Deflecting

Texting:

The Fourth (9:57am): So what you get for christmas? Typical clothes or you get something fun!
Me (2:11pm): Boring stuff aside from [...] and cash so i'm going NYE shopping later. :) you?
The Fourth (2:13pm): NYE shopping? Simple stuff. Few shirts and some gift cards. Nothing too big.
Me (2:18pm): New years' eve. might get a new dress. going to some club in dc


The Fourth (10:54pm): So what hot dress you going to buy for new years!?
Me (10:58pm): Ughhhh. I shopped for 2 1/2 hours and the only dress I liked was $140. I might end up buying it anyway.
The Fourth (10:59pm): Sweet. What color. What does it look like? You have to cat walk it for me before you head out to party!
Me (11:03pm): Haha. black and silver. and i'm not wearing it to work--assuming that i get it. prob wear it again for the cocktail party that my roomies want to have in jan
The Fourth (11:04pm): Once you get it, send me a picture of it then. Doesn't have to be fancy or anything. Just want to know what eye cast guys will have on new years!
Me [send picture of me in the dress]: I took a picture in the dressing room to get my roommate's opinion.
The Fourth (11:12pm): That's hot! I like it!
Me (11:15pm): It's pretty sweet. so much money though. i could get 4 cases of red bull for less than that.
The Fourth (11:16pm): Haha you and red bull. You should have been a room mate of mine in college. One of my room mates was a promotors for red bull so he gt free cases to hand out to people at events. He stashed a ton of it in our apartment to exam week!
Me (11:18pm): I should have married that guy.
The Fourth (11:19pm): Oh if your room mate is not around and you want an opinion on something in the dressing room. Feel Free to send pictures my way! You look really good in that dress. All this picture is missing is your smile!
The Fourth (11:22pm): So do you keep redbull in business by yourself!?
Me (11:24pm): My smile would have distracted from the dress. and yes about the red bull. the ceo's kids are going ivy league because of me.
Fourth (11:24pm): Hahaha. I better buy stock in that company!
Me (11:27pm): Probably. I had more than 2 today.
The Fourth (11:28pm): Dang! No wonder your wired in the morning. I bet it's hard for guys to keep up with you!!!
Me (11:31pm): I'm not wired when you see me...I don't hit the bull until I get to my desk.

Okay...I know that it looks bad. But I really was trying not to flirt. Whenever he made a flirty comment, I tried to deflect it. Or mostly. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have sent the picture of the dress, but it's not like it was a picture of me in my underwear. It didn't even show my face giving a sexy come-hither look (that would have weirded out Sophie, though, since the picture was originally for her). Anyway. My strategy clearly sucks. I said that I was going shopping with Christmas cash for a new dress specifically for one night in DC in hopes that he'd think that I was frivolous. Same with saying that I'll probably buy the $140 dress. Come on! Judge me, The Fourth! Guys aren't supposed to want frivolous spendthrifts!

For my next move, I think that I'll mention that my ex will be there on New Years'. Or I'll just marry The Fourth so that I never have to have an awkward conversation with him. Seems like the responsible thing to do.

Because I'm Crazy

Last night I purposefully stayed off of Facebook chat just in case The Fourth signed on, not that that would have prevented him from texting me or anything. At this point, I don't think that we've talked since Saturday night, so I think that I'm doing pretty well.

It took me a while to fall asleep because I was trying to envision all kinds of different scenarios of how New Years' Eve might go down. In nearly every one, Nathan soooo wanted me again and I was like, "Whatever, dude." Only this is how things will probably go in real life:

We'll see each other and pretend like it hasn't been over a month since we've spoken...or I'll passive-aggressively say something like, "Hi, stranger," to let him know that I know how long it's been since we've talked, but then be really nice to him to make it look like I don't actually care.

We'll joke around here and there, but he'll mostly stick to talking to the guys and I'll whisper secretively and excitedly with Sophie and Isabelle to make it look like there's something going on that he knows nothing about to get him intrigued. Except that he won't notice or get intrigued.

Drinking will commence. The more that I drink, the flirtier I'll become until I forget every grand plan of appearing sexy and cool. Instead, I'll be my drunk self: loud, flirty, stubborn, and handsy. I will absolutely adore everyone around me, including Nathan, even as latent feelings of bitterness start to rise. Clever phrases that aren't at all clever will pop into my head and I'll wait for the first opportunity to use them, no matter how irrelevant they are. Example:

Nathan: I'm going to get a drink.

Me (drunkenly): Better not get beer in case you want liquor later. 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.' You'll want to keep your options open, after all."

This because the word passed through the grapevine is that he told his brothers that he broke up with me to keep his options open. Now that this has stuck in my mind, I'm afraid that it will come up.

Perhaps I'm going about this incorrectly, though. I mean, sure, I'll be drinking, but who's to say that I can't get him drunk, too? Like, really drunk? Like, drunk enough to not remember any stupid thing that I might say?

I can only pray for a miracle.

I'm The Girl That Rizzo Sang About...A Tease

I suck so bad. Now I'm glad that this blog is called "Poor Decisions" because it is entirely appropriate. On Christmas Eve Eve, I was drinking with Sophie, Dwight, and a few other people at our house. As it got later and I got drunker, I went to my computer and Facebook and decided that texting The Fourth was a good idea. POOR DECISION. It was also after midnight, but I was at the point in my drinking where I had zero concept of time, so it wasn't until Sophie lectured me for leading the poor guy on that I realized that I'd made a mistake. We only texted back and forth a few times, but I felt bad--probably mostly because of Sophie rightfully calling me out on what I was doing.

