Birthday Rehash

Well, my birthday was super fun.  A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation.  I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships.  At least, that's what I thought we were saying.  Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me.  I decided not to worry about it.  It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

 

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot.  Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing.  Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?"  Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that.  "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

 

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either.  But it does sort of matter to me.  It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid.  I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me.  It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about.  It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband.  There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

 

But I didn't trust Charlie.  Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did.  And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged.  And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely.  No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

 

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay.  And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt.  If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait.  But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined.  So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

 

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie.  I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog.  Anything for the blog, right ladies?

Caps Game Cometh

Last night I went to the Capitals game with Xavier, two of his roommates, a girl friend of all of theirs that I've met a couple of times at parties (Dana), and another girl who was the date of one of the roommates (Maria).  I had a lot of fun; I like hockey well enough even though I don't follow it, so it was fun just to be there, but it was made better by it being an awesome game.  X and I talked a lot about tons of different stuff.  Going in, I wasn't sure if this was a friends date or a date date or what, but I think that it wound up being somewhere in between...or maybe a friends date that turned into a real date.  I also found out that one of the reasons why he wasn't sure about asking me out was because Marchella's boyfriend, Bob, apparently fed X's roommate, Kal, a ton of misinformation about me--more than I was already aware of.  I'm mostly amused, but I'll have to see if I can get revenge on Bob somehow.  X let me know that it's kind of unusual for him to date a friend and he was concerned about starting something up with me, having it end badly and then losing Sophie, Dwight, and I as friends (because we're kind of a weird package deal), but then he figured that we're adults and can handle it.  So I guess that's how we're starting things off.

 

Anyway, at some point during the game, X rested his arm on the back of my seat and that eventually moved to my shoulders--which was nice because it was cold in there even though I was wearing a sweater.  Normal stuff.  Actually, the most interesting thing to happen that night was with Maria.  When X and another roommate got up to get more beers, this girl suggested that we steal their seats so the three of us could talk until they came back.  We did and started chatting just as the Kiss Cam came on.  I awwed over it, but Maria pretentiously said that she didn't like how hetero-centric it was.  What the eff?  "Well, it's always a man and a woman," she sniffed self-righteously.

 

I looked at her funny, I'm sure, and remarked that the powers that be would have no way of knowing if a couple was gay or not.  They don't even know if a man and woman sitting together are even in a couple, as evidenced by a guy shaking his head resolutely at the camera when it landed on him and a woman beside him.  I'm stereotyping here, but I don't think that hockey games are exactly a mecca for gay couples.  Then she made a comment to myself and Dana, "If you were girls...oh, well, of course you're girls.  Sorry, I'm just used to speaking in gender-neutral language."  Oh.  My.  God.  If you don't know what gender neutral language is, it's like using "businesspeople" instead of "businessmen or businesswomen."  And it's stupid.  Also, it's unnecessary in a non-professional environment, which this clearly was.  I was quite unimpressed with her, but I still talked to her for another minute or two before the guys came back and we were once again separated by four people.

 

After the game, we split from the guys so that we could all use the bathrooms before we left.  As soon as it was just the three of us girls, Maria turned to me and asked, "Are you going to make out with that boy?  Because you are way too good for him!"

 

"Uhhh, I don't know?" I said, looking at Dana helplessly.  I had gotten the impression that X knew Maria pretty well, but she didn't even remember his name.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking for him.  You can make out with anyone that you want, so you don't have to settle."

 

"Um, thanks?"  I didn't want to be rude and tell her that she was out-of-line, but I also didn't like that she was being rude.  Then she asked Dana if she was on a date with the third roommate.  Dana replied that they're just friends.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking to be with him, too.  Both of you girls are so much better than them."

 

"Do you even know X?" I asked, finally gaining some balls.  When she confirmed that she really didn't, I simply said, "He's a really great guy," and I looked over at Dana as if to say, I'm doing the best that I can here.  What is wrong with this girl!?  I really wanted to pull Dana aside to talk about it, but she and I were never alone for the rest of the night.  After the bathrooms, we met back up with the guys and Maria left with her guy and the rest of us started heading toward the Metro, but decided to stay out and watch the NCAA Basketball Championship game instead.

 

X and I sat together and kind of held hands beneath the table.  After Ruby Tuesdays, we went to the Metro and split up because I was taking the Yellow Line and they were grabbing the Orange.  I told him that I'd had a really great time and he said that he'd see me Friday at my birthday dinner.  Then he kissed me good night and said, "Now go get your train."  And so I did.  Overall, a pretty good date.

 

But what was up with that girl!?

