15 November 2010

Old Town, New Guy

Holla! I don't know why I am so excited about this next post. I think it's because things have been pretty rough and tricky these last couple of months for me and finally something happened that made me feel good. And also, let's be honest, it has been really long time before something legitimately happened with a boy.

I was really tired on Saturday due to improper sleeping and a long work week. But Saturday was so beautiful out that a few friends and I decided to make the most of it and go to a few vineyards out west. It was truly amazing. I drank a sufficient amount to be really buzzed and was thankful to be back home. I showered, got into sweats, made dinner and got into bed to enjoy some more relaxation. Then my friend called and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. I am up for a good time, but I was really looking forward to taking it easy that night. She assured me that there would be boys. I had to make her promise that the boys would be single. She said that there will be. So I rallied my spirits, changed, and headed out.

We went to the departure spot and...met boys! Some who were attached, but some single! Hooray! The group from the house split into 2 different groups. Five of us went to Old Town Alexandria and the other group went to U Street I think. My group consisted of my friend, her husband, me, and two single, very cute men. One I had met a bunch of times before his name is Stars (Frat nickname), but the other, Seth, was new to me. We crammed into a cab and took off!

We went to a bunch of different bars and had a really good time. My friend told me that Seth told her that he thought I was really cute, so score one for me! She also was failing quickly so I made sure we got her more drinks and we continued on! We eventually made it back to Stars' house and watched some TV. My friend and her husband left and then everybody else in the room was heading to bed. Seth asked a friend for some blankets and then disappeared downstairs for a few minutes and I felt really awkward. I wasn't sure if he was coming back up. I got my things together and was going to leave. But then he reappeared and we had that uncomfortable situation where he thought I was leaving but wanted me to stay and I wanted to stay but thought he wanted me to leave. But we quickly settled the matter and I followed him downstairs.

We sat on the couch and started talking. I don't really remember what about, I was pretty tipsy. We might have spoken about work and I remember something about netflix. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no. Perhaps we talked more about it, but what I do remember is that I was freezing so I asked for a blanket. He put one around me and kind of hugged me to make me warm. Then he kissed my head. I turned towards him and then it was on. I know that sounds awful, but I really think that's how it happened. And it was good. It was really really good. I don't know if it's just b/c he is a really good kisser or if I am becoming more confident in myself. Things were definitely hot and steamy.

Things started to really heat up and become uncomfortable at the same time. In one snap he undid my jeans and bra (through my shirt and underneath my cardigan, mind you). *About a year ago, I was sexually assaulted by two of my guy roommates (on 3 separate occasions) and every time I get close with a guy, I am brought back to those awful moments. I wanted to enjoy the myself, but I was too scarred. I asked him to slow down and I was debating telling him why. I knew it would kind of ruin things, but I felt like I at least owed him an explanation. I wasn't too graphic but I did tell him why I needed to slow down. He said that he was sorry about what had happened with my roommates and said that he had recently gotten out of a long time relationship. He then asked me if he could just hold me. So I was lying kind of on top of him with my hand across his chest (shirt on). And he was rubbing my back and had his hand on top of mine. He started saying all of these really sweet things like my smile was beautiful and the first thing he noticed about me.

He then fell asleep and I unfortunately could not. I tried so hard to sleep but I was growing uncomfortable in the position. His body, although very nice, is not a great pillow. By about 7:15 I thought it was a good time to go. I got up and started to gather my things. I put my boots back on as well as my fleece. Seth woke up and stood up to say goodbye. We said our typical "had a good night, thanks, and take care" comments and then he kissed me goodbye. We continued kissing and it was really good. My gosh he is a good kisser. It became more passionate and I thought, "hell, my home isn't going anywhere, I will leave later." So we ended up back on the couch and he unzipped my fleece and I dropped my purse. He took off his shirt and we were making out pretty hard core again. This time it might have even been hotter than the first, but I can't identify as to why. Maybe we just got into a groove, I don't know. All I know was that it was amazing.

