New Years Via Isabelle

I know, I know. I am way behind on my accounts of that evening. This is partially because I do not have much to write and I felt silly about scribing the details when half of them I don't remember and the other half are pretty insignificant.

I went over to Lila, Sophie, and Dwight's house to get ready. We were jamming out to music, eating pizza, getting beautified, the usual. I was trying to be optimistic about the night because I usually dislike New Years and the pressure it creates to have an incredible time. Also, as you well know, I was the 11th member of the group of married, engaged, and recently ex-ed (Lila and Nathan) couples.

Thank goodness for alcohol!! That made things a whole lot better in my mind. I got to the bar right when we walked in and ordered a jack and coke. Impressed? Thought so. They didn't have any jack, so we did Captain spiced rum. A guy who was standing with me ordered the same. Probably would have been a good time to chat him up about our like drinks, but I was too excited to mentally prepare myself to flirt on the fly.

The group went upstairs where we talked and hung out. There was a bartender who I nicknamed Jim Halpert because he looked just like him from a far. SO cute! I beelined to him for my next drink and when he looked up and into my eyes I saw that he was 12 years old. Okay, obviously and legally he cannot actually be 12 years old, but my goodness he sure looked it. I continued to go to him for my drinks because I thought heck, why not be Mrs. Robinson tonight?! I am already an outcast in my own party. I can seduce a young man if I want.

A friend and I walked downstairs at one point b/c the DJ was playing my song. We danced until the song ended and then decided to go back upstairs. The group continued to talk, drink, eat. At 11:50, Sophie, Dwight, and I went downstairs to find me a man to kiss. It was tough. The whole floor was packed and everyone was wildly anticipating midnight. Sophie spotted a tallish man with very stylish glasses. She yelled, "Him!" I was a little unsure, but I think part of that was related to the idea of kissing a complete stranger. The DJ announced that we had 5 minutes left. Sophie just about pushed me towards the man and I took a swig of champagne and said hello. I asked him if he had anyone to kiss at midnight. He said no. I asked him if he would like to kiss me. He said yes. Then he asked me where. I pointed to the floor and said, "here." And he said, no where do you want to kiss. I felt dumb, but didn't care that much. I pointed to my lips and he seemed a little shocked, but in a good way. He asked me where I was from and I said Arlington. I asked the same question and he said Macedonia. What? Macedonia? Okay...I asked him if that was near Turkey. He was surprised that I knew and wanted to know how I knew that pivotal piece of information. I told him that my brother-in-law is from Turkey. He said that he didn't know what that meant and that he had never understood American relationships. I explained that it meant my sister's husband. Luckily we heard the DJ start counting down from 10 and once we all hit 1, I leaned in and gave him a big kiss. Probably lasted 5 seconds. Not nearly as long as Lila's. I said happy new year and then walked back upstairs with Sophie and Dwight. And then I went to my 12 year old for another drink. I think I was the 1st to greet him with a happy new year because he smiled and returned the sentiment.

We left about an hour later due to problems caused by other guests that were unknown to us at the time.

All in all, it was a pretty solid night. I had a great time before and after midnight, and I had a kiss at midnight. Done and done in my book.

Plus I didn't get roofied or raped, so cheers 2010!

He's Just Not That Into Me

Sophie and I will attend a book club meeting on Friday evening for He's Just Not That Into You and watch the movie.  I received my copy of the book about five years ago from my cousin Nina and, in her inscription, she referred to it as "The Bible" for women.  Unfortunately for Nina, she hasn't followed any of the advice that the book gives and now she's "forgiven" her cheating spouse, but that's not really a story for today.

When I got home from dinner with Marchella last night, Sophie was nearly finished with the book.  I think that she read it right after I did all those years ago, but she hadn't revisited it since then and I hadn't reread it since more than a year ago when I was unsatisfied with Charlie and our relationship.  The problem is that while the book is great for looking back on past relationships and seeing why they didn't work out, it's hard to apply the common sense logic to current situations because we, as women, make excuses for men and want to believe that they like us.