I didn't hear from him again until Christmas Day when I got a text saying, "Merry Christmas!" I didn't really think anything of it; I meant to send out a mass text of my own saying the same thing later that day, but never got around to it because of celebrating Christmas and not having my phone with me until late that night. That's when I got a text from him wondering if I was Jewish or something and not celebrating the day (because I hadn't texted back). Now...this kind of concerns me. Either he sent out a mass text and everyone but me texted back, or he only texted me. I'm actually thinking that it's the former because this guy practically lives on his phone and apparently texts the day away at work on the weekends (or so he has alluded...he doesn't text ME that often). Anyway, I let him know that I was indeed celebrating, didn't have the phone on me, and wished him a merry Christmas himself. I think we texted a couple things after that, but it wasn't memorable and I don't feel like digging into my cell phone to remind me.

Part of the reason why I didn't text him back originally that day is that I'm trying to back off and get this to a "just friends" thing. I do like him a lot, but I can't help but compare him to other guys--ones that I've instantly lusted after upon meeting them. Discussing this with Sophie, I mentioned that I didn't start talking to The Fourth more than casually saying "Good morning!" passing by his office until I was already with Nathan--and when I'm seriously into one guy, I'm pretty much oblivious to other ones. So The Fourth got placed in the Friend Only zone and I don't know if things would have been different had I been single and on the lookout when we met.

Then he texted me on the night after Christmas; this time we texted back several times and in the midst he asked me if I had gotten a new boyfriend for Christmas. I said, "Nope, but give me until after New Years.'" He replied that girls as hot as me didn't stay single for very long. Then he said that, like, three of his exes married their very next boyfriends after breaking up with him. I said that my last ex (Nathan) told me the very same thing about him, but he only had one example. Anyway, I tried to keep it jokey and not flirty--I don't know how well I did.

I overanalyze everything--and I know it. So I thought long and hard about this thing with The Fourth and this is what I've come up with: Breaking up with Nathan hurt a lot even though it was a really short and long-distance relationship. I thought that we were going to try to stay friends and still talk some on the phone because he had said that that was what he wanted. But it soon became clear that even if he wanted it, he wasn't willing to do any of the work by actually calling me. As soon as I realized this, Kevin entered the picture and completely distracted me from Nathan. When we found out that Kevin was a lying cheat, I started talking to The Fourth more because he's a great guy and is really nice to me. And, sub-consciously, I saw him as someone that I could get to fall for me, regardless of whether that was a good decision for either of us.

And what it really comes down to is that New Years' Eve is in four days and I'm going to be seeing Nathan. I'm not over him, probably everyone realizes it, and I don't know how to act around him. And we're all going to be getting drunk. I have a feeling that December 31, 2009 is going to be a terrible night for me, but an awesome night for the Poor Decisions Blog. Win/loss?

Space Time Continuum

Another text story starring Brian. He texted me yesterday at 11:30 AM asking how my Christmas was. I told him mine was nice and asked about his (he went to down to Colonial Williamsburg) and at 11:45 (time is very important) he asked me about my New Years plans. I said that I don't like New Years and asked him if he had to work that night (he is a bartender).

And then...nothing. I wrote him at about 1:00 just checking in to see if everything was alright. It was odd that he just disappeared. I didn't want to be one of those controlling or hyperactive girls, but it was just odd. At 4:20 he responded about my way earlier comment about Williamsburg and asked why I don't like New Years. And then was sorry for not being prompt, he was at work. Okay so it's been 5 hours since I last heard from him. I don't care that he's working, but a little warning would have been nice.

I texted back that I was sorry if I sounded stalkerish, I was just confused as to what had happened. I also asked him about what football team he liked since I am a big football fan and there were some pretty big games yesterday. At 5:36 (over an hour since his last message) he wrote: u stalking me?? ;-p New Years is always a good party. Are u planning on going out for it at least? And then he continues on about the football game. And asks me who my team is. Okay 1) It irks me when people use single letters instead of whole words (I think Lila agrees with me on this) The only substitutions are b/c and w/ 2) I think it's weird when men make text cutesy faces.

I responded with my views of the game and told him who my team is. At 6:33 he asked me how I became a fan of my team since geographically, it doesn't make much sense. I wrote back with a quick explanation and a witty remark.

At 9:30 PM he texted me with: It was fun. I got an annual pass so I'll probably go back in the spring and hit busch gardens at the same time. Anyways, I've gotta go, work is busy tonight. I'll chat soon!

I don't even know if that last text was meant for me! It's like he went back to a way earlier message and was responding to that and completely forgetting everything else we had talked about since. Which, granted, wasn't a lot but we were definitely on a different subject. I didn't respond because obviously, it sounded like he was very busy. And I didn't even know what he was talking about anymore.

So let's recap: In the 10 hours between his first and last text, he sent me a total of 6 texts. Six texts in 1o hours! That is like one text every hour and a half! I am sorry, but I find that incredibly rude! It's not like I was waiting around for him to respond; I was doing errands and things, but seriously? Either tell me from the start that you're busy and may be delayed in responding, or effing wait for a better time!! What the Hell!? He was very distracted with work or other things and that's not fair. Shouldn't he want to be engaged in the conversation that he's having? And to have hours lapse between texts? Isn't it just common courtesy to not allow this to happen?

I know I am not experienced in the dating world, but I wasn't raised by wolves either. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Right then and there. I think I deserve at least that. Don't try to have a normal conversation with me through text messages over the course of an entire day and say nothing at the same time. What is going on? Seriously, am I doing something wrong here?