Then he started kissing my neck and the spot where my collar bones meet. Then he was kissing in a line from there to the top of my jeans, all on top of my shirt. I was nervous about where that was heading so I brought his head back to my face and started kissing him again. He told me I had really soft and perfect skin. Then he took my hand and started kissing my palm and each finger. It was so tender and kind of perfect. We then snuggled some more on the couch. He just had his arms around me and I was holding his arms. He had fallen asleep again and I saw that it was 8:30. I was torn between staying with him and going home. I decided that it was probably a smart move for me to leave. So again, I started to gather my things and get ready to go. He woke up and we repeated our goodbyes. He started kissing me again and it took every fiber of my being to pull away. Two images popped into my head: 1) my mom 2) the car montage from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." They both reminded me that I should leave boys wanting more. So I decided that I should go. Also, I was starting to not feel very well.

So I left. Seth didn't ask for my number or walk me to the door. I was not expecting anything more to come from it, but it definitely would have been nice. He is really cute, he respected me, and he is an amazing kisser. So I am disappointed that I haven't heard from him, but I am also okay with how I handled myself. I don't feel violated by anyone and I feel more confident in myself. I am just tired of being in this position.

Prom Date Date

Ok so I am assuming that by the fact that it has taken me so long to write part 2 of this story that there really isn't much to comment. And you'd be right. So I will do a quick summary and we can move on.

The dinner was set for 7:45. I got there a little after b/c I had trouble finding parking. He was stuck in traffic, still in the district. I got a table and finally he arrived a little after 8. I went in for the hug. I don't think he was expecting it, but I didn't really care b/c I hadn't seen him in 8 years and an awkward hug is better than no hug at all.

We each got a drink and then ordered food. I was starving and was trying to not seem like I was devouring the food. We were mainly catching up. We both have moved and gotten new jobs in the past month. And we talked about mutual friends and how thing shave changed since high school and college. I had a really good time. Mainly it was just good to see him.

He said that he should better be going since it was getting late (even though we had just been talking about a place across the street that has amazing fresh ice cream everyday). He paid for the dinner which was really nice of him. We got up and walked to our cars. At dinner he said that we should do it again sometime. But when we got to the first car (which was his) he just gave me a hug and wished me luck at my race on Sunday.

And that is the end of the story. A couple days later he invited me, through evite, to his housewarming party. I couldn't go b/c I was going out of town that weekend and I told him that when I responded. Then I invited him to mine, but he never RSVPed. I haven't seem him at church since, not that he is avoiding me, but I just haven't been able to say hello.

So I haven't heard from him since, but am not really sad. I mean I am disappointed, but I wasn't really expecting anything either. I don't know. Jack does die at the end of Titanic, so honestly, how much hope was there?

30 September 2010

My Heart Will Go On...

...Was the last song at my prom. It was also the last song at my 8th grade dance, but that is irrelevant. This post is about my reconnection with my prom date and the potential for possibly more? That's where you come in.

Maybe, 7 or 8 weeks ago I walked passed my prom date from senior year of high school. I hadn't really seen him since graduation so I was pretty shocked. It was also slightly awkward b/c I was in church and on my way to take communion. I walked passed him, saw him, and gave a minimal wave and then returned to my seat. I also happened to see a friend whom I have not seen in a long time. I knew that with the large amount of people at church and everybody's different exit strategy, I would only be able to say hi to one while losing the other. So I said to myself, "if God wants it work between me and Prom Date, then he will make it happen." Therefore, once the service ended, I went to see my other friend and talked to her a little bit. When we finished I was looking around and actually saw Prom Date. I was walking towards him when some woman grabbed and pulled him to a group of expectant people waiting to talk to him. I tried calling his name, but he could not hear me over the hubbub. So I went to the bathroom and when I came out I tried to find him again, but had no luck.

I went home a little defeated, but not hopeless. A couple days later, I logged onto Facebook and was working on constructing a message to send him when I saw that he was in Nicaragua for the next 10 days. I wrote the message anyway and sent it. It just said that it was really good seeing him and maybe we could catch up when he returned.

A few days after he returned from his trip and wrote me back: (I have decided to cut and paste the conversations so they are accurate. He is in blue, I am in purple)
Hey! It was good to see you as well! It would be great to catch up sometime in the next two weeks. Things might be a little crazy for me this coming week but let me know what would work for you!

