Ugh...I don't know anymore

So I was supposed to get drinks with Ben last week. He flew off to Houston randomly for work (found out on Wednesday). My warning signals started to go off. But then he asked if I wanted to do something this weekend. So again, I was a little confused because it sounded like he still wanted to see me. So I called him on Thursday and left a message asking if he wanted to go see a movie maybe on Saturday. He text me Saturday afternoon saying he got in late and would be taking it easy that night. Which is weird b/c that's exactly what a movie is, but oh well. And there was no mention of future plans. So I am pretty sure that things are no longer. It's not a definite, but our communication all last week continued to put up red flags for me and then confuse me. I am disappointed and frustrated. I finally was starting to feel like there was nothing majorly wrong with me. I had continuous dates, sober kisses, and he was a gentleman. It was an incredible feeling. And I know that it was way early on in the "relationship" (for lack of a better word) but still, I had hopes for the future. If he calls, great. But I am not holding my breath.

I guess, the only other thing is to go back to the drawing board, although I don't want to. I know people are always telling me to practice and I get good stories or even dates out of it, but I want to quit. I hate this. I hate feeling dejected for unknown reasons. I hate being alone, but I hate the process even more. I honestly don't want to do this anymore. I know I have the choice, but I already feel like it would be the bad one if I chose not to continue going out.

So that leads us to...
Match #4

He is white, 6'1", 27, works in the government, lives in Reston, and says he is a Christian.
What is interesting about Match #4 is that he was the 1st person to ask me those stupid 1st 5 questions when I signed up mid-February. So...2 months ago. And we are just now at the final stage. I am pretty sure that he started dating someone and that didn't work out so now he is starting over. He seems like an ok fellow. Nothing too creepy about him; no mention of thongs or Saturday night/Sunday morning proposals. He asked me if I wanted to get together last weekend, but I was really busy so I suggested maybe coffee this week. He responded with Wednesday. I don't have anything going on, so physically I can do it. Though mentally and emotionally I feel like a robot. It's not exciting for me anymore. I am just waiting to be disappointed which is a horrible feeling.

And then there is Match #5
He is white, 6'2", 25, drives a pedicab (I am not lying), lives in Springfield, and also says he is a Christian. He is a Patriots fan, so that is a huge plus, but I am not getting a great vibe from him for some reason. Sure, I can be optimistic and give him a try anyway, but I am just not too confident about him. Maybe it's the fact that he rides a bike for work, or perhaps something else. He did give me his number and said that he can text all day if I feel like doing that. Okay, what? I find that a little strange, but maybe I am wrong.

So I guess I am going out on Wednesday, but I really don't want to. I would like to go back in time and erase last week with Ben and do it over. Or maybe God will rain down my future husband. That would be wonderful. With a sign that says, "Isabelle." Like the ones chauffeurs have when they pick up their guest at the airport.

As always, I will keep you posted. But I need a jolt to get me out of this cynical, cat lady funk.

Birthday Rehash

Well, my birthday was super fun.  A bunch of my friends and I had dinner in a Clarendon bar and then hopped over to a couple more places before the night was out. I hung out with Xavier a good deal and near the end of the night we had an interesting conversation.  I don't remember all of it because it was a week ago and we were both drunk, but we basically discussed how we might be better as just friends, not ruining any friendships.  At least, that's what I thought we were saying.  Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and asked when he could see me again which got me thinking that maybe he'd been having a different conversation than me.  I decided not to worry about it.  It's been almost a week since we've talked, so maybe he was having the same conversation as me after all.

 

On Tuesday night I had dinner with Marchella and we discussed this and what had gone down when X's roommate, Kal, was hanging out at her apartment with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was the main subject of conversation that afternoon and Marchella was telling them how she could see X and I making a good couple and whatnot.  Bob casually pointed out that she was forgetting that X wasn't used to my type--a good girl--and might not be cool with the "no sex" thing.  Kal immediately was like, "Whaaa?"  Marchella reluctantly explained to him that I'm not having sex until I'm married and he told her that there was no way that X would go for that.  "That's because Kal would never go for that," Marchella explained to me, derisive of Kal who we've previously agreed is smarmy.

