold my hand and stroke it or put his arm around my shoulders.  I let him because it was kind of nice and comfortable, but I was aware that this wasn't first date behavior.  He got up once or twice to smoke with Nelson and our friend Miguel before he left, and then he brought out the dip.  DIP.  I mean, he's from Jersey not Georgia!  I decided then that I didn't want to kiss him if it came down to that because GROSS.  Nothing like thoughts of mouth cancer to get a girl charged up.

He also talked about his ex-girlfriend a lot.  A LOT.  I mentioned that my ex was a Patriots fan and I was glad that they lost to the Ravens (sorry, Isabelle!), but I didn't talk about Charlie until he asked me questions and even then I didn't go into too much.  But I know a lot about his ex and about how he still talks to her all the time and even still loves her, though he never thought of marrying her--despite living with her for three years.

I fell asleep a couple of times sitting up next to Nick while he and the other two had deep philosophical existential conversations.  Sophie told me later that he said that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married and that didn't really believe that there's a life beyond this one, i.e. Heaven.  "Lila's gonna hate me," he told her drunkenly while I slept beside him.

Eventually, everyone went to bed.  Sophie and Nelson went down the hall and I gave a blanket to Nick as he laid down on the sofa and I got ready to go downstairs.  "Give me a hug," he muttered and I obliged.  He said something about me being mad at him and I was confused.  "Why do you think that?"

"Because you didn't want me to come downstairs," he replied, still drunk.  I shook my head.  "I'm not mad at you.  I just said 'no.'"  When I was falling asleep he had suggested that we go downstairs so that I could.  At the time I assumed that he intended to sleep on the couch, but now I wonder if he actually wanted to sleep in the bed with me because he then offered to sleep on the floor.  I simply said, "No," kind of nonchalantly.  In retrospect, I wish that I had cleaned up and I could have put him on my couch because Dwight woke up early the next morning and was annoyed that he had to work at kicking Nick out.  Oops.  I felt really bad about that.  Sophie hadn't seemed to have any problem with Nick sleeping there and it hadn't occurred to me that it would bother Dwight--probably because I'd been drinking.  Oh well.  Next time I'll be more considerate.

Nick texted me later in the day to tell me that he had a good time and then told me to have fun at the baby shower I was attending.  I texted back a few hours later when I had some spare time that I had a good time, too.  I don't know if he'll call me again, but I think that he might.  If he asks me out, I'll go again, but I don't really see this turning into a relationship.

New Years Via Isabelle

I know, I know. I am way behind on my accounts of that evening. This is partially because I do not have much to write and I felt silly about scribing the details when half of them I don't remember and the other half are pretty insignificant.

I went over to Lila, Sophie, and Dwight's house to get ready. We were jamming out to music, eating pizza, getting beautified, the usual. I was trying to be optimistic about the night because I usually dislike New Years and the pressure it creates to have an incredible time. Also, as you well know, I was the 11th member of the group of married, engaged, and recently ex-ed (Lila and Nathan) couples.

Thank goodness for alcohol!! That made things a whole lot better in my mind. I got to the bar right when we walked in and ordered a jack and coke. Impressed? Thought so. They didn't have any jack, so we did Captain spiced rum. A guy who was standing with me ordered the same. Probably would have been a good time to chat him up about our like drinks, but I was too excited to mentally prepare myself to flirt on the fly.

The group went upstairs where we talked and hung out. There was a bartender who I nicknamed Jim Halpert because he looked just like him from a far. SO cute! I beelined to him for my next drink and when he looked up and into my eyes I saw that he was 12 years old. Okay, obviously and legally he cannot actually be 12 years old, but my goodness he sure looked it. I continued to go to him for my drinks because I thought heck, why not be Mrs. Robinson tonight?! I am already an outcast in my own party. I can seduce a young man if I want.

