Two weeks ago, The Fourth casually asked if I'd go shoe shopping with him and I said that I would. Then it never happened. I was more than a little ticked off, even though we never decided a time, because I thought that this was his lame way of asking me out. But he blew it. I talked to him on that Sunday night and then e-mailed Sophie about it the next day...once again, here's an e-mail:
To: Sophie (15 March 2010, 2:34pm)
The Fourth messaged me[...]saying, "Don't worry, I didn't go shopping without you." Oh, thank God. I was so worried that he might have saved me from wasting my time helping him. When I asked if he'd forgotten, he said that his dad came home early and "turned into Mr. A-hole / Mr. Clean" so he had to do chores. My response: "Wow. You're 27 years old and you couldn't go out because your dad wouldn't let you?" He claimed that because he only pays $400/month in rent (um, ONLY? That's a lot for living with parents, especially when said parents can ground you from going shopping), he doesn't mind having to clean. Whatever. That's stupid as hell.
Anyway, over the course of the conversation, I mentioned, "Yeah, I was surprised when you had friended me on here because I didn't remember ever telling you my last name." He confirmed that I hadn't; he'd gotten his dad to forward him an e-mail that I'd sent[...]and gotten my last name from that. Then he said, "When he forwarded it, he said that you were cute, giving his approval. And my dad never likes the girls that I date."
I can't remember if I laughed at this or yelled at the computer. "WE ARE NOT DATING! YOU HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE OUT FOR THERE TO BE A DATE!" I forget what I actually said in response. At this point, I've decided that I don't want him to ask me out. I'm tired of all of this. Moving on,
He'd asked something about my breakup with Charlie and asked if I'd picked out some new guy before we broke up. I told him that I was loyal in a relationship and wasn't on the lookout for other guys. He sent a :D face which ticked me off because he has no business being happy about that! So I said, "But until I'm actually IN a relationship, everything's free game." He replied, "So to lock you up, someone has to ask you out on a date?"
NO FREAKING SH*T! YES! That is why WE aren't dating, idiot! But I couldn't say, "Yes" because he might have actually asked me out then. Instead, I said, "A single date would not lock me up." Then he asked how many and I told him that I couldn't really give an answer to that because I didn't know. I thought that he was going to ask me out right then, but he didn't. I might have changed the subject.
Much like today. We e-mail back and forth and this is an excerpt of our exchange:
The Fourth: Do you wear tight figure hugging clothes to show off for me? I enjoy the eye candy!
Lila: Nope, I do it for me. [Actually, I do it for ANY man I might run into]
The Fourth: Well, I would like to thank you for doing for yourself. And unknowingly doing it for me as well! :)
Lila: You're welcome. [No, you're not]
The Fourth: :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) [Shut up, shut up, shut up]
Lila: Oh, actually I lied; I'm doing it for Jack Bauer. I'm seeing him tonight. [When all else fails, change the subject to Jack Bauer]
The Fourth: Are you sleeping with Jack? I will understand if you want me to stop hitting on you and leave you be so you and Jack can have crazy babies together. [Admits to hitting on me; still ball-less]
Lila: Um, you mean crazy AWESOME babies. And we're not sleeping together; we're waiting until we're married. [I can't even fantasize about being slutty]
The Fourth: Yes. Excuse me. I meant to say CRAZY AWESOME BABIES!
Lila: You're excused. [I felt like I had to respond with something.]
The Fourth: Well, have a nice life with Jack. Looks like I am back to the drawing board. :P [You've never even left the effing drawing board]
Lila: Thanks, I'm sure that he and I will be very happy together. When he's not being tortured by terrorists.
The Fourth: So how do we break off this relationship? Just say our good byes or just stop talking to each other all together?
Lila: What relationship?
The Fourth: Excuse me. Our friendship....
Lila: What friendship?
The Fourth: Well, That answers that question....PEACE!
Lila: Aww, take a joke. [I feel slightly bad, but mostly annoyed that he can't take a joke]
I laughed out loud with the "What relationship?" thing. But honestly, he can't seem to take a joke. Sure it's a mean joke, but that's what I do! This is his thing: to get all fake-mopey (at least I hope it's fake) so that I'll be like, "Oh, I'm just kidding! You're the greatest!" and I'm not going to do that.
And so. No more getting on Facebook chat. I'm sick of this. Even if he ever got the nerve to ask me out, he's officially a wimp. A sensitive-can't-take-a-joke-at-his-expense- ball-less-wimp. When I joked that his father forwarding my e-mail was a breach of something, he said that he was just being PROACTIVE. I did laugh out loud then. He's the least proactive person ever.
Then he and I didn't talk for about six days. It just worked out that he was never in his office when I came in in the morning (except for Friday morning when I went in another way--on purpose) and, true to my word, I didn't go on Facebook chat. But he e-mailed me today about something with football and I responded. Just friendly, though and no flirting.
My Worst Date Ever
5 months ago