Facebook Flirting

More flirting with The Fourth. Can't decide whether this is a good idea or bad idea which makes me think that it's probably a bad idea and I need to lay off.

It started on the Facebook News Feed:

The Fourth: Anybody a doctor? Cause the one I went to see today thinks I ONLY have a sinus infection. I could have paid myself a ton of money to tell myself that. I want to REALLY know why I feel like crap!

Me: I'm a doctor (or something) and my opinion is that you need to man up. :D

The Fourth: I would if I had enough energy to stand up!

Me: Awww...you're trying to get me to feel sorry for you.

The Fourth: Naw. That feeling that you have for me is natural in females. ;)

Me: Pity??? :D

The Fourth: If Pity means that I get more cookies. Then Pity away! :)

Me: Ha! I'm not baking again until tomorrow night! If you want cookies, you have to come over. I'm not bringing them to work.

By the time that we got to "pity," I believe, we'd already started Facebook chatting. I should also note that I dropped off cookies on his desk on Friday, but he didn't get them until today and that's what he was talking about. Most of our conversation was boring, but here are the more interesting parts:

--He said that he'd love to come over if he wasn't traveling out-of-state tomorrow.

--When discussing how he wants to live with roommates or get married (he quickly was like, "Well, roommates") he said that he wanted to wait a while to get married because he knows that once he gets married, he's going to want a bunch of kids.

I said, "I want a bunch of kids, too...like four." He said that he did, too, and then asked, "So when are we getting married??" The joke only continued for a couple more replies, but afterwards I started thinking that I probably shouldn't encourage this. I don't know how to get this back to a "just friends" level, especially when I flirt with him every time that I talk to him. And I doubt that I'm going to stop.

More texts and...pet names?

So Brian and I texted again last night. Usual stuff. Nothing super flirty or giggle inducing. He asked about my plans for winter break and I said relaxing, friends, the gym. He suggested I go skiing for a couple of days so I can be ready to go with my friends on the planned trip in January. The same trip he was trying to invite himself on and force me to fly down an icy mountain among trees and other human lives. He is really intent on me going skiing.

Friday night and again last night he signed off in the same way: night Hun.

Hun? Hun? First of all, I cannot stand pet names. I am kind of grossed out by all cushy and gushy things when it comes to romance. Call it bitterness, call it heartless, call it whatever you want, but it gets on my nerves. Maybe it traces all the way to my roommate junior year in college who used to do the whole " I love you, no I love you more. No you hang, no you hang up first!" deal. I recall throwing up a little bit in my mouth a few times.

So #1: I don't like pet names. When I start dating someone, I want him to say "Hey you" or anything that produces less acid reflux.
#2: We are not even dating! I don't even know if we are technically "talking" as the kids say these days. So why is he calling me Hun?
#3: I love my name. It's pretty, it's special, it's kind of unique. My favorite part of Ever After is when Drew Barrymore asks the Prince to repeat her name b/c it's her own. It's important to her. It's her identity and who she is.
#4: Sometimes when a man uses words like Hun when talking with me, I feel almost like he is being condescending. Once a roommate sent a house e-mail and began it with "Hey Kids." I know he was being cute and funny, but I felt belittled. He's not even a year older than me. And he is definitely not as mature or intelligent as I am :).

Is anyone with me on this or am I alone in this thinking?

Hello World!

Dear All,

I am new to the blog world, but definitely not new to trying to understand the inner workings of the male mind. My good friend Lila invited me to be a guest writer on her blog and share some of my experiences. There are a few, so how about we begin with the most recent?

Last year I hosted a Christmas party with my 3 roommates. There I met Brian, a friend of one of the roommates. We chatted some, but I was more into his friend, Brad. Brad asked for my number and then so did Brian. Brian called me the next day asking if I would go to a bar in DC for his birthday. I went with along with a friend and was glad to see Brad there as well! Unfortunately my friend was flirting with him the whole night (great friend, I know). We finally said goodbye and friend gave Brad her number. Even better.

Fast forward to September of this year. Brian called me and asked if I would like to go to a Nationals game with him and Ben. I had to turn him down because I had a meeting that night. Never heard from him again until last week when we held this year's Christmas party. We said hello, but I was mainly playing the hostess game so I didn't see him much.

Apparently (I don't remember all of the night) Brian was really intent on taking me skiing. With my friends. On their ski trip. I don't even ski!! Nor am I sure if I want to necessarily go. But he kept going on and on and on about taking me skiing and showing me how and blahity blah blah. Omg, please stop.

Suddenly, it was about 3AM and most of the guest have gone home. Brian and I are sitting on my couch and he is showing me pictures that he has taken (big into photography). I was really cold and so he put his jacket over me. His hand was kind of touching/caressing my knee as we went through the different albums. I was kind of near the point of falling asleep, so he suggested he help me to bed. I was perfectly able to get myself up my own stairs and into my own bed, but for some reason I agreed. He was helping me unfold my comforter and the next thing I knew, we were hugging. And then we were kissing. And then we were kissing a lot. And then kissing on my bed.

I am an anomaly for my age group. I have only kissed a few guys and have not really been to any of the "bases". I wouldn't even say that I have been up to bat, really. Sometimes I struggle with this position in life, but I have also kind of learned to accept it.

Needless to say, making out on my bed is already a huge step for me. He goes to close the door and then we continue. He turns off the lights and then removes my dress. Another big move for me. Stupidly I tell him that I am not used to all of this, and now he seems to think that I grew up in a convent. He kept repeating how he couldn't believe he was the 1st guy that is doing this with me. He was starting to kill my buzz a little with those comments. We keep going and he loses his shirt. He is getting pretty handsy and I allow some moves and kind of stop others. I don't want to give it all to this guy the 1st night. I'm sorry, I just don't work that way.