A friend and I walked downstairs at one point b/c the DJ was playing my song. We danced until the song ended and then decided to go back upstairs. The group continued to talk, drink, eat. At 11:50, Sophie, Dwight, and I went downstairs to find me a man to kiss. It was tough. The whole floor was packed and everyone was wildly anticipating midnight. Sophie spotted a tallish man with very stylish glasses. She yelled, "Him!" I was a little unsure, but I think part of that was related to the idea of kissing a complete stranger. The DJ announced that we had 5 minutes left. Sophie just about pushed me towards the man and I took a swig of champagne and said hello. I asked him if he had anyone to kiss at midnight. He said no. I asked him if he would like to kiss me. He said yes. Then he asked me where. I pointed to the floor and said, "here." And he said, no where do you want to kiss. I felt dumb, but didn't care that much. I pointed to my lips and he seemed a little shocked, but in a good way. He asked me where I was from and I said Arlington. I asked the same question and he said Macedonia. What? Macedonia? Okay...I asked him if that was near Turkey. He was surprised that I knew and wanted to know how I knew that pivotal piece of information. I told him that my brother-in-law is from Turkey. He said that he didn't know what that meant and that he had never understood American relationships. I explained that it meant my sister's husband. Luckily we heard the DJ start counting down from 10 and once we all hit 1, I leaned in and gave him a big kiss. Probably lasted 5 seconds. Not nearly as long as Lila's. I said happy new year and then walked back upstairs with Sophie and Dwight. And then I went to my 12 year old for another drink. I think I was the 1st to greet him with a happy new year because he smiled and returned the sentiment.

We left about an hour later due to problems caused by other guests that were unknown to us at the time.

All in all, it was a pretty solid night. I had a great time before and after midnight, and I had a kiss at midnight. Done and done in my book.

Plus I didn't get roofied or raped, so cheers 2010!

He's Just Not That Into Me

Sophie and I will attend a book club meeting on Friday evening for He's Just Not That Into You and watch the movie.  I received my copy of the book about five years ago from my cousin Nina and, in her inscription, she referred to it as "The Bible" for women.  Unfortunately for Nina, she hasn't followed any of the advice that the book gives and now she's "forgiven" her cheating spouse, but that's not really a story for today.

When I got home from dinner with Marchella last night, Sophie was nearly finished with the book.  I think that she read it right after I did all those years ago, but she hadn't revisited it since then and I hadn't reread it since more than a year ago when I was unsatisfied with Charlie and our relationship.  The problem is that while the book is great for looking back on past relationships and seeing why they didn't work out, it's hard to apply the common sense logic to current situations because we, as women, make excuses for men and want to believe that they like us.

I started reading it last night and hit the chapter on break ups.  I think that one of the key themes is "It's called a break up because it's broken," (also the title of another book by Greg Behrendt) and it was like a slap in the face as I applied it to myself and Nathan.  My heart broke a little as Behrendt basically told me that if Nathan was that into me, he wouldn't have broken up with me.  Sure, he was into me and maybe if we lived near each other he'd be that into me, but we don't.  And he's not.  Behrendt proceeded to let me know that if I was The One, the 550 miles apart wouldn't matter and we'd still be together, so I guess the proximity thing isn't really an excuse.

While I was Googling the book, I came upon a book outline for Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others a book that focuses on different ways that some women are statistically more or less likely to marry than others.  One thing absolutely stood out to me and made me feel a bit ill; I sent the list to Sophie, so I kind of bet that this same thing stood out to her about me, too.

Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.

