Seriously?

Oh my goodness. Brian is driving me crazy!! You remember Brian, right? He was the guy that I made out with, dress-less, in my bed at my Christmas party. And then because I was a little unsettled the next morning, since he was the 1st guy I had ever had sleep over, he decided all on his own, that I was not interested and ignored me. So when I needed him the most to help me feel like not a slut, he was gone.

Or so I thought. Then 2 months later, he texted me happy birthday. And then a few weeks after that he commented on my facebook status asking about a job that I was interviewing for. I told him what it was and a couple weeks later he asked if I had heard any news about the job. I told him that I hadn't heard anything yet.

Then last night he sent me a text. It said, "hey you, how've u been?" He sent it at 11:40PM (I didn't get it until 2), but we all know that a text from a guy after 11 is dangerous. And why is he texting me at all? Why is he doing this? And this morning I got on facebook and saw his last 2 status reports.

1st:
is headed outta DC to the Bay tonight for some fun!! Happy Memorial Day!!
(at 7:40)

and then:
ladies, "in only gonna break break, break break your heart" ;-) (at 11:30)

Thought number 1: he wrote the song lyric incorrectly. It's not "in gonna", it's "I'm gonna." So putting aside his awful typing or song knowledge...
Thought number 2: Due to my amazing detective skills, I have discovered that he wrote that status only about 10 minutes before texting me.

So I believe we have 2 options. There could be others, but I'm to befuddled to think hard enough. Option 1: He just likes the song and it has no connection to me or any other girl and I should just let it go. Option 2: the song is somehow meaningful to me and/or the situation which is grouped with the text he sent. I guess I do have a third option. Option 3: Who the F cares?

I don't know what he is thinking or doing. I don't know even how I feel or what I want to do. What is happening? How do I respond?

Grrrrrrrr!!

The Nephew From Philly

I don't even know if this counts, but I feel like this blog has been slacking recently so I am going to write about an event that I attended this weekend.

Saturday morning I went to a wedding. It was for a high school friend and really fun. I looked gorgeous, thank you very much. Then after the reception, I went to another friend's graduation party. I, of course, wanted to see my friend, but she and her mom (I work with the mom) have also been talking up her cousin, Matt, for months, so I was curious.

I got to the grad party and met all of the family members who were there, including Matt. And he is really cute. He used to be a teacher but switched gears and is now working for a non profit that mentors kids. That is actually something that I am really interested in doing so I was intrigued by that. I was talking with the whole extended family (I was the only non family member there after my friend's boyfriend left). It looked like people were starting to leave so I was gathering my things, but the mom told me to stay.

We were all talking outside and then decided to move inside to play Scattergories. Real exciting I know. It was my friend and I teamed up against her brother and her dad, her mom and Matt, and her gramma and her aunt. We came in 2nd place. Anyway, the game was a lot of fun because we were just being silly and laughing and arguing over people's answers. Then all of the "adults" decided to go to bed, so once again I started to get my things because I felt bad for staying for so long. The mom told me to stay again! So the "young kids" (friend, brother, Matt, and myself) went to the basement and played pool. I was on Matt's team and the whole group was talking about all sorts of random topics. Matt and I won twice in a row which is pretty amazing since I suck at pool. Though I did get a few balls in.

We went back upstairs and outside to the porch area to talk some more. My friend's brother is very deep and spiritual. He is 20 so I think he is just absorbing everything and talking about it before he even knows what it means. Needless to say, we had some very interesting conversations. We also talked about more relaxed topics like books and movies. He actually made some character analizations about myself that I had never though about before. It was was really kind of funny.

The group finally decided to call it a night. When I went inside, I saw that it was 1:30Am. Good grief! I was at that party for a very long time! I had a really great time too. I liked Matt a lot. He was nice, funny, smart, interesting, attractive. But part of me is like, what is the point? He lives in Philadelphia! What's the use? That might be my jaded and bitter side of life talking, but it could also be my rational side. Anyway, I facebooked him and said how it was nice to meet him and then added a little comment from one of our many discussion topics. He responded with him having been happy to meet me (with an exclamation point) and then thanked me for helping him show his cousins who is the boss at pool. And then nothing. Which is fine, right? I mean, I wasn't even expecting any comment back, so any is a good sign. I think. And I am really interested in his job and how he got into it so I think I might ask him about that. Should I just go into this as making a new friend? I should, shouldn't I? It's just hard for me sometimes because I want to be happy and dating someone, and when I meet someone who I like I get all weird and comjumbled (new word). It's like I don't know how to flirt, what to do, or even act normal. It's a terrible, terrible curse and I wish it would disappear.