I finally ask if we can go to sleep because I am f-ing exhausted. We cuddle a little bit and then later on he asks me what I am thinking. Basically, I am thinking that I just threw myself outside my comfort zone with someone I don't know very well and with very little promise or plan for future interactions. I was kind of all over the place. I didn't know how to tell him all of that, so I half-said everything I was thinking about.

We kissed a little bit more until I asked to stop. I couldn't continue with all of these thoughts going through my mind. It is now about 10:30 the next morning and I tell him that I think it is about time to leave. He seems fine and once he is completely dressed, kisses me a couple of times. I am still confused about life and so I hold back a little. He gets super defensive and then so do I. I walk him to the door and we hug goodbye.

Haven't heard from him all week until about an hour ago when he texted me. Even my roommate asked if I had heard anything and thought it strange that he had never made contact since that night.

The texts have all been pretty basic and meaningless. "How was your week? What's new? Excited about the snow?"

I am interested in seeing the guy again, mainly because I am ready to get out in the dating world and I would like to feel that the night and my giant step was actually meaningful. Even if it doesn't end up working out, it can't be too bad, right?

I hope this was a good first blog and wish me luck in my future endeavours!

Blast From The Past

Friend request and message received today on Facebook:

Hi Lila,

I know we haven't talked in a long time. I still really like you and I hope you are doing well. I'd like to know how you've been and if you're ever in the VA Beach area, call me up and we can hang out. My number is XXX XXX XXXX. Thanks.

-Chris

No kidding we haven't talked in a long time, guy. Over two years, in fact. For good reason.

Backstory: At the beginning of my Junior year of college (August 2003), I met Charlie and started dating him. He set up Chris with my best friend, Sophie. Chris and Sophie had a tumultuous relationship that ended after over a year, right around New Years 2005. Sophie "rebounded" with Dwight (her husband now) and Chris got kind of bitter...which was kind of par for their course.

He kind of fell of the face of the earth for a while when Charlie and I were broken up, but once we got back together, Chris reentered my life and Sophie's. As roommates, we'd decided to throw a housewarming party; he got miffed that we'd invited all of his friends but not him...despite the awkward breakup. So we invited him and he came. And it was just fine. That was November 2006.

Fast forward to July 2007. Charlie and I attended a wedding of our former roommates'. Chris and the other guys were there without dates and I danced with all of them because Charlie would only dance to "good" songs (sigh...you'll learn all about Charlie in the future).

October 2007: Sophie and Dwight get married (yay!) at the beginning of the month. At the end of the month, Charlie and I went back to our college for Homecoming. I stayed with an old roommate and he stayed at his old frat house with Chris and their other friends. During that time, Chris suggested that Charlie "get with" this girl, Beth, who was also visiting and had always liked him. Charlie laughed him off. Later that night, Chris suggested the same thing to Charlie again who told him, "No, I'm with Lila."

That same night was the big party at their old frat house. I attended and spent a fair amount of time talking to Chris, who told me that Charlie was so lucky to have me and that I was a really great girl, etc. Most, if not all, of Charlie's friends liked me so hearing this didn't make me think that Chris liked me. I was also unaware of all the things that he'd been telling Charlie all day.

The next day we all returned to Northern Virginia and I invited several people over to watch football and eat chili. I wanted Chris to come so that he could hang out in the same location with Dwight and Sophie so that things could become less awkward between them. He came and witnessed me flipping out and throwing my watch at a person and at a lamp as the Patriots raped the Redskins--you'd think that this would have turned him off of me, but it didn't.

Because a couple weeks later Charlie was out of state and Chris and I were at a bar for a mutual friend's birthday. Towards the end of the night, he asked me why I had asked him to dance at the July wedding. Warning bells signaled danger to me as I told him that it was because he didn't have a date--and that I'd danced with a ton of other guys there. Then he mentioned how I'd invited him for chili and hung out with him at the party. I don't remember what I said to him, but my mind was going, Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! He told me, "Look, I really like you, but you're dating my good friend." I responded, "And I will be for a long time." Then I got the heck out of there, called Sophie to fill her in on the drama, and called Charlie and told him, too.

That was when we pieced everything together. I never spoke to Chris after that, but he e-mailed Charlie several months later with a half-assed apology. Charlie didn't reply.

Now I've received the friend request and message; he and I used to be Facebook friends, so he must have defriended me at some point because he never deleted his account. Sophie looked and found that he had defriended her as well, so she sent in a friend request. Ha!

After discussing it with Sophie, I accepted the friend request and sent this response:

Hey Chris,

I've been pretty well...mostly working long hours. And Sophie, Dwight, and I are renting a house together, so that's fun...and convenient for when we want to drink together--no driving necessary.

I'll let you know if I'm ever in the VA Beach area, but it probably won't be soon...I don't get down there very often.

Hope that you're doing well, too. :)

P.S. This one guy once took a picture of himself in the bathroom mirror, flexing an arm. The caption on Facebook read, "You should see the other arm." Hi, winner.

Demonstrating Value

Still no word from Kevin! Omg, shocker. But now I'm worried that my glasses prescription is off and I don't know what to do. I can't go back there!

Sophie stalked him some more and discovered that he changed the name of his Twitter account and imported all the information there. I think that that is even weirder than deleting it completely.

Went to Costco after work and the guy handing out free olive samples hit on me. Luckily, other people came up in time for me to get away without exchanging phone numbers, which is what he was aiming for. Creepy!!! But it would have been my fourth phone number in nine days. That...is ridiculous. College was never even that good to me!