Okay.  I wouldn't say that I make a guy the "center of my universe" after unreturned feelings; I would take that to mean being content to wait for the chance that the feelings will be returned one day and not to accept opportunities from different guys.  In the month and a half that Nathan and I have been apart, I've almost gone out with one guy and made tentative plans with another for next week.  And I've just been generally open.  But I do tend to speak well of guys that have hurt me when I think that there's a chance of "someday" with them...and I have to get over that.  It doesn't mean that I have to speak poorly of them, but I also don't have to excuse them--and they don't deserve "someday" with me, either.  They had their chance already and ended things because they either didn't really want me or they were willing to risk not ever being with me again.  And why would I want to waste my time on guy who has already made it clear that I'm not what he wants?  Anyway, I lean more towards making excuses for the guys than calling them losers (except in Charlie's case--I call him a loser or worse all the time) and I'm going to stop it.  Lila's having a breakthrough.

Despite the sucker punch, I'm glad that I read that chapter when I did.  I'd been toying with texting Nathan to remind him that he forgot about my blanket (or couldn't find it) because I really want it back!  It was a gift and it has kind of "saved" me a couple times when it was super cold outside, just because I always kept it in my car.  Anyway, after reading this I'm not going to bother.  I'm not going to contact him in any way and hopefully he won't visit anytime soon...because it's not a good idea for me to see him and I don't want to have to bow out of plans with my friends just because he'll be there.  He and I obviously just aren't meant to be, which hopefully means that there's still someone else out there who I am meant to be with and it'll be awesome when that happens.

In the meantime, I'll be here.  Dating and blogging away.

And I Thought That Things Were About To Get Boring Again

Just got off the phone with Nick, the friend of Isabelle's roommate that I met at her Christmas party.  I was kind of shocked when I saw his name flash across my cell phone display, but I answered and talked to him for about fifteen minutes.  He reminded me that he had promised that he'd call and hadn't forgotten and I admitted to him that I had kind of written him off at this point.  He said that he'd been busy with Christmas stuff and visiting his parents down in South Carolina, which is an okay excuse but not a great one.  I mean, he could have called or texted anytime if he was really interested.

But whatever.  It's not like things are ever going to happen with Nathan, so I need to distance myself from him--and the best way to do that is with another guy.

Nick and I talked about our New Years' and he told me about his drunken escapades from Friday night (which involved him taking a cab home only to realize that he didn't have his apartment keys.  He had to climb up to his second floor balconey and break a screen to get inside while he was still drunk).  We also discussed our football teams and how my team is done and his will get into the playoffs if they win tonight--I promised I'd root for them (the Jets) because I hate the Patriots (sorry, Isabelle).

We're going to call or text later in the week and see about getting together to hang out.  I'm kind of excited, but I'm not expecting much.  As Sophie reminded me when I filled her in, Nick grabbed my butt, hers, and Isabelle's when he was drunk at the party when we met.  Oh well.  I get handsy when I'm drunk, too.  We'll see if this actually turns out to be a problem.

And, honestly?  I'd rather he be grabbing girls' butts than boys' penises.

New Years' Eve

Okay.  It's taken me a few days to sit down and write about the other night because I've been lazy and parts of the night were embarrassing.  Let's get started, shall we?

Deflecting

Texting:

The Fourth (9:57am): So what you get for christmas? Typical clothes or you get something fun!
Me (2:11pm): Boring stuff aside from [...] and cash so i'm going NYE shopping later. :) you?
The Fourth (2:13pm): NYE shopping? Simple stuff. Few shirts and some gift cards. Nothing too big.
Me (2:18pm): New years' eve. might get a new dress. going to some club in dc