The next day I responded with:
I am tutoring this summer, so my schedule is pretty flexible, except for a possible move in the next two weeks. If this week is a little too hectic, would you want to try for next week? I am mainly just busy in the mornings. Let me know, and I hope your weeks goes well!

I had not hear anything for maybe three weeks so I sent another message:
Just seeing if you wanted to catch up over coffee or something after work Thursday or Friday. I hope you had a nice weekend.

Then finally! Four days later he wrote back, and by that point, the Thursday and Friday that I was referring to had passed, but that is alright.
Isabelle! I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to you. Life has been pretty hectic but it's starting to slow down a little bit. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited that fall is here. Cool weather and hopefully a slower pace of life. Does only Thursday or Friday work for you this next week? Any chance that Wednesday might work? I'm unfortunately tied up both on Thursday and Friday. Let me know. Have a great week! I look forward to catching up.

So then I responded with:
I know what you mean. Life has been pretty crazy for me as well. I definitely hope the fall calms things down a bit. Wednesday could work. The only thing is that I work and then tutor until 7:30 so I won't be free until after then. Does that still work for you? Just let me know!

And then unfortunately, it was another couple of days before I had a response.
I figured email might be easier as I seem to have a very hard time responding to facebook messages. Let's try for something later on in the evening on Wednesday. Do you want to just do dinner somewhere? Let me know what works for you.

So then I wrote back with:

I like e-mail much better than facebook messages anyway. I think dinner on Wednesday sounds like a great idea. I know I will be hungry after work and tutoring. I can probably get to most places by 7:45. Does that work? Do you have any places in mind?

Then him:
I hope you had great Tuesday and that you get a chance to check your email tomorrow during the day (sorry for not responding sooner). How about meeting for dinner in Clarendon. Let me know what sounds good. I'm also totally open to other options as well.

See you tomorrow!

Needless to say, it took a lot of manpower and patience, but we finally met at a restaurant in Clarendon. A post with an account of that evening will be coming shortly.

So to wrap up, we both seemed excited to have seen each other at church, he is awful at corresponding or was he avoiding? I kind of doubt it, I don't think I am that awful of a person and he always attached many exclamation marks in his messages. I am looking forward to our dinner. Hopefully I will look presentable after a 10 hour day at work and then tutoring. PS: I work at a children's gym, so I usually feel gross by the end.

02 August 2010

What The What?

This blog is about Brian and his confusing ways.

Over the weekend he was at the beach with two of my roommates. At 2 AM he sent me a text. The 2 AM text is about 3 hours past the window for appropriate texts. And even though he was in a different state and with my roommates, he was thinking about me way past daylight hours and that should be noted.

So his text (which woke me up) said, "Ur roommates are outta control on Dewey!!! But that didn't cone from me. Want to get together to hear about ur trip sometime. Hope you had fun tonight."

His typing of "come" gives me a clue that he was probably also drunk at the time of the text. So here is a guy who when he could have had me, disappeared. And then when I gave him a second chance, he made me feel uncomfortable and just about attacked my character. And also he definitely gave me a weird friend vibe at dinner.

So what is he doing? We have yet to actually speak on the phone. Everything has been through text which makes me a little sad. Judge if you want, but I feel that when people communicate, they should do it with voices. He also has yet to ask me out on a date. So this "getting together to talk about my trip" what is that? Does he actually want to learn about my trip or is this another fake date?

I have no freaking idea and it is exhausting me.

13 June 2010

A Nothing's Happening Update

I really have nothing to update right now.  Sebastian e-mailed me on Thursday (June 3rd), just about a paragraph.  He asked what made me decide to leave teaching (since he's a teacher himself) and mentioned my trip to NYC.  He also told me not to worry about answering with deep, thoughtful responses because those could wait until we met up over milkshakes.  "...and when will that be exactly?" he teased at the end.

I dig it.  I like that he picked something other than drinks or coffee and I like that he suggested something at least somewhat specific and not a vague suggestion of getting together sometime.

I tried e-mailing him back that night, but I fell asleep on my couch instead.  Whoops!  So instead I started e-mailing him on Friday afternoon after I finished packing for the weekend in Busch Gardens.  I was almost done when Isabelle showed up at my house EARLY, so I made her watch some TeenNick while I hurried to finish because I knew that if I didn't finish then, I'd have to wait until Sunday--and I didn't want to wait three days from his e-mail to respond.  I didn't say anything very important in the e-mail, but I did tell him where I was going for the weekend and that we could talk about milkshakes when I got back.