Wait. Is it good if I only actually like one of the four?

Speaking of The Fourth, he and I texted a couple times today, but that was it. I'm a little disappointed. But because I baked cookies tonight for work tomorrow, I'm going to bring some by to him...so he can see that my butterscotch cookies are the best things in the world. You know...just in case I decide that I want this to go somewhere...if he wants it to go somewhere. I'm demonstrating my value a la the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.

And So It Goes

Never did hear from Kevin last night. Big surprise? Sophie totally called it and now I'm going to be forced to let her screen every guy ever for me. Yikes.

Chatted with The Fourth last night and filled him in on the Kevin sitch. He was also kind of amazed and called him a douche bag. Hell yeah, The Fourth! We also joked and flirted some. I probably should turn it down a notch or two, just in case I don't want this to turn into anything.

Last night I dreamed that Nathan moved back to town to go back to college nearby. But he still didn't want me. Overslept an hour.

OMG!

E-mailed Sophie and Ethan after the text messages to get their take. Not much to say except that Ethan (who has a female friend who is currently sleeping with a married political figure) was absolutely astounded by Kevin. That has to say something.

The Fourth and I texted a few times today, too. Nothing too interesting...just some joking around about the Kevin situation. We met up at 3pm to walk to our cars together and, as I mentioned to Sophie, I felt like I was in high school, planning to meet a boy to walk somewhere together. Anyway, I had fun talking to him as usual.

When I arrived at the eye doctor, I was a good twenty minutes early, so I tried going online with my cell phone. Since I don't have an iPhone or anything, this isn't super easy, fast, or reliable, so with about fifteen minutes before my appointment, I went inside. My heart was pounding with nerves...nerves that I'd tried to soothe in the car by saying out loud, "You are Lila Fucking Fowler." That is not my name, but that is what I actually said because Lila Fowler is effing awesome and I couldn't ask for a better role model before going in and facing Kevin.

I looked awesome and I knew it, which did help with my nerves a tiny bit. I went and checked in with the receptionist, saying hello to her and Kevin who was also right there. I was there less than a couple minutes before the receptionist got up and Kevin told me to check my phone. Dutifully, I did so and here is his text:

"So yes. I def have a crush. Tell you what I'm running to arlington after work to scan some film depending on how long that takes maybe we can meet up after...?"

Verbally, I said, "Maybe," but smiled at him. He went and got my sweet new Kate Spade glasses (that I'm never going to wear in public because I'm a contacts girl) and told me that they looked good on me...and that he liked my outfit. Well, yeah, you better, dude, because I look great.

I met with the eye doctor briefly and afterwards went and paid for my contacts. In the office alone, I had been berating myself for not actually saying any of the things that I'd planned to say to Kevin, so when he asked again about going somewhere tonight, I asked about his second car. He said that it was unreliable (then why do you have it?) and that he was borrowing his dad's. Okay. I can accept that.

I wasn't going to bring up the Twitter-girlfriend thing in front of his co-workers, but he wasn't following me out! I was kind of perplexed as to what I was supposed to do. He said again that he'd call me and I went to my car and pulled out of my parking space before I realized that he'd come outside. So I rolled down a window and he asked again if I thought I'd be free later tonight.

"Yeah, I am. Actually, there's something that I wanted to ask you about."

"Yeah?"

"I told my roommate about you and gave her your name...you know...because...well, anyway, she Googled you," I said apologetically.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and she found your Twitter page." I checked his face for any kind of dawning revelation that he'd been caught, but he just continued to look at me expectantly.

"She said that it looked like you had a girlfriend....?" I said uncertainly. I realized later that I'd done a fair job not being accusatory...which is great and not something that I planned.

"Okay, I don't have a girlfriend," he said. "She might mean Mary? She's a photographer friend of mine who dates my friend Evan."

I asked if he was sure and acted like I mostly accepted this. Then I agreed that I'd go out tonight. Also, Mary is exactly who Sophie and I think is his girlfriend.

Dwight arrived at home at the same time I did; I was disappointed that Sophie wasn't there because I was dying to fill her in beyond the text messages that we were exchanging. Dwight seemed to think that maybe Kevin was telling the truth. I felt a little better, but still not trusting.

Chatting with some friends online, I briefly filled them in and sent the links to Kevin and Mary's Twitter pages. Then we discovered that he'd DELETED HIS TWITTER. He didn't make it private, he DELETED it. Sketchtastic.

Sophie called me on her way home and I started filling her in--midway, we were interrupted by Kevin calling. I was going to ignore it and call him back, but she insisted that I take it. He apologized for the weirdness earlier and said again that he definitely wasn't dating Mary and that they were just close friends and had been for a long time. I don't think that I believe him. Anyway, I still agreed to hang out tonight if we can make it happen. I said that I have to be in kind of early--between 9:30 and 10:00--because I need to get to work at about 5:30am tomorrow.

Sophie and I talked again until she got home and came downstairs to my living room. I showed her how his Twitter was gone and then we tried Facebook stalking. Now...I'd found his Facebook on the first night we met when I typed his e-mail address (that he'd given me) into the search and it returned his private account. I couldn't see anything but his name and photo and I didn't friend him, expecting that he might do that later. Today when I typed in his e-mail, nothing came up. That's right. HE DELETED HIS FACEBOOK.

If that's not creepy, I don't know what is. Dwight pointed out that Kevin could have just gotten really sketched out at Sophie stalking him. Maybe.