I started reading it last night and hit the chapter on break ups.  I think that one of the key themes is "It's called a break up because it's broken," (also the title of another book by Greg Behrendt) and it was like a slap in the face as I applied it to myself and Nathan.  My heart broke a little as Behrendt basically told me that if Nathan was that into me, he wouldn't have broken up with me.  Sure, he was into me and maybe if we lived near each other he'd be that into me, but we don't.  And he's not.  Behrendt proceeded to let me know that if I was The One, the 550 miles apart wouldn't matter and we'd still be together, so I guess the proximity thing isn't really an excuse.

While I was Googling the book, I came upon a book outline for Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others a book that focuses on different ways that some women are statistically more or less likely to marry than others.  One thing absolutely stood out to me and made me feel a bit ill; I sent the list to Sophie, so I kind of bet that this same thing stood out to her about me, too.

Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.

Okay.  I wouldn't say that I make a guy the "center of my universe" after unreturned feelings; I would take that to mean being content to wait for the chance that the feelings will be returned one day and not to accept opportunities from different guys.  In the month and a half that Nathan and I have been apart, I've almost gone out with one guy and made tentative plans with another for next week.  And I've just been generally open.  But I do tend to speak well of guys that have hurt me when I think that there's a chance of "someday" with them...and I have to get over that.  It doesn't mean that I have to speak poorly of them, but I also don't have to excuse them--and they don't deserve "someday" with me, either.  They had their chance already and ended things because they either didn't really want me or they were willing to risk not ever being with me again.  And why would I want to waste my time on guy who has already made it clear that I'm not what he wants?  Anyway, I lean more towards making excuses for the guys than calling them losers (except in Charlie's case--I call him a loser or worse all the time) and I'm going to stop it.  Lila's having a breakthrough.

Despite the sucker punch, I'm glad that I read that chapter when I did.  I'd been toying with texting Nathan to remind him that he forgot about my blanket (or couldn't find it) because I really want it back!  It was a gift and it has kind of "saved" me a couple times when it was super cold outside, just because I always kept it in my car.  Anyway, after reading this I'm not going to bother.  I'm not going to contact him in any way and hopefully he won't visit anytime soon...because it's not a good idea for me to see him and I don't want to have to bow out of plans with my friends just because he'll be there.  He and I obviously just aren't meant to be, which hopefully means that there's still someone else out there who I am meant to be with and it'll be awesome when that happens.

In the meantime, I'll be here.  Dating and blogging away.

Dorothy is still in Kansas

Sometimes when I write these blogs, the boys are the ones making poor decisions, and other times it's me. This time, it's definitely me.

Back in the summer of 2006, I worked for a month at a camp in upstate New York. I met a guy that I have since nicknamed Kansas for the sole reason that he lives in Kansas. We became fast friends, as you do in those types of situations. Then one of the other counselors told me that Kansas had feelings for me. Well, that threw me off and I, with no self-control, started to have feelings for him. Pretty much b/c I thought he liked me. (It doesn't take much). Then things got real weird real fast and I started to understand that he actually did not have feelings for me, like I thought. So, I changed my attitude and expectations and we were back to being good friends.

Before camp started, he and I, and a few others, had planned to go to New York City after camp ended for a couple of days, and then Kansas would drive me home on his way back. At the very last minute, a girl (who also lived in VA) jumped into our plans, and joined the trip. And instead of it being just the two of us driving down to VA, it became the three of us. I was pretty disappointed, but there was not much I could do about it.

He and I continued to talk on the phone about every week or so during the summer and over the course of the year. We would talk late at night, on our way to class, early in the morning, really anytime of the day. We would talk about everything. And every time he called, my heart would flutter a few extra beats, just from old times. He would also say things that sounded like they held another meaning. For instance, "You are my favorite person in Virginia" or "Ok, love you, talk to you soon, bye!"

He started to date this girl and we also talked about her during our phone moments. And when he called me on my birthday that year, he was in the middle of a date with her! He even gave her the phone and had her talk to me while he finished bowling his frame. That was a bit bizarre for me.

In April, some friends from camp and I went to Philly b/c he was running in a race there. We all got together, ate dinner, caught up on life. Overall, had a wonderful time. At the end of October, Kansas sent me a text: "Isabelle. I am engaged." I was so happy for him, but I was also a little sad. Throughout the course of that year, we talked about wedding stuff in addition to our every day lives. He said that he wanted me in the wedding, but his fiance didn't know me, so it might be weird.