 

I told her that night and told Sophie, Isabelle, and Sandra the following night that it didn't matter to me because if a guy doesn't think that I'm worth the wait, then he isn't worth my time, either.  But it does sort of matter to me.  It's not like I think that I should just go out and lose my virginity to any guy I sort of like just to make it easier in the dating game, but it bothers me that guys might write me off as a prospect solely because of their low chances of getting laid.  I realize that I'm 27 and that holding out for this long seems freakish to many people, but it's important to me.  It's also not like I haven't done a ton of things that God would disapprove of, but this is one thing that I have, that I've been good about.  It hasn't been easy, either, but I made the decision a long time ago that I only wanted to sleep with my husband.  There were times that I considered doing it anyway; after all, Charlie promised that we were going to get married, so was it really a big deal if I cashed in my v-card with him?

 

But I didn't trust Charlie.  Sure, I trusted him the first time that we dated, back when I was 20 years old, but even though we got back together twice more and were together almost three years the last time, I was never even tempted to go all the way with him because I didn't fully trust that he'd marry me one day if I did.  And I was right not to trust him which has only proven to me that all the promises in the world about love and marriage and forever don't mean a thing until the wedding bands are exchanged.  And even then it's a crapshoot as to whether it will work out, but at least I will have gotten there safely.  No STDs, no pregnancies, and a man who will have proven that he loves and respects me enough to wait until I'm ready.

 

So if X and any other guys require sex from a relationship, then they aren't the right guys for me and that's okay.  And I don't think that sex was the deal-breaker for X; he's a good guy, but we're just better as pals who flirt.  If we had more than that and he wanted to be with me, I think that he'd wait.  But it's a little depressing to think that other guys out there WOULD list sex as a deal-breaker; because all that means to me is that my body interests them more than any other thing about me--my personality, my values, my intellect, etc.--combined.  So maybe hearing all this has been good for me because now I might be even more resolute than I was before.

 

Unrelated, X has agreed to go with me to Cesar's birthday party in June if Charlie also attends and he's agreed that we can flirt and make out in front of Charlie.  I realize that 27 is too old for that kind of immaturity, but I also think that it would be good drama for this blog.  Anything for the blog, right ladies?

Match #3, Date #3

I am officially tied my longest number of consecutive dates with the same man at 3! Can I get a what what?

This date description might be a little shorter than the previous two, but it's still exciting. Ben picked me up right on time at 2:00. I was slightly frustrated with what he was wearing, not b/c he looked bad (b/c he definitely looked good), but because I had spent the entire day before talking with friends about what I should wear. We were going to go hiking so I needed to be dressed appropriately, but still maintain the cute factor. He was in a long sleeved shirt and running shorts. I was wearing my good jeans, and a short sleeved shirt under a long one (thought it was going to be chillier than it was). I would rather have been in running shorts also. And what is the point of shaving if you are going to wear pants anyway?

We parked and he took out a backpack. I had made cookies that morning and brought a few along for a little sustenance on the hike. We put those in the bag and headed off. It was kind of tricky to talk while hiking. There were a lot of people on the trail b/c it was such a nice day and I was concentrating hard on not dying. At one point we were walking on top of rocks with a drop off to the river. Not to mention crevices between many of the rocks. Ben jumped over and continued on, but I am afraid of heights and was lightly paralyzed. I called him back and he reached his hands out to me and helped me across. I told him about my fear and he said that he had the same one. He could have fooled me! We got to the highest point and decided to take a seat and rest. He pulled out water bottles for us from the backpack and also my cookies (which were fantastic, PS). We talked some and just took in the views until we decided to continue on. I needed his help a couple of times, but it was kind of fun. A couple of times he would pull me across and I would land literally against him. Once or twice my free hand would grab his arm and let me tell you, he has nice arms (swimmer).

