Match #3

Okay, so Match #1 has not written back since his question asking me about thongs vs. boyshorts and I responded with my permission that he could wear thongs if he wanted to.

So...on to Match #3!!

Match #3 is 27, a CPA, 6 Ft, Asian, and lives in Alexandria. We had been e-mailing back and forth and then he asked me if I wanted to meet up. He was real polite about it, asking me if it was too soon, we could wait. I said, let's go for it.

We met at a coffee shop in McLean at 6:30 last night. I got there a little early so I waited in my car and watched people walk in. I was pretty sure he had just gone inside, so I decided to leave the comfort of my car and walk in. he was fixing his coffee and sort of waiting at the door at the same time. I walked in and he turned around. I thought he was really cute at first. We were sort of just staring at each other and I asked if he was Ben. He said yes and I said I was Isabelle. We shook hands and did the "nice to meet you" business. I went to go get my tea (I gave coffee up for lent) and then met him back at the "mixing station." If was kind of cool out, but not many seats inside, so we grabbed a table outside. Thank goodness for heat lamps. Unfortunately, I never unzipped my jacket to show my outfit ensemble, but it was too cold.

We talked a lot about all of the normal date topics. Favorite x, y, and z. Where did you go to school? What do you do? Why did you join eharmony? etc. etc. etc. He is actually pretty funny. I mean not laugh out loud-hold your sides funny, but he actually has a sense of humor which is a must for me. He is also very nice. We were playing "would you rather" though not the dirty version of course. Would you rather go out or cook? He would rather cook. Score one for me! Would you rather go out during the week or weekend? We both said weekend for big things, but week for smaller things. Pancakes or waffles? Both said pancakes. And then he said that he had a really good one but didn't want to say it yet. I was intrigued, but didn't want to press too much. We played a little more and then he did his final one. Would you rather make future plans now or have me call you? Aww, it was kind of cute. I said that we could make initial plans now and then he could call if he wanted to. We decided that the best night would be Friday. He wants to go sight-seeing around DC since it's supposed to be nice. I am kind of excited. I don't usually walk around DC at night for leisure. And I am super pumped that it is supposed to be nice out. At least, I think we are going out at night. He has to work, so I can't imagine that we would be going during the day.

He said that he was also going to call me later and we can confirm plans. It has been so effing long since I last had a 2nd date. Like a seriously really sad, long time. I am excited about the whole thing. I like him. He is nice and funny and smart and tall. He is actually 6ft tall and not fake online 6ft tall, which is key since I am 5'10". We decided to head out since it was getting to be late. He walked me to my car! It was so refreshing! Chivalry is not dead! I was blown away because I live with 3 assholes who pose as guys. He was the real thing. At my car he said that it was nice to meet me again and I returned the sentiment. We hugged and then I got in and drove away.

So all in all I think it was a pretty successful night! It had it's normal amount of expected awkwardness, perhaps a little bit more, but we are going on a 2nd date which has to account for something!

One question though: What do people in relationships talk about? My goodness! We were both out of conversation starters partway through and then stared off into space to try to think of more. It's a little hard to judge the chemistry because we were both pretty nervous. At least, I was. So maybe that's why things didn't flow? I don't know. But seriously, what do you talk about?

The Update with The Fourth

Two weeks ago, The Fourth casually asked if I'd go shoe shopping with him and I said that I would.  Then it never happened.  I was more than a little ticked off, even though we never decided a time, because I thought that this was his lame way of asking me out.  But he blew it.  I talked to him on that Sunday night and then e-mailed Sophie about it the next day...once again, here's an e-mail:

To: Sophie (15 March 2010, 2:34pm)

The Fourth messaged me[...]saying, "Don't worry, I didn't go shopping without you."  Oh, thank God.  I was so worried that he might have saved me from wasting my time helping him.  When I asked if he'd forgotten, he said that his dad came home early and "turned into Mr. A-hole / Mr. Clean" so he had to do chores.  My response:  "Wow.  You're 27 years old and you couldn't go out because your dad wouldn't let you?" He claimed that because he only pays $400/month in rent (um, ONLY? That's a lot for living with parents, especially when said parents can ground you from going shopping), he doesn't mind having to clean.  Whatever.  That's stupid as hell.

Anyway, over the course of the conversation, I mentioned, "Yeah, I was surprised when you had friended me on here because I didn't remember ever telling you my last name."  He confirmed that I hadn't; he'd gotten his dad to forward him an e-mail that I'd sent[...]and gotten my last name from that.  Then he said, "When he forwarded it, he said that you were cute, giving his approval.  And my dad never likes the girls that I date."