The wedding was set for July 5, 2008. I bought my plane ticket and his mom paid for my hotel room for the weekend. It was a great weekend and the wedding was a lot of fun. Another friend from camp went, so it was nice to have someone else to talk with, since Kansas was pretty busy that weekend. We did manage to hang out some, and regretfully, I had to leave. Plus they had a honeymoon to get to.

We've talked many times since then and he has come to the DC area for conferences. I've seen him twice in the past year. He continues to make comments that can be perceived as strange. For instance:

Kansas: Today is my 6 month wedding anniversary.
Me: Really? Wow, congratulations!
Kansas: Yeah, that means it's been 6 months since I've seen you.

The 2nd time he came into town, he brought his wife and we all went out to dinner with his extended family (paid by the family) and then to a comedy show (also paid by the family). He had texted me earlier that day to say that his aunt and uncle owned a hot tub and would I like to get in after the show. Another example of his strange comments.

Ok, now to the actual story! A few days ago, he mentioned that I should come and visit him. This is not really a spontaneous thing since I have to fly halfway across the country and probably take time off work. I was touched by the offer, but also a little weary about his severity. He can easily invite me and then it never work out b/c of all of the trouble that goes into it. It's like the perfect male situation. I was intrigued, so I started looking at different flight scenarios. I found one that works great with my work schedule and does not break the bank. I texted him yesterday asking if he was serious about me coming. He replied yes, and that he'd call soon. We talked a bunch last night about plans and I wanted to make sure it was cool with his wife, especially since it is Valentine's Day weekend. He said it was fine, and that I should go ahead and do it. I said "Ok, I am going down the stairs to buy my ticket." Then he said "wait." And that's when half of my heart broke a little; the other half saying, "I told you so." He wanted to check with his boss about getting us free tickets to see a basketball game that weekend. I am unclear as to why a free basketball game is the deciding factor to my visit. Why couldn't I have bought my ticket and then we see what can happen with the game? He said that he will let me know today what the answer is and then I will continue accordingly. Out of curiosity, I checked the flight price again this morning and it rose $80 dollars. So now if he does give me the green light, I have to pray the price goes down again, or shell out an additional $80 which probably could have been used on food for the weekend.

I am pretty sure that I am making a terrible, stupid, downright poor decision, but I am also pretty sure that I will go through with it. He means a lot to me, probably more than I mean to him, he kind of leads me on (knowing that nothing can happen since he is married and lives a 1000 miles away), yet I fall every time. It's frustrating that he can do this to me and that I allow it. I tell myself that my life is better with him than without him and that's why I put up with it, but I am sure there are people out there who disagree.

Less of a Tease?

I've successfully started backing off from The Fourth.  Pretty much by ignoring him, which makes me a terrible person, but I'm really doing it to save his feelings later.  On the night before New Years' Eve, he texted late to tell me to have a good time the following night; I thought that that was kind of weird because he'd have all the next day to do that.  I didn't respond because I was going to bed and...well, because I didn't want to respond.  The next morning on Facebook I saw that he had written on my wall that he wasn't going to work on NYE and that I should text him when I woke up.  I replied that he was lame (for not working) and that I'd try to text later, but that I didn't want to wake him up then--it was 5:30 in the morning.  But...I didn't text and didn't talk to him again until this morning when I came in to work...so four days.  He texted to wish me a happy New Year right after midnight on NYE, but I didn't respond to that, either.

Anyway, I think that this is good.  When I talked to him this morning, I was friendly but didn't flirt at all or mention guys or dating which could then lead into an unwanted conversation.  The most that I did was mention that I could wear my dress again when Dwight, Sophie, and I host a cocktail party later this month and told him that he should keep the date in mind for it.  I could have had the exact same conversation with anyone.  So...yay for me being less of a tease?

Talked to Ethan this morning about Nick; he said that I should wait until next week to go out with him because he took so long to call.  I might; this week is busier than next anyway.

