Once upon a time, Charlie broke up with me (in February) and I told Ethan about it. He and I were already buddies, but it was my breakup that had us talking a lot more and it was all because of his friend Kenneth. Apparently these two have been best friends for years and as soon as I was single, Ethan told me that he had to introduce me to Kenneth and a couple of weeks later he did. Kenneth came by to have lunch with Ethan, so Ethan called me to come on out to the hallway if I was free. I already knew that he might be coming by that day and I'd told my co-worker Norah about it, too. So she saw him when she was walking back to our office from the bathroom and said that he was cute. I went out and talked to him for several minutes and Ethan even left us alone--on purpose--before he came back and joined in again. I dazzled Kenneth with my football knowledge and he told Ethan that I was cute as soon as they turned the corner away from me--according to Ethan. I also thought that Kenneth was cute.
As it turns out, though, he had just started seeing someone, so he didn't want to be a jerk and go after me when he was already kind of with this other woman. That was around March of last year. Ethan has updated me a couple of times to complain about Kenneth's relationship; apparently this woman is domineering, follows Kenneth everywhere he goes (not in a stalker way, but in a "you-can't-hang-out-with-just-the-guys-without-me" kind of way), and just generally doesn't make Kenneth happy. Of course, that's Ethan's opinion alone. Just today he told me that Kenneth and the woman are engaged and he wants to put a stop to it. "He's not happy!" he insisted to me. "He didn't even act excited when he called and told me that they're getting married!" He has told Kenneth all of this and his friend isn't really sticking up for the fiancée.
"He'll be at the Super Bowl party," Ethan told me. "You can see him then."
"Will she be there, too?"
He nodded disgustedly. "Yeah, she'll be there. I'm going to try to break them up, though, and get you with him. I want to be baby-sitting your kids one day, not theirs. She's terrible and you are perfect for him."
I was flabbergasted. Suddenly, I had to start evaluating what my role would be at this party. I had just gone from "Single girl there to meet single guys" to "Home-wrecker" in 3.7 seconds. And the best part?
I'm okay with it.
Well, I don't intend to wreck any homes. I met this guy once. And just because his best friend doesn't approve doesn't mean that the woman isn't perfectly lovely or acceptable. Only... I think that there's a huge difference between thinking that one's best friend is too good for his or her significant other and outright hating or disapproving of said person.
Sophie and Charlie didn't get along. While other people become best friends with their friends' S.O.'s, my best friend and my boyfriend barely tolerated each other while we dated. When Charlie broke up with me the first time, after 10 1/2 months of dating, citing that he had to focus on school and not a relationship, Sophie disliked him even more. One of the biggest problems between them was based on something that we didn't put together until much later. Sophie's boyfriend, Chris, complained to Charlie and their other guy friends about Sophie all the time. He complained about her controlling him and about her past with other guys. He made her seem like a slut, when she was far, FAR from it. I'll let her explain further in the comments if she wants, or even make her own post, but suffice it to say that he was a jerk. Charlie and the guys accepted what he said as fact without knowing that Chris also went to Sophie and complained about them to her.
Anyway, finding all that out, I think, made it easier for Sophie to accept my decisions to get back together with him twice more after that, but not by much. The last time that I told her that Charlie and I were essentially back together (and had been for a while) was Labor Day weekend in 2006. We were standing in the street outside Nathan and Nelson's parents' house (I had been purposefully not flirting with Nathan all night because of my loyalty to Charlie) and she asked me what I was thinking, getting back together with Charlie. She actually cried a little (I might have, too) because she was certain that I was making a mistake and I was certain that I wasn't. I told her that I'd prayed about it and I knew that it was the right thing for me to do at the time. Even knowing how it ended up, I don't think that I was wrong then. What followed was an especially difficult year and I would have been a mess without him. And she supported me, even though she didn't agree with me. Over time, I think that she got used to it and didn't have as much of a problem with my relationship, but she never fully liked him.
And what am I getting at, aside from the fact that Sophie is spectacular and a good judge of character? If your family and friends don't support a relationship, there's probably a good reason why. When Dwight took a disliking to Nick and Sophie told our friend Fiona about it on the phone, she said that his opinion probably didn't matter to me and I corrected her vaguely. I'll be clearer now: his opinion does matter, just as Sophie's does and my parents' and my other family members' thoughts on someone that I might date. I don't want to put my friends in a position where they're forced to like someone; I want them to feel like they are lucky that I brought someone so awesome into our group.
So Ethan shouldn't actively try to sabotage Kenneth's relationship and I shouldn't, either. But if I meet the woman and she is a bitch, then maybe I won't mind trying to make myself come out better than her. Regardless of Ethan's desire for some Kenneth/Lila babies, sometimes bitches need to be put in their place. Right beneath my ass-kicking boot heels.
A Few Inches Too Many
1 hour ago