The Fourth (10:54pm): So what hot dress you going to buy for new years!?
Me (10:58pm): Ughhhh. I shopped for 2 1/2 hours and the only dress I liked was $140. I might end up buying it anyway.
The Fourth (10:59pm): Sweet. What color. What does it look like? You have to cat walk it for me before you head out to party!
Me (11:03pm): Haha. black and silver. and i'm not wearing it to work--assuming that i get it. prob wear it again for the cocktail party that my roomies want to have in jan
The Fourth (11:04pm): Once you get it, send me a picture of it then. Doesn't have to be fancy or anything. Just want to know what eye cast guys will have on new years!
Me [send picture of me in the dress]: I took a picture in the dressing room to get my roommate's opinion.
The Fourth (11:12pm): That's hot! I like it!
Me (11:15pm): It's pretty sweet. so much money though. i could get 4 cases of red bull for less than that.
The Fourth (11:16pm): Haha you and red bull. You should have been a room mate of mine in college. One of my room mates was a promotors for red bull so he gt free cases to hand out to people at events. He stashed a ton of it in our apartment to exam week!
Me (11:18pm): I should have married that guy.
The Fourth (11:19pm): Oh if your room mate is not around and you want an opinion on something in the dressing room. Feel Free to send pictures my way! You look really good in that dress. All this picture is missing is your smile!
The Fourth (11:22pm): So do you keep redbull in business by yourself!?
Me (11:24pm): My smile would have distracted from the dress. and yes about the red bull. the ceo's kids are going ivy league because of me.
Fourth (11:24pm): Hahaha. I better buy stock in that company!
Me (11:27pm): Probably. I had more than 2 today.
The Fourth (11:28pm): Dang! No wonder your wired in the morning. I bet it's hard for guys to keep up with you!!!
Me (11:31pm): I'm not wired when you see me...I don't hit the bull until I get to my desk.

Okay...I know that it looks bad. But I really was trying not to flirt. Whenever he made a flirty comment, I tried to deflect it. Or mostly. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have sent the picture of the dress, but it's not like it was a picture of me in my underwear. It didn't even show my face giving a sexy come-hither look (that would have weirded out Sophie, though, since the picture was originally for her). Anyway. My strategy clearly sucks. I said that I was going shopping with Christmas cash for a new dress specifically for one night in DC in hopes that he'd think that I was frivolous. Same with saying that I'll probably buy the $140 dress. Come on! Judge me, The Fourth! Guys aren't supposed to want frivolous spendthrifts!

For my next move, I think that I'll mention that my ex will be there on New Years'. Or I'll just marry The Fourth so that I never have to have an awkward conversation with him. Seems like the responsible thing to do.

Because I'm Crazy

Last night I purposefully stayed off of Facebook chat just in case The Fourth signed on, not that that would have prevented him from texting me or anything. At this point, I don't think that we've talked since Saturday night, so I think that I'm doing pretty well.

It took me a while to fall asleep because I was trying to envision all kinds of different scenarios of how New Years' Eve might go down. In nearly every one, Nathan soooo wanted me again and I was like, "Whatever, dude." Only this is how things will probably go in real life:

We'll see each other and pretend like it hasn't been over a month since we've spoken...or I'll passive-aggressively say something like, "Hi, stranger," to let him know that I know how long it's been since we've talked, but then be really nice to him to make it look like I don't actually care.

We'll joke around here and there, but he'll mostly stick to talking to the guys and I'll whisper secretively and excitedly with Sophie and Isabelle to make it look like there's something going on that he knows nothing about to get him intrigued. Except that he won't notice or get intrigued.

Drinking will commence. The more that I drink, the flirtier I'll become until I forget every grand plan of appearing sexy and cool. Instead, I'll be my drunk self: loud, flirty, stubborn, and handsy. I will absolutely adore everyone around me, including Nathan, even as latent feelings of bitterness start to rise. Clever phrases that aren't at all clever will pop into my head and I'll wait for the first opportunity to use them, no matter how irrelevant they are. Example:

Nathan: I'm going to get a drink.

Me (drunkenly): Better not get beer in case you want liquor later. 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.' You'll want to keep your options open, after all."

This because the word passed through the grapevine is that he told his brothers that he broke up with me to keep his options open. Now that this has stuck in my mind, I'm afraid that it will come up.

Perhaps I'm going about this incorrectly, though. I mean, sure, I'll be drinking, but who's to say that I can't get him drunk, too? Like, really drunk? Like, drunk enough to not remember any stupid thing that I might say?

I can only pray for a miracle.