So any advice? I would love some.

e Recap

Ok, it has definitely been awhile since the last posting. And I think it is about time for a recap.

Match #4 turned out to be kind of a creeper. We were planning on meeting up and then he texted me at 12:30 AM. And as my roommate once told me, anything after 11:00 PM is a booty call. Knowing this, and the fact that he is texting me after midnight before we have even met, I was a bit unsure. And in the previous e-mail, I suggested we get coffee. When he sent me the text, he said that we should go to Applebees or Red Robin. Now, I don't consider myself a snob, but really? Applebees or Red Robin? A) I thought we were getting coffee and B) Really? Those restaurants are not high on my list. So, I cut ties with him. I was incredibly put off by everything he had said and done and that's not a good start.

Match #5 I never got back to. I was meaning to, but my life has been so hectic that it's been a really long time since we last spoke. Plus, he drives a pedicab for a job. Here we go again, I am really not a snob, but I'm sorry, that's not a real job. Right? I mean he bikes people around DC for money. It's not even a cab where he has an actual car. So I am not going to be reuniting myself with him.

So now I would like to introduce you to Match #6. He is 31, white, lives in Annandale, 6'1" and works for the government. I thought I would try an older, hopefully more mature man. In his e-mails to me, it was like he had word vomit. He told me everything about his life and none of it was happy. He told me about his awful childhood, his parents divorce, his step brother dying, etc. And he asked weird questions like what my birth order is and he had just read 2 books about birth order. He also said that he cannot live without his cats. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and e-mailed him back. He responded with telling me that he left his job in the military b/c he couldn't do bad things to good people anymore, or something like that. He also wrote about how he doesn't believe in God b/c religion was forced on him as a child. And he wrote a paragraph about his cats. He ended his e-mail asking me why I put maybe for wanting kids. Um...what? Are we planning our future together already? It was all too much in such a short period of time. I don't plan on continuing correspondence, but if we did, I feel like I already know everything about him! What more is there to talk about?

AY yay yay! My membership to eharmony expires next week and I am out! This is too stressful and kind of disappointing. I am going to take the summer off and see where things end up for me in the fall. I am trying to make it through the next 2 months at work and am looking for a new job. I cannot handle dumb boys in addition.

Awesome. I feel great. Can't you tell?

Ugh...I don't know anymore

So I was supposed to get drinks with Ben last week. He flew off to Houston randomly for work (found out on Wednesday). My warning signals started to go off. But then he asked if I wanted to do something this weekend. So again, I was a little confused because it sounded like he still wanted to see me. So I called him on Thursday and left a message asking if he wanted to go see a movie maybe on Saturday. He text me Saturday afternoon saying he got in late and would be taking it easy that night. Which is weird b/c that's exactly what a movie is, but oh well. And there was no mention of future plans. So I am pretty sure that things are no longer. It's not a definite, but our communication all last week continued to put up red flags for me and then confuse me. I am disappointed and frustrated. I finally was starting to feel like there was nothing majorly wrong with me. I had continuous dates, sober kisses, and he was a gentleman. It was an incredible feeling. And I know that it was way early on in the "relationship" (for lack of a better word) but still, I had hopes for the future. If he calls, great. But I am not holding my breath.

I guess, the only other thing is to go back to the drawing board, although I don't want to. I know people are always telling me to practice and I get good stories or even dates out of it, but I want to quit. I hate this. I hate feeling dejected for unknown reasons. I hate being alone, but I hate the process even more. I honestly don't want to do this anymore. I know I have the choice, but I already feel like it would be the bad one if I chose not to continue going out.

So that leads us to...
Match #4

He is white, 6'1", 27, works in the government, lives in Reston, and says he is a Christian.
What is interesting about Match #4 is that he was the 1st person to ask me those stupid 1st 5 questions when I signed up mid-February. So...2 months ago. And we are just now at the final stage. I am pretty sure that he started dating someone and that didn't work out so now he is starting over. He seems like an ok fellow. Nothing too creepy about him; no mention of thongs or Saturday night/Sunday morning proposals. He asked me if I wanted to get together last weekend, but I was really busy so I suggested maybe coffee this week. He responded with Wednesday. I don't have anything going on, so physically I can do it. Though mentally and emotionally I feel like a robot. It's not exciting for me anymore. I am just waiting to be disappointed which is a horrible feeling.

And then there is Match #5
He is white, 6'2", 25, drives a pedicab (I am not lying), lives in Springfield, and also says he is a Christian. He is a Patriots fan, so that is a huge plus, but I am not getting a great vibe from him for some reason. Sure, I can be optimistic and give him a try anyway, but I am just not too confident about him. Maybe it's the fact that he rides a bike for work, or perhaps something else. He did give me his number and said that he can text all day if I feel like doing that. Okay, what? I find that a little strange, but maybe I am wrong.