Once we had to climb straight up the side of the mountain and he said I should go first in case there were any loose rocks. Hah! So thoughtful. I did pretty well until the top when I couldn't position my feet right to move to the next stop. He slid over and again helped me up. I was quickly regretting my decision to wear jeans. It was a lot warmer than I was anticipating, and of course we were doing some crazy physical activity. At one point we were walking and my foot slipped and landed in a crater full of old, stagnant water. I yelled the S-word which I kind of regretted b/c neither of us really use that language, but it just caught me off guard. We sat for a little bit after that, trying to cool off and rest.

We started talking about traveling, work, our shared love of James Bond, all types of things. Hiking kind of made it less of a pressure to fill in the silence, it was nice. Eventually we made it back to the footpath! We started talking about sports and he wanted to guess which two Patriots jerseys I owned. He got them both right on the 1st try. I was highly impressed. We also talked about roommates and were making jokes. I wish we could have held hands on the walk back to the car b/c it was on even ground, but we never did.

We were driving back to my place and started talking about music. I told him that my 1st CD was Wilson Phillips. He said that he couldn't tell me his b/c it was far worse. I asked if I could guess. I got it right on the 2nd try. Not too shabby I think. I won't mention it b/c it is pretty embarrassing. We got to my house and he asked me if I was free to maybe get a drink later in the week. I said definitely, just not on Tuesday. He said okay, a non-Tuesday day it is. He would call me in a couple of days to talk about day, place, time. Then he leaned in and we kissed. When we stopped he said that he would walk me to my door. While we were walking I thanked him for being so gentlemanly. And said that living with the 3 guys that I do, I really appreciate when he does all that he does. It might have been corny, but I didn't want him to think that I was ungrateful. We kissed again. A little longer and deeper than the car kiss. I was somewhat aware that it was light outside and neighbors were probably around, but I didn't care that much. The kiss ended and we said goodbye.

I walked inside ecstatic. Not only am I on my way to my 1st 4th date, but I am genuinely happy. It is so refreshing having something else to think about in my life. And something that is exciting and makes me feel good! I don't have much of that right now. And this is all new to me so it's extra special. What I also like about it all is that I am a mature adult. So even though I am excited and happy, I am able to still be calm about it when I need to be. So privately, or with friends, I may be super giddy, but I am not a 16 year old who doesn't know how to handle herself. Also, I am just taking one day at a time. I am not wondering whether or not he could be "the one" I am just enjoying each date that we have. I think that's all I can do.

Side note: both times that we made out on my front step, we stopped and he drove away no more than 2 minutes before a roommate appeared. It's actually kind of crazy and amazing that it worked out that way. I am not ready to explain this whole thing to them.

Caps Game Cometh

Last night I went to the Capitals game with Xavier, two of his roommates, a girl friend of all of theirs that I've met a couple of times at parties (Dana), and another girl who was the date of one of the roommates (Maria).  I had a lot of fun; I like hockey well enough even though I don't follow it, so it was fun just to be there, but it was made better by it being an awesome game.  X and I talked a lot about tons of different stuff.  Going in, I wasn't sure if this was a friends date or a date date or what, but I think that it wound up being somewhere in between...or maybe a friends date that turned into a real date.  I also found out that one of the reasons why he wasn't sure about asking me out was because Marchella's boyfriend, Bob, apparently fed X's roommate, Kal, a ton of misinformation about me--more than I was already aware of.  I'm mostly amused, but I'll have to see if I can get revenge on Bob somehow.  X let me know that it's kind of unusual for him to date a friend and he was concerned about starting something up with me, having it end badly and then losing Sophie, Dwight, and I as friends (because we're kind of a weird package deal), but then he figured that we're adults and can handle it.  So I guess that's how we're starting things off.