Xavier and More

Okay, I have a lot to update.  After my last post on Monday the 22nd, I was just about to start writing a post about my friend Xavier's party when Facebook e-mailed me to let me know that Nathan had commented on my status.  My heart sped up and my face got warm before I read the innocuous joke.  I hadn't talked to him since New Years', so I was kind of shocked to hear from him--especially because the day before I had changed my News Feed settings to exclude anything from him and Charlie.  Timing is everything.  Anyway, I got over it.  Then he happened to call his youngest brother when a group of us were hanging out at their other brother, Nelson's house on that Saturday night...and happened to call his sister-in-law when Sophie and I were hanging out with her on this past Friday night.  It's like he has a radar for when I'll be around so that I'm forced to remember him.

 

But let's move on.  My friend Xavier had a party with his housemates, so Sophie, Dwight, and I attended along with Marchella and her boyfriend and a few other friends of ours.  These parties are always super fun, with Rock Band going on in one room and flip cup going on in the other.  Xavier and I are almost unstoppable when we're on the same flip cup team, so we carried on that tradition.

 

Xavier recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year.  He and I have known each other for almost two years, having met at a mutual friend's birthday party while I was still dating Charlie.  Xavier and I sat talking for a while and really hit it off as friends.  We cemented that friendship later that evening as beer pong partners when Charlie chose not to play with me because he wanted to be on a "winning" team.  Xavier and I demolished him.  Ha!

 

Now that X is single and I'm single and I've written off The Fourth, Sophie decided that I should date X.  I was surprised when she told me that because I've always had a mini-crush on him, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything about it.  Anyway, I decided to flirt with him at the party and see what happened.  I didn't count on Sophie pretty much suggesting to X that he and I should date.  It seemed like after that suggestion got out, everyone seemed to pounce on it.  According to Sophie, X seems a little wary of the idea--we might just really be too different, it could go south, and he saw me and The Fourth together at my party back in February.  Oops?

 

But he flirted with me anyway and at one point told me that I was looking really good that night.  We challenged anyone who wanted to play against just the two of us in flip cup and beat a team of five twice--and then were beaten by a single opponent.  I hit a point where I couldn't drink anymore, so he took over against the other girl, but I had to kiss him on the cheek a few times--for luck, of course.  That girl, our friend Cesar's girlfriend (Cesar is the guy whose birthday party we met at), flat out told him that he should ask me out.  Our friends are not ones for subtlety.  Before I left, we had a long, drawn out hug.  He told me that I should come over and hang out sometime, and I responded that he should invite me.  Apparently they're used to just having people drop in, but I view an open invitation as no invitation, so I wouldn't just come over.  He said that I had his number so I should contact him sometime, but I said that he had mine, too, trying to make it clear to him that I'm not going to do all of the work.  He received that message and I think that he said that he'd talk to me soon or something.

 

Afterwards, I wondered if he was too drunk to remember any of that, but I didn't let it concern me, either.  If he never asked me out, we'd still be friends with no harm done.  At dinner that Tuesday night, I filled Marchella in on things, even though she had been there to witness most of it.  I also discovered that once upon a time she had told the guys that I would only date Catholics or super Catholics or something, which isn't true.  Sure, I'd love to marry a guy who already has the same faith as me, but it's not at the top of my list.  That weekend, X's roommate, Kal, came to Marchella's place to play video games with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was brought up, Marchella retracted her earlier statements about my supposed Catholic-only desires, and Kal apparently went and told X who texted me on Monday night.  He said that there were a lot of rumors going around and that he'd give me a call when he got back from a business trip and that we could sort some of them out.  When he told me that he'd heard that I was a socialist, I texted him back that Bob was a dirty liar and that I'm not a socialist at all--not even close.  That's when I figured that Bob/Kal/X had been gossiping, so I e-mailed Marchella and she filled me in on the above.  And that she'd suggested to Kal that X had maybe missed his shot with me.  I don't know why she said that.

Anyway, he called me on Friday night and asked what I was doing Monday night (tonight).  "Um...nothing," I said, unable to remember if I had anything scheduled.

 

"Wrong, you're coming with us to the Caps game," he said.

 

"Okay!" I agreed automatically.  As if I would turn down a sporting event.

 

He said that there was a lot of stuff going around about the two of us, but that, as he saw it, we're friends and maybe we should just hang out a little more often and kind of see what happens--and that we'd talk about all the rumors flying around.  I agreed.

 

So I got up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning to go to the gym before work just so that I can rush over to the Verizon Center as soon as I get off--and after I change clothes.  Since I need to park at Pentagon City Mall before I Metro over, I also might see if I can't buy a red t-shirt first.  Caps colors, of course.

He's Just Not That Into Me

Sophie and I will attend a book club meeting on Friday evening for He's Just Not That Into You and watch the movie.  I received my copy of the book about five years ago from my cousin Nina and, in her inscription, she referred to it as "The Bible" for women.  Unfortunately for Nina, she hasn't followed any of the advice that the book gives and now she's "forgiven" her cheating spouse, but that's not really a story for today.

When I got home from dinner with Marchella last night, Sophie was nearly finished with the book.  I think that she read it right after I did all those years ago, but she hadn't revisited it since then and I hadn't reread it since more than a year ago when I was unsatisfied with Charlie and our relationship.  The problem is that while the book is great for looking back on past relationships and seeing why they didn't work out, it's hard to apply the common sense logic to current situations because we, as women, make excuses for men and want to believe that they like us.