And I Thought That Things Were About To Get Boring Again

Just got off the phone with Nick, the friend of Isabelle's roommate that I met at her Christmas party.  I was kind of shocked when I saw his name flash across my cell phone display, but I answered and talked to him for about fifteen minutes.  He reminded me that he had promised that he'd call and hadn't forgotten and I admitted to him that I had kind of written him off at this point.  He said that he'd been busy with Christmas stuff and visiting his parents down in South Carolina, which is an okay excuse but not a great one.  I mean, he could have called or texted anytime if he was really interested.

But whatever.  It's not like things are ever going to happen with Nathan, so I need to distance myself from him--and the best way to do that is with another guy.

Nick and I talked about our New Years' and he told me about his drunken escapades from Friday night (which involved him taking a cab home only to realize that he didn't have his apartment keys.  He had to climb up to his second floor balconey and break a screen to get inside while he was still drunk).  We also discussed our football teams and how my team is done and his will get into the playoffs if they win tonight--I promised I'd root for them (the Jets) because I hate the Patriots (sorry, Isabelle).

We're going to call or text later in the week and see about getting together to hang out.  I'm kind of excited, but I'm not expecting much.  As Sophie reminded me when I filled her in, Nick grabbed my butt, hers, and Isabelle's when he was drunk at the party when we met.  Oh well.  I get handsy when I'm drunk, too.  We'll see if this actually turns out to be a problem.

And, honestly?  I'd rather he be grabbing girls' butts than boys' penises.

High School Calling

Received a Facebook message today:

From: Sam
Subject:  Hellooooooooo!

"Just wanted to say HI and see how you are doing.  BTW I still have that crocodile you got for me and the boys fight over who gets to have it every night, so if i didn't thank you enough for it yet, THANK YOU."

Okay, wow.  Just...wow.  I thought that hearing from Chris was "blast from the past," but this is far older.  Sam is a guy that I had a huge crush on my Senior year of high school.  He and I had been friends from around Freshman or Sophomore year on, but I didn't get really interested in him until midway through Senior year...and I thought that he was awesome.  I mean, he wasn't super hot or anything, but he made me laugh and that's all that I really needed.

I've never been subtle when it comes to guys that I like (um, hi Nathan and New Years'?), but I was worse when I was seventeen years old.  I was on a committee for our school's huge charity danceathon and we would receive free stuff from one of our sponsors every once in a while during the planning stages.  I still have a t-shirt, but I don't remember if I still have my stuffed crocodile (except I've always called it an alligator) because I might have given it away this summer if it isn't still in my nightstand.  Anyway, I got two of the stuffed animals and gave him one.

I hung around him most of the night at the danceathon until we wound up sitting in the front seat of his car with the seats leaned back, making out with the windows completely fogged up in the parking lot...while the dance was still going on.  Because I was a committee member, I could come and go as I pleased, conveniently.  Anyway, he was the second boy that I kissed and the first I went to second base with.  I vaguely remember some of what happened because I've tried so hard not to think about it for so long--it was really embarrassing.  I think that he wanted a blow job and I wouldn't do it; he offered to put his hand down my pants, but I wouldn't let him do that, either.  I might have let him, but I was thankfully on my period, so I didn't have to try to decide.

And then...nothing.  I still liked him, but he didn't want to date me.  By this time we had two and a half months of high school left, so he told my "friend" Lena that he didn't want to start something when we were going to colleges in different states or something.  Really, though, as I found out over time, it's because he wanted sex and knew that he wouldn't get it from me.

I didn't hear from him again until about four years ago; he had e-mailed me randomly just to say hi and threw in "gotta go, the baby's crying."  That kind of astounded me.  Now he's married with a five-year old and one-year old because he got some girl pregnant in college.

My reply:

"Oh, that's so funny that you still have that!  I think that I just gave mine to Good Will this summer when I was moving stuff; if I'd known, I could have given it to your boys so that they wouldn't have to fight.

Anyway, I'm doing well; just work and living the life.  It was good to hear from you.  I'm so glad that you have such a nice family.  :)

See you on Mafia Wars!"

New Years' Eve

Okay.  It's taken me a few days to sit down and write about the other night because I've been lazy and parts of the night were embarrassing.  Let's get started, shall we?