Anyway...the time is now 8:22pm and I just saw him sign on and off of Instant Messenger. I am invisible to him....But...he was supposed to call me about a half an hour ago to see if I still wanted to get together tonight. What am I supposed to think now?! Perhaps he realized that he just needs to cut his losses and get out now...hoping that I won't tell his girlfriend?

Stay tuned.

More Texting Games

Text messages:

Kevin (7:17am): I have to cancel dinner my cars alternator died last night and I don’t have a car for a day or so

Me (8:37am): That’s fine. Sorry about your car. L

Kevin (8:42am): Yeh, merry Christmas to me…. L that’ll be $500

Me (8:54am): Bummer L

After this I realized that last week he told me that he owns two cars. Um, what?

Texting Games

At dinner with my friend Marchella last night, I filled her in on all that’s going on with Kevin.

“So maybe I should text him first?” I asked uncertainly. After all, I don’t really want to encourage this guy…or play into his hand. “I’d like to be like, ‘Here’s your text…but don’t expect this kind of thing because I’m not clingy.’”

"Yes, absolutely you should. Throw down a freak flag. It won't matter since you don't want to date him. Just take a picture of something random and be like, 'This reminded me of you.' Then you've texted him first, but it's more of a 'WTF?' than flirtatious."

Before I left Panera, I took a picture of the light fixture above our table and texted it to him with the question “Where am I?” He didn’t text back. Maybe he was with his girlfriend? Is that more likely than him being weirded out by the text? I feel like he can’t be too weirded out since, on the first night I met him, he texted me a picture that he took of himself with the caption “Cuteeee”. Hi, arrogant.

Marchella also advised me to not reply to any reply that I might receive until this morning when I woke up, but that was unnecessary since I didn’t actually hear back. I was going to comply, though.

So I didn’t talk to him, but The Fourth Facebook chatted me! Over about an hour’s time, he teased me about tonight’s potential date, we talked about our jobs and how he wants to eventually give up his current one to be a geometry teacher, and somehow he worked in how he knows how much he should be asking for raise-wise because he’s “likethis” with his HR person and his old boss who still oversees things—and gives her shoulder massages. I asked if that wasn’t sexual harassment and he admitted that it would be if she didn’t like it. Somehow this led to the suggestion that we hang out some weekend and he could give me one. I might have encouraged this. Whoops?

Because I’ve had to come into work much earlier than normal this week, I haven’t seen him like I usually do so, unless he gets off work early today, we’re going to meet at 3pm and walk to our cars together or something. He also asked for my number so that he could text me. That makes three numbers that I’ve received in one week. I’m kind of on fire. I’m also a little concerned; I like this guy, but I don’t know if I like him as more than a friend. And I know that girls usually use the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” thing when they just don’t want to date a guy, but I’d be bummed if I didn’t get to talk to him in the mornings before work. So I actually don’t want to ruin things. Playing this one by ear, I guess.

Also, he went to high school with two other guys that I dated back during college. He said, “I think you dated my senior class!” My parents would be so disappointed—they went to his rival high school.

And...Pretty Sure He Has A Girlfriend

On the way to see a movie last night, I Google-stalked Kevin’s twitter to see if there were any updates so I could better determine if the girl is his girlfriend. Status: confirmed. She tweeted at him referring to him as her “boyfriend.”

He instant messaged me as soon as he signed on last night, shortly after I got home from the movie. “I take it that u’re not interested.”

“Why is that?” I asked, starting to get an inkling of where this was going.

“idk, u never call/text me” Ugh. I detest the use of “u” for “you” and he’d done it twice, now. Come on, guy, I told you that I was an editor! Shouldn’t you know that I’m going to judge “u”???

“You said last night that you were going to text ME,” I responded. “And I’ve just been at a movie for the last few hours.”

He typed back, “I’d still like to hear from you, though.”

I was annoyed. I mean, I’d already established that he has a girlfriend and now he was getting on me about not contacting him enough? Then I realized that this was his game: come on strong, back off, and accuse the girl of not being into it so that she’ll start chasing. Oh, you picked the wrong girl to mess with, guy.

I was kind of torn. I could either do what he wanted or let him back off and ensure that the date(s) never happened. Because, oh yes, we have a date scheduled for tomorrow after my follow-up appointment. So I tried to engage him in conversation a little, but not overly. When I commented that he was now the one who wasn’t talkative, he said that he was editing photos. I said, “Oh, okay,” expecting him to message when he was done. He didn’t. I didn’t care except for how awkward this might make things on Wednesday. I wonder if we still have a date.

Around the same time as this, my friend The Fourth put up on his Facebook status, “Don’t make someone your priority when your only there option.” Now, the improper uses of “your” and “there” aside, I like this guy a lot, so I messaged him to say that his statuses recently made him seem kind of bummed out. He said that he was fine, but that girls sucked sometimes. I agreed that I also hate girls (well, I kind of do. Sometimes) and when he was done telling me that I didn’t need to kick anyone’s butt for him (he said that he couldn’t afford the $1000 bail and I questioned how he knew exactly how much that would be), I told him about my issue with Kevin. He was amazed at the situation, but amused that it was my optician. He asked who could blame the guy for seeing my beautiful eyes and forgetting about his girlfriend. “Aww,” I wrote, “…are you complimenting my eyes???” He said that my smile was even better and I was pleased (who wouldn’t be?) that he and the other guys he works with (so he says) think so. Score! Maybe he was trying to make me feel better about Kevin, but I don’t care.

He suggested that I tell the girlfriend where Kevin and I are supposed to have dinner so that she can bust him. I almost want to do that…but only if I can have friends in the same restaurant watching. Maybe taping for Youtube.