I can't remember if I laughed at this or yelled at the computer.  "WE ARE NOT DATING!  YOU HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE OUT FOR THERE TO BE A DATE!"  I forget what I actually said in response.  At this point, I've decided that I don't want him to ask me out.  I'm tired of all of this.  Moving on,

He'd asked something about my breakup with Charlie and asked if I'd picked out some new guy before we broke up.  I told him that I was loyal in a relationship and wasn't on the lookout for other guys.  He sent a :D face which ticked me off because he has no business being happy about that!  So I said, "But until I'm actually IN a relationship, everything's free game."  He replied, "So to lock you up, someone has to ask you out on a date?" 

NO FREAKING SH*T!  YES!  That is why WE aren't dating, idiot!  But I couldn't say, "Yes" because he might have actually asked me out then.  Instead, I said, "A single date would not lock me up."  Then he asked how many and I told him that I couldn't really give an answer to that because I didn't know.  I thought that he was going to ask me out right then, but he didn't.  I might have changed the subject.

Much like today.  We e-mail back and forth and this is an excerpt of our exchange:

The Fourth:  Do you wear tight figure hugging clothes to show off for me?  I enjoy the eye candy!
Lila:  Nope, I do it for me. [Actually, I do it for ANY man I might run into]
The Fourth:  Well, I would like to thank you for doing for yourself.  And unknowingly doing it for me as well!  :)
Lila:  You're welcome.  [No, you're not]
The Fourth:  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)   [Shut up, shut up, shut up]
Lila:  Oh, actually I lied; I'm doing it for Jack Bauer.  I'm seeing him tonight.  [When all else fails, change the subject to Jack Bauer]
The Fourth:  Are you sleeping with Jack?  I will understand if you want me to stop hitting on you and leave you be so you and Jack can have crazy babies together. [Admits to hitting on me; still ball-less]
Lila:  Um, you mean crazy AWESOME babies.  And we're not sleeping together; we're waiting until we're married.  [I can't even fantasize about being slutty]
The Fourth:  Yes.  Excuse me.  I meant to say CRAZY AWESOME BABIES!
Lila:  You're excused.  [I felt like I had to respond with something.]
The Fourth:  Well, have a nice life with Jack.  Looks like I am back to the drawing board.  :P [You've never even left the effing drawing board]
Lila:  Thanks, I'm sure that he and I will be very happy together.  When he's not being tortured by terrorists.
The Fourth:  So how do we break off this relationship?  Just say our good byes or just stop talking to each other all together?
Lila:  What relationship?
The Fourth:  Excuse me.  Our friendship....
Lila:  What friendship?
The Fourth:  Well, That answers that question....PEACE!
Lila:  Aww, take a joke.  [I feel slightly bad, but mostly annoyed that he can't take a joke]

I laughed out loud with the "What relationship?" thing.  But honestly, he can't seem to take a joke.  Sure it's a mean joke, but that's what I do!  This is his thing:  to get all fake-mopey (at least I hope it's fake) so that I'll be like, "Oh, I'm just kidding!  You're the greatest!" and I'm not going to do that. 

And so.  No more getting on Facebook chat.  I'm sick of this.  Even if he ever got the nerve to ask me out, he's officially a wimp.  A sensitive-can't-take-a-joke-at-his-expense- ball-less-wimp.  When I joked that his father forwarding my e-mail was a breach of something, he said that he was just being PROACTIVE.  I did laugh out loud then.  He's the least proactive person ever.


Then he and I didn't talk for about six days.  It just worked out that he was never in his office when I came in in the morning (except for Friday morning when I went in another way--on purpose) and, true to my word, I didn't go on Facebook chat.  But he e-mailed me today about something with football and I responded.  Just friendly, though and no flirting.

Birthday Texts

My birthday was last week and I receive 2 very interesting texts. Well, maybe one was less interesting, but is still somewhat noteworthy.


Birthday text number 1:

From Kansas, sent 1:08 PM


"Happy stinking birthday!"

Obviously, nothing scandalous or sexy, but we have been kind of off ever since the trip. I was shocked that he A) remembered and B) chose to do something about it. Plus who puts the word stinking in a happy birthday text?

Birthday text number 2:

From Brian, sent 1:34 PM

"Happy Birthday Hun! Hope you have a great one!"

This one is a little more exciting to analyze. For one, we have not spoken, (text, facebook, phone,) since my text to him New Years Eve. So two months later he decides to send me a text. Not on any random day, but my birthday. Which sure, makes sense b/c he was being kind I guess, but that was a pretty bold move for someone who left things so inadequately. I mean, he could have sent the message on facebook if he wanted to tell me. And he is using the "Hun" word again. I really cannot stand that word.