Well, fast-forward to NINE days later and I still haven't heard anything!  I'm not pissed, especially because I waited longer than that to get back to him the first time, but come on!  I know that it's the end of the school year and it's a crazy time, but it's just an e-mail, dude.

At work on Thursday (June 10th), I walked past Ethan's desk on my way back to my agency and he put his phone call on hold just to tell me that we had to talk.  "Things have been getting CRAZY around here!"  I was intrigued and gestured for him to call me when he had a chance.  He did and apparently two different Navy officers asked him about me this morning.  One of them is a guy that he doesn't really socialize with, so it wasn't just an offhand question--he had to mention me on purpose.  He also might be stalking me--just kidding--because he's seen me leave with my "latina" co-worker in the evenings and mentioned this to Ethan.  That's only true every other week, so he can't have been paying attention for long--which makes him a terrible stalker or not a stalker at all.  Anyway, Ethan didn't give many details, but that one is apparently a tall Lieutenant Commander and I wonder if it's the one that I said hi to one morning when I caught him staring at me (I'm not that hot...it's just that I'm young and dress cutely and all the women that they see are in shapeless uniforms.  I win by default).

Anyway, a bunch of people from Ethan's office might be going to a Nationals game in about two weeks.  If that happens, he's going to invite me along and point out the guys that are "acceptable" and I can decide if I'm interested.  Even if I'm not, I'm down with being able to see Stephen Strasburg pitch and meet new people.  In the meantime, I'll have to step up my fashion choices.  No problem.

09 June 2010

Just A Dinner

So to review, last Friday Brian texted me asking me if I wanted to get dinner with him Sunday night. I had suggested coffee during our previous conversation, so he umped the ante a bit. I was also a little scared that he might suggest Red Robin b/c that seems to happen to me. Anyway, I said that I would be just coming back from a weekend trip away and wasn't sure when I would be back. He told me to just let him know when I had an idea.

The weekend was a lot of fun, but exhausting and ridiculously hot. When we were about to leave, although I would have been back in plenty of time to do dinner, I texted him asking if I could get a rein check b/c I was so tired and hot. He said that it was fine and how about Monday? Kind of eager, isn't he? So, even though I was having somewhat lukewarm feelings about this upcoming encounter, I thought that I would give it a shot. I agreed to Monday and he asked me what kind of food I liked. I wanted to keep the dinner somewhat low key, so I said that I was craving a good sandwich. He suggested a restaurant in Tysons that I had never been to so I was intrigued.

After work, I went to the gym to release some energy about the night and ended up running 6 miles. When I got home I didn't eat anything b/c of the date and jumped in the shower. I got ready and headed out. I walked in and he was sitting on the bench waiting for me. He gave me a hug and we exchanged hellos.

So apparently, the restaurant is a little nicer than a regular ol' sandwich joint. He had even made reservations. It kind of made me miss the whole dating scene. We sat outside b/c it was such a nice night. We were talking about our weeks and some plans for the summer, a lot of different topics and things. The waitress kept coming by and he would apologize to her and tell her that we hadn't even looked at the menu. I was starving! It's now like 8:00 and I had just run 6 miles! I need food! He ordered a bottle of wine and finally an appetizer. Both were really good. Then the waitress kept coming back to see if we were ready to order food. Again he said we hadn't looked at the menu. Good gracious! I could feel my insides caving in. And I knew that if I continued to drink wine on an empty stomach, there was going to be a problem.

Luckily, we eventually ordered food and my dinner was delicious! I pretty much cleaned my plate. But that's not blogworthy information. What is worthy would be the feelings I had that night and the conversation. He is a very nice guy (when he is not trying to get into my pants and then ignore me), and was very easy to talk to. Sometimes I was just staring at him trying to figure out if I was attracted to him, if I could see myself dating him, and I just didn't feel anything. None of it was related to his behavior back in December; he was on a blank slate, and it just stayed blank. I mean, we have a lot in common, but it just felt like something was missing. And I didn't laugh. I have to have someone who makes me laugh. And yes, maybe he was nervous, but you can still be funny, or be yourself even a little. And if himself includes not being funny, then I can't do it. I feel compelled to apologize for that statement, but then why should I? Humor is a huge thing for me and if you don't have it, it's not going to work.