 

Anyway, at some point during the game, X rested his arm on the back of my seat and that eventually moved to my shoulders--which was nice because it was cold in there even though I was wearing a sweater.  Normal stuff.  Actually, the most interesting thing to happen that night was with Maria.  When X and another roommate got up to get more beers, this girl suggested that we steal their seats so the three of us could talk until they came back.  We did and started chatting just as the Kiss Cam came on.  I awwed over it, but Maria pretentiously said that she didn't like how hetero-centric it was.  What the eff?  "Well, it's always a man and a woman," she sniffed self-righteously.

 

I looked at her funny, I'm sure, and remarked that the powers that be would have no way of knowing if a couple was gay or not.  They don't even know if a man and woman sitting together are even in a couple, as evidenced by a guy shaking his head resolutely at the camera when it landed on him and a woman beside him.  I'm stereotyping here, but I don't think that hockey games are exactly a mecca for gay couples.  Then she made a comment to myself and Dana, "If you were girls...oh, well, of course you're girls.  Sorry, I'm just used to speaking in gender-neutral language."  Oh.  My.  God.  If you don't know what gender neutral language is, it's like using "businesspeople" instead of "businessmen or businesswomen."  And it's stupid.  Also, it's unnecessary in a non-professional environment, which this clearly was.  I was quite unimpressed with her, but I still talked to her for another minute or two before the guys came back and we were once again separated by four people.

 

After the game, we split from the guys so that we could all use the bathrooms before we left.  As soon as it was just the three of us girls, Maria turned to me and asked, "Are you going to make out with that boy?  Because you are way too good for him!"

 

"Uhhh, I don't know?" I said, looking at Dana helplessly.  I had gotten the impression that X knew Maria pretty well, but she didn't even remember his name.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking for him.  You can make out with anyone that you want, so you don't have to settle."

 

"Um, thanks?"  I didn't want to be rude and tell her that she was out-of-line, but I also didn't like that she was being rude.  Then she asked Dana if she was on a date with the third roommate.  Dana replied that they're just friends.

 

"Well, you're way too good looking to be with him, too.  Both of you girls are so much better than them."

 

"Do you even know X?" I asked, finally gaining some balls.  When she confirmed that she really didn't, I simply said, "He's a really great guy," and I looked over at Dana as if to say, I'm doing the best that I can here.  What is wrong with this girl!?  I really wanted to pull Dana aside to talk about it, but she and I were never alone for the rest of the night.  After the bathrooms, we met back up with the guys and Maria left with her guy and the rest of us started heading toward the Metro, but decided to stay out and watch the NCAA Basketball Championship game instead.

 

X and I sat together and kind of held hands beneath the table.  After Ruby Tuesdays, we went to the Metro and split up because I was taking the Yellow Line and they were grabbing the Orange.  I told him that I'd had a really great time and he said that he'd see me Friday at my birthday dinner.  Then he kissed me good night and said, "Now go get your train."  And so I did.  Overall, a pretty good date.

 

But what was up with that girl!?

Carson the Law Student

In the second semester of my Junior year of college, Dwight and I took one of the same English courses.  Also in the class was a guy named Carson.  I thought that he was hot, but I was dating Charlie, so I didn't even talk to the guy much.  Fast forward to the first semester of Senior year.  This was one of my "off" times with Charlie and Carson was in another English class with me; he also turned out to be good friends / former roommates with Alex, another guy in the class who I'd done a project with in yet another English class that summer (can you tell that I was an English major?).  Alex and Carson quickly became my class buddies; I thought that they were both hot, but I preferred Carson.  I'm not sure what it was about him, because Sophie thought that he was unattractive, but I lusted after him like crazy.  No matter what off-putting thing he might say or do, I was attracted.  This wasn't the first time that I was attracted to a jerk, but it's one of the more obvious instances.  I'm even kind of afraid that if I ever see him again, I'll still be that attracted because there have really only ever been two guys that I've been THAT attracted to: Carson and Nathan.  Suck on that, Charlie.