So, Brian randomly made contact. On my birthday. Through text. And called me Hun. Bizarre.

I did not text him back because I really had nothing to say. I feel like "thanks" is assumed, so I left it as it was.

Thank goodness for margaritas.

e-not-so-much-harmony-yet Update

Okay I have a couple of things to mention as I travel down this road of online dating. Some of it I am frustrated with and some I have the attitude of "well eff him then." These are the ones that I am furthest along with in the process.

Match #1:
He is 25, lives in Arlington, cute, and pretty witty. We are currently e-mailing one another. He asked me what my perfect Saturday night and Sunday morning would look like, as well as a couple of other questions. I responded with some great answers and asked him the same ones. He said that his idea of a perfect Sat. night involves "making dinner and drinking wine" (okay, I'm with him so far), "then going dancing to'dance away the stress of our lives'" (umm...sure)" with lots of intimacy and sexiness, maybe the forbidden dance" (wait, what?), "then walking back home hand in hand under the stars" (really?), "and then ....Sunday morning eat some of his famous french toast while reading the paper. And maybe going to the market and working out."

Okay, so I am about 100% sure that the "..." part of his answer equates to sex. Not to mention his unsubtle note of doing "the forbidden dance"on the dance floor. That caught me totally by surprise! For a girl who is brand new to the whole online dating process in general and is very inexperienced sexually anyway, I was in shock. And not that I am now officially writing him off of my "to meet" list, I was just not expecting him to bring that up in our first couple of e-mails. That seems way forward to me. And I am almost in inner turmoil because I feel like I am not a suitable match b/c that was not in my idea of a perfect evening. And then I'm sort of like, screw it. It's my body and my life. If I don't want to have sex with him on a date, then I won't. Too bad for him. So why am I the one that feels bad?

Match #2
He is 25, attractive, from Arlington again, super driven in life. We were super close to the e-mail stage. He asked me some open-ended questions. I responded truthfully. That's the whole point, right? One of them was how did you choose your profession? I answered that I kind of ended up in it and am a little unhappy with it at the moment. I feel unfulfilled and think that there might be something else out there for me. He also asked me what is most spontaneous thing I have ever done. I told him, moving in with 3 guys at the last minute.

This morning I checked my match updates and he closed me out. His reasoning was that "he didn't believe the chemistry was there." What? I am pretty sure that I scared him off with my answers, but I am not an-unfeeling person. I was honest. Just because he is insanely ambitious in life and I don't love my job, doesn't mean that we cannot have a positive relationship. And yes, maybe 2 out of the 3 of my roommates include a thief and a molester, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Good grief! Maybe if you chose to get to know me a little more, then you could figure that out.

I have only been on for like 2 weeks and I am already kind of over it. I am already coming to terms with my spinster status. Yes, I am only 26, but I don't see many chances in my life. I either don't get guys b/c I don't give it up, or I don't get them b/c I am honest about my life. Who the hell are these guys hoping to find? I am going to continue my endeavours at least until my membership runs out and we'll see what happens next. I am also going to try going to church more regularly b/c I think that's my target group right now. And maybe some running clubs? I feel like I am whoring myself out a little bit. It's hard not to think that there is something wrong with me. Why am I so anti-datable?

GRRRRRRRR

E-mailing with Sophie

So...without getting too detailed, Nathan might not have a job pretty soon up in Michigan.  From what he and I talked about in the past, if his new job didn't pan out, he would either look for another job up there or he would move back down here and work and probably go back to school.  Instead of writing all this out, I figured that I'd just post the e-mails between Sophie and I:

Lila (9:08am, 26 February 2010):

Yeah, one of my co-workers mentioned it to me yesterday.  I don't want him to move back here.  It's easier to have him up there where I don't have to see him...and so I can blame long-distance on why we didn't work out.  If he moves down here and still doesn't want to date me...I don't even want to think about it.  And it's ridiculous that I should feel this way because we were only together for two months--and we haven't been for three.  But it still makes me sad.
 
Sophie (9:14am):

You think YOU don't want him to move back here?  I assure you that EVERYONE YOU KNOW hopes he doesn't move back here even MORE.  Do not like Sad Lila.
    
Maybe you'll start dating The Fourth anyway, and the entire point will be moot.  While it is true that The Fourth seems equally unsure about his intentions with you, at least he's not "frolicking" around with you to the same degree Nathan was.

Lila (9:29am):

Frick, I just became Sad Lila now even thinking about this crap.  Like close to tears.  I hate that I feel anything for him.  When I heard about this yesterday, I even thought of writing a post, but I didn't want to bring it up to you and Isabelle yet.  Now maybe I will.
    
