Running Through My Mind

So, things with Brian, I am pretty sure, are completely over. Not that there were ever really "things" to begin with. I haven't heard from him since his response to my "Happy new year!" text almost 2 weeks ago. During this dry time in my romantic life, my thoughts drift to Lance, my personal trainer. Well, I should say, my former personal trainer.

I believe I started working with Lance around June. I had purchased a 3 session introductory pack to personal training. He was 26, friendly, tall, good looking, and had that athletic build that is so wonderful (I would hope so judging from his profession). I am usually shy around guys(shocked? Didn't think so) but for some reason, dressing a little sloppy and sweating makes me less nervous and a lot more outgoing. Maybe, mentally I was thinking that I was pretty much at my lowest point in my attractiveness that I could be, so why try to put on a game?

We would flirt back and forth throughout the sessions and it was great! Here was this good looking guy who would flirt with me despite my appearance and grimaces when I thought a body limb would break off from the rest of my body.

After the intro sessions were finished, I was on such an emotional and physical high that I wanted to keep going and buy more sessions. I told him this and he was excited about my decision. When I mentioned that it was a little expensive, he said that he would like to offer me a free session every week. I was sold. I now get to spend 2 hours a week with a hot guy who flirted with me AND get a hot body myself? Yes please!

I was supposed to train with him for an hour each session, but they usually lasted about an hour and 15 or 20 minutes. We would talk about our day, things on our mind, our childhoods, college, etc. We would text each other with flirty messages about me needing a smack down or an ass kicking at our next session. He asked me to go running with him one day and when I responded with a shocked look (b/c I am not what one would call a "runner") he came back explaining that he is not a strong runner either. He would compliment me on my shorts, ask me about the writing on the shirts I was wearing, tell me that one of the shirts I had brought out my eyes and really made them "pop." And my favorite: He would touch my arms and tell me how I am getting guns or that he is really seeing muscles form.

We became Facebook friends and we continued to keep up our flirty workout times. Then a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, things started to get pretty strange pretty fast. He had to cancel on me every time for about a week. And then he sort of disappeared. Until he texted me accidentally when he was trying to reach a roommate. It was about another week before I finally heard from him again. I went to the gym one Friday night (loosening up before a half marathon) and I saw him. We talked for 2 hours and he told me all about how he and his gf of 3 years had just broken up and he moved out and had to leave his dog with her. We also talked more about life, work, religion, growing up, friends, favorite beers, my apprehension about the half marathon, basically everything. This is a guy that I felt like I could talk to for hours and not run out of things to say. He made me happy. He made me feel good about myself, physically and mentally. And it definitely seemed like he was kind of in to me.

That night I invited him to our infamous Christmas party and he accepted. I was ecstatic! Over the next couple of weeks, every time I saw him, he would bring up the date of the party, the time, or ask about the preparations. I couldn't wait for that night. The 2 weeks leading up to the party I kept dreaming about makeout sessions with him being held after the party and maybe in my bed. Basically everything that went down with Brian, but only with Lance.

Then he started to disappear again. I was supposed to meet with him the Monday before the party and he asked if we could push the start time back 15 minutes. I said that it was no problem. 45 minutes after he said he would be there, I left the gym. When I got to my car there was no message or sign that he tried to contact me about being later than he had mentioned. I finally heard from him the next day when he texted me promising me an e-mail that explained what had happened. No e-mail.

Then I was going back one night for another scheduled meeting and when I was almost there he sent me a text saying that he couldn't meet with me and was probably quitting the gym. I was devastated and shocked. I told him I was on my way to the gym and he said that he would come and meet me there and try to tell me about the situation. When I saw him he said that he had issues with the new manager and didn't want to work for her. I told him that I was sad about him leaving and he said that he was too. And that out of all of his clients he and I had the closest relationship, not just because we were similar in age but because we had a lot in common and had fun together. I asked if he was still planning on coming to the Christmas party and he said yes.

He never came. I texted him about 6:00 that evening and asked him if he would bring a bottle of champagne with him. I was told that if you give a guy a mission, he is more likely to come to an event. Well, he never responded to the the text and he still didn't come. I never heard from him ever again. A couple of days before Christmas I had a lot of wine and texted him about how I knew the past month has been rough for him, how sad I was in the way things ended, merry Christmas, and to take care. Never heard from him after that either.

I know you are probably confused as to why, when I am feeling lonely, I think about him. But It's hard to express how much he affected me. I loved who I was, which doesn't happen a lot. A cute guy liked talking with me and definitely flirted with me. I felt like I had a connection with him. I wasn't ever planning our wedding or naming our kids, but I really enjoyed being with him. I enjoyed who I was with him. And yes, I would have been excited if we had dated or what not, but I wasn't expecting it or anything.

I feel like I am cursed. Why am I always the person screwed when guys are being douchebags? I feel like this has happened a few times before. I thought we were at least friends, why did he completely leave me hanging when I did nothing to deserve it?

Anyway, enough about those negative thoughts. When I am reminded about how Brian was "scared" or really an idiot because I am perhaps a little less experienced than others, I remember the good moments I spent with Lance. And the hot body I once had.