 

Anyway, Carson and I hung out a few times at parties.  I attended one at his apartment that fall.  A few friends came with me, but they only stayed about an hour before heading over to a party at Charlie's house (and he definitely found out that I was at another party with a guy, but I don't remember much about that except that I heard he acted jealous).  This left me at a party where I only knew one person--Carson--and the few people that he'd introduced me to.  It was also the first time that I realized that I don't need a passel of friends around me; I simply started talking to a couple girls by the beer pong table, then talked to people on the balcony while I refilled my drink from the keg.  I was kind of proud of myself because Carson didn't have to baby-sit me; I think that he was impressed, too.

 

Later, when the party was dying down, we went to his bedroom and...did stuff.  Not sex and not oral sex (though he asked if I would), but other stuff.  It was fun, I guess.  I spent the night and he drove me home the next morning.  We still talked after that, and he even came to a drama-filled party with me (Charlie's old roommates' apartment and Charlie himself was there) and held my hair back for me when I threw up into a trashcan.  We continued to flirt a lot, but nothing more ever came from it.  I lost touch with him after I stopped using Instant Messenger until one drunken night the subject of Carson came up with Sophie.  She suggested that I just friend him because he'd probably accept the friend request and I'd never hear from him again.  So a week or two later, I did (even though I was sober by then).  I didn't expect to hear from him.

 

Saturday night, I did.  Right as I was about to go to bed, sometime after 2am, he messaged me on Facebook chat.  I was more than a little surprised, but I responded...and we wound up talking until 4am.  Not about anything important, just random stuff.  He's finishing up his second year of law school right now, but I have no idea what he did in the three years between college and going back to school.  I mentioned something about turning 27 soon and he was like, "Your birthday is on Thursday, right?"  As I confirmed that, he typed, "Is it weird that I remember that?" at the same time that I asked, "Did you look at my profile page?"  He claims to have just remembered.

 

Now here's where my lack of lie-dar comes in.  Even though my first assumption was that he looked it up, I'm inclined to believe that he just remembered for two reasons.  First, I have a ridiculous memory for names and numbers and data like that, so why couldn't he?  Second, his birthday is April 19th, so he could have just remembered because the dates are close together.  I'm much better about remembering peoples' birthdays if they're close to my own, so it's a possibility.  Is it far more likely that he looked it up?  Absolutely.  But why would someone lie about that?  Seems unnecessary.

 

Anyway, we left it at it being good to talk after all this time and that we should again.  We shall see.  He and I have very different political views, so I don't think that a relationship would ever work out, even in the short-term.  But I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink and just hanging out.  Maybe he can introduce me to some lawyer friends that DO have similar political beliefs to me.

Xavier and More

Okay, I have a lot to update.  After my last post on Monday the 22nd, I was just about to start writing a post about my friend Xavier's party when Facebook e-mailed me to let me know that Nathan had commented on my status.  My heart sped up and my face got warm before I read the innocuous joke.  I hadn't talked to him since New Years', so I was kind of shocked to hear from him--especially because the day before I had changed my News Feed settings to exclude anything from him and Charlie.  Timing is everything.  Anyway, I got over it.  Then he happened to call his youngest brother when a group of us were hanging out at their other brother, Nelson's house on that Saturday night...and happened to call his sister-in-law when Sophie and I were hanging out with her on this past Friday night.  It's like he has a radar for when I'll be around so that I'm forced to remember him.

 

But let's move on.  My friend Xavier had a party with his housemates, so Sophie, Dwight, and I attended along with Marchella and her boyfriend and a few other friends of ours.  These parties are always super fun, with Rock Band going on in one room and flip cup going on in the other.  Xavier and I are almost unstoppable when we're on the same flip cup team, so we carried on that tradition.

 

Xavier recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year.  He and I have known each other for almost two years, having met at a mutual friend's birthday party while I was still dating Charlie.  Xavier and I sat talking for a while and really hit it off as friends.  We cemented that friendship later that evening as beer pong partners when Charlie chose not to play with me because he wanted to be on a "winning" team.  Xavier and I demolished him.  Ha!

