So...without getting too detailed, Nathan might not have a job pretty soon up in Michigan. From what he and I talked about in the past, if his new job didn't pan out, he would either look for another job up there or he would move back down here and work and probably go back to school. Instead of writing all this out, I figured that I'd just post the e-mails between Sophie and I:
Lila (9:08am, 26 February 2010):
Yeah, one of my co-workers mentioned it to me yesterday. I don't want him to move back here. It's easier to have him up there where I don't have to see him...and so I can blame long-distance on why we didn't work out. If he moves down here and still doesn't want to date me...I don't even want to think about it. And it's ridiculous that I should feel this way because we were only together for two months--and we haven't been for three. But it still makes me sad.
You think YOU don't want him to move back here? I assure you that EVERYONE YOU KNOW hopes he doesn't move back here even MORE. Do not like Sad Lila.
Maybe you'll start dating The Fourth anyway, and the entire point will be moot. While it is true that The Fourth seems equally unsure about his intentions with you, at least he's not "frolicking" around with you to the same degree Nathan was.
Frick, I just became Sad Lila now even thinking about this crap. Like close to tears. I hate that I feel anything for him. When I heard about this yesterday, I even thought of writing a post, but I didn't want to bring it up to you and Isabelle yet. Now maybe I will.
I wish that he'd been a jerk when we were together; I mean, he was a jerk by making us official and then changing his mind right away, but when we talked and when we saw each other, he was great. I wish that he'd done a lot of stuff that I could look back on and be thankful that I escaped that mess, like with Charlie. But it never got out of the exciting and new time period until it was over.
Ugh. With any luck, he'll just find another job up there and stay out of my life. And hopefully one day, my thoughts.
Yeah... I know you think he was super great when you were together, and he WAS compared to Charlie.... but no guy who is really so great would leave you feeling like Sad Lila in the middle of a work day, trying not to cry at your desk, just because he crossed your mind. He WAS being a jerk to you at the end; he made you official, got you to drive 10 hours to get in your pants one last time, and then broke it off. I know it is more complicated than that, but this is how it appears from the outside. And when it boils down to it all the hours on the phone and all the crying and all of his excuses don't really matter. You're eternally optimistic and forgiving and excellent at making excuses for dudes, but there's really no denying that is WHAT HAPPENED. If he didn't know what he wanted from your relationship he shouldn't have taken things as far with you as he did. He knew he wasn't dealing with some slut to whom all the physical stuff wouldn't matter. And if he liked you and wanted to keep his options open with you for the future but wasn't ready for something so long-distance, he should have thought with his brain (not his mini-Nathan) and realized he should cool it with you directly after the beach so that in the future it wouldn't be CRAZY AWKWARD if he ever did live in the vicinity and wanted to date you. Ugh. You know things are kind of messed up when your friends FEAR the thought of your ex moving into town because of how crazy it will likely make you.
And now, when you should be spending your time flirting with other boys or pondering the The Fourth situation (which is frustrating but intriguing!), you are going to spend your time obsessing about Nathan. Un.Healthy.
Yeah. So I'm definitely on Team Stay-the-eff-in-effing-cold-Michigan. I don't want to avoid hanging out with you guys because he'll be around and it'd be hard for me to be normal around him. I would probably be okay if I wasn't drinking, but when does that happen when we're around those guys? Ugh. If he moves here, whatever. I'll just man up and be cool. Even if he wanted another shot (which I don't think at all), he doesn't deserve one. So I just have to get over this mess. And stop being attracted to jerkholes.
Editor's Note: "get in your pants" does not mean sex. Just close to it.
Closing Up Shop
1 day ago