Holla! I don't know why I am so excited about this next post. I think it's because things have been pretty rough and tricky these last couple of months for me and finally something happened that made me feel good. And also, let's be honest, it has been really long time before something legitimately happened with a boy.
I was really tired on Saturday due to improper sleeping and a long work week. But Saturday was so beautiful out that a few friends and I decided to make the most of it and go to a few vineyards out west. It was truly amazing. I drank a sufficient amount to be really buzzed and was thankful to be back home. I showered, got into sweats, made dinner and got into bed to enjoy some more relaxation. Then my friend called and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. I am up for a good time, but I was really looking forward to taking it easy that night. She assured me that there would be boys. I had to make her promise that the boys would be single. She said that there will be. So I rallied my spirits, changed, and headed out.
We went to the departure spot and...met boys! Some who were attached, but some single! Hooray! The group from the house split into 2 different groups. Five of us went to Old Town Alexandria and the other group went to U Street I think. My group consisted of my friend, her husband, me, and two single, very cute men. One I had met a bunch of times before his name is Stars (Frat nickname), but the other, Seth, was new to me. We crammed into a cab and took off!
We went to a bunch of different bars and had a really good time. My friend told me that Seth told her that he thought I was really cute, so score one for me! She also was failing quickly so I made sure we got her more drinks and we continued on! We eventually made it back to Stars' house and watched some TV. My friend and her husband left and then everybody else in the room was heading to bed. Seth asked a friend for some blankets and then disappeared downstairs for a few minutes and I felt really awkward. I wasn't sure if he was coming back up. I got my things together and was going to leave. But then he reappeared and we had that uncomfortable situation where he thought I was leaving but wanted me to stay and I wanted to stay but thought he wanted me to leave. But we quickly settled the matter and I followed him downstairs.
We sat on the couch and started talking. I don't really remember what about, I was pretty tipsy. We might have spoken about work and I remember something about netflix. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. Perhaps we talked more about it, but what I do remember is that I was freezing so I asked for a blanket. He put one around me and kind of hugged me to make me warm. Then he kissed my head. I turned towards him and then it was on. I know that sounds awful, but I really think that's how it happened. And it was good. It was really really good. I don't know if it's just b/c he is a really good kisser or if I am becoming more confident in myself. Things were definitely hot and steamy.
Things started to really heat up and become uncomfortable at the same time. In one snap he undid my jeans and bra (through my shirt and underneath my cardigan, mind you). *About a year ago, I was sexually assaulted by two of my guy roommates (on 3 separate occasions) and every time I get close with a guy, I am brought back to those awful moments. I wanted to enjoy the myself, but I was too scarred. I asked him to slow down and I was debating telling him why. I knew it would kind of ruin things, but I felt like I at least owed him an explanation. I wasn't too graphic but I did tell him why I needed to slow down. He said that he was sorry about what had happened with my roommates and said that he had recently gotten out of a long time relationship. He then asked me if he could just hold me. So I was lying kind of on top of him with my hand across his chest (shirt on). And he was rubbing my back and had his hand on top of mine. He started saying all of these really sweet things like my smile was beautiful and the first thing he noticed about me.
He then fell asleep and I unfortunately could not. I tried so hard to sleep but I was growing uncomfortable in the position. His body, although very nice, is not a great pillow. By about 7:15 I thought it was a good time to go. I got up and started to gather my things. I put my boots back on as well as my fleece. Seth woke up and stood up to say goodbye. We said our typical "had a good night, thanks, and take care" comments and then he kissed me goodbye. We continued kissing and it was really good. My gosh he is a good kisser. It became more passionate and I thought, "hell, my home isn't going anywhere, I will leave later." So we ended up back on the couch and he unzipped my fleece and I dropped my purse. He took off his shirt and we were making out pretty hard core again. This time it might have even been hotter than the first, but I can't identify as to why. Maybe we just got into a groove, I don't know. All I know was that it was amazing.
Then he started kissing my neck and the spot where my collar bones meet. Then he was kissing in a line from there to the top of my jeans, all on top of my shirt. I was nervous about where that was heading so I brought his head back to my face and started kissing him again. He told me I had really soft and perfect skin. Then he took my hand and started kissing my palm and each finger. It was so tender and kind of perfect. We then snuggled some more on the couch. He just had his arms around me and I was holding his arms. He had fallen asleep again and I saw that it was 8:30. I was torn between staying with him and going home. I decided that it was probably a smart move for me to leave. So again, I started to gather my things and get ready to go. He woke up and we repeated our goodbyes. He started kissing me again and it took every fiber of my being to pull away. Two images popped into my head: 1) my mom 2) the car montage from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." They both reminded me that I should leave boys wanting more. So I decided that I should go. Also, I was starting to not feel very well.
So I left. Seth didn't ask for my number or walk me to the door. I was not expecting anything more to come from it, but it definitely would have been nice. He is really cute, he respected me, and he is an amazing kisser. So I am disappointed that I haven't heard from him, but I am also okay with how I handled myself. I don't feel violated by anyone and I feel more confident in myself. I am just tired of being in this position.
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