 

Now that X is single and I'm single and I've written off The Fourth, Sophie decided that I should date X.  I was surprised when she told me that because I've always had a mini-crush on him, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything about it.  Anyway, I decided to flirt with him at the party and see what happened.  I didn't count on Sophie pretty much suggesting to X that he and I should date.  It seemed like after that suggestion got out, everyone seemed to pounce on it.  According to Sophie, X seems a little wary of the idea--we might just really be too different, it could go south, and he saw me and The Fourth together at my party back in February.  Oops?

 

But he flirted with me anyway and at one point told me that I was looking really good that night.  We challenged anyone who wanted to play against just the two of us in flip cup and beat a team of five twice--and then were beaten by a single opponent.  I hit a point where I couldn't drink anymore, so he took over against the other girl, but I had to kiss him on the cheek a few times--for luck, of course.  That girl, our friend Cesar's girlfriend (Cesar is the guy whose birthday party we met at), flat out told him that he should ask me out.  Our friends are not ones for subtlety.  Before I left, we had a long, drawn out hug.  He told me that I should come over and hang out sometime, and I responded that he should invite me.  Apparently they're used to just having people drop in, but I view an open invitation as no invitation, so I wouldn't just come over.  He said that I had his number so I should contact him sometime, but I said that he had mine, too, trying to make it clear to him that I'm not going to do all of the work.  He received that message and I think that he said that he'd talk to me soon or something.

 

Afterwards, I wondered if he was too drunk to remember any of that, but I didn't let it concern me, either.  If he never asked me out, we'd still be friends with no harm done.  At dinner that Tuesday night, I filled Marchella in on things, even though she had been there to witness most of it.  I also discovered that once upon a time she had told the guys that I would only date Catholics or super Catholics or something, which isn't true.  Sure, I'd love to marry a guy who already has the same faith as me, but it's not at the top of my list.  That weekend, X's roommate, Kal, came to Marchella's place to play video games with her boyfriend, Bob.  I was brought up, Marchella retracted her earlier statements about my supposed Catholic-only desires, and Kal apparently went and told X who texted me on Monday night.  He said that there were a lot of rumors going around and that he'd give me a call when he got back from a business trip and that we could sort some of them out.  When he told me that he'd heard that I was a socialist, I texted him back that Bob was a dirty liar and that I'm not a socialist at all--not even close.  That's when I figured that Bob/Kal/X had been gossiping, so I e-mailed Marchella and she filled me in on the above.  And that she'd suggested to Kal that X had maybe missed his shot with me.  I don't know why she said that.

Anyway, he called me on Friday night and asked what I was doing Monday night (tonight).  "Um...nothing," I said, unable to remember if I had anything scheduled.

 

"Wrong, you're coming with us to the Caps game," he said.

 

"Okay!" I agreed automatically.  As if I would turn down a sporting event.

 

He said that there was a lot of stuff going around about the two of us, but that, as he saw it, we're friends and maybe we should just hang out a little more often and kind of see what happens--and that we'd talk about all the rumors flying around.  I agreed.

 

So I got up at the buttcrack of dawn this morning to go to the gym before work just so that I can rush over to the Verizon Center as soon as I get off--and after I change clothes.  Since I need to park at Pentagon City Mall before I Metro over, I also might see if I can't buy a red t-shirt first.  Caps colors, of course.

Match #3, Date #2

I went on my 2nd date with Ben on Friday. I will try to tell only the highlights so it's not too long.

He picked me up a little after 6:30 and we drove (in his Lexus) to Chinatown where we went to this really nice sushi restaurant. We ordered edamame as an appetizer, then 4 different types of sushi to share, and the wine tasting option. This means that they bring you 3 different types of wine throughout the meal. We were just talking about all sorts of things. Lila and Sophie gave me some topic ideas. And for the record, I am awful at chopsticks. It was embarrassing, but also kind of great b/c we were laughing really hard about a particular piece that I had. It was huge, so the blame is not all mine. I am ashamed at how I must have looked trying to eat it. Ben was pretending to look away, but I know that he was watching, horrified and amused.