I wish that he'd been a jerk when we were together; I mean, he was a jerk by making us official and then changing his mind right away, but when we talked and when we saw each other, he was great.  I wish that he'd done a lot of stuff that I could look back on and be thankful that I escaped that mess, like with Charlie.  But it never got out of the exciting and new time period until it was over.
    
Ugh.  With any luck, he'll just find another job up there and stay out of my life.  And hopefully one day, my thoughts.
 
Sophie (9:43am):

Yeah... I know you think he was super great when you were together, and he WAS compared to Charlie.... but no guy who is really so great would leave you feeling like Sad Lila in the middle of a work day, trying not to cry at your desk, just because he crossed your mind.  He WAS being a jerk to you at the end; he made you official, got you to drive 10 hours to get in your pants one last time, and then broke it off.  I know it is more complicated than that, but this is how it appears from the outside.  And when it boils down to it all the hours on the phone and all the crying and all of his excuses don't really matter.  You're eternally optimistic and forgiving and excellent at making excuses for dudes, but there's really no denying that is WHAT HAPPENED.  If he didn't know what he wanted from your relationship he shouldn't have taken things as far with you as he did.  He knew he wasn't dealing with some slut to whom all the physical stuff wouldn't matter.  And if he liked you and wanted to keep his options open with you for the future but wasn't ready for something so long-distance, he should have thought with his brain (not his mini-Nathan) and realized he should cool it with you directly after the beach so that in the future it wouldn't be CRAZY AWKWARD if he ever did live in the vicinity and wanted to date you.  Ugh.  You know things are kind of messed up when your friends FEAR the thought of your ex moving into town because of how crazy it will likely make you.

And now, when you should be spending your time flirting with other boys or pondering the The Fourth situation (which is frustrating but intriguing!), you are going to spend your time obsessing about Nathan.  Un.Healthy.

Lila (10:29am):

Yeah.  So I'm definitely on Team Stay-the-eff-in-effing-cold-Michigan.  I don't want to avoid hanging out with you guys because he'll be around and it'd be hard for me to be normal around him.  I would probably be okay if I wasn't drinking, but when does that happen when we're around those guys?  Ugh.  If he moves here, whatever.  I'll just man up and be cool.  Even if he wanted another shot (which I don't think at all), he doesn't deserve one.  So I just have to get over this mess.  And stop being attracted to jerkholes.

Editor's Note:  "get in your pants" does not mean sex.  Just close to it.

The Fourth Is Gonna Get Bitched At

I'm starting to get pissed off at The Fourth.  Why hasn't he asked me out yet?  He's had ample opportunity!  Let's read excerpts from some conversations.

Last night:

The Fourth:  ....Cause if you did, all my aspirations of making out with you again may have just gone down the drain!  Haha :)
Lila:  You have aspirations of that?
The Fourth:  Well, you were such a good kisser.  I was hoping to do that again sometime.
Lila:  Maybe you'll get to.
The Fourth: Guessing from that comment, I did not impress the first time! :(
Lila:  I didn't say that
Lila:  Guess you're going to have to wait until I'm drunk again.  Since I generally kiss boys if I'm drunk or dating them.  Or both.  :P

Tonight (on Facebook chat):

The Fourth:  Alrighty, this old man is going to bed.  I am tired.  And I will have a long day tomorrow!
Lila:  Noooooo!  Stay!
The Fourth:  I can't.  your more then welcome to come over and lay next to me and continue talking but I have to get some rest in my bed.
Lila:  Yeah, I generally don't sleep in the same bed with boys who aren't dating me.
The Fourth:  I understand.  But I am off!  Sweet dreams then! :-*


He understands?!  What the eff?!  Is he just a champion stringer or what?  No, that's not it.  It'd be stupid to string along a girl that he's only kissed once.  I just don't understand!!  Could he just be a huge flirt?  Maybe he acts like this with a ton of girls?  Gah!!!

I'm getting dangerously close to yelling at him for this.  I can easily envision me walking into his office and going, "For the love of God?!  What is your problem!?  Why are you texting and talking to me all the time and not asking me out?!"

It might happen.  The idea has been implanted and I'm an impulsive, impatient girl.

Or maybe I should just ignore the crap out of him.  Then maybe he'll ask me what the heck is going on and I can say something like, "Well, you weren't asking me out, so I figured that this was what you wanted."

Yeah.  No idea what I'm going to do.  But if a guy can get up the nerve to tell me that he wants to make out with me, he should have the nerve to ask me to hang out sometime at the very least.  Ugh.