So I guess I am going out on Wednesday, but I really don't want to. I would like to go back in time and erase last week with Ben and do it over. Or maybe God will rain down my future husband. That would be wonderful. With a sign that says, "Isabelle." Like the ones chauffeurs have when they pick up their guest at the airport.

As always, I will keep you posted. But I need a jolt to get me out of this cynical, cat lady funk.

Birthday Rehash

Well, my birthday was super fun.  A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation.  I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships.  At least, that's what I thought we were saying.  Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me.  I decided not to worry about it.  It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

 

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot.  Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing.  Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?"  Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that.  "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

 

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either.  But it does sort of matter to me.  It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid.  I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me.  It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about.  It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband.  There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

 

But I didn't trust Charlie.  Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did.  And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged.  And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely.  No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

 

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay.  And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt.  If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait.  But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined.  So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

 

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie.  I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog.  Anything for the blog, right ladies?

Match #3, Date #3

I am officially tied my longest number of consecutive dates with the same man at 3! Can I get a what what?

This date description might be a little shorter than the previous two, but it's still exciting. Ben picked me up right on time at 2:00. I was slightly frustrated with what he was wearing, not b/c he looked bad (b/c he definitely looked good), but because I had spent the entire day before talking with friends about what I should wear. We were going to go hiking so I needed to be dressed appropriately, but still maintain the cute factor. He was in a long sleeved shirt and running shorts. I was wearing my good jeans, and a short sleeved shirt under a long one (thought it was going to be chillier than it was). I would rather have been in running shorts also. And what is the point of shaving if you are going to wear pants anyway?

We parked and he took out a backpack. I had made cookies that morning and brought a few along for a little sustenance on the hike. We put those in the bag and headed off. It was kind of tricky to talk while hiking. There were a lot of people on the trail b/c it was such a nice day and I was concentrating hard on not dying. At one point we were walking on top of rocks with a drop off to the river. Not to mention crevices between many of the rocks. Ben jumped over and continued on, but I am afraid of heights and was lightly paralyzed. I called him back and he reached his hands out to me and helped me across. I told him about my fear and he said that he had the same one. He could have fooled me! We got to the highest point and decided to take a seat and rest. He pulled out water bottles for us from the backpack and also my cookies (which were fantastic, PS). We talked some and just took in the views until we decided to continue on. I needed his help a couple of times, but it was kind of fun. A couple of times he would pull me across and I would land literally against him. Once or twice my free hand would grab his arm and let me tell you, he has nice arms (swimmer).

Once we had to climb straight up the side of the mountain and he said I should go first in case there were any loose rocks. Hah! So thoughtful. I did pretty well until the top when I couldn't position my feet right to move to the next stop. He slid over and again helped me up. I was quickly regretting my decision to wear jeans. It was a lot warmer than I was anticipating, and of course we were doing some crazy physical activity. At one point we were walking and my foot slipped and landed in a crater full of old, stagnant water. I yelled the S-word which I kind of regretted b/c neither of us really use that language, but it just caught me off guard. We sat for a little bit after that, trying to cool off and rest.

We started talking about traveling, work, our shared love of James Bond, all types of things. Hiking kind of made it less of a pressure to fill in the silence, it was nice. Eventually we made it back to the footpath! We started talking about sports and he wanted to guess which two Patriots jerseys I owned. He got them both right on the 1st try. I was highly impressed. We also talked about roommates and were making jokes. I wish we could have held hands on the walk back to the car b/c it was on even ground, but we never did.

We were driving back to my place and started talking about music. I told him that my 1st CD was Wilson Phillips. He said that he couldn't tell me his b/c it was far worse. I asked if I could guess. I got it right on the 2nd try. Not too shabby I think. I won't mention it b/c it is pretty embarrassing. We got to my house and he asked me if I was free to maybe get a drink later in the week. I said definitely, just not on Tuesday. He said okay, a non-Tuesday day it is. He would call me in a couple of days to talk about day, place, time. Then he leaned in and we kissed. When we stopped he said that he would walk me to my door. While we were walking I thanked him for being so gentlemanly. And said that living with the 3 guys that I do, I really appreciate when he does all that he does. It might have been corny, but I didn't want him to think that I was ungrateful. We kissed again. A little longer and deeper than the car kiss. I was somewhat aware that it was light outside and neighbors were probably around, but I didn't care that much. The kiss ended and we said goodbye.