We then walked to Metro Center station where we took the metro to Dupont Circle. We walked to a cafe/bookstore place for dessert. After we put our names on the waiting list we each used the bathroom and then waited for them to call us. We were seated and the dessert menu was amazing. He ordered his favorite: peach cobbler, and I ordered the mixed berry crumble. We also got Hot Scotch which is hot chocolate mixed with butterscotch schnapps. It was delicious. I was drinking so much water b/c everything was so sweet. We continued to talk and were making jokes about our plan for the rest of the night: go to Adams Morgan and eat at the Jumbo Slice, then go somewhere else and eat some more (I forgot what it was), and then end the night at Ihop. I had to go to the bathroom again, but felt weird going twice in the same spot, so I decided to hold it.

We got back on the metro and took it to Chinatown to get the car. Then he drove us to the monuments. PS: I am very cold at this point. I have a skirt, lacy top, and a short, thin sweater. My fashion expert, when choosing my outfit, forgot that when the sun goes down, it gets chilly. His plan was to start at the WWII Memorial, then to the Jefferson Memorial (b/c he knew TJ is my favorite president), and finally to the FDR Memorial. When we were leaving the Jefferson to go to the FDR one, we started walking in the wrong direction. He grabbed my hand and said that we should go the other way. And then we continued to hold hands. It was absolutely amazing. No guy has ever held my hand before. I didn't want to let go. The feeling of comfort I felt is hard to express. Ben suggested we sit for a little when we reached the FDR Memorial. We went to a bench by the river. It was really peaceful and nice to finally sit after all of that walking. We continued talking and asking each other questions, and then he said, "I have a good one. Are you a good kisser?" He is pretty smooth when he asks these types of questions, I have to say. I replied that I thought so since no one had complained. He said that he would just have to see for himself. So we started kissing. It was pretty nice. It was also the 1st kiss I have ever had where both parties were sober. I lead a very sad and pathetic life. We heard people coming near so we broke apart. He made a strange comment about me being alright or something like that. I told him that he was not to bad himself. But I couldn't completely tell if he was being funny or actually kind of insulting. We decided to head back to the car since it was getting late. I was really cold at this point and he offered me his jacket. I seriously had to go to the bathroom now, but there were no bathrooms in sight!

We were walking back to the car, holding hands again. Love that. We were still talking and one of his questions was what is my favorite flower. I couldn't help thinking that he might get them for me. We were waiting to cross the street when he asked me if I thought we had walked off the dessert yet. I said that I thought we had, but perhaps not the Hot Scotch. He opened the car door for me and then when we were both buckled, he said that he wanted to work off a little more of the Hot Scotch. So he leaned in and kind of turned my head towards him. We kissed more and then unfortunately stopped. He started to drive me home. When we were close, he asked me if I was going to be much busier now that Spring Break is over. I said that I shouldn't be too busy, just a little grading here and there. He asked me if I would like to hang out again next week. I said that I would. He then said that he would call me in a couple of days to plan something. He walked me to my door and we kind of made out again, at my doorstop. We parted and I went inside and then ran to the bathroom. It is 1:30 AM! My date lasted 7 hours! And I had to pee for about 4 of those hours. Thanks goodness I am a teacher and have a trained bladder.

So post-date thoughts: 1) a 2nd date lasting 7 hours, that's a good sign right? 2) And the fact that we kissed 3 times is also a good sign, right? I mean, I can't be that bad if we kissed 3 times. 3) I think I am starting to really like this guy and I am afraid that he won't call. I mean he hasn't let me down so far, but for the 1st time, I am getting excited about a guy. I want him to call. I want to continue down this path that I am on and see what it's like to be dating someone. I think I deserve it. I am 26 years old and am a good person. I deserve a little happiness and excitement in my life. But it has already been a couple of days. What if I blew it on the date? Or at the end of it? What if he is not interested anymore? I just hope he calls.