Cocktail Party

Once I confirmed that The Fourth was coming to my, Sophie’s and Dwight’s cocktail party last Saturday night, I was kind of excited, but mostly I doubted that anything would change.  When I told a couple of my friends about him before the party, I said he was too afraid to ask me out and one of the girls suggested that maybe I help him out a little.  I refused and I stand by it.  Honestly, I need a guy that I can’t walk all over and if a dude can’t get the balls to ask me out, how is he going to get them later for more difficult decisions?

Once he got there, I seriously didn’t recognize him at first because he wasn’t wearing his glasses.  I have to say that I definitely prefer the no-glasses look; he has pretty blue eyes and they stand out more without the glasses.  I introduced him to some people and gave him a tour of the house.  I don’t think that we were downstairs long before flip cup started.  He was supposed to be on my team, but two of my out-of-town friends wanted to be on the same team (my team) and they asked him to switch.  If I had been less drunk, I might have pointed out to them that he didn’t know anyone but me and it’d probably be nicer for him to stay on my team, but I was drunk enough to not think about it.

So he stayed all through flip cup and did wind up on my team eventually.  He’d sometimes put his arms around my waist and be a little touchy-feely; I didn’t mind.  Actually, I enjoyed it, but that’s not surprising.  I’m very touchy-feely myself when I’ve been drinking.

Later in the evening, Nelson knocked me backwards onto my couch so that my legs hung over the side and he wouldn’t help me up.  The Fourth came and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, telling me that he had to leave.  “Noooooo, don’t go!” I told him.  Since I’m bossy when I’m sober, I’m even bossier when I’m drunk.  He insisted that he had to leave and said that he’d text me or something the next day.  I think that I said I didn’t believe him and he reminded me that he was the last one to text, so I owed him one.  I picked up my phone right then and sent “Don’t go!” followed by several smiley faces.  Those were unintentional, but I’m still impressed that my spelling and punctuation were correct.

Still standing right there, he texted, “I have to and you need your beauty sleep!”  I was a tiny bit outraged when I read that.  “Are you saying that I’m ugly?!” I demanded, knowing full well that he didn’t think any such thing.  I’ve learned over time that if I start accusing guys of insulting me when they haven’t, they’ll try to make it up to me and right then, I just wanted him to do as I said and hang out longer.  See what I mean about needing a guy that I can’t walk all over?  I’m a bitch otherwise.

He assured me that that was not what he meant, but he still insisted that he had to leave.  He kissed me on the cheek again and I—again—demanded that he stay.  He refused and we went back and forth like that, with him leaning to kiss me on the cheek another time, and then lightly on the lips.  That time I kissed him back, so the next time that he leaned down he kissed me on the mouth a second time and it turned into a real kiss.  Score!  He might have kissed me one more time, but then he said good bye and went to leave.  At that point I was a little annoyed because I wasn’t getting my way and because I really wanted to get off of that couch and in all that time he hadn’t felt the need to help me up.  My friend since pre-school, Keri, helped me up and she started filling me in on what she and The Fourth had talked about earlier in the evening when I wasn’t around.

I figure that you’re getting this fourth-hand; I got it second-hand from Keri, so this would be third-hand if I hadn’t been drunk.  Since I was, I’m a little uncertain of the facts, but here’s what I think she said:  The Fourth told her that he likes me and thinks that I’m cool.  Also, he mentioned how his dad met me first.  I don’t know if this is right, but I think that he said that after his dad met me, he told The Fourth that I was cute and he should meet me.  It’s also possible that it was the second time when I met his dad (after I’d already met The Fourth) that he told him that I was cute and he should go out with me.  Either way, I’m totally stoked that his dad thought that much of me!  Win!  Keri had actually assumed that The Fourth and I were already a couple, so she was surprised when I explained that we weren’t.  She insists that he definitely likes me, though.  Well, duh.  Hasn’t changed the fact that he hasn’t asked me out.

A newly single friend of mine, Xavier, was there and asked me to point out the single ladies.  I pointed out Keri and Isabelle and reminded him that I was single, too.  “Yeah, but you’re out of my league,” he replied.  I shrugged and said, “If you think that, then I probably am.”  I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just that if he thinks that, why should I think any differently?  Besides, what was an appropriate response?  “No, I’m not”?  That would devalue me and I’m not going to do that.  I guess that I could have made a joke like, “You bet I am!” but that would have been kind of mean.  Also, I was still drunk at this point and unable to reason out a thoughtful answer.

I should add that I kind of like that The Fourth didn't just give in when I wanted him to hang out longer.  I should not be rewarded for my bossy stubbornness.