Okay. It's taken me a few days to sit down and write about the other night because I've been lazy and parts of the night were embarrassing. Let's get started, shall we?
Isabelle and I had grand plans of being sisters and brainstormed backstories for why we have different last names, but it didn't matter in the end because we didn't talk to strange guys together. I was under the impression that there was going to be some big dance floor where we were going, but there really wasn't. We still could have probably done it, except for that I was drunk and hanging around Nathan.
Isabelle, Dwight, Sophie, Iris and her fiance Carl, and I were all at a bar across the street from our NYE destination when we saw Nathan, his brother and sister-in-law, and two other friends show up. They joined us at the bar and the first thing that I said to Nathan was, "Didn't feel like shaving, huh?"
"No, Lila, I didn't," he smiled back at me and fake-sighed. And just like that it was like no time had passed since we saw each other Thanksgiving weekend; we'd had almost identical exchanges before when we'd been together and he was as aware of it as I was.
I almost wish that it wasn't so easy. If we were awkward around each other, I'd be able to stay away from him; instead, we get along so well that I start wondering why we have to live so far apart and why we can't be together.
That's why I pretty much ignored one guy who tried chatting me up when I went to get vodka-on-the-rocks from the open bar. I'd put on one of the "Happy New Year!" tiara things and he asked if I wore that everyday. "Yup," I replied. "People give me weird looks 364 days of the year, but today it's awesome." The guy was in his thirties, though, and not nearly as interesting to me as Nathan...and wouldn't have been if Nathan wasn't there, either.
As soon as I filled my drink with Red Bull, I went to Nathan and Carl and asked them to get me another since they were about to get in line. I don't know how many shots of vodka I'd had at this point, but I'd estimate between 4-6. When they brought by my new drink, Nathan and I had to stick close together so he could keep refilling it with the Red Bull he'd had in his jacket because I refused to hold it myself.
And that's my only explanation for what came next. Before that night, I decided that there was one main thing that I shouldn't say to him...so guess what happened? I asked about his job and when the new one (kind of branching off from the current company, so won't have a gap in between) started. He replied that it had been pushed back another month and that he's still kind of unhappy with the situation and that he might have a third option besides the two jobs.
"You're moving back here," I told him confidently (and drunkenly). It was almost like drunk!Lila had bound and gagged sober!Lila because I could almost see sober!Lila shouting, "Nooooooo!" in slow motion. She knew what was coming.
"Oh, I am? How do you know that?" he asked, amused and curious.
"Because I dreamed that you did." I think that's when sober!Lila began crying inside and drunk!Lila decided to "fix" things. "I mean, I just dreamed that you came back and went to George Mason."
If he thought that I was crazy, he didn't let on. "When did you dream this?" I responded that it had been the week before and he asked, "Did I ever tell you that I was thinking of doing that and going there?"
Apparently, that had been the "third option" that he'd been thinking about and I didn't know it. Even though he had mentioned going back to school before, he never sounded very serious about it (even though I hoped differently) and had never mentioned a college by name. Everyone goes there around here, though, so I don't think that my dream really meant anything. I didn't mention that in the dream he still wanted to keep his "options open" and wasn't dating me.
I also asked when I was getting my blanket back and reminded him that he'd never responded to my last text message (after Thanksgiving) about it. He didn't remember getting it or not responding to it. "Did you even notice that we haven't spoken in a month?" I asked, killing sober!Lila's soul a little bit. Honestly, though, I wanted to know!
"Of course I noticed!" he assured me. "I just assumed that you'd found a new guy and were talking to him instead."
That's when I gave a brief overview of what happened with Kevin...very brief. Usually I try to tell the whole story when I tell a story, but I didn't want Nathan to think that the Kevin thing was anything big, so I condensed it down to about two sentences. He was as incredulous as everyone else has been.
Later, I asked him if he had plans for midnight and specified for the midnight kiss when he didn't know what I meant. He apparently didn't know that it was a tradition: "What? I only kissed someone once on New Years'! I didn't know that it was a big thing!" I corrected him and he pointed back and forth between us. "So it's a tradition....well?"
I said that since he was begging, sure I'd kiss him, which got him laughing. As it got closer to midnight, I intended to find someone for Isabelle to kiss, but she went downstairs with some of the others to find someone herself. Then Iris and Carl went downstairs too and Nathan and I were the only ones left in our spot--I think. I was drunk. So we talked and teased each other until the countdown and when it was through, he kissed me. It lasted less than a minute, but well over what was necessary for a kiss with someone who you aren't dating.
Not that it matters anymore. Nothing has changed. I just wish that I didn't like him so much. And whenever I'm around him, I'm just completely drawn to him...and drinking only makes it worse. So I apologize to Isabelle for not being a better date. And remember how I was going to be a bitch instead of pathetic? Clearly didn't happen. But the kiss almost makes up for it. After, he said, "Happy New Year, Lila," in a sexy tone and I about melted. And I know that Sophie and Isabelle probably disagree that he can be sexy, but I don't care.
Email of the Gods
5 hours ago