I walked inside ecstatic. Not only am I on my way to my 1st 4th date, but I am genuinely happy. It is so refreshing having something else to think about in my life. And something that is exciting and makes me feel good! I don't have much of that right now. And this is all new to me so it's extra special. What I also like about it all is that I am a mature adult. So even though I am excited and happy, I am able to still be calm about it when I need to be. So privately, or with friends, I may be super giddy, but I am not a 16 year old who doesn't know how to handle herself. Also, I am just taking one day at a time. I am not wondering whether or not he could be "the one" I am just enjoying each date that we have. I think that's all I can do.

Side note: both times that we made out on my front step, we stopped and he drove away no more than 2 minutes before a roommate appeared. It's actually kind of crazy and amazing that it worked out that way. I am not ready to explain this whole thing to them.

Caps Game Cometh

Last night I went to the Capitals game with Xavier, two of his roommates, a girl friend of all of theirs that I've met a couple of times at parties (Dana), and another girl who was the date of one of the roommates (Maria).  I had a lot of fun; I like hockey well enough even though I don't follow it, so it was fun just to be there, but it was made better by it being an awesome game.  X and I talked a lot about tons of different stuff.  Going in, I wasn't sure if this was a friends date or a date date or what, but I think that it wound up being somewhere in between...or maybe a friends date that turned into a real date.  I also found out that one of the reasons why he wasn't sure about asking me out was because Marchella's boyfriend, Bob, apparently fed X's roommate, Kal, a ton of misinformation about me--more than I was already aware of.  I'm mostly amused, but I'll have to see if I can get revenge on Bob somehow.  X let me know that it's kind of unusual for him to date a friend and he was concerned about starting something up with me, having it end badly and then losing Sophie, Dwight, and I as friends (because we're kind of a weird package deal), but then he figured that we're adults and can handle it.  So I guess that's how we're starting things off.

 

Anyway, at some point during the game, X rested his arm on the back of my seat and that eventually moved to my shoulders--which was nice because it was cold in there even though I was wearing a sweater.  Normal stuff.  Actually, the most interesting thing to happen that night was with Maria.  When X and another roommate got up to get more beers, this girl suggested that we steal their seats so the three of us could talk until they came back.  We did and started chatting just as the Kiss Cam came on.  I awwed over it, but Maria pretentiously said that she didn't like how hetero-centric it was.  What the eff?  "Well, it's always a man and a woman," she sniffed self-righteously.

 

I looked at her funny, I'm sure, and remarked that the powers that be would have no way of knowing if a couple was gay or not.  They don't even know if a man and woman sitting together are even in a couple, as evidenced by a guy shaking his head resolutely at the camera when it landed on him and a woman beside him.  I'm stereotyping here, but I don't think that hockey games are exactly a mecca for gay couples.  Then she made a comment to myself and Dana, "If you were girls...oh, well, of course you're girls.  Sorry, I'm just used to speaking in gender-neutral language."  Oh.  My.  God.  If you don't know what gender neutral language is, it's like using "businesspeople" instead of "businessmen or businesswomen."  And it's stupid.  Also, it's unnecessary in a non-professional environment, which this clearly was.  I was quite unimpressed with her, but I still talked to her for another minute or two before the guys came back and we were once again separated by four people.

 

After the game, we split from the guys so that we could all use the bathrooms before we left.  As soon as it was just the three of us girls, Maria turned to me and asked, "Are you going to make out with that boy?  Because you are way too good for him!"

 

"Uhhh, I don't know?" I said, looking at Dana helplessly.  I had gotten the impression that X knew Maria pretty well, but she didn't even remember his name.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking for him.  You can make out with anyone that you want, so you don't have to settle."

 

"Um, thanks?"  I didn't want to be rude and tell her that she was out-of-line, but I also didn't like that she was being rude.  Then she asked Dana if she was on a date with the third roommate.  Dana replied that they're just friends.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking to be with him, too.  Both of you girls are so much better than them."

 

"Do you even know X?" I asked, finally gaining some balls.  When she confirmed that she really didn't, I simply said, "He's a really great guy," and I looked over at Dana as if to say, I'm doing the best that I can here.  What is wrong with this girl!?  I really wanted to pull Dana aside to talk about it, but she and I were never alone for the rest of the night.  After the bathrooms, we met back up with the guys and Maria left with her guy and the rest of us started heading toward the Metro, but decided to stay out and watch the NCAA Basketball Championship game instead.

 

X and I sat together and kind of held hands beneath the table.  After Ruby Tuesdays, we went to the Metro and split up because I was taking the Yellow Line and they were grabbing the Orange.  I told him that I'd had a really great time and he said that he'd see me Friday at my birthday dinner.  Then he kissed me good night and said, "Now go get your train."  And so I did.  Overall, a pretty good date.

 

But what was up with that girl!?