Meet Nick

Attended an awesome cocktail party on Saturday night; I knew one of the four people hosting and three other couples there including my roommates, Sophie and her husband, Dwight. Had a couple cranberry-and-vodkas before switching to wine which I kept up with for the rest of the night after driving responsibilities were kindly lifted.

Met a cute guy and had fun talking to him, though I’ve forgotten more than half of our conversation now. This is what happens when you consume too much alcohol, kids. Anyway, Nick and I exchanged numbers and put them in our phones with me letting him know that he would have to call me. After a hug and a kiss on the cheek, he left with some girl “his ride” and I went back to my friends.

“Yeah, that guy has a girlfriend,” Sophie told me once he was gone.

“What?! Are you sure?”

“Yeah, that girl he left with.”

“But he said that she was just his ride!”

“Yeah, and she’s probably going to be riding him later because they’re dating.”

“How does this keep happening to me?!”

Completely bummed, I texted the party hostess, Isabelle, at about 3am and asked, “Did that guy I was talking to seriously have a girlfriend?”

When I left Mass the next morning, I saw a reply from her: “Yeah, but they’ve only been together a couple weeks.”

I decided that that still sucked, but wondered if maybe they were just kind of dating and it wasn’t “boyfriend-girlfriend” yet. Even so, I was bothered by the situation until a couple hours later when I received a phone call.

“He’s single!” Isabelle told me. “I was talking to my roommates and one of them mentioned the girl. I started to say, ‘Well, her boyfriend-‘ when my one roommate interrupted me and was like, ‘What? He’s not her boyfriend. They’re just friends.’ So he’s single!”

I was happy to know that I probably don’t have an invisible sign on me that says, “Guys with girlfriends, apply here.” But that still doesn’t mean that he’s going to call. At least if he does, I don’t have to have the “So was that your girlfriend?” conversation.

In other news, found out that the latest ex, Nathan, will be joining our group for New Years’ Eve celebration in DC. I don’t know how I feel about this. I was fine with our breakup until I heard that he’d told his brothers that he wanted “to keep his options open.” Maybe he just worded it that way for them, but I can’t help feeling a little duped since he gave me a whole list of responsible reasons (long distance, we started out too physically and needed to catch up on the emotional part, etc.). Add to that that he wanted us to try to be friends, so we got lunch on Black Friday and hung out that night with our big group of people…and we were fine…but then he never dropped something by my house that he was supposed to and never answered a text I sent him that Monday regarding it.

So I’m determined to look incredibly hot on NYE and dance and flirt the night away. I might make him my midnight kiss, but that’s going to be the extent of things, despite what Sophie is betting. It’s probably a stupid move to go in with the plan to make him jealous or make him regret breaking up with me, but whatever. I’m not trying to hurt his feelings…just showing him what he’s missing and how it’s going to be (me with other guys) whenever he comes to visit. If I take pleasure in it, so what? Also, I’m kind of in a lose-lose situation; if I dance and flirt with other guys, people will think I’m rubbing it in his face, but if I stick close to him, people will think that I’m not over the relationship. So if I’m going to lose either way, I’d rather look like bitchy than pathetic.

Uncertainty

Came in early for work to find The Fourth already in his office, so I went in and wound up sitting in front of his desk talking to him for a half hour, completely eliminating the extra time I was trying to put in for the week. I learned more about his job as we gossiped about different high-ups that he knows because of his position. I kind of wish that he was interested in me, but I can’t say why. I think that I just need to accept that most fun and friendly single guys are just going to be friends and not potential dates.

Am I absolutely crazy to think that maybe Kevin isn’t lying? Probably. I talked to him for a while on the phone and then much longer online afterwards last night and we scheduled a date for Wednesday night…and I’ve agreed that I’ll model for him on a later date. I kind of want to keep this up so that I can get those pictures. They’d be pretty sweet, I bet.

It’s weird. I know that when I like a guy, I kind of only see / look for the good things. That’s just my nature and it’s really not going to change anytime soon. But I think that I generally have good instincts when it comes to people—or maybe I don’t and I’ve just been lucky to come across nice people. But I’ve always thought that I could sense when I was being lied to—and I just don’t know this time. If Sophie hadn’t looked him up and told me what she’d found, I’d be super stoked right now. He’s not really my type—not that I have a type—but he’s interesting and we share enough likes / dislikes for me to consider it.

But this girlfriend thing? I don’t know. What if Ethan is right and maybe the girl is just holding on? And he actually is single…or just about to be?

Here’s the problem: if I ask him, I have to reveal what Sophie did. And, what if he lies to me again? If it sounded genuine, I would probably believe him (and still twitter-stalk him) and then where would I be?

This will probably be better anyway…I’m going to be all elusive and, therefore, more interesting. At least that’s the plan.

Late Add: Sophie has informed me that I have zero sense of when someone’s lying and that I believe everything that any guy ever tells me. After several minutes looking back, I realize that she is absolutely right. I have no lie-dar.

More Boys

I talked to Kevin for about six minutes on the phone last night. I was super tired from a 10 ½ hour work day and a lack of sleep and I wasn’t my normal cheery self—not that he knows what’s normal for me yet. He said that I sounded kind of out of it and asked if he could call me tonight. I said he could and didn’t mention that part of the reason why I sounded “out of it” was that I strongly suspected that he had a girlfriend and had lied to me about it. Anyway, after a talk this morning with my buddy Ethan, I’ve decided to let Jon keep pursuing me. Usually I jump into things too quickly, but this time I won’t because I don’t think that I can trust him. And if I ever want to end things or something, I can bring up the girlfriend thing.