The night as a whole was kind of bizarre. I kept feeling like I was having dinner with a friend, even though I was pretty sure I was on a date. And putting his lack of a strong personality aside, he asked and did some things that were a bit strange. For instance, he asked me about my dating life. I replied that I had been seeing a guy for a little while, but it didn't work out. I asked about his b/c I thought it was polite, but truthfully I didn't really want to know. He answered that he had been seeing this girl he works with, but it ended b/c of a family tragedy she had that got in the way. He was disappointed b/c he was really into her. He actually repeated his comment of being really into her at another time in the conversation. I thought it was weird and not something you share with someone who has had our "history." He asked how I knew the guy I had been seeing and I said on eharmony. Then we got into (well, he got into) this long conversation about how it's hard to meet people. He even called our waitress over and asked for her opinion on the topic. It was so awkward! I just kept drinking wine pretending that I was at another table. I felt bad for her and embarrassed that she was now aware of what we were talking about, and couldn't help thinking about what she thought our situation was.

He also asked if I have ever been in a serious relationship (which was also kind of a strange question) and I said no. He asked why and I explained my situation and added that I didn't really know who I was until later on. Then he asked me who is Isabelle? I told him that I couldn't tell him, that I knew intrinsically, but didn't know how to express it into words. He pushed the matter a little more, but there was nothing I could tell him. He also asked me what my plans were for meeting people this summer. Really? I said that I was going to join a running group, but other than that, I have so many other uncertainties in my life, that I really wanted to focus more on those this summer than dating (like finding a job and a place to live). He said, "So, July 1st you should have everything settled, right?" I was like what? I am not even going to be back from my vacation (which he knew) by then. Plus that's in like 3 weeks! I doubt I will find both a job and a new residence within 3 weeks, especially when 2 of those weeks will be spent in Europe.

We finally left the restaurant and were walking to our cars. He gave me a hug and I thanked him for dinner (he paid). He said that we should do this again, but not let 6 months go by this time. I said sure and waved goodbye. The evening was...fine. That is really the only way I can describe it. It was good in the sense that I feel like I now have control of the situation. There was so much baggage from before, but now it's like I have closure. I am pretty sure that I don't want to date him. He would be a great friend, but there is no romantic connection that I feel. So, I think the chapter of Brian has come to an end. And I actually feel good about it. So...yeah.

04 June 2010

The Business of Brian

So...I finally decided to reply to Brian's text on Monday afternoon. We texted back and forth a little bit about summer plans and my new job search. He was a little more responsive than he has been in the past, but not by much. There was a time of about 2 hours between two texts, but I was prepared for it and did my own thing during that time anyway. At the end, he said that he was headed into a meeting, but we should catch up soon. At the point in the day, I was a little uncertain about my feelings for him, but I kind of decided that a low key thing would probably be okay. I texted back that catching up sounded good and suggested coffee for the next week. He liked the idea and told me that he was looking forward to it.

He just texted me this afternoon, and I quote, "Hey, whatcha doing Sunday night?" Maybe I am super picky, but I don't care. The "u's," "whatcha's," and "how've's" have got to go. They are not real words and he is a grown man. Anyway, my first gut reaction was not"Oh, joy! Brian texted me! what could it be?!" It was more like, "eek. What is this going to say when I open it? I am a little nervous." And that is not a great indicator of things. So I went to a couple of friends I have here at work and asked for some advice. It sounds like the my options are to shut him down or give him a shot. Lila thinks that I should go out with him for the blog. That doesn't seem like the right reason...but it's something.

I wrote back that Sunday should be fine. I was returning from a weekend trip and didn't know when I would be back. He wrote back "Nice, where u headed?" There it is again. The terrible "u." I told him in very concise words. Like the name of the location and that is it. What else do I need to say? I don't have to apologize for my texting. I am trying to be open about all of this and I think the moment I get caught up in how I respond will ruin me.

So that's the story so far. I will definitely post about our Sunday "catch up" if it indeed happens.