I started reading it last night and hit the chapter on break ups.  I think that one of the key themes is "It's called a break up because it's broken," (also the title of another book by Greg Behrendt) and it was like a slap in the face as I applied it to myself and Nathan.  My heart broke a little as Behrendt basically told me that if Nathan was that into me, he wouldn't have broken up with me.  Sure, he was into me and maybe if we lived near each other he'd be that into me, but we don't.  And he's not.  Behrendt proceeded to let me know that if I was The One, the 550 miles apart wouldn't matter and we'd still be together, so I guess the proximity thing isn't really an excuse.

While I was Googling the book, I came upon a book outline for Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others a book that focuses on different ways that some women are statistically more or less likely to marry than others.  One thing absolutely stood out to me and made me feel a bit ill; I sent the list to Sophie, so I kind of bet that this same thing stood out to her about me, too.

Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.

Okay.  I wouldn't say that I make a guy the "center of my universe" after unreturned feelings; I would take that to mean being content to wait for the chance that the feelings will be returned one day and not to accept opportunities from different guys.  In the month and a half that Nathan and I have been apart, I've almost gone out with one guy and made tentative plans with another for next week.  And I've just been generally open.  But I do tend to speak well of guys that have hurt me when I think that there's a chance of "someday" with them...and I have to get over that.  It doesn't mean that I have to speak poorly of them, but I also don't have to excuse them--and they don't deserve "someday" with me, either.  They had their chance already and ended things because they either didn't really want me or they were willing to risk not ever being with me again.  And why would I want to waste my time on guy who has already made it clear that I'm not what he wants?  Anyway, I lean more towards making excuses for the guys than calling them losers (except in Charlie's case--I call him a loser or worse all the time) and I'm going to stop it.  Lila's having a breakthrough.

Despite the sucker punch, I'm glad that I read that chapter when I did.  I'd been toying with texting Nathan to remind him that he forgot about my blanket (or couldn't find it) because I really want it back!  It was a gift and it has kind of "saved" me a couple times when it was super cold outside, just because I always kept it in my car.  Anyway, after reading this I'm not going to bother.  I'm not going to contact him in any way and hopefully he won't visit anytime soon...because it's not a good idea for me to see him and I don't want to have to bow out of plans with my friends just because he'll be there.  He and I obviously just aren't meant to be, which hopefully means that there's still someone else out there who I am meant to be with and it'll be awesome when that happens.

In the meantime, I'll be here.  Dating and blogging away.

Texting Games

At dinner with my friend Marchella last night, I filled her in on all that’s going on with Kevin.

“So maybe I should text him first?” I asked uncertainly. After all, I don’t really want to encourage this guy…or play into his hand. “I’d like to be like, ‘Here’s your text…but don’t expect this kind of thing because I’m not clingy.’”

"Yes, absolutely you should. Throw down a freak flag. It won't matter since you don't want to date him. Just take a picture of something random and be like, 'This reminded me of you.' Then you've texted him first, but it's more of a 'WTF?' than flirtatious."

Before I left Panera, I took a picture of the light fixture above our table and texted it to him with the question “Where am I?” He didn’t text back. Maybe he was with his girlfriend? Is that more likely than him being weirded out by the text? I feel like he can’t be too weirded out since, on the first night I met him, he texted me a picture that he took of himself with the caption “Cuteeee”. Hi, arrogant.

Marchella also advised me to not reply to any reply that I might receive until this morning when I woke up, but that was unnecessary since I didn’t actually hear back. I was going to comply, though.

So I didn’t talk to him, but The Fourth Facebook chatted me! Over about an hour’s time, he teased me about tonight’s potential date, we talked about our jobs and how he wants to eventually give up his current one to be a geometry teacher, and somehow he worked in how he knows how much he should be asking for raise-wise because he’s “likethis” with his HR person and his old boss who still oversees things—and gives her shoulder massages. I asked if that wasn’t sexual harassment and he admitted that it would be if she didn’t like it. Somehow this led to the suggestion that we hang out some weekend and he could give me one. I might have encouraged this. Whoops?

Because I’ve had to come into work much earlier than normal this week, I haven’t seen him like I usually do so, unless he gets off work early today, we’re going to meet at 3pm and walk to our cars together or something. He also asked for my number so that he could text me. That makes three numbers that I’ve received in one week. I’m kind of on fire. I’m also a little concerned; I like this guy, but I don’t know if I like him as more than a friend. And I know that girls usually use the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” thing when they just don’t want to date a guy, but I’d be bummed if I didn’t get to talk to him in the mornings before work. So I actually don’t want to ruin things. Playing this one by ear, I guess.

Also, he went to high school with two other guys that I dated back during college. He said, “I think you dated my senior class!” My parents would be so disappointed—they went to his rival high school.