I hope that I’m not starting down a slippery slope.

My buddy, The Fourth, so-called because of the IV at the end of his name, works in my building and we’ve struck up a friendship. I’m still not quite sure how he got my last name to friend me on Facebook a while back, but it could have been from my badge or from his father who works in the same agency as me. Even so, he and I get along really well together even though we only talk in the mornings when I pass by his office. His Facebook status update last night said that he’d had the worst day ever and something about nonspecific people driving him crazy. I commented that I know a guy like that who works in my building and is always saying “good morning” or “hello” and how that’s so annoying. He commented back that he knows that guy (himself) and thinks he’s the worst. So we continued to joke about how much we hate him and how he needs to be dropkicked. Then we chatted on Facebook chat; I’d never actually done this before because I’m always afraid this one guy will see that I’m on and message me.

Sure enough, while I cheered up The Fourth, Stalker guy (Dawson) messaged me, too. I met this guy at a club back in February, I think, right after Charlie and I broke up. This guy hunted me down on Facebook and often wrote on my wall and e-mailed me, creeping me out. I don’t like when guys come on strong and I definitely don’t like babies who are three years younger than me doing it. Anyway, I made polite-but-distant chitchat with him while The Fourth and I laughed it up. He’s a stellar guy (The Fourth) and I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him outside of work—as friends. Or maybe not even as just friends, but I think friends would be better…and safer.

Let's Meet Kevin

Yesterday evening I met a guy at my eye doctor appointment—the optician (we’ll call him Kevin), which I guess is the person in charge of glasses, since that’s what he helped me choose after I saw the doctor. Anyway, he was tall and charming and friendly as he did my preliminary exam, but not really flirty. At first. The more that we talked as he took pictures of my eyeballs, the friendlier and dare I say flirtier he became (“You have large eyes.” “I knowwwww.” “No, it’s a good thing!”) Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best example. I’m actually a person who abhors flattery, though I love compliments. I just hate lies, period, so if someone compliments me on something that I don’t really agree with, I’m kind of turned off. There are four main aspects of my outer appearance that I know are pretty good: my eyes, my smile, my hair, and my butt. So a compliment on my eyes I am more than willing to accept graciously.

Anyway, we joked around a lot until he left and the eye doctor came in. I considered asking her if he was single, but I didn’t. In retrospect, I kind of wished that I did. Anyway, she was great and in no time I was out picking out glasses with Kevin…and flirting a lot. Now this was going both ways, but I let him pick out pairs that he thought would look good on me since he told me that it was his job and that as a professional photographer he had an eye for this sort of thing. I actually really didn’t want to pick them out just by myself so this was a lot more efficient and I wound up with a great pair from probably about ten that he had me try on.

He took forever to write up the invoice. He was doing it on purpose so that I’d stay and talk longer, I’m sure. I was wittier than normal and obviously he was interested in me. We started talking about sports and he brought up hockey. I said that I liked the sport, but never really got to go to games. He said that we should go to one and I agreed before he told me that he had season tickets to the Capitals and this could actually happen. We exchanged contact information, I made a follow-up appointment with the doctor (trying out new contact lenses) and left. He texted me right away and then we wound up talking on the phone for a half an hour later that night (after setting up a date for the Capitals game on December 23^rd) and then we chatted online for a long time. He made it clear that he was single because the words, “Yeah, I’m single,” came out of his mouth. Can’t get much clearer than that, right?

So I was in new-crush-bliss all night and this morning until I gave his name to my roommate, Sophie, and she Google-stalked him. I’m aware that Googling someone is pretty acceptable nowadays, but it’s still embarrassing. Besides, he’d given me the links to his photo account and his never-updated-anymore blog, so what was there for him to hide?

Answer: A GIRLFRIEND. Well. We’re not 100% positive, but Sophie found his twitter (and it’s definitely him, no question of that) and there are tweets to and from a girl…and if he’s not dating her, he must have been very recently. Like a week ago. So I’m trying to hold out judgment, but what the eff? I had such a good feeling about this guy and now…not so much. I don’t understand why someone would lie about being single, though. Why commit to someone if you’re not serious? Ugh. Whatever. Maybe he is single. I hope so.

Introduction

I’ve entitled this blog as “Poor Decisions” because it seems that I make tons of them. Perhaps a better title would be “Poor Judgment” but I already have the URL here. So that’s that.

Nearly a year ago, my on-and-off five-and-a-half year relationship ended and I was single right before turning twenty-six. Having outgrown that relationship, I was kind of excited about finding someone new, even though the prospect of dating freaked me out, never having really done it. College was great for meeting people and “hanging out” until you became boyfriend-girlfriend, but I’m pretty sure that the adult world just doesn’t work like that—I’m still figuring it out.

Anyway, recently I got out of a long-distance relationship with Nathan that didn’t even last two months (but that’s a story for another time) and I was bummed because it’s been so hard to find any guys to date, good or bad. Then I met someone and soon realized that I had blog-fodder. Chances are that I’m going to date at least a few guys before I finally find someone worth dating long-term, so why not write about it? I love writing and I love gossiping…and I also kind of love drama when I’m not in the thick of it. So I started writing blog posts before I even created this thing, just to see if I wanted to make a go of it—obviously I decided to do that very thing. This post and the next few are all going to be dated for when I actually wrote them originally and not when I posted them (about a weeks’ worth of posts) just so that everything stays on track. I’m going to start detailing every encounter I have with every single guy that is of any interest to me. So please enjoy—because someone should